


Whoever Said 'Best Four Years' Was an Idiot

by MarvelsAssbutts



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Depression, M/M, Sexual Content, Suicidal Thoughts, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-17 07:07:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 116,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4657239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarvelsAssbutts/pseuds/MarvelsAssbutts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Challenges in high school for Castiel Novak have always been hefty. His only saving graces were the intense relationships he had with his best friend, Charlie Bradbury, his boyfriend, Dean Winchester, and his forever loving brother, Gabriel. Still, even those had their flaws. </p><p>However, during his Senior year in high school he is met with his greatest challenge yet. But one, he finds, he doesn't have to fight alone.</p><p>Through the demeaning looks, nasty snarls, and insulting words, Castiel fights his way through his final year of high school a task that's not so impossible with the help of his friends. </p><p>Unfortunately, defending himself against the bullies of high school is nothing compared to the fight he'll eventually have to face against the impenetrable force at home.</p><p>Loosely based off this art and post: http://shawkid.tumblr.com/post/123113685938/okay-but-imagine-this-dean-and-castiel-au-where</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I guess I should start by saying: Hello! You've found my fanfiction! Well, I'm in love with Destiel High School AUs so I thought, "Hey, why not write one?" I hope you guys enjoy it and find it to be at least kinda decent! Show love, leave comments, be kind! And if you know any good High School AUs please PLEASE share! Love you guys!
> 
> Also, check out my campaign for Misha on Tumblr: http://livinglike-itssummer.tumblr.com/post/150711125753/livinglike-itssummer-livinglike-itssummer

Senior year.

You know, for someone with a 5.0 GPA, all the classes he wanted to take, and applications for colleges done early, you'd expect that person to be pretty damn happy.

But no.

Castiel Novak was probably the farthest thing from happy.

It was the first day of Senior year which means the first day back to this hellhole of a school.

Lawrence High School.

Ugh. The name itself made Castiel sick to his stomach.

But why? Why would such a great school cause so much worry and stress and loathing? Well, as a matter of fact, it wasn't the school at all. It was the idiots that filled it.

From day one of Freshmen year, Castiel was being shoved into a locker or called a name or dodging a punch. The whole ordeal was, if not horrible, exhausting.

And here he was, Senior fucking year. Still trying his best to avoid the bullies (fucking jocks) and keep his grades at their very best. But, he figured he couldn't complain too much. At least he had done something he never thought fathomable.

He made a friend.

Don't ask him how or why but when Charlie Bradbury established them as "besties" no one questioned it. Usually if someone gave Castiel something as small as a smile, they would  _quickly_ be informed that that was a  _big_  no no. And they were never informed in a pleasant way.

Yet, when Charlie stopped to help him pick up his books and walk with him to lunch Sophomore year, she was never touched. Castiel believed that someone had tried to get Charlie to ditch him and she decided to teach that person a thing or two, but she never confirmed that.... Or denied it.

"Two oh one, two oh- ah," Castiel said once he located his locker for that year. He smiled when he realized it was a top locker and looked down at the slip of paper in his hand before putting in his code. He piled his books into the locker and smiled as his messenger bag lost weight. "That's better," he said to himself before heading to the gym. There was a first day "Welcome Back!" tradition that administration refused to give up even though everyone hated it.

Castiel felt a buzzing in his pocket and pulled out his phone to see a message from Charlie.

**Meet me by the cafeteria!!**

Castiel smiled and headed in that direction.

He guessed in someways, being the most hated kid in school wasn't all that bad. He didn't have to worry about maintaining a bunch of friends or trying to get along with people he didn't like. It was just him and his thoughts and his thoughts were pretty damn interesting if he did say so himself. He didn't mind being able to get an entire subject's homework done at lunch (which, with all APs was a  _tremendous_ feat) or getting a whole bus seat to himself. Yeah...being the joke of the school had its perks.

"Well, look who it is!" Charlie grinned once Castiel came into view. She quickly abandoned her other friends and rushed over to hug him. "Castiel, holder of my heart." Castiel snorted and hugged her back.

"We all know your heart lies with someone else.... You know, someone with different genitalia."

"Ah, your dirty talk. I love it," she smiled and linked her arm through his as they started towards the gym. "How was your summer? You got taller!"

"It was alright.... Nothing interesting with my best friend halfway around the world."

"I was in the United States for a couple of weeks!"

"Yeah," he laughed. "In California!"

"Hey, it was Comic Con. What did you expect? All the celebs were flying in. Plus, Cali is beautiful."

"I wouldn't know," he smiled. But his smile quickly dropped when he heard the hollers of a certain athletic team. "Fuck," he sighed just before he was in a head lock and being pulled from Charlie.

"Look who it is, boys! Our favorite toy!" Raphael, captain of the baseball team, hollered before shoving Castiel into the the others. "It's been a while, Cassandra!"

"Raphael, come on. It's the first day," Castiel sighed. "Can't you give me a break?"

"No way, fag," he laughed and Castiel cringed at the name. "You're just too much fun!" He grabbed Castiel again before shoving him roughly into the lockers lining the wall.

"Raphael!" came Charlie's crisp, clear, and strict voice. "Quit it." Raphael turned and sneered at her before walking away, his team in tow.

Castiel groaned, his eyes closed as he rubbed the back of his head. He felt something being pressed into the palm of his other hand and he quickly wrapped his fingers around it.

"You okay, Castiel?" Charlie asked and he nodded before opening his eyes.

"S'long as I have you around, I should be concussion free this entire year." Charlie sighed and looked down as Castiel shoved something into his pocket.

"What's that?"

"Hm?"

"You heard me."

"I... It's nothing.... Come on. We have to get to the gym."

"You know I'll find out one way or another."

"And I'll try to prolong that," he smiled and they continued onward.

The gym was packed with the entire school and Castiel was sitting on the edge of a bleacher, Charlie by his side and her friends next to her. They were keeping her occupied and as the principal started talking, Castiel pulled out the folded piece of paper from his pocket and started to unfold it.

"Castiel, I-," Castiel quickly shoved the paper away and Charlie rolled her eyes.

"You what?"

"I just checked my lunch schedule," she said waving her phone. "Third lunch all week, you?" Castiel reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone before checking his school email. He let out a groan. "What?"

"Fourth lunch.... All week."

"I could hack the system and get it switched if you-"

"No, don't worry about it," he murmured. "I'll be okay."

"Sure?"

"Positive," he smiled.

The rest of the day was filled with introductions, syllabuses, and at least another five shoves into the lockers. Typical first day for Castiel. He was glad to know that his AP Chemistry class was uneven and he got to work alone. Having a partner in some things was great, but he'd rather tackle Chem on his own.

Eventually the day ended and Castiel was headed to the buses. He climbed aboard the one that would take him closest to his neighborhood and sat down. During the ride over he pulled the paper out of his pocket and unfolded it.

_You look incredibly handsome today. Sorry for whatever hell Raphael is going to/has already put you through. I still can't believe you won't let me punch the idiot! -D_

Castiel smiled and put the note away again, telling himself to put it with the others when he got home.

Once dropped off, he walked the rest of the way home and opened the door to his house, happy to be met with the aroma of food being cooked.

"Hey, hey!" his dad, Chuck, called as he came around the corner. "How was the first day as a Senior?"

"Crappy. Just like all other days as a teenager in high school."

"Right," Chuck said and sighed. "Should've expected that answer. Anyway, food will be ready in about an hour."

"I'll be in my room," Castiel sighed and started up the stairs. Once in his room he put the note away and flopped down onto his bed and pulled out his phone.

**You're not allowed to punch him because it'll cause more trouble than it's worth.**

Castiel waited a few seconds before he got a response.

**I'm gonna punch him one day and u won't be there to stop it**

Castiel smiled softly.

**Don't you have a workout schedule you need to be sticking to?**

**Ya. Working on my arms 2day u kno... So wen I punch him it'll hurt like a mother**

Castiel shook his head and tossed his phone to the side before closing his eyes.

Day one over.

Only a hundred and seventy nine more to go.

•••

_Castiel Novak had met Dean Winchester on April Fool's Day of Freshmen year. And to be completely honest, Castiel thought Dean was pulling a prank. Almost half the year with no one saying a word to him and all of a sudden this kid with bright hazel eyes, light brown hair that seemed almost blonde in the sun, and more freckles than thought humanly possible came along. And he wanted to talk to Castiel...kinda fishy._

_He had let him in though, just so he could have his laugh later. But_ _the_ _thing was that the laugh never came. Dean Winchester was honestly being kind to Castiel. A friendship was starting and amazingly that led to Dean introducing Castiel to his other friends and even some family members. Castiel could honestly say he had never been happier._

_And then baseball tryouts came the following year._

_Dean made Varsity._

Varsity!

 _No_ _Sophomore_ _made_ Varsity  _and yet, there Dean was!_

_After Castiel found that out, and given his current status with any athletic team, he started distancing himself from his only friend. Dean wouldn't miss him. Wouldn't want him around. Eventually he'd start teasing him and throwing him into lockers and beating him to a pulp. Castiel didn't want to see a friend do that, so he turned Dean into just another jock._

_Until Junior year at least._

_Castiel had been in the middle of an argument with his brother Gabriel before he decided that he didn't want to hear anymore of his "_ Toughen up"  _bullshit,_ _and_ _walked out the house. He walked for a good while until he came to a lake. He spent a good fifteen minutes skipping rocks and another ten cursing his brother. After accomplishing both those things he headed over to a dock a couple yards away and started down it. At the end, he could see someone fishing but didn't think much of that person as he walked to the end of the dock and stood on the opposite side, watching the water and letting the wind blow on his face._

_There was the sound of the fishing pole and the small struggle from the man before a holler of triumph._

_"That's what I'm talking about! Yeah!" The man gave a laugh and Castiel furrowed his eyebrows._

_That sounded familiar._

_"Hey, man, check out this-"_

_Castiel was confused by the sudden cut off and turned to face the man._

_He wished he hadn't._

_"Cas.... What-"_

_"Sorry, I'll go," Castiel said hastily and began leaving._

_"No! No, shit...." Dean cursed, trying to get the hook out of the fish's mouth and release it._

_Seeing this struggle only made Castiel go faster. Maybe he could get away before Dean decided to let out any fishing frustrations on his face._

_Soon though, he heard the sound of someone running and looked over his shoulder to see Dean in hot pursuit. Castiel groaned and thought of Gabriel's words, considered them, and then took off running. He didn't know what he expected. Dean worked out nearly everyday for baseball and his stride was much longer than Castiel's. Still, when Dean caught up and grabbed him, Castiel screamed._

_"Please! Please, don't, okay?! I just had a fight with my brother, I wanted to get out the house, I didn't mean to interrupt your fishing, okay?! I'm sorry! Please just let me go, I'm not in the mood!"_

_"The hell are you talking about, Cas?"_

_"Don't beat me up!"_

_Dean's eyebrows came together and his eyes quickly darted to the side and then back._

_"Why in the hell would I beat you up?" he asked and then chuckled at Cas's shocked expression._

_"Be-because that's what you do. You're on the baseball team."_

_"Yeah, so?" he asked, looking confused again as he moved his hands off of Cas's shoulders and into the pockets of his jacket. "You're in the...the thing but you don't...do the stuff."_

_"You haven't gotten any better at those, have you."_

_Dean looked away and cleared his throat before looking back at Cas. "Have I ever beaten you up in my life?"_

_Castiel thought for a while. It was so hard to tell sometimes when there were so many of them on him at once. But he supposed Dean had a point. He had never touched Castiel. "No."_

_"So why would you think I'd start now?"_

_"Because...we're alone?"_

_Dean smiled softly. "Cas, I don't get the urge to beat you up when we're alone. Believe me."_

_Castiel carefully looked Dean up and down. His stance didn't suggest that he was going to pounce. Hands in his pockets, shoulders relaxed.... He was smiling softly at Castiel, but didn't seem to notice that Castiel noticed. His eyes were raking him slowly from bottom to top until green eyes met blue._

_"How've you been, Cas?"_

_Castiel gasped softly. That should have been the first sign!_

_Cas._

_Not Cassandra or Cassidy or Clarence (he didn't know why he hated that one so much). Not even Castiel._

_Cas._

_"Horrible," Castiel answered honestly, not batting an eye._

_"Right, brother problems... Michael?"_

_"Gabriel."_

_"You never fight with Gabriel," Dean frowned, looking concerned._

_"Guess I do."_

_"Hm...." A silence followed after that. One that wasn't entirely uncomfortable but you could definitely feel each other thinking, '_ So now what? _' Dean sighed and Castiel looked away from the trees and back to the boy in front of him. "You're a little ways away from home. Want me to drive you?"_

_"You're fishing."_

_"I_ was  _fishing. Now I'm offering my friend a ride back home."_

_"I'm...sorry?"_

_Dean chuckled and shook his head before throwing his arm around Castiel's shoulders. "Don't ever change, man," he grinned and steered Castiel to the Impala._

_'_ Wow, _' Castiel thought. '_ How the hell did I miss  _that_?! _'_

_Needless to say a friendship had been rekindled. Even if not in the most perfect way._

_Castiel still refused to talk to Dean in school and after a lot of arguing about it, Dean finally gave up. Castiel wasn't going to get Dean in trouble with his own team. He could take a few beatings so long as the fist was never from him._

_The summer going into Senior year_ was  _pretty sucky. What with Charlie gone and everything, Castiel didn't really have anything to look forward to._

_But the summer did bring Dean Winchester._

_In a bathing suit._

_Castiel knew how he felt about guys and girls. He had figured it out a long time ago. But how he felt about Dean Winchester was different._

_It was fresh. Something he felt was constantly clean_ _s_ _ing his soul and replenishing his breath. Dean Winchester was more than a friend or a crush._

_He was that home away from home that Castiel had been looking for for ages. Whenever he was with him, fishing, in his car, hanging out in his room, Castiel always wanted to be closer._

_He lived for the moments when Dean would hug him. His hand patting Castiel's back, his heart beating against Castiel's chest, his laughter in Castiel's ear._

_Good God, had Castiel forgotten what it was like to love Dean Winchester._

_When summer was coming to an end, Dean and Cas went back to their dock and swam, fished, and ate lunch._

_"This was honestly the best summer I've had since high school started."_

_"Dude," Dean laughed, "that sucks." Castiel laughed with him and Dean wrapped an arm around his shoulder before saying, "But I'm glad I was a part of it." He smiled at him before removing his arm and taking another bite of his apple._

_Castiel watched Dean and eventually his friend looked back at him._

_"Wha?" he asked, his mouth still containing food._

_Castiel heard his brother's words from a while ago telling him to grow a pair and be a man. He's sure this isn't what Gabriel meant by that but Castiel decided this was better_ _._

_He leaned forward and placed his lips against Dean's. When he pulled away, Dean was staring at him with wide eyes and swallowed._

_"Oh shit."_

_"Cas-"_

_"Fuck! Fuck, I knew I shouldn't have!" he yelled before standing up and tightly grabbing his hair._

_"Castiel-"_

_"I'm an idiot! I'm such a fucking_ idiot _!"_

_"Cas, can you chill for two seconds?" Dean sighed before getting to his feet as well and walking over to his friend. He gently pulled Castiel's arms down and looked him in the eye. "Baby, it's okay."_

_"Of course it's not okay! I just kissed you and you-you...," Castiel stopped and looked at Dean before squinting slightly and cocking his head to the side. "You...you called me...I'm baby?"_

_Dean smiled. "Yeah, you're baby. Possibly babe when I'm feeling hot and heavy," he grinned and wiggled his eyebrows._

_"But...your eyes."_

_"Am I not allowed to show emotion? I was surprised as hell. You kissed me when my mouth was full of apple."_

_"Oh...I did."_

_"Yeah."_

_"That wasn't very... I should've waited for you to swallow."_

_Dean fought back a laugh at the choice of words but quickly lost the battle._

_"Cas, I think we're going to have something very good here."_

_Castiel looked at Dean laughing and slowly a smile found its way onto his face._

_He couldn't agree more._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! You stayed for chapter 2! I love you! *hugs* Again, don't be afraid to leave notes and make me happy!

The alarm sounded again during Castiel's second week of school and he groaned before shutting it off.

His eyes were screwed up in pain at that small movement and he took a deep breath before pushing himself into an upright position, holding back tears as he did so.

This was probably one of the worst beating after effects ever. He switched on the light and moved to the mirror before lifting his shirt. His torso was a mess of black and blue and his arms were sore from being held so tightly at his sides. The football team was  _really fucking strong_.

But his face was okay. Thank  _God_ his face was okay. Not because Castiel was conceited but because, even though the football team was strong, Castiel knew someone a bit stronger who wouldn't take kindly to seeing his boyfriend injured. At least he could cover up the other ones.

"Castiel, breakf- What the hell is that?!" Chuck yelled as Castiel quickly lowered his shirt. "What the  _hell_ is that?!"

"Dad, please-"

"I'm going to that school, Castiel."

"Don't! Don't, I can handle this okay? I just... I won't miss the bus again and-"

"Castiel, you're going to be missing the bus for a week because of that stupid project! You said so yourself!"

"I'll...I'll get a ride."

"With who?"

Castiel thought of Charlie but knew she had a job everyday after school. He couldn't ask her to come and pick him up like he was some sort of child.

"Someone. Get out."

"I'm going to the school."

" _Don't!_ " Castiel screamed.

"Come eat your breakfast," his dad snapped before slamming the door. Castiel sighed before going over to his closet and opening it. Getting dressed was going to be a challenge.

•••

"Your arm!" Charlie gasped when she saw him.

"You should see the other guys," Castiel grimaced as he pulled a jacket out of his locker and put it on.

"Castiel, this isn't a joke! What does the rest of you look like?"

"Uh...let's go with blueberry."

"What if  _he_ finds out?"

" _He_ isn't going to find out, Charlie? Got it?"

"How are you okay with this?!"

"I'm not. But if you haven't noticed, it's kind of my fucking life." As if on cue, someone roughly bumped shoulders with Castiel as another knocked the books out his hands. He sighed. "I have a bag for these things," he said while looking at the books. "I should use it." Charlie flicked off the assholes who were now laughing and hastily picked up the books.

"You need to tell the principal."

"As if I need 'snitch' added to the many names I already have," he groaned.

"Being a snitch is better than being the whole school's bitch."

"You're clever."

"How did this even happen?"

Castiel shrugged. He didn't want to tell Charlie because he knew she would want to be the one to pick him up everyday and he just couldn't ask that of her.

"Not paying attention to my surroundings I gue-"

"Cassandra!" came a sing song voice from down the hall and Castiel sighed.

"I'll see you later, Charlie," he said before taking off in an extremely uncomfortable and painful sprint.

•••

After spending two hours searching through shelves, writing notes, typing out three pages of his research paper, and sitting in a hard library chair, Castiel was glad to finally be going home.

He had stayed longer today, hoping that the football team decided to give up today.

He slung his bag onto his shoulder, waved to the librarian and stepped outside. The sun was just about to set in the sky and he sighed, looking down at his feet as he started down the steps. When he looked up he was surprised to see a black 67 Chevy Impala parked in front of the building.

Dean was leaning against the passenger side door and he smiled at Cas before reaching through the open window and pulling out a piece of paper. He flipped it over to show the name 'Cas,' written on the front.

Castiel smiled softly and walked down the last few steps before going over to Dean.

"What are you doing here?"

"Charlie sent me," he smiled. "Told me you needed a ride from the library."

"How'd she know?"

"It's Charlie."

"Right. Well, I...I do."

"Well, here's your ride," he grinned.

Castiel looked around them and back to Dean's smiling face. Dean opened the door and Castiel got in. 

He loved the Impala. It was always so comfortable. Never too hot or cold, the seats kinda, dare he say it, molding to fit your bottom.

"Ah," Dean said as he got into his seat and put the keys into the ignition. "Homeward bound? Or can I make a stop?"

"We can stop," Castiel nodded. "I don't mind. I got a lot done today."

"Yeah?" Dean asked as they pulled out of the parking lot. "What's this project for again?"

"Researching robotics and the medical advances they could bring but I mean... I also think that the human mind is the greatest advantage we have really. No one dares to agree with me of course. Idiots. We wouldn't  _have_ robots if we didn't have the human mind! It's more of a debate project. We're going to have to present it," he sighed. "I want to be prepared."

"Course you do," Dean chuckled and Castiel blushed slightly. "And for the record, I agree with you."

"Dean, you always agree with me," Castiel smiled at him.

"Yeah, well...you know big words so you sound smart."

"Are you only dating me for my big words?" Castiel gasped mockingly.

"What can I say? They're satisfying."

They drove for a while longer, Dean talking most of the time. His days were just better to listen to.

Castiel loved these moments. Just him and Dean in the Impala talking about anything, Dean occasionally stopping in the middle of a story to sing (horribly. God bless his soul for being so confident. It melted Cas's heart) or to tell Cas how much he loathed Raphael.

Castiel always found that interesting. Raphael was almost completely in love with Dean. Always looking for his approval, working out with him, texting and calling him almost as much as Cas did, yet Dean hated the guy's guts. For obvious reasons.

He never let it on though. Dean still believed in being kind to everyone. Even if they were asses.

Dean had been in the middle of another baseball story before he quickly dismissed it as unimportant and parked the car. Castiel finally peeled his eyes away from his boyfriend to look out in front of him. They were parked by the lake, their dock not far from view.

They only came here for two things.

To talk or to make out.

Castiel started to panic. Had Charlie told Dean about the football players? Was he waiting for Castiel to spill about the whole encounter? His stomach flipped uncomfortably. He really didn't want to go over it again. His dad had already pulled so many teeth at breakfast that morning.

Castiel bit his lip and took a deep breath. Fine. If he wanted the story he could have the damn story.

Dean's hand moved to Castiel's thigh and his other turned Castiel's head towards his before his moved his mouth over Castiel's.

Make out then. Castiel could live with keeping this story under the rug.

He responded to Dean's kiss eagerly and leaned himself closer to his boyfriend.

It was too often too hard to get a chance to kiss Dean. And it was something that Cas always craved.

Dean's kisses were.... He was still working on that actually.

What  _were_ Dean Winchester's kisses like?

He couldn't focus on that right now because right now his mind was more honed in on the feeling of his mouth being opened and a tongue sliding inside.

Castiel felt himself moan, the noise rising from deep inside him and being pushed into Dean's mouth. And that was all the encouragement Dean needed to push Castiel up against the car door and move his hands under his shirt.

Castiel hissed and quickly shoved Dean off of him. He didn't want to of course, but the pain that had caused was unbearable. Castiel had forgotten how sore and bruised up his body was from yesterday's encounter.

"Sorry," Dean panted out. "I'm sorry I thought-"

"No, no you're fine! My...my back just hit the-the handle," he lied and pulled Dean closer again. "I'm fine," he whispered and wrapped his arm around Dean's shoulders.

"Mkay," he murmured against his lips and started kissing him again. Castiel started to push Dean's jacket off and Dean quickly helped him get rid of it before removing his shirt as well. Castiel's eyebrows shot up.

In this moment, Castiel absolutely  _loved_ baseball.

Dean's lips were soon back against his while his hands moved to Castiel's belt, his hips rutting roughly against him.

"Fuck," Castiel breathed, his hands moving down Dean's torso. "Dean," he panted huskily. "God, Dean-" He was cut off by the sharp ring of his cell phone. "Fuck," he grumbled and started searching through his bag as Dean sucked on his neck.

He pulled his phone out only to see it was his dad.

"It's my dad," he said and Dean hummed, still marking Castiel's neck. Castiel answered it. "Hello?....Yeah, I got a ride... Dean!" Castiel screamed, answering his father's question screaming the name in response to his boyfriend cupping him through his boxers. "I-I'm sorry!" he gasped to his dad. "I didn't mean to yell, I-.... Yeah, I'm near home we just made a-....ah," he sighed, his eyelids drooping. Dean had gone back to Castiel's neck and was gently palming Castiel's erection. "Hm? Nothing! Dad, can I-can I please call you back?.... Okay...okay, yes. Okay, sure we-...." Castiel was silent for a while before erupting with, "YOU WHAT?!" Dean jumped back at that and Castiel sat up before pushing the car door open, fixing his pants and stepping outside. "I told you not to! Why-why the fuck would you do that?! S-sorry... sorry!...Okay... _Okay!_ We're coming home!" He pulled the phone away from his ear and cursed before putting his hands on top of his head.

He closed his eyes before leaning back against the car and when he opened them again he was met with Dean, fully clothed again.

"You okay?" he asked softly and Castiel shook his head and Dean stepped forward before lowering his arms. "What'd he do?"

"He... He's just being an idiot."

"Want me to take you home?"

"No," Castiel said softly. "But I have to go back anyway so...."

"Okay," Dean said and looked down. "Your fly's open."

"Thank you, Dean," he chuckled and zipped it up before fixing his belt too.

Dean smiled before going back and getting in the car. Castiel stood outside for a moment, looking at the water and their dock before getting back in the car and closing the door.

"Well," Dean said as he backed up and turned the car around to get back on the road, "I don't know about you, but my balls are going to be blue as  _fuck_ when I get home."

Castiel laughed until he had tears in his eyes.

•••

"I don't know why the hell you had to bring him!" Castiel screamed and pointed to Gabriel.

"Gabriel is good as getting you to calm down."

"Correction," Gabriel said, "I'm good at getting 'Sad Castiel' happy. 'Screaming Castiel,' I don't deal with. That's Michael."

Chuck groaned. "Castiel, show your brother what happened. Go on! Show him!"

"Dad, I don't-"

" _Now!"_

Castiel sighed and carefully lifted his shirt.

"Jesus Christ, Cassie," Gabriel hissed and pushed himself off the counter. "Who did this to you?"

"The football team... Or a few of them," Chuck answered. "Can you believe this? Tell me I'm not crazy, Gabriel! Because he thinks I'm insane for going to the school!"

"Cassie," Gabriel said, "Dad was right to go. I mean...look at you!"

"No, but you don't understand!" he said, his voice cracking. "You don't get it! The principal is going to call me in and ask me questions until I tell her who it is and then I'm going to be a snitch!"

"Castiel, who cares?"

"I do!" he screamed. "You two don't get it. You've only made it fucking worse," he directed towards his dad before turning and walking away.

"Castiel, get back here!"

"Fuck you!" he screamed back before making it to his room and slamming the door shut. He sat at his desk and pulled out his books.

Nothing better than homework to bore him until he was calm.

Once he was finished with that, Castiel took a quick shower and went back to his room to watch tv. By the third episode of  _Family Guy_ Gabriel had walked in and started watching with him. They didn't say anything to each other but shared a few small laughs at the show.

"Gabriel," Castiel said during a commercial break, "why are you here? Don't you have school?"

"Uh, no," he chuckled. "Castiel, did you honestly see me graduating college?"

Castiel thought about it for a while. "Guess not...."

"And I'm here because Dad said you needed help. And I got a job offer."

"I don't need it."

"I beg to differ. Those bruises look bad."

Castiel sighed and scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah... Imagine what they'll do when they find out my  _dad_ snitched for me. You might be planning your little brother's funeral."

"Cassie, you're bad at jokes, don't tell them," Gabriel said.

"I can handle this myself. I don't know why he had to get involved."

"Castiel, you  _can't_ handle it. Know why? You're too soft and kind and loving. People pick on guys like you because you're easy targets. I told you last year to toughen up and grow a pair and look at you," he said and slightly lifted Castiel's shirt. "Bruises and shit up and down your body! Even one-," he turned Castiel's head and gestured to his neck. "Oh my.... Where were we  _really_ earlier today, Cassie?" Gabriel grinned. Castiel blushed and pushed his brother's hand away.

"Don't worry about it."

"See, when you say that it only makes me worry more.... Did you tell Dean-o I said hi?"

"Please get out my room."

"I hope you're using protection. STDs are no joke!"

" _Leaaave!"_

"Wouldn't want you to wind up with 'Itchy Dick Syndrome.'"

"Get out!" Castiel yelled and Gabriel quickly rushed to the door.

"If it's in the ass, it's sure to give you a rash!" he called while running down the hall.

Castiel groaned and turned his attention back to the tv.

He needed something to wipe that conversation from his mind.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're making it guys! We really are!

"So, in conclusion, human mind over robot," Castiel said and looked out at the class. He saw, in the very back, Charlie (she had switched in recently,  _thank God)_ giving him a thumbs up, but that was the only good response. Obviously.

"Alright, class," Professor Zachariah sighed. "Questions for Mr. Novak."

Immediately Uriel's hand shot up and Castiel cursed himself inwardly as the teacher eagerly pointed to the boy.

"Yeah, um... What the hell makes a human mind better than a robot's?"

Castiel sighed. He and Uriel used to be great friends in middle school. They did just about everything together and Castiel had then pictured knowing him the rest of his life. But now? Castiel hoped their relationship didn't extend past graduation.

"I just explained it," Castiel said and gestured to his papers.

"Yeah, congrats on speaking gibberish," he said and the class, save for Charlie, chuckled.

"Fine. I'll use small words for you. The human mind is better than a robot's because it can think past whatever a robot is  _programmed_  to do. A human can be creative, you know like arts and crafts," Castiel said in a light and cooing tone, " _and_ do hard math things like one plus one! Or even one  _times_ one. Usually a robot is only programmed to do one thing and that's not fun!" Castiel said and pouted at Uriel. "Get it now?"

Charlie grinned at Castiel. "I have a question."

"Sure," Zachariah sighed.

"What can we do with robot development that could improve them to be just as good as humans'?"

"Nothing! Humans are stupider than robots."

"God, you're really making it hard to prove my point," Castiel sighed and looked back to Uriel. "I understand that for you, yes, a robot is  _much_ smarter. But a human with average or higher intellect can outdo a lot of things robots do! I mean, for one, we  _invented_ robots! We had the minds to create the damn things in the first place!"

"Mr. Novak, don't curse."

"He's being an idiot! Robots are  _amazing_ creations, yes, but they can't do everything!"

"Siri can tell me exactly how to get to Idaho from here."

"Because humans put in the mapping system for her to do so!"

"Robots put things together faster."

"Because humans created them to work as a unit to get the job done! At the center of every piece off technology and equipment is a human brain and  _that's_ why human brains are better, you turd!"

"Novak, take a seat."

Castiel sighed heavily and started back to his chair, being tripped on the way there.

"Okay," Zachariah sighed. "Thank you for making your point. Uriel, thank you for your marvelous questions. On with the show then!" he groaned before moving back to the front of the class and starting to lecture.

Castiel, still upset, looked up to see Uriel glaring at him.

After class, Uriel was quick to grab Castiel and shove him up against the wall.

"You trying to make a damn  _fool_ out of me?!"

"Uriel, leave him alone."

"I think you accomplished that on your own."

Uriel growled and pulled back a fist. Castiel closed his eyes, ready for impact, but it never came.

"Hey! Uriel!" Castiel peeked one eye open and looked over to see Dean. "Come here, man, I gotta tell you something," he said with a smile. Uriel looked back to Castiel.

"You got lucky, bitch," he spat before shoving Castiel and going over to Dean. Castiel watched Dean walk away with the swim team's best member and sighed.

"He really is like a knight in shining armor for you, isn't he?" Charlie sighed. Castiel shrugged and nodded down the hall.

"Lunch?"

"Right!"

Because of Charlie's class change she could share one lunch a week with Castiel and he was grateful for it. Eating alone could get boring, even when Castiel had things to work on. By the time they reached the cafeteria, purchased their food, and sat down, Charlie was already telling her third story.

"Anna was being a real bitch again in math."

"Was she hitting on him again?" Castiel frowned.

"Uh...no. No, not at all," Charlie smiled, her voice reaching a higher octave.

Castiel smiled softly. "How was she being a bitch?"

"Well for one she called me a  _nerd_ when I'm so obviously-"

"A geek," Castiel finished.

" _Thank you!"_ Charlie exclaimed. "Then after that she tries cheating off me and flicks me off when I tell her to go suck a dick for answers.... The class liked that one." Castiel snorted and Charlie smiled.

"Are you coming over today?" he asked and she nodded.

"Yeah. Someone has to kick your ass in Smash Bros."

"I'm  _good_ at Smash Bros!"

"No, you're not," a voice said from above Castiel. He looked over to see Dean walking away. Castiel glared at him and looked back to Charlie who was smiling proudly.

"He gets it."

"Whatever. I still dominate you  _both_ in Mario Kart."

Charlie shrugged. "Sure, you can believe that," she said. "I'm going to go get a water. Want anything?"

"I'm fine."

"Okie dokie," she smiled and got up. Castiel pulled out his phone and opened the message box for Dean.

**Do you and Charlie let me win in Mario Kart?**

He waited and looked over at Dean's table. He saw him pull out his phone, read the message, and smile.

**I love you. You look beautiful today.**

"Dammit," Castiel whined and tossed his phone on the table.

"What's wrong, Cassidy? Your boyfriend won't let you suck him off today?"

Castiel was joined by the part of the football team that had beaten him up.

'Pretty sure he will,' Castiel thought as the team made themselves comfortable.

"Don't tell me you're still not over being suspended for two days," Castiel said in a bored tone.

"Oh, that? That was nothing, we don't care about that. See, because you did that we'll be sure to make you understand your place and make sure you don't pull crap like that again."

Castiel frowned. "What do you-"

"Take a walk with us! Boys, grab his books and shit."

Castiel was lifted out of his seat by the collar of his shirt and dragged out of the cafeteria.

"You got us suspended, Novak," Luke laughed and shoved Castiel to the ground before roughly picking him up again. By now, there was already a small crowd, eager to see Castiel get bloodied up again. "And I don't really care about missing those days of school, but now  _I_ can't get a scholarship! None of us can! So, here's the thing...now that we have nothing to lose, our time together is going to be a  _hell_ of a lot more fun."

Castiel grunted in pain as a fist collided with his stomach.

•••

The last period of the day was English AP. The only period Castiel had with Dean.

He got to the class and slowly sat down. He had a tissue pressed against his bleeding lip and put his head in his hand once he sat down.

"Hey, Cassandra," Raphael smiled from his seat behind him. "Saw you get your ass handed to you at lunch." Castiel didn't answer and Raphael flicked him in the ear.

"Yeah. Always glad to give you material to get off too, Raphael."

Raphael hit Castiel in the head and flicked his ear again. Castiel questioned how someone like this made it into an AP class.

"You're the one who gets off to it," he growled. "You like being handled by the big boys, don't you? You fag."

"Mm," Castiel sighed and moved the tissue away from his mouth before replacing it with an ice pack he had gotten earlier. "You're so right. I'm getting hot just thinking about it."

"Freak," Raphael grumbled and sat back in his chair as the bell rang. Castiel sighed and shifted uncomfortably. God, he was in so much fucking pain.

Class seemed to last forever.

Castiel's ear felt like it was on fire with Raphael's constant flicking. He was grateful for Dean being able to distract him every now and then but not even that seemed to be enough.

When class finally let out, Raphael jumped out of his seat, locked his arm around Castiel's neck and rubbed his head roughly with his knuckles until Castiel shoved him off.

"See you next week, Cassandra."

He closed his eyes and sat back in his chair for a while before finally getting up. There were a few kids left in the class, Dean included. He walked out behind Castiel, discreetly putting a slip of paper in his hand and squeezing it before walking down the hall.

Castiel opened it on the bus.

_You have me this weekend. I'll be over after practice. -D_

Castiel smiled. It wasn't such a bad end to another crappy day.

•••

"Are you  _kidding me?!"_ Castiel roared as Charlie knocked him off the platform again. "This is bullshit! I clicked the fucking- Fuuuck!" he yelled as his character reappeared on the screen.

"You suck so hard at this game," Charlie laughed as she took a sip of her soda.

"Shut up," Castiel said from the couch.

"Do you get him this weekend?"

"Yeeee- SHIT! Stop asking me questions!"

Charlie laughed and Castiel stood up. He always thought he could play better when standing.

A couple minutes later there was a light tapping on the game room door and Castiel inclined his head in that direction but didn't take his eyes off the screen.

"Yeah?"

"Boyfriend's here," Gabriel said a Dean walked in. " _Straight_ from practice."

"Kay," Castiel said as Gabriel fanned the area Dean had just walked by.

"My God," he groaned.

"Castiel, do you need more food?" Chuck asked as Gabriel walked away gagging.

"Mm... Ordered a pizza," he said.

"Okay. Your brother and I are going out to eat."

"Okay, love you."

"Love you, too," Chuck smiled and waved before leaving and closing the door behind him.

"No! No, no, no!" Charlie screamed as her character went flying. But somehow, as always, she found a way to get it back on the platform.

"Oh, come on!" Castiel groaned as an arm wrapped around his waist. Dean pressed his lips to Castiel's neck. "Mm," he groaned, "you stink," he said and gently nudged Dean with his elbow.

"I told you right after practice," he said as Castiel's character (Pikachu) happily pounded into Charlie's character (Zelda).

"Yes, yes!" Castiel smiled and Charlie groaned. Dean smiled and started kissing Castiel's neck again and running his hands down his sides. "St-stop, I'm... I'm almost- Damn!" he yelled as Zelda managed to hit Pikachu into next week.

Dean walked over to Charlie and she handed him a dollar.

"Okay, fuck both of you!"

"I'm gonna go use your shower," Dean said and ran a hand through his hair. "Also, I pick the next game."

"You don't pick shit," Castiel grumbled under his breath. "Damn cheater."

Dean grinned before turning and leaving the room.

"Sorry, Castiel, but I have a reputation I need to keep...." Charlie looked over at the door and then back to her friend. "What'd he say about what happened at lunch today?"

"He hasn't said anything. I expected an angry call or text or something but...nothing."

"You think he did something to handle it?"

"I really hope not," Castiel sighed.

After Dean was showered he came back downstairs and sat down on the floor behind Castiel, pulling him against his chest and taking the remote to give Charlie some "real competition." The pizza arrived a few minutes later and Castiel brought it back to the room.

"Half veggie, half meat lovers," he smiled and opened the box. "Mm, smells delicious."

"Stop hogging!" Dean laughed and Castiel set the pizza down before going to get them more drinks. Once that was done, he took his seat back between Dean's legs, lifting a pizza slice to his boyfriend's mouth every now and then.

Charlie left about an hour later and the boys cleaned up the mess.

Dean currently had Castiel pressed into the mattress of his bed, his body between Castiel's legs.

"Dean?" Castiel asked as he pulled away from the kiss. "Why aren't you freaking out about what Luke and those guys did to me?"

"Uh," Dean said, looking down and smiling slightly. "Cuz I handled it."

"Dean," Castiel sighed and pushed his boyfriend off of him. "I told you-"

"Cas, you don't have to worry, alright? I did it...accidentally," he said with a quick smiled and leaned back in to kiss him.

"Dean, what did you do? Accidents don't just happen accidentally," he growled.

"Alright," Dean sighed and sat up. "Today we had to share the baseball field with the Varsity people and...and  _maybe_ I lobbed a fly ball and  _maybe_ it hit him in the head."

Castiel sat up glaring at him and Dean shrugged.

"Were you  _aiming_ for his head?"

"Details, Cas, details," he grinned.

"Dean, you could have really hurt him!"

"Oh, I  _did_ really hurt him. But he's fine! He's fine.... At the hospital and stuff."

"Dean!"

"Cas!"

Castiel groaned and fell back against the bed.

"He hurt you! You honestly think I was going to let him get away with that? At least Raphael only insults you."

"Oh, because that's  _so much_ better, right?"

"That's not what I meant," Dean snapped before standing up. Castiel looked over at him. Dean was walking slowly over to the desk and reached up to wipe his mouth before turning to look at Cas. "You asked for this, Castiel. You asked me to let it go and not do shit about all of this and I've listened so far, haven't I?" Castiel didn't respond, knowing they both knew the answer. "But you don't know how hard it is having to spend day after day with the people who hurt you. You don't know how hard it is! I'm supposed to be  _nice_ to these people? To actually give a crap about them and act like their my best fricking friends?! That's a lot of work and it takes a lot of patience,  _believe_ me! So I screw up  _once_. I do something about it  _once_! I happen to aim a ball at some guy's head and give him a concussion. How about this? A little role reversal.  _You_ don't get to care, got it? You don't get to be pissed because I'm doing it  _for_  you! And trust me,  _I_ could've done a hell of a lot worse."

"Okay. I get it. I'm sorry.... I'm just- I'm worried about you, Dean. If they treat me like this I can only imagine how they'll treat you if they find out about us."

"They won't find out. Like I said, it was an ' _accident_.' And if they do find out, no big deal. Whatever they do, I can handle. Nothing's going to bring me down, Cas."

Castiel nodded before getting up and going to his closet. "Okay, Dean," he said before he pulled out his pajamas.

"'Okay, Dean?' That's it?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"A fucking thank you would be nice. Or a sorry!"

Castiel sighed and pulled his shirt over his head. "You didn't do anything to help me," he mumbled, tossing the shirt into a hamper. "You just hit a guy in the head. He thought it was an accident and now he's in the hospital. When he gets better guess who he's coming after?" Castiel asked as he grabbed his pajama shirt and looked over at Dean. He didn't seem to be paying attention to Castiel's words though. His focus was on the blue eyed boy's torso.

"Cas....," he whispered and gestured. "Baby, look what...look what they've-," he swallowed and Castiel looked down.

"Don't worry," he said softly. "Most of these are hickeys from you anyway," he said with a soft laugh.

"How am I not supposed to do anything about that?" he whispered, ignoring Castiel's hickey comment.

"You're just not. I handled it for three years without you so I can handle a fourth," he said and he pulled his shirt on and started to undo the button on his pants. He stepped out of them and tossed them aside before pulling on his pajama pants.

Dean sighed. "Fine. No more baseballs aimed at dicks' heads."

"Thank you."

Dean nodded and looked down. "Hey, Sunday, when you come over can you help me with Pre Calc? It's a bitch."

"Sure."

Dean sighed and rubbed the back of his neck before gesturing to the door. "I...I think I should head home."

Castiel nodded and walked Dean to the front door before opening it and stepping into the front porch with him.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Castiel sighed, slightly disappointed that Dean was leaving right after an argument.

"Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow." He leaned in and kissed Castiel who grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer.

"These are my clothes," he chuckled against Dean's mouth.

"You'll get them back tomorrow," he murmured with a smile and kissed Castiel again, drawing him closer and dipping his tongue inside his mouth.

"Mm.... Five more minutes," Castiel moaned, already pulling Dean back into the house. He nodded and stepped inside, his mouth still attached to Castiel's as he shut the door.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You guys are great honestly.

"Thanks so much for doing this, Castiel," Dean's dad, John, smiled at him. The three of them were in Dean's room, John in the doorway and Dean and Castiel sitting on the bed. Both their hair and clothes disheveled. "Dean's always had trouble with math -gets it honestly- and I'm sure this will help him...especially if he avoids distractions and such," John said with a pointed look at his son. "Word of advice, Dean: be smart like your boyfriend here. He actually  _covers_ his erection." John gestured to the textbook on Castiel's lap. "I'm heading to work. Sam is here, don't forget."

"Right," Dean said with a nervous smile as he ran his hand through his post make out hair. "No distractions. Be smart. Sammy's here. Got it," he said and John sighed before leaving Dean's room and walking down the stairs.

Dean cleared his throat and looked at Castiel. "That was close," he smiled.

"Close? Dean, we got caught," Castiel said with a smirk before looking down at the math textbook and going back to their page. Dean got up to shut the door before going back to the bed and pushing Castiel down.

"Dean, no! We have to get this done!"

"We'll get it done later," he groaned and pinned Castiel's wrists down above his head. "I hate summer being over. I barely get to see you anymore," he whined and rocked his hips against Cas's.

"Dean," he hissed, "Sam is here! If he catches us-"

"He's not going to do anything," Dean whispered and started to unbutton Castiel's shirt. "And he won't catch us anyway."

"But your math! If we don't get it done-"

"Later."

"Dean-"

"Later," he growled and leaned down before kissing his boyfriend.

'Dammit,' Castiel thought, knowing there was nothing he could do to fight back now. Castiel was hopeless when Dean was kissing him and Dean definitely used that fact to his advantage.

Castiel's pants were soon unbuckled and being moved down his waist as Dean's mouth moved to his neck.

Castiel smiled and arched his back as Dean's mouth moved lower on his body.

"Feels good," he murmured and ran his hand through his boyfriend's hair. "More, Dean," he whined. "Please..."

"And you wanted to work on math," Dean tutted and moved his body back up Castiel's, working his hips down on his. Because of a layer now being gone, Castiel moaned loudly and gripped Dean's upper arm as his hips raised to meet his. Dean smiled and started pushing Castiel's shirt off his shoulders. Castiel sat up to make it easier for him and captured Dean's mouth in a passionate kiss, his tongue already deep inside Dean's mouth before his shirt was completely removed.

Castiel was quickly taking control, getting up on his knees to tower over Dean, his hands on either side of the other's face.

Castiel smiled slightly. He so rarely got to be in control of this stuff! Dean was always quick to get on top and steer the way to the finish. So, Castiel should've known that his time as leader wouldn't last long.

Dean had reached around to squeeze Castiel's ass and soon after that, jerk his boxers down.

"Dean- fuuuuck!" Castiel hissed and grabbed his hair tightly as Dean wrapped a hand around Castiel's hard, erect dick. "Fuck," he said as he fell back onto his heels. "Dean," he whined as his back hit the mattress, his eyes lidded with ecstasy. He felt himself thrust into Dean's hand as the brown haired boy moved his hand up and down Castiel's shaft slowly, teasing his tip with his thumb.

Castiel's hands wrapped around Dean's sheets and his breathing became bated. Dean was rocking himself against Castiel's thigh as he leaned over and kissed him sloppily. Castiel's hand made its way into Dean's hair as he panted and moaned kisses into his mouth.

Dean's hand moved faster around Castiel's dick, smearing his precum around it as Castiel started reaching his climax.

"Dean... Dean, I'm-I'm-"

"I know, Cas.... Just a little more," Dean panted and kissed him again. "Just a little longer," he whispered, still rocking against Castiel's thigh.

Castiel bit his lip, trying to wait it out just a little longer, but as soon as Dean's hand came in contact with his balls his back was arched off the bed and his face buried in the crook of Dean's neck as he screamed his name.

Dean continued pumping Castiel and rutting aggressively down on his leg until he came and fell beside Castiel.

Cas closed his eyes for a moment before opening them and meeting green ones.

"Better than Pre Calc, right?"

"Mm," Castiel moaned and kissed him.

"That's definitely a yes," he chuckled. "You need to clean up." He sighed and sat up. "And so do I, so...."

"'Mnotmoving," Castiel slurred, his eyes still droopy.

"Damn, you're hopeless after you...unload," he winked and left the room. He came back with a washcloth and wiped down Castiel's stomach before pulling up his boxers and pants. Dean then stepped out of his and cleaned himself up before grabbing a pair of shorts and pulling those on.

The door opened then and both boys jumped.

"Dean, I'm hungry," Sam sighed. His nose scrunched up. "Ugh," he gagged. "It smells in here."

"Sam, haven't I told you to  _knock_ before coming in!"

Sam looked at his brother and then to the shirtless Castiel lying on his bed.

"Ah... I see."

"And you're thirteen years old, go make some damn food."

"I'd rather you did it," he said and leaned against the doorframe. "Wouldn't want Dad to know you got distracted again. He might get you a new tutor."

Dean growled and walked past Sam, hitting his head on the way out.

"Ow! Jerk!"

"Bitch!"

Sam rolled his eyes and looked back at Castiel. "How've you been?"

"Um," he said as he sat up and grabbed his shirt, "good."

"He's not that good at it, is he?" Sam sighed.

"What? No! Dean's great at it! He's the best at it."

"Aw," Sam smiled. "Dean, Cas thinks you're the best at it!"

"Shut up! Stop asking my boyfriend weird questions!"

Castiel blushed as Sam looked back at him, chuckling. "Dean's definitely failing math this year."

•••

Castiel was shoved up against a wall, one arm pinned behind his back.

"Say it!" Raphael laughed. "Come on, Castiel! Say it!"

He really didn't have a problem saying it. It wasn't like he was lying. But he really didn't want to give in to this asshat.

"Raphael, we gotta go," Dean said and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You know teachers are all over this hall. You'll get caught."

"I want to hear the fag say it," Raphael growled and lifted Castiel's arm higher. "Two seconds, Dean, I know he'll break soon!"

"Man, come on," Dean sighed and Castiel could hear the frustration in his voice.

"Winchester, are you  _protecting_ him or something?"

"What? No! I'm trying to protect you! Someone's going to catch you!"

"The teachers don't care about him."

"Some do," Castiel grumbled.

"Shut up!"

"I'm going to be late, Raphael. I suggest we finish this during PE or something. I'll tell you  _all_ about how I like dick then."

"Bam! Knew it!" he laughed and let go of Castiel. "Winchester'll be there to see me knock your teeth in later."

"He's not in our-"

"No shit, faggot!" He shoved Castiel as he started to turn around. "He'll still be there! It's his lunch period!"

"Guess I'll be there," Dean smiled. "Now, come on. We're going to be late."

Raphael and Dean started away and Castiel groaned.

Dean seeing him at PE was probably one of the absolute  _worst_ things that could happen.

Castiel only hoped that they weren't playing-

"Football, boys! Shirts vs skins," Coach Welliver said. Raphael waved and the coach looked over in that direction before grinning. "Winchester, what are you doing out here?"

"Had a quick lunch," he said with a smile.

"Well, get out there! A little extra running couldn't hurt a baseball star, huh?"

"Coach, I don't-"

"Go get a pair of shorts out the locker room and get your ass on the field!"

"Ookay," Dean said and turned away.

Castiel looked around as everyone started to divide into shirts and skins. Raphael was the first with his shirt off, screaming and pumping up his team.

When Dean returned the coach pointed to Raphael and he sighed before taking his shirt off.

'Don't,' Castiel growled in his head. 'Castiel don't you  _dare_ get a fucking boner right here. Not in these shorts, Castiel! Not on this damn field-'

"Novak!" Castiel snapped back to attention. "Over there with the shirts."

"Uh, right."

" _Uh, right,_ " Raphael mimicked as Castiel walked away.

"Alright, fellas. This is  _flag football_! If I see anyone tackle  _anyone_  it's to the principal with you!"

'Yeah, we'll see how long  _that_ lasts,' Castiel thought with a roll of his eyes. Raphael usually had Castiel on the ground in a matter of seconds.

"Let's go!" Welliver smiled and blew his whistle.

The ball was never passed to Castiel, but every play he was knocked over by  _someone_.

Another touchdown had been made and Castiel groaned from his spot on the ground.

"My spleen," he grumbled.

"Come on, Novak! Up!"

"Yeah, okay," he murmured and slowly got up on his feet, swaying as he did so right into Dean. "Sorry."

"S'alright," Dean said as he walked back over to his position.

"Alright there, Cassandra?" Raphael chuckled as he walked past him.

"Oh...shut up."

Castiel walked back over to his team.

"Dude, you suck ass."

"Yeah, I know. I get it. My fault we're losing, I'm worthless, why am I on your team. Got all of it," he said with a mock thumbs up.

"Kicking off!" a boy yelled from the other side of the field and soon a football was flying through the air.

Castiel looked up and felt his stomach drop.

It was coming for him.

'No...no, come on. Give me a breeze! Someone knock me out the way! Something go my way for once in this life! Oh,  _come on!'_ He screamed in his head as the ball landed in his hands.

"Idiot!" someone yelled at him and Castiel looked up. " _RUN!"_

Castiel looked at the boys running toward him, to the ball, and back up.

"Shit," he whispered before he took off in a sprint. He was surprised to find people were actually blocking for him. He figured sports really  _did_ bring people together. People were actually  _helping_ him. He was actually  _making_ it! Castiel Novak was actually getting closer to the touchdown. How? He had no fucking idea.

He was smiling now as he ran and chanced a look over his shoulder.

His smile immediately fell.

Raphael was coming in hot on his heels.

Castiel ran faster.

He didn't think he had ever ran so fast before but if Raphael hit hard when Castiel  _didn't_ have the ball, he could only imagine him hitting when he  _did_ have the ball.

Castiel heard him approaching but was surprised to hear two sets of footsteps. He looked back over to see Dean easily passing Raphael, headed straight for Cas.

Dean smiled and wiggled his eyebrows once he was in front of Raphael.

"Yeah! Get em, Winchester!"

Castiel looked forward again. He was almost there. Almost to the goal when he felt a hand wrap around his shirt.

"No!" Castiel yelled, his feet still pumping as Dean snatched him back and wrapped his arms around Castiel as they fell to the ground.

"Dammit!" Castiel panted somehow ending up on top of Dean, not face first into the ground like he was used to.

"Good run, babe," Dean chuckled, softly nudging Cas off of him and sitting up.

"Winchester! Yeah!" Raphael called, pumping his fists in the air.

"Good game everyone! Let's get inside now for the health portion of this joyride. Dean, back to class."

"You hurt?" Dean asked out of the side of his mouth as he stood up and started brushing himself off. Castiel, from his spot on the ground sighed.

"No. Could've let me make the damn touchdown though."

"You know I'm a sore loser," he smirked before walking away.

Castiel got to his feet, his whole body sore, and walked the football over to the coach.

"You're fast, Novak...."

"He caught me."

"Dean Winchester catches everyone. Ever thought of track?"

"Um, no. I don't mix well with the...athletic people."

"I'm sure once you won them some trophies-"

"No... Thank you, but definitely no."

"Suit yourself," he sighed before patting Castiel's shoulder. Castiel nodded and started back to the locker room.

•••

"He asked me about joining the track team," Castiel said, leaning back against the Impala's seat .

Dean snorted. "You said no right?"

"Well... Yeah."

"Good," Dean sighed and readjusted his hands on the steering wheel.

"Why is that good?"

"Cas, you can't be on a sports' team."

"Why not?" he asked and sat up.

"Dude," Dean chuckled, "have you met you?"

"What's...what's  _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Castiel, people go out of their way to beat you up. If you place yourself in their little circles and shit, they'll see that as an early Christmas present or something."

"But if I prove that I can actually play-"

"No. That's not going to work. They won't accept you no matter what."

"Why not?"

"Because you're  _you_ , Cas _!_ " Dean yelled and looked over at him quickly before looking back to the road. "How is that not making its way through your head?"

"I-I just thought.... You didn't have to be so mean. I actually have an interesting story and something good that happened today and you shoot it down!"

"Cas, I'm just being reasonable, alright? You weren't even considering it so-"

"Well maybe I was! Maybe I was waiting for some words of encouragement but...but forget it now." He turned away from Dean and looked out the window. "I guess I contribute to sports enough by being a punching bag."

Dean sighed heavily. "Why do you have to do that?"

"Do what?"

"Say shit like that and make me feel like a dick."

"Dean, you  _were_ being kinda a dick."

"I'm sorry, alright? I didn't think you were taking what he said seriously."

"Why? Because I'm not allowed to have some confidence in myself?"

"Did I say that?"

"Dean, would it be such a problem if I did sports? Maybe then you and I could...could be open about our relationship."

"I'm ready to be open about it now! You're the one who's hiding and acting like a bitch. I've been ready since day one and since day one you've said no. I don't think sports are going to change you all that much."

"They might!"

"You're running in circles on a freakin track! What the hell is that going to change?!"

"It might- I don't know! Give me confidence!"

"Oh, Castiel, you're not allowed to have that remember?"

"Fuck you, Dean."

"You already have! Hey, I have a great idea, let's tell everyone about it! Like normal couples do!" he yelled as he pulled into Castiel's driveway.

"No, Dean," he whispered.

"How about you take a lap around your house and then tell me what you think."

"I said  _no_!" he yelled, raising his head slightly but not looking at the green eyes glaring at him. He opened the car door and stepped out before slamming it shut.

"Hey! Don't hurt Baby because you're being a dumb son of a bitch!" Dean screamed out the window.

"Go screw yourself!"

"Think I could tell people about that relationship?"

Castiel fumed the rest of the way to the front door and slammed that door shut behind him as well.

"Stupid fucking Winchester!" he screamed and threw his keys before throwing his bag to the side.

"Oo, language,  _language_ , Castiel," Gabriel smirked. "Keep talking like that you'll get a bar of soap in your mouth."

"Gabriel, not now!"

"Ew, you're screaming. That's not... You've been doing that a lot lately. Should we get Michael?"

"I said not now!" he yelled again before pulling out his phone and finding Charlie's number. A couple rings passed before she picked up.

" _Your favorite, fairy loving lesbian speaking_!"

"Charlie! It's Castiel."

" _Yeah, I got that from the caller ID. Weird, isn't it?....What's up_?"

"Dean! You won't believe what he did today."

" _You guys have been arguing a lot lately, I don't know if you've noticed._ "

"I... That's not important now-"

" _Hold on. I'm getting another call....,_ " there was a small scuffle and Charlie hummed softly. " _Interesting. It's Dean._ "

"Don't answer!" Castiel yelled as he walked into the kitchen.

" _Two seconds, Castiel,_ " she said before switching lines.

"Dammit!" he screamed before waiting. Chuck walked in then and smiled at his son.

"Hey, Castiel! How was-"

"It blew. Worst day of my life."

"Alllright then."

"He's in a screamy mood!" Gabriel called from the other side of the house.

" _Wow, the mouthful he had to say about you! And he's still going I'm sure. Dean gets a lot out in a couple of seconds._ "

"What'd he say?"

" _Castiel, in the words of one of my_ favorite  _literary characters. I'm not a damn owl,_ " she said and hung up.

"Pretty sure Hermione didn't curse," he growled at his phone before putting it away.

"What's bothering you?" Chuck asked and Castiel rolled his eyes.

"Nothing of your concern."

"You're my son and you're upset. I'd say it's very much my concern."

"It's... It's just Dean. Don't worry."

"Again? Are you two-"

"We're fine! We're okay.... We're okay."

"Who are you trying to convince there, Cas?" his dad asked with a frown.

"I'm going to take a shower. If I'm not out in an hour, don't knock. I'm trying to drown myself."

"Drown yourself.... In a shower?"

"That's why it'll take more than an hour," he sighed and walked out the kitchen and up the stairs before turning into the bathroom.

He stood under a steady stream of hot water, eyes closed.

He thought about Dean.

He got out before his hour was up and started to his room to get his clothes.

"Cassie, strutting his stuff!" Gabriel grinned and smacked Castiel's towel covered ass. "God, if only incest was  _right,_ " Gabriel groaned.

"Gabriel, stop," Chuck said halfheartedly as he walked down the hall.

"You're so weird."

"I'm a freak for you, Castiel! Absolutely  _freaky_!"

"Stop," he laughed as he continued to his room, Gabriel following.

"Mind if I watch you get dressed?"

"Get out!" Castiel laughed and shoved his brother. "You're disgusting!"

Gabriel grinned and shut the door.

Castiel got dressed and sighed at the thought of homework before trekking downstairs to get his bag and pick up his keys.

He had just finished Chemistry when his phone rang. He picked it up and his stomach dropped when he saw it was Dean. He didn't feel like doing this right now. Yet, here he was, hitting the green button and pressing the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" he asked, even though he knew who it was.

" _Could you come over Wednesday? Sammy needs a tutor_." Castiel's face took on a confused expression.

"Sam doesn't need a tutor."

" _I don't_!" he heard Sam yell in the background. There was a scuffle and Dean yelled before Castiel heard Sam's voice. " _Castiel, I don't need a tutor_ ," he said into the phone. " _Well...I don't need_ you  _as a tutor. I have a tutor. I know what I'm doing. I'm not stupid like Dean."_

"Um...." There was more scuffling.

" _Ow! What the hell was that for?!"_

" _Bitch!_ "

" _Jerk!"_

Dean sighed. " _Can you or not?_ "

"I guess _-_ "

" _Great,_ " he said and hung up.

"Prick," Castiel grumbled and tossed the phone aside before pulling out his math notebook.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You deserve so much love and I'm willing to give it to you.

"Gabriel,"  Castiel called as he jogged down the stairs, "I need to use your car."

"Why?" Gabriel called from the kitchen.

"I'm going to tutor Sam," he answered as he picked up his brother's keys.

"Little Winchester?"

"Yeah."

"I thought he was a genius?"

"Yeah.... I don't really know what's going on. He says he doesn't need me, Dean says he does-"

"Ah, well now the story is a bit more interesting," Gabriel smirked as he walked around the corner. "It seems like a game of beckons!"

"Gabriel, that's not a thing," he said as he walked out the house.

"Dean wants to see you but doesn't want you to know that he wants to see you! It's obvious that's what's going on."

"Don't think so," Castiel sighed as he unlocked the door and got inside the car.

"I do. Dean's a very passive aggressive creature."

"Okay, see you soon."

"Drive safe, don't crash my wheels, little bro," Gabriel said with a chuckle. "I'll kill ya!"

"Sure," Castiel grumbled and shut the door before backing out the driveway, Gabriel waving to him until he disappeared around the corner.

The door to the Winchester's house flew open before Castiel could knock.

"Cas!" Sam smiled. "Glad you're here, you can leave."

"Sam, you need to be tutored-"

"No! That's the thing! I don't! I really  _really_ don't!"

"Yeah, tell that to the two Cs you got this week," Dean said before appearing beside Sam. "Hi, Castiel."

"Hello, Dean."

"Come on in," he sighed and softly pushed Sam out of the way before gesturing for Castiel to come inside. "You can set up in the kitchen. Sam go get the tests you failed."

"I didn't fail," he grumbled but went up the stairs to retrieve them anyway.

Castiel shut the front door and looked Dean up and down before going to the kitchen.

"My dad isn't here so...um...." Castiel looked at Dean as he put his bag on the table. Dean was staring back at him but turned to leave, his sentence left unfinished.

Sam bounded into the kitchen and smiled at Castiel. "Hi, okay, so here's the deal." He laid out his tests and Castiel's eyes widened at the red 70 and 72. "I don't need  _your_ help."

"Sam, I beg to differ," Castiel said and picked up the tests.

"No, no listen! I know how to do this. I know how to do  _more_ than this!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Prove it," Castiel said and sat down before placing the tests in front of Sam. "Fix the ones you got wrong and then we'll talk."

Sam groaned and searched the drawers for paper and a pencil. When he finally retrieved both he set to work. Castiel watched him carefully but his mind was on Dean.

"He's been in a bad mood lately," Sam said, his eyes still on his paper. "Which is expected I guess when you fight with your boyfriend. But usually you guys would be over it by now. So, what makes this time different?" Sam asked, finally lifting his head.

"Alright, you just-" Castiel tapped Sam's paper and playfully pushed his head down.

"No, Cas," he laughed and shoved the older boy's hand. "I'm being serious. Dad's getting worried and so am I. Why haven't you guys made up?"

"Bigger argument, more time to forgive and forget, that's all. Do your math."

"Can't you just see that I got the first few right?"

"No, Sam-"

" _Please?"_  He folded his hands together and looked at Cas with bright and hopeful eyes.

"You're very infuriating," Castiel groaned before snatching the paper over and looking it over. "Hm... So why'd you fail?"

"Jessica."

"Jessica?"

"Geez, not  _Jessica_ again," Dean said as he walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge.

"Who...who's Jessica?"

"Jessica the blonde," Dean said, head still in the fridge. Castiel squinted slightly, his head tilted and looked back to Sam.

"I'm still not entirely sure I understand what's going on."

Sam sighed. "Jessica is the most beautiful woman to ever touch this earth and she's in my math class. I fail math, she tutors me, we fall in love-"

"Sam, that's a horrible plan," Castiel said. "You shouldn't make yourself look dumb to get a girl."

"No, you definitely should. Girls love thinking they're smarter. It gives them a sense of-"

"Whatever you're going to say, don't. It's probably sexist.... And what do you know about women anyway?"

"I know plenty about women!" Dean defended and closed the fridge before crossing his arms.

"Dean, you're gay," Sam chuckled.

"I'm bi!"

Castiel straightened up in his chair and gripped the pencil he was holding tightly in his hand.

"I'm...I'm sorry?"

"I'm bisexual," Dean repeated. "You knew that."

"No...no I  _didn't_ know that. I thought...I thought you were gay! Like me."

"Cas, I've been with girls! You know I've been-"

"What am I really then? Just a trial? Seeing if you like the product before buying it?"

"Whoa, now wait a minute... I am  _not_ testing you out! I'm dating you!"

"Oh, so we  _are_ still dating then. I wasn't sure after your stupid rampage the other day."

"Uh," Sam said and looked back and forth between the two, "you-you know, Castiel, now that I look at it, this one problem is a bitch so maybe you could-"

"My stupid rampage? I had a perfectly good reason to be pissed! You were being an idiot!"

"I was not!" Castiel yelled and stood up.

"You were! You-you're such a child!"

"At least I'm a child who's fully committed to you and not bouncing back and forth between partners!"

"Are you accusing me of  _cheating?_ Is that  _really_ what you're doing?" Castiel looked away from Dean and Dean let out a humorless laugh. "You are, aren't you?"

"Anna! I-I know she flirts with you all the time."

" _So?_ " Dean asked, shrugging his shoulders and looking to the side. "She's a flirt, big deal."

"It is a big deal, Dean!"

"How?  _Why?_ "

"Because...."

"No, enlighten me, Castiel!  _How?!_ "

"Because she's beautiful! And she's popular and loved and sexy and everything I'm not and now that I know you're-you're  _bi,_ she's a threat! I didn't worry because-because I thought you were fully.... But now I-I just...," Castiel sighed. "She's what you deserve, Dean. She's...she's not me and that's the best anyone could ask for." Castiel fell back, defeatedly in his chair. "Which problem, Sam?"

"Cas-" Dean started, but was cut off by a knock at the door. He mumbled something about getting it and Sam watched him go.

"That was brutal...."

"Yeah. Which number?"

"For the record, I don't think Dean cheats on you. He's never talked about a girl, let alone cheat with one-"

"Okay, Sam which-"

"Winchester!" The yell came from the hallway and Castiel stiffened immediately as Sam groaned.

"Raphael!" Dean yelled back, obviously as a warning just in case Castiel and Sam didn't recognize the voice. "What are you doing here?"

"We're going out. You, me, and-"

"You're coming inside!" Dean called and Castiel jumped up, looking around for an escape. Sam grabbed his arm and pulled him into the hall before opening a closet and shoving him in.

"Uh, yeah," Raphael laughed and turned the corner just as Sam slammed the closet door shut. "Hey! Look who it is. Hi, Sammy-"

"Don't call me that," Sam snapped and turned to face the older boy.

Raphael snickered. "My fault. How've you been?"

"Fine," Sam replied. Castiel moved further back into the closet, fearing that his breathing was too loud and would give his position away. The silence carried on, Raphael obviously expecting Sam to ask the question back.

"Well, I'm good-"

"Didn't ask," Sam cut off.

"Alright! Thank you, Sam," Dean said. "Don't you have work to be...working on."

"I guess," he mumbled and turned to walk away.

"Man, I don't get why he hates me," Raphael said. "It's weird."

"Sam's weird. He's... Yeah, doesn't like people."

"I  _love_ people, Dean!"

"Shut up, Sam!" Dean yelled and then sighed. "So, listen, I can't go out. It's a school night and I'm babysitting-"

"Just tell the person who's here to watch him."

"Pe-person?" Dean asked and Castiel's stomach flipped.

"Yeah. There's a car out front and it's not yours  _or_ your dad's so...."

"Oh! Oh, that car! No, uh... No, see that-that car is-it's-it's the uh...neighbors. Yeah, he's getting his driveway done and so he just parked it here. No big deal."

"I didn't see his driveway getting-"

"Well, it's tomorrow.... But he wanted to be prepared so," Dean laughed nervously.

'Smooth,' Castiel thought.

"Huh.... Sam can come."

"No. I'm not taking my kid brother to any event you want to go to," Dean said and Raphael laughed.

"He'll have fun!"

"No...no way."

"But, Dean _... Anna's_ going to be there."

'Oh, how appropriate,' Castiel grumbled. 'The timing couldn't have been more perfect!'

"So?"

" _So?_  Dude, you know she's wanted to get in your pants since day one! She said that if you showed up tonight she was going to have you one way or another! That's so-"

"I don't want her to have me one way or another."

"It's  _Anna!_ "

"She's...not my type."

"Winchester, what  _is_ your type? I haven't seen you get with a girl in..."

'In?!' Castiel's head screamed.

"Wow... In ever."

'Oh.'

"Have you  _ever_ been with a girl?"

'You're just asking  _all_ the right questions, aren't you?'

"Dude," Dean said and laughed softly. "Come on...."

"Come on what?" Raphael asked. "You never look at them or talk about them or anything! Are you gay or something?"

"I'm not gay," Dean said, his voice sounding rougher than usual. He was getting aggravated, Castiel could tell. Castiel knew that Dean knew that Castiel could hear everything from inside the closet and he  _really_  wished that they would take the conversation somewhere else. "I'm...."

'Bi,' Castiel thought with a sigh. 'I only think about girls when my boyfriend pisses me off, which seems to be happening a lot more now. Oh look! I'm thinking about girls again! Maybe I should just dump his stupid ass and-'

"Just not interested," Dean said over Castiel's thoughts.

"But...it's Anna."

"Dude, if you like her so much then  _you_  hook up with her. I'm not going to now or ever. There are better things out there," Dean said and sighed. "Trust me."

"Damn, you get sentimental real quick."

Dean sighed and Castiel smiled softly. He was the better thing. Take that Anna.

There was another knock at the door and Castiel sighed knowing it meant he'd have to stay in the closet longer. He listened to Dean walk away and go to the front door, wondering how bad it would be if he revealed himself to Raphael right there and then.

'It would be bad,' he concluded. 'So very, very bad.'

"Alright!" Charlie's voice sounded through the house and Raphael's footsteps started towards the door. "You called and I'm here to help you with Cas...tastrophe! Raphael! Hello!"

'Fuck,' Castiel thought as the closet door opened.

"We gotta make a run for it," Sam whispered.

"Hi, Charlie. What are you doing here?"

"Me? Oh...nothing," she said and made her way further into the house and towards the small hallway.

"Dammit," Sam hissed and shoved Castiel back into the closet and ran back to the kitchen as Raphael followed after the redhead.

"What's a castastrophe?"

"What's that now?" she asked.

"A castastrophe? Don't know how to pronounce your words or something?" he chuckled and Castiel rolled his eyes.

"Uh, no...just what I call, um... Sam! That's what I call him."

"He hates you too! I don't know what the hell is  _wrong_  with that kid-"

"Charlie!" Sam gasped happily and Castiel heard him rush forward before colliding with the girl. "Oh, I missed you!"

"Aw, Sammy! I missed you too!"

"Mm, you're such a good person, Charlie! So nice to Dean. I bet that even if Dean was bi you'd still love him! Or even full on gay! I wish all Dean's friends were like you! No! Even better, I wish you were the only friend Dean had. All the others are just bastards." Castiel could hear the smile in Sam's voice and couldn't help but smile himself. Damn he loved that kid.

"Alright then."

"Oh...Raphael. Still here, huh? Dean's not gonna go out with you. He's not even a big fan of yours. He hates you! You make him upset and maybe if you weren't so focused on sucking his dick all the time-"

"Sam!" Dean yelled. "Kitchen! Now!"

"The homophobe is in love with my brother!" Sam cried and Castiel let out a laugh.

The room fell silent.

' _Fuck!_ '

"What was that?" Raphael asked and looked to the closet.

"Uh," Dean started and looked to Charlie who nodded.

"Yeah, that's just...it's..."

"Mmhm," Dean confirmed.

"It's my friend," Sam sighed. "He doesn't like new people and when he heard you," he said and gestured to Raphael, "he hid in the coat closet where there are lots of  _coats_  and  _jackets_."

"Oh, we'll tell him I won't bite. He can come out."

"No, that won't work... See, my friend  _doesn't like to_   _show his face._ So he sometimes wears  _really big hoodies!_ " Sam yelled and Castiel, getting the hint, started searching the closet for a hoodie. "I should walk him home now. Get him out of the closet. He doesn't like it in there." Sam started over to the closet and opened it. "Hello, Jimmy. Let's leave now." Castiel nodded and pulled up the hood before walking out, keeping his head down. Sam took his hand and waved to the others. "See ya!" The pair walked past the three others, Charlie patting "Jimmy" on the shoulder.

Sam and Castiel walked out the house and once they were a good distance away, Castiel pulled back the hood.

"Gabriel's car," he groaned.

"We can go back for it later.... Sorry, I shoved you in a closet."

"It was necessary," he laughed softly.

"Yeah. Castiel?"

"Yes?"

"Why do you put up with it? With the hiding and the secrecy and Dean lying to you about his sexuality?"

"To be fair, Sam, Dean never really  _lied_ to me. He just...never clarified."

"Alright, fine. But the other two things?"

"I... It was my idea to keep this a secret so I guess the real question is why does he put up with me?"

Sam sighed and they continued walking in silence. "You know, if it makes you feel better, I've never heard Dean talk about a girl. Not really. And once he met you it was the  _only_ thing he talked about. It was really damn annoying," he laughed. "But when he finally brought you home I got it. He was excited because he finally had what he wanted. Someone he could fall in love with and who could love him back.... It broke him when you stopped talking to him Sophomore year."

"I was protecting him."

"You were hurting him."

"Point of view, I guess," Castiel murmured and looked at the ground.

"And I guess Dean puts up with that whole secrecy thing because he loves you. He'd rather have you, secret relationship or not. He does what you ask and it's nice...."

"But?"

" _But_  I don't know if I'd do the same," Sam said and looked up. "I mean, rules or not, if I found out Jess was being bullied, especially by people I knew and knew  _well_ , I'd probably slaughter them. Dean doesn't even like the team or anyone who calls him a friend and torments you. He wouldn't really be losing anything so I don't get why he won't just ignore you, say to hell with it, and beat the bastards up! The ones you love come first and...and it just makes me mad that he hasn't done shit about it. Even if you tell him not to."

Castiel didn't have a response to that and they walked the rest of the way to his house in silence.

"Where's my ride?" Gabriel asked as Sam and Castiel walked up the driveway.

"At my house," Sam answered. "We had an unexpected visitor and had to make a run for it. Castiel will bring it back."

"Yeah, he better," Gabriel growled and welcomed Sam into the house, Castiel following, deep in the thought from the discussion he had with Sam.

•••

Dean ended up going to the whatever it was that Raphael invited him to and drove by Castiel's on the way back to pick up Sam.

"Might as well come too... To get your car," Dean sighed as Sam got in the passenger seat.

" _My_ car," Gabriel corrected and shoved Castiel out the house.

The ride back was quiet, even Sam couldn't think of anything to say and Dean kept the radio off. Once at the Winchesters' Sam jumped out and ran inside as Castiel went over to Gabriel's car and opened the door.

It was quickly shut again by Dean.

"Uh, listen," Dean started and sighed, "maybe...maybe you shouldn't tutor Sam anymore. Just so we can avoid surprises like this again."

"Fine by me. He doesn't need a tutor anyway."

"Yeah." Dean nodded.

"Is that it?" Castiel asked, not breaking eye contact. Dean stared at him and cleared his throat before looking away.

"Yeah. That's it."

"Well...goodnight, Dean."

"Goodnight, Castiel."

Castiel nodded and opened the door again before getting in the car and backing out.

He made his way back home, feeling like this week was going to be the death of him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's here! I finished and it's here! God bless you all!!!! Amen!

Being in an argument with Dean wasn't all that bad. Castiel knew that Dean would eventually come around, apologize, and everything would be okay again. Castiel's way of dealing with a bump in the road was to simply ignore it until someone had flattened it out again.

But, then again, being in an argument with Dean was hell. Dean went about an argument with a very simple, 'I don't care about you,' attitude which affected Castiel horribly.

It was almost like the bullies could tell when Castiel didn't have his so called shield and made their efforts to torment him even worse than usual. It was pretty easy when they had no one (Dean) telling them they'd be late to class or no one (again, Dean) having to suddenly tell them an interesting story that he needed their undivided, complete attention for.

So when Castiel was suddenly being thrown to the ground or lifted off his feet, he knew it would last longer than usual. And it'd be the worst minute and a half of his life.

At the moment, Uriel was repeatedly throwing him into the lockers. Usually Castiel wouldn't mind them but after ten, maybe fifteen times, the damn things started to  _hurt_.

"You're such a piece of shit, Cassidy!" Uriel laughed and shoved him again. A searing pain shot up Castiel's spine and he let out a small cry of pain. "Aw, poor bitch didn't like that!" Castiel's eyes started to water as Uriel grabbed him again, his friends smiling in glee. "Fag's gonna cry? Are you gonna cry?" He grinned and slammed Castiel in a way that caused his head to smash against the lockers.

"Fuck!" Castiel screamed and shoved Uriel who responded by yanking his bag off his arm and dumped the contents onto the floor. "Fuck off, Uriel."

"Suck a dick, faggot," Uriel growled at Castiel before pushing him to the ground and walking away.

Castiel sat up, rubbing his head and sighed before collecting his notebooks and papers. Students were hurrying to class in each direction but took their time to hit him, scatter his papers, and one kid even kicked him. By the time he was walking to class, his throat was burning and his eyes were wet with tears.

He assumed it was the Fates making a joke out of him (just like everyone else) seeing that this was the class he had with Dean.

He walked in late and Ms. Harvelle folded her arms at him.

Castiel actually liked Ms. Harvelle a lot. She was probably the only teacher that actually gave a crap about him. He had never been late to her class before so this encounter only made him feel worse. He blinked back tears and swallowed.

"Sorry, I'm late I-" he gestured to his bag and cleared his throat. "I just..."

"See me after class, Castiel. You can take your seat."

Castiel walked over and sat in his desk before resting his head on his arms.

"Why're you late, queer?" Raphael whispered as the lesson continued. "Huh? Why are you late? Were you in the bathroom, hm? Sucking your boyfriend's dick? I bet you're like his little bitch, aren't you? He doesn't even care about you he just wants to get his knob wet before class. You're his  _bitch,_ Castiel. His little fuck hole-"

"SHUT THE FUCK  _UP,_ RAPHAEL!" Castiel screamed as he turned around to face the, now very surprised, boy.

"Castiel!" Ms. Harvelle yelled, her face filled with shock. "Out of my class.  _Now!"_

He snatched up his bag and headed outside, feeling the eyes of the entire class on him, but none bore a hole into his head as much as Dean's.

Castiel made his way down to the principal's office, taking a seat on the outside. He leaned forward and put his head in his hands before letting a few stray tears run down his cheeks. He sat like that, crying softly, for a good ten minutes before he heard his name.

He looked up into the eyes of the principal and quickly wiped his face.

"Hi, yeah... Hi. Um... Ms. Harvelle kicked me out so-"

"Harvelle? Kicked  _you_ out?"

"Um, yes," he nodded and sniffled. "Yes, Ms. Naomi."

"For what? Stealing all the other kids' answers?"

"No. I screamed...and cursed so-so probably for that."

"Castiel, why did you scream and curse?"

"I-," Castiel thought for a while. He couldn't tell on Raphael. That was so childish and would be incredibly stupid. He learned his lesson on being a snitch and wasn't planning on going down that road again. "I don't know."

"You...you don't know?" He shook his head and she sighed. "Fine. We'll see if you know by the end of the period. Step into my office, Mr. Novak."

Castiel sighed. "Great."

•••

"What's wrong?" Charlie asked upon immediately seeing Castiel. He dropped his forced smile and sat with her on the benches after school. A good amount of kids were still there and Castiel then realized how large the number of people he hated was. "Castiel?"

"Nothing, Charlie. I don't...." He sighed. "Last two weeks have been bad."

"You've  _really_ got to find a way to make up with him!"

"Maybe I don't want to!"

"That's a steaming pile of bullshit," she laughed. "Castiel, you two love each other and this whole argument, whatever it's about, is such a waste of time!"

"I don't want to talk about it. I don't...I don't care."

Charlie sighed. "Hm."

"Hm, what?"

"Would you care if he was looking over here right now?"

Castiel, looking down at his hands, wiped his nose and sniffled. "No."

"He looks concerned."

"Still don't care."

"He's coming over here.... Why would he be coming over here?"

"I don't know-"

"We all know he isn't going to talk to you," she mumbled. "So what could Dean Winchester be doing walking over here?"

Castiel wiped his eyes. "Probably coming to make sure I know he doesn't give a rat's ass about me-"

"Hey, Charlie," Dean said and took a seat on the other side of her. Castiel looked in the opposite direction. "So, um...what's up? What's- Want to come over today or something?"

"Oo, can't. My friend's going through a tough time. I need to be there for him right now."

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that.... For your friend. I-I hope he gets better."

"Yeah. It's tragic."

"Uh huh. You seem pretty involved."

"Oh yeah, more than I want to be."

Dean sighed. "Well, if your friend is really worried about his troubles and-and such then maybe he should talk to that someone, or thing, could be a thing, I wouldn't know, that's bothering him."

"I've tried telling him. He won't listen."

"Well, maybe you should tell him that a good place to talk would be that, uh, or if he has a little park by his house with a playground and swings and.... I mean, maybe. I don't know. That's where I would go to talk about things around three thirty.... Maybe even four! You-you just...you don't know," Dean said with a small chuckle. "Anyway! Wish him luck for me," he said before getting up. Castiel heard him walk away before hearing him quickly rush back. "Or five! Because the issue may have baseball practice or something, I don't know. Just in case."

"Thanks, Dean," Charlie smiled before he walked away again. Castiel looked up and she gestured to the retreating Dean. "Well there ya go!"

"I not going."

"Yeah, you are."

"Nope."

"Sure."

"I won't be there, Charlie! He can make up all the cute, fake conversations he wants! I'm  _not_ going to go! I won't be there!"

•••

"I hate my life," Castiel groaned from the swing set. It was four thirty and Castiel couldn't figure out why he was sitting on a swing watching children running around screaming their heads off. "I really hate my life."

"Why?"

Castiel looked over and then down.

"Oh...no," he said to the small brunette. "I'm rehearsing lines. For a play."

"Oh!" she smiled and sat on the swing next to him. "What's rehearsing mean?"

"Practicing."

"Oh!" she gasped again.

"Shouldn't you not be talking to strangers?"

"Shouldn't  _you_ not be talking to strangers?" she said before jumping back off the swing.

"Hm...touché."

"You look sad."

"Do I?"

"Mmhm."

"Must be because I am sad."

"Why?"

Castiel sighed and looked down at the little girl. He wondered if she'd think he was weird and disgusting if she knew he had a boyfriend. Then he thought, 'Fuck it, she's like six who cares?'

"Because my boyfriend and I are fighting."

"You have a boyfriend!" she gasped and Castiel nodded. " _I_ want a boyfriend! But not one that makes me sad." Castiel let out a small laugh.

"They all do that. Get yourself a girlfriend instead. Or better yet, don't date at all."

"I'm gonna get a girlfriend!" she smiled before running away, chanting about getting a girlfriend all the way back to her mom.

"Nice. Spreading queerness with one simple flick of the wrist," he mumbled.

Castiel waited until the young girl had left as well as everyone else in the park. He checked his phone, seeing that it was five o'clock, and sighed before putting it away again. He sat on the swing until he checked his phone again and saw that it was five twenty. He felt the familiar lump forming in his throat and he blinked back tears before standing up.

"Fucking prick. I knew it, I'm such an  _idiot_!" he seethed to himself, head down as he headed for the edge of the playground. If he wasn't so focused on his own thoughts he might have heard the rumble of an engine barreling down the street. Lucky for him, and his life, he managed to look up just as the black Impala came to a screeching halt in front of him. He scoffed at the car before turning to walk away from it.

He heard the familiar squeak of the car door opening and closing followed by, "Cas! Castiel, wait!  _Wait_!" Dean cried as Castiel walked as quickly as he could back across the playground. "Cas!" Dean yelled as he caught up and grabbed his arm.

"Don't touch me," Castiel snarled as he turned and shoved Dean's hand off of him.

"I'm sorry," Dean panted, hands raised in surrender. "I'm  _sorry._ Practice ran late! I'm sorry. I would've been here on time, earlier even, but practice ran late... Cas? Hey, look at me," he said softly and reached out to touch his arm but Castiel quickly stepped back. "Baby-"

"Don't," Castiel cut in, his eyes closed. "Okay? Just...don't."

"Okay." Dean nodded. "I'm.... We need to talk."

"No shit."

"Cas, come on, man," Dean said with tone of exasperation. "I'm trying here! Can't you do the same?"

"I'm sorry, my head's a little messed up from being slammed into walls and lockers all day long."

"Wouldn't have happened if you stopped acting like a bitch and- Fuck. No, I didn't mean.... Cas!" Dean yelled as he started to walk away again. He ran in front of him and turned to face him. "Forget that happened, alright? Forget it happened! Let's just talk about two weeks ago, okay? Can we focus on that?" Castiel looked Dean in the eyes and sighed before giving a small nod.

Dean sighed. "I think it's pretty obvious what happened two weeks ago was pretty harsh. I mean, you said some things you didn't mean,  _I_  said some things I didn't mean. It-it was a mess. The whole thing was a mess and I think it's best to just leave it in the past and move forward, okay?"

"Are you serious?"

"What?"

"'You said some things, I said some things....' Is that a  _joke_?"

"Well, you're not saying anything! About two seconds ago you were ready to storm out of here and leave this unresolved!"

"Because you called me a bitch!"

"I said you were acting like a bitch-"

"Just-just shut up! I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about what happened then. I don't care. I would've sucked at track anyway. I don't want to talk about it."

"Cas, you would've been great at track! That's not what I was saying before. You're fast and lithe and all that good stuff. It's just that those kinds of people go out of their way now to get to you. Imagine you being with them all the time! You'd be mutilated! And just like it's your job to protect me, it's  _my_  job to protect you! I was only-"

"Stop! I said I didn't want to talk about it!"

"It needs to be talked about!"

"No! No, Dean, you're not-you're not listening!"

"I am listening."

"No, you're not! I don't want to talk about that!"

"Okay," Dean said quickly, a look of concern forming on his face. "Okay, we won't talk about it," he said calmly as Cas' hands went into his hair. "Cas, we're not talking about it. We'll talk about whatever you want to talk about and-and we'll leave it at that," he said, his eyes focused on Castiel's hands. "Okay? Cas?" he whispered and slowly lowered Castiel's hands, surprised that he actually let him. "Breathe. What's wrong?"

"It's-" Castiel sighed and shook his head because  _dammit_! He was crying again. What the hell was  _wrong_  with him today. "It's stupid! It's stupid and it shouldn't matter because it's who you are! It's who you are and I can't expect you to change, I  _won't_  expect you to change and- Dean-"

"What? What is it? Just talk to me, Castiel. What's wrong?"

"You're bisexual!"

Dean sighed and scratched the back of his head, clearly agitated by the outburst. "You know I  _really_  don't see why that's such a problem."

"It's not. It's not a problem. It's just- it's..."

"It's what?"

"It's Anna!"

"Oh, Castiel, come on! Still with the Anna stuff?"

"Yes! Be-because it's her! And I hear what everyone says about you two. How you'd be the perfect couple. You and her...Dean and Anna," Castiel cried. "And....and it never really bothered me before but now that I know you're bi it's scary! It's  _terrifying_. Because everyone wants you and now I know everyone can have you and.... Dean have you  _looked_  at you! I mean really? You're beautiful. You-you're  _everyone's_  dream and now everyone has a chance! Everyone! And I'm not worth it! I'm not worth it. You're going to get so sick of me. You're going to want to get rid of me-"

"Whoa-"

"You'd be better off with Anna."

"Whoa, Cas... Cas-"

"I'm such a piece of shit-"

"Hey! Stop it!" Dean snapped. "Castiel, listen to me, alright? Now  _you_  listen. I am not interested in Anna."

"But Raphael said that-"

"I do not give a  _fuck_  about what Raphael said. And I don't give a fuck about Anna."

"But-"

"Castiel, I am yours, okay?  _Yours_. Yeah, I may like girls and guys but right now, and...and possibly forever, it's you, alright? I'd rather have you. You said that I'm everyone's dream, right? Well, you're the only one who gets to live it. I love you. Everyone else is," he shrugged, "irrelevant. Okay?"

'Damn him,' Castiel thought. 'How does he always know what to say?!'

Castiel sniffled and Dean let out a breath.

"Okay," Castiel whispered, looking down at his feet.

"So.... We're good?" Dean asked and Castiel nodded.

"We're good."

"Cas?" Dean asked softly and lifted Castiel's chin. "I love you." Castiel smiled and wiped at his watering eyes before rolling them.

"I love you too."

Dean chuckled and took a step closer before closing the space between them and placing his lips against Cas'.

'Wow,' Castiel thought while sighing into the kiss. 'I forgot what  _this_  felt like.' His arms snaked around Dean's neck and his tongue dipped into his mouth. Their kiss deepened and Dean pressed into Castiel more before he slowly pulled away. Castiel placed his mouth on Dean's shoulder before letting out a small laugh and turning his head to look at Dean's neck.

"You smell so bad."

Dean laughed and Castiel closed his eyes at the feeling of the small rumble in his boyfriend's chest.

"I would've spruced up a bit but I was already running late."

They stayed standing like that for a while. Dean running his hands up as down Castiel's back, the other boy's eyes closed and his arms around Dean's waist. Castiel eventually pulled away and Dean took his hand before leading him back to the Impala.

Castiel sat close to Dean on the car ride home and Dean got out to walk Castiel to the door once they were there.

"Cas?" Dean said once they were at the door. "If...if I ever see you crying in school ever again because of me I-"

"Dean, don't worry about it."

"No, no I need to. I never should've let it get to that point. Never. It made me sick thinking about that. Knowing I had done that to you."

"It wasn't just you."

"But I didn't do anything to help."

Castiel sighed. "Forget it. It's in the past."

Dean looked like he wanted to argue, but given the recent, most likely still sensitive, dilemma they just got over, he decided against it.

Instead he stepped forward, a hand reaching out to caress Castiel's cheek, and kissed him.

Unfortunately, this kiss was short lived by the door suddenly opening.

Dean and Castiel quickly broke a part and looked over at the grinning Gabriel.

"Oh my. How...," he thought for a while, "scandalous," he finished, wiggling his eyebrows. "I thought I heard the low rumbling of the Impala and decided to greet my dear brother Castiel and his, I'm guessing, recently redeemed boyfriend but goodness.... The situation now is not at all what I expected. It's terribly awkward. Look at the blush on this one!" Gabriel pinched Castiel's cheek.

Castiel sighed, shoved his brother's hand away, and rolled his eyes before pushing past Gabriel and into the house.

"Bye, Cas!"

"See ya, Dean," he called over his shoulder. He was nearing the stairs when he heard his brother.

"Pull shit like that again, Winchester, and I'll be sure to give you a week of hell."

Castiel, though annoyed at his brother, couldn't help smiling.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! A chapter that's all happy I guess haha. Again, thank you all for not giving up on me on that last one. Rough times. Sorry school's kinda slowed my roll but here's chapter 7! Wooo!

Castiel was wrong. He was so  _very_  wrong. Sitting at his desk at 9:45 writing yet  _another_  report Castiel realized how terribly wrong he was.

He needed a lab partner in Chemistry. He needed one  _desperately_.

He sighed and cracked his knuckles for the umpteenth time before rolling his neck and going back to typing. If it wasn't for Castiel's great determination to stay on his schedule, he was sure he would've given up ages ago.

Still, he was eagerly awaiting for his phone to alarm, signifying the end of that night's work.

After finishing another page, Castiel's phone buzzed.

'I can't be done already,' he thought, knowing that with the time he had allotted, another page or two would've marked his actual end. He looked down at his phone and saw that it wasn't his alarm, but a message.

**Dean:**  
**Hey**

Castiel sighed and ignored it. He'd apologize later for not answering but for now, he had to stay focused. And texting Dean was an easy distraction.

His phone buzzed again and the screen lit up.

**Dean:**  
**Wyd??**

Castiel stared at the phone. He could just tell him he was doing an essay and Dean would probably leave him alone. He picked up his phone and unlocked it before going to the messages. As he was typing another message came in.

**So hard for u rn**

Castiel froze.

This wasn't happening. No way this was happening. He chuckled to himself and shook his head.

"I just won't answer. It's not like- oh fuck," he sighed and put his head in his hands. "Oh, I hate Apple. I hate it so much," he groaned realizing that Dean had probably seen him typing a response which means that Dean knew Castiel saw his latest message. Castiel sighed and grabbed the phone again. He had no idea what he was doing. They had never  _done_  this before.

Were they really doing this?

"No.  _We_  are not really doing this.  _He's_  doing this." Castiel drummed his fingers on his desk before sighing and simply typing back.

**Yeah?**

"That's not porny at all," he mumbled.

**Yeah**

**Well you should do something about that.**

Castiel nodded to himself. That was pretty straight forward. It was pretty clear he wasn't going to do what Dean wanted him to do.

**Was kinda hoping u would... I wanted to have some fun**

Castiel swallowed. "Fuck," he grumbled, feeling himself getting a little heated.

**I'm no good at this stuff.**

**U said the same thing about sex and look at u now!**

He had a point.

**Well this is different!**

**U love trying new things**

Again, another  _excellent_  point. Why did he always have to make good points during times like these?

**I have an essay.**

**Screw the essay**

**It's worth a lot.**

**Which means it's due next week and u have time to help me get rid of my boner**

Castiel rolled his eyes and put his phone down. Ignoring Dean was common enough in the relationship. He didn't see why he should change his ways now.

He started working on the essay again, trying to ignore the sudden tightness in his pants.

Castiel jumped when his phone rang and he groaned loudly before picking it up.

"What?!"

" _Caaaas! Pleeeease!_ "

"Dean, no."

" _Why not?_ "

"Because I have an essay!"

" _Is that the only reason._ "

"Yes! That's the only reason!"

" _So, if you didn't have an essay we'd be getting off right now?"_

Castiel sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yes, Dean."

" _What time will you be done_?"

"I don't know... Ten thirty?"

There was silence and then Dean hummed softly. " _Call me at ten thirty_." And then he was gone. Castiel put his phone down and looked back at his computer.

"Great. There's no way my mind won't wander while writing this one! No, not at all!"

Ten thirty came sooner than Castiel had hoped. When his alarm sounded he quickly shut it off saved his work and put his head on his desk.

"I can't do this."

He sat up and grabbed his phone before going into the hallway and opening the door to Gabriel's room.

"Hey, little buddy!"

"Ugh, you're awake," he groaned and shut the door before going to his dad's room and seeing him on the phone.

"Hold-hold on.... Hey, Castiel, what's up?"

"Nothing," he grumbled.

"I'm talking to Michael. Want to say hi?"

"Um...," he absentmindedly turned the doorknob and shook his head. "No."

"Sure?" Castiel nodded and Chuck frowned. "Alright. Get to bed soon, okay?" Castiel nodded again and left before going back to his room and dialing Dean's number.

He picked up on the third ring.

" _Finally! That paper better be worthy of a damn Nobel Prize!_ "

"Yeah.... Um, my dad and brother are still awake."

" _Cool, so are mine. The risk of getting caught makes it sexy._ "

"I'm going to regret this," he sighed as he shut his door and locked it, "aren't I?"

" _Not if we make it fun_ ," Dean sang. " _Want me to start?_ "

"It wouldn't get started if you didn't start it," Castiel said shaking and started to reach up.

" _Get your hands out your hair and just relax_." Castiel lowered his hand and nodded before taking a deep breath. " _Good.... What are you doing right now?_ "

"Uh," Castiel breathed and looked around. "I'm...I'm standing in my room."

" _O...kay. What are you wearing?_ "

Castiel looked down. "Jeans and...and um...," he mumbled something.

" _What?_ "

Castiel sighed and pulled the phone away from his ear and groaned before putting it back.

"My Game of Thrones shirt!" he hissed.

" _Oh, Jesus,_ " Dean said before laughing. Castiel felt his face grow hot.

"I'm hanging up."

" _Cas, no! No, don't-don't-,_ " he continued laughing and Castiel pulled the phone away before pressing the end button. Less than five seconds later, his phone was ringing.

"I told you I would suck at this!"

" _You don't suck! You don't_!" he chuckled. " _You're adorable, baby. Really._ "

"Oh, because that's what I want to hear during phone sex. 'You're adorable.'"

" _Okay, okay. Um, just turn off the lights and get in your bed. I'll walk you through this._ " Castiel did as he was told. " _Okay...now take off your pants, but slowly! Do it slowly... Close your eyes too. Just...just think about me._ "

"Think about you?" he said with a smirk. "I'm officially turned off."

" _Shut up. Okay, now start touching yourself._ "

"With my boxers on?"

" _Yeah,_ " Dean said. " _We have to get a build up._ "

" _Okay, Mr. Professional Sex Person._ "

" _Professor Professional Sex Person to you,_ " Dean said. " _Are you doing what I said?_ "

"Yeah," Castiel responded.

" _Thinking about me_?"

"Mm...mmhm."

" _What am I doing to you?_ " he asked huskily and Castiel felt his stomach churn.

"Uh- I... I mean, you...."

" _Take your time. Picture that I'm there. I'm right there and whatever you feel is what_  I'm  _doing._ "

"I...I guess that means you're rubbing against me. You're-you're being rough, as usual," he smiled and pressed against his crotch even more. "Fuck...."

" _What?_ "

"You feel good. Dean, you feel so good," he whined and pushed his boxers off before wrapping a hand around his erection and gasping. "You've got your hand around me now."

" _Yeah?_ "

"Ohh," Castiel moaned. "Fuck me," he whimpered as his hand moved faster up and down his dick. He moved the palm of his hand over his tip and slowly dragged the precum down. "You- Oh, I'm in your mouth now. Fucking your mouth."

" _More, Cas. Give me more._ "

"I- Dean, I'm gonna.... I'm-," he groaned and thrusted repeatedly into his hand. He turned onto his stomach and buried his face into his pillow, moaning while his hand continued to work on his dick. Dean huskily whispered into Castiel's ear, telling him how good he was making him feel and what he was doing to Castiel's body. Castiel was going absolutely mad at Dean's words and pumped himself faster and harder. "De-Dean," he moaned. "Don't stop. Keep touching me...fuck don't fucking stop!" Dean continued to make Castiel come undone with just his words and soon Castiel collapsed down, still slowly moving his hand along his shaft before panting and turning his head to the side. "Dean,...I came."

" _I'm almost...._ " he grunted. " _Fuck! Cas-_ "

"Yeah, baby," he whispered. "I've got my hand wrapped around you. Helping jack you off....you like that?" Dean whined. "You like me touching your dick and rutting against your thigh. You like how I kiss you and how I run my mouth down your body...."

Dean was breathing heavily on the other end and Castiel smiled at the sound.

Maybe he was good at this.

"I want you to cum for me, Dean. I want you thinking of me and screaming my name when I beat you off."

"Cas," Dean moaned. "Keep-keep talking."

"Cum for me," he demanded with a growl. "Dean, cum for me."

Dean grunted out Castiel's name and after taking a few seconds to catch his breath Dean sighed. " _We have to do that more often._ "

"I prefer it when you're actually here, but alright," Castiel smiled and got up to turn on the lights to check his sheets. "I made a mess."

" _You're not alone,_ " Dean chuckled before sighing. " _I'm gonna shower._ "

"I think I am too," Castiel said. "I'll see you tomorrow in hell."

" _See you in hell,_ " Dean laughed. " _I love you._ "

"I love you too."

Castiel put the phone down and pulled on his boxers before getting his pajamas and opening his bedroom door.

He screamed at the sight of Gabriel standing before him.

"Hello, Cassie. How are we feeling?" he asked with a knowing smirk.

"I need to shower."

"Are you okay? You sounded sick in there with all that moaning and groaning." He put his hand to Castiel's forehead. "Oh, dear. You're very hot and heated."

Castiel blushed and started quickly in the direction of the bathroom.

"Do you want me to grab your sheets? I'm sure you've sweated right through them! They need a wash, don't they?"

"Screw yourself, Gabriel!"

•••

"Just throw normally," Dean said as he lowered his bat and got out of position.

"I am throwing normally!" Castiel argued. "Normally for  _me_  at least."

"If you were throwing normally it would be coming towards the bat."

"Trick throws! Knuckleballs and curve balls and...shit."

"Curveballs shouldn't go over my head! Here, just...you come here and hit and I'll practice my catching."

"Fine," Castiel grumbled and went over to snatch the bat from Dean.

"You know how to use that, right?"

"Yes, I know how to use it!" Castiel snapped. Dean shrugged and grabbed his mitt before going further out. "What are you doing?"

"Waiting for you to hit the balls."

"Aren't you going to throw them to me?"

"How am I supposed to throw and catch?!"

Castiel groaned loudly and picked up a ball before tossing it up and swinging the bat.

He missed.

Dean sat down and put his head between his legs.

"Can't we just work on your running? I can run," he sighed.

"Can you play catch? Is that doable for you?"

"I can play catch!" he snapped again and grabbed an extra mitt. "Can I play catch... What an ass-"

"Sorry?"

"Nothing! Let's play catch."

Dean's arm was a lot stronger than Castiel was expecting. His throws came hard and fast and Castiel dodged most of them or shielded his body with his arms.

"When playing catch, you have to actually  _catch_ ," Dean said as Castiel jogged to pick up another ball.

"Meh meh meh," he mimicked. "I'm Dean, I'm so clever, look at my funny wits and shit. Catch, Castiel, catch."

"Hey, you offered to help."

"Can we just call it a day and go somewhere and talk and cuddle and mmm," he whined.

"Laps. We'll run laps and then leave."

"Why am I training with you anyway? Don't you have a team for that?"

"Yeah, but I hate them all."

"Sam? I'm sure he can throw a fastball or two."

"Didn't want to." Dean shrugged. "And maybe, I know it's kinda crazy, but maybe I just wanted to spend time with my boyfriend."

"Why on earth would you want to do that?" Castiel asked with a smile as he threw the ball to Dean. Dean shrugged and caught the ball.

"No idea.... Hey, if you can outrun me then I'll take you to lunch."

"I thought you were already taking me to lunch," Castiel said as he dropped the ball Dean had thrown at him.

"Well, lunch'll be on me then."

"I can't outrun you."

"Sure you can!"

"Last time I tried to outrun you I didn't make a touchdown and my team stole my school clothes."

Dean seemed to be thinking as he caught the ball and took off his mitt. "Who was on your team again?"

"No one. I forget. Not important."

"I'll find out eventually," he smiled. "Okay, so five laps around?"

"Sure. Just the little dirt part right?"

Dean grinned. "No. Five around the whole field."

"The... But-"

"And if you beat me, you get a free lunch!"

Castiel looked out at the field and sighed.

•••

"I should've...paced myself," he panted before downing his water.

"Yeah, you should've," Dean smiled from across the booth. "But you were close."

"Would've beaten you." He rested his head back and closed his eyes. "If I paced myself."

"Probably right. So, what do you want to eat?"

"Bathroom," Castiel said as he slid out the booth.

"Hm, not on the regular menu but maybe the specials!" Castiel started walking away. "I'll get you a burger!" He gave Dean a thumbs up.

Castiel got to the bathroom and relieved himself before washing his hands and splashing cold water on his face.

"I'll get him. Eventually." He threw more water on his face before drying off and leaving the bathroom. He looked over at their booth to see that his seat had been occupied. He squinted, trying to make out who it was and Dean caught his eye before saying a quick word to the person and getting up to go over to Castiel.

"Hey."

"Hi. Who's in my seat?"

"Um..."

"I guess we're rain-checking the lunch date then," he mumbled and Dean grabbed his arm as he tried to leave.

"No. We're not. It's... Okay, I'm just going to say it and put it out there. It's my ex. Well...no. Ex is kinda harsh-"

"Your- I thought you didn't have those!"

"I've dated other people, Cas. Come on! Be realistic."

Castiel sighed and looked over Dean's shoulder. "It's a girl, isn't it?"

"Come on," Dean said and took his hand before pulling him towards the booth. Dean slid into his seat and Castiel followed and looked up before gasping.

"Hey, man," the brunette smiled at him. "Name's Ash."

"Ash," Castiel repeated. "Boy Ash."

"Uh, yeah," Ash laughed and looked at Dean. "Is he...," he pointed to his head.

"Sometimes," Dean smiled and put his arm around Castiel. "But not usually," he chuckled and kissed Castiel's head.

"So," Castiel started and looked from Ash to Dean. "How long-"

"Oh, Ash and me dated for-"

"Dean, I really hope you ain't telling people we  _dated_  because that's hardly what it was," he said and rolled his eyes before looking to Castiel. "Your boyfriend here kissed me at a party in middle school and held my hand at lunch." Castiel fought back a smile but it slowly broke through. "I personally, have no view on gender and sex and all that fun stuff but Deany was real excited about having a little boyfriend." Castiel laughed and Dean blushed fiercely. "But in terms of how long, I guess you could say we were a package deal until the end of winter, Freshman year."

"Why did you two break up?"

"Um, we- different reasons," Dean answered quickly. "It wasn't all that-"

"Dean had a crush on some dark haired, blue eyed boy at school and I was sick of being tied down."

Dean blushed some more.

"I told him to leave me the hell alone and go get his goddamn boyfriend."

"I was the other man?"

"Sure was!"

"That's hot."

"Kinda is," Ash agreed and winked at Castiel who looked away blushing. "I can see why Dean is so smitten with you. You're just something I wanna munch on-"

"Alright, that's enough!" Dean interjected and pulled Castiel just a tad closer.

"Still protective as hell I see."

"You got beat up too?" Castiel asked.

"Beat up? Hell no! Dean just flipped whenever any guy or girl gave me  _the eyes_ , you know? No, they didn't care much about all that in middle school. High school though...vicious. That's why I chose not to go."

"You don't go to high school?"

"That's what I just said, ain't it?" Ash said as a burger was placed in front of Castiel.

"You boys need anything else?" the waitress asked as she handed Ash and Dean their food as well.

"We're alright, thank you," Dean said with a smile before she nodded and left. He looked down at his bacon cheeseburger before picking it up and taking a greedy bite out of it.

"It's a good thing you play a sport," Castiel said as he watched Dean eat. "Because I think you'd be dead by now if you didn't."

"Shuh up an' ea your burger!"

"He's not wrong," Ash sighed and started digging into his food. "Although you have cut back."

"Cut  _back?_ " Castiel laughed.

"Oh, man! Dean used to just-"

"This was a bad idea," Dean groaned as Ash continued to tell a wonderful story about Dean cleaning his plates and then some back a few years ago. Castiel managed to ignore his burger and give all his attention to Ash and his many tales of a preteen Dean Winchester, all of which had Castiel laughing until he had tears in his eyes and his stomach was in pain.

Dean finished his food and grumpily sat back in the booth, only sitting up when he felt the need to correct Ash on a bit of information.

"Anyway," Ash said as Castiel wiped at his eyes. "Point is, Dean said orgasm in class and it was amazing."

Dean rolled his eyes yet again. "I meant organism."

"I don't care what you meant! You said 'Orgasms are structures of life' and nothing can ever erase that!" he said as Castiel started laughing again.

"Whatever. I think it's time to go."

"So soon?"

"Not soon enough," he said and asked for a to-go box before putting Castiel's burger in it and shoving him out the booth. They all chipped in with the bill and walked out the diner and to Dean's Impala.

"Well, Castiel, it was great meeting you," Ash smiled and pulled him in for a hug. "I hope we can do this again!"

"So do I."

"Count me out."

Ash smirked and started walking away. "Alone time with, Castiel. I'll take that any day," he looked over his shoulder and winked before continuing on. Castiel smiled at him and Dean sighed heavily.

"Douchebag."

"I like him."

"Course you do. Get in the car, come on." Castiel did so and Dean handed him his food. "You better eat that. I mean it.

"I'll eat it," Castiel said and smiled at Dean.

"Yeah, alright," he sighed before putting the keys in the ignition. They pulled out the lot and started down the road.

"Home?"

"If you want. We still have a whole day."

"Wanna meet up with Charlie?"

"Haven't seen that little geek in a while," he grinned. "Yeah. Let's meet up with Charlie. Maybe I can watch her kick your ass in something again."

Castiel sighed and looked over at Dean. "How'd I get so lucky to have you?"

  
  



	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and kudos! It would really make my day!

"Throw the damn ball you dummy!" Dean screamed at the television as he sat up slightly from his position against the armrest. Castiel smiled at his outburst and sat up from  _his_ position against Dean's chest. "I mean damn," Dean hissed and relaxed again before pulling Castiel back against him. "Sorry," he sighed as the football game continued.

"S'alright," Castiel said and focused back on his phone. Dean kissed his head.

" _Gaaaayyy!"_  came Sam's remark from his spot in the armchair.

"Sam,  _shut up!_ " Dean snapped as Sam laughed and Castiel chuckled.

"Why?"

"Because it's annoying!"

"No, no you're right," Sam nodded. "I'm sorry, that's disrespectful." Dean sighed heavily and turned back to the tv. After some time, his hand absentmindedly moved into Castiel's hair and gently began to stroke it. Castiel let out a small sigh of pleasure and closed his eyes at the feeling.

" _Biiiiiii!"_ Sam exclaimed and Dean quickly sat up, moving from behind Castiel and going for Sam. "Don't touch me! Don't touch me!" he screamed and ducked behind the chair before screaming and running over to the couch Dean had just vacated. "DAD! Dean's trying to KILL ME!" Dean charged Sam and tackled him to the ground, Sam laughing as Dean attempted to pin him down.

Castiel looked down at the two of them as John came into the room.

"Dean, let your brother go," he sighed.

"Yeah, Dean. Let me go," Sam giggled. Dean flicked him in the ear before getting up.

"He was being a pain."

"You're both being pains. Come on, Sam. I gotta drop you off and get to work."

"You're working tonight?" Dean frowned.

"Yeah, it's a surprise for all of us actually," he sighed. "I'll be fine, Dean," he said at the look of concern on his eldest son's face. "Sam, get your books."

"Where's Sam going?" Castiel asked.

"Oh, I didn't tell you? He convinced Dad to let Jessica the Blonde tutor him."

"He doesn't need it," Castiel said and John sighed as Sam dashed up the stairs.

"Sam'll realize how bad of an idea this is when he doesn't get his five-point-oh GPA. But for now, I'll just let him do what he wants," John said. "And Dean, you're gonna have to pick him up."

"How late are you working?" Dean asked.

"Late."

"I'll figure out dinner then," he mumbled and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Yeah.... Sam, let's go!" John shouted up the stairs. "It's tutoring! Not prom!"

"I'm coming! I'm coming!" he exclaimed as he rushed down the stairs. "I'm here," he smiled and nodded at Dean. "He's queer- ah!" he screamed and raced out the door as Dean lunged for him.

"I'll see you tomorrow," John said with a nod to his son before leaving.

Castiel turned back towards the tv. "Touchdown," he said softly before laying down.

"What?! Who?!" Dean yelled and looked at the score. "Oh,  _DAMMIT!"_ He sank onto the couch, Castiel moving his feet out the way, and groaned heavily.

"Wanna go out with Charlie?"

"I have to start dinner soon."

"Mm, can she come here?"

"Sure," Dean said. "Tell her to bring pasta. We're out and that's what I want."

"Kay," Castiel mumbled as he sent the message and sat up, running a hand through his hair. "I'm gonna do my homework."

"What? Boo! Homework isn't done in this house!"

"I want to get it out the way," Castiel said and grabbed his bag. "I'll be in the kitchen."

"I object to this."

"I know," Castiel smiled and left the room. He worked diligently (of course) until he had finished a majority of his classes. The only thing left was math and that was child's play for Castiel. When Charlie showed up with the pasta, Dean set to work on the meal, Castiel and Charlie in the kitchen with him.

"Castiel, you and I need to think of Halloween costumes!" she exclaimed and grabbed his arm. "We should go as a famous couple and act like we're straight!"

"That's intriguing."

"What about me?" Dean whined.

"You can't," Charlie said. "Not  _obviously_ at least."

"What's that mean?"

"Well... Okay, say Castiel and I went as Mario and Luigi, which were not because-"

"Too predictable."

"Right, anyway, say we go as them, you can't go as, like, Yoshi. It's too close. You can show up as...hm..."

"Toad," Castiel interjected again.

"Yeah! Toad. So it's like 'oh he's apart of this franchise but he's not with the Mario and Luigi' you get it?"

Dean turned back to the stove. "Fucking nerds."

Castiel grinned and turned his attention back to Charlie. "Ron and Hermione."

"Um, hello? You're obviously a Harry and-"

"Harry and Ginny!"

" _And_  I don't want to do Harry Potter. The costumes aren't intense."

"How about dumbass one and dumbass two?"

"Dean, stop being jealous and I'm thinking superheroes?"

"Mm... Teen Titans? Raven and Robin."

"She's hot," Charlie nodded. "Give me more."

"Pepper and Tony."

"Aw! Okay, I like it."

"Steve and Peg-"

" _Too painful_."

"Bucky and Natasha! It's perfect-"

"Clintasha is the only option," Charlie sighed.

"How about the two of you go as the outlet and the plug? That's a cute little costume for lovers."

Charlie rolled her eyes. "Your boyfriend is annoying, Castiel."

"Dean, you don't even dress up," Castiel said. "You think it's for kids."

"It's fun sometimes!"

"Does this really bother you  _that_ much?" Charlie laughed. "It's not like I'm going to dress him up all slutty and then fuck him in the pumpkin patch!"

"Oo, that would be fun though."

"Another time, baby boy," she said with a wink. They looked over at Dean and grinned at his red face. "Dean! Seriously?" Charlie laughed. "I'm a  _lesbian_! I have no interest in sleeping with your  _gay_ boyfriend! We're just dressing up together!"

Dean shrugged, still obviously upset, and turned back to the stove.

"Dude!" Charlie laughed and Castiel rolled his eyes.

"Dean, we'll dress up together next year."

"Next year is college," he mumbled. "We'll be on opposite ends of the world."

"I just don't see why this is such-"

"It's not," Dean said defensively. "I don't care that you'd rather spend Halloween with Charlie than with me."

"Dean, I-"

"It's no big deal."

Castiel looked to Charlie who shrugged.

"Did...did you have something  _planned_ , Dean?" Castiel asked.

"Nope," he said and popped the p. "Not one thing planned. Not you and me sitting on the couch watching a shit ton of Halloween movies and eating popcorn and ignoring the people at the door and making s'mores on the stove or anything special like that. Nope, nothing planned at all."

"Oh, good. Because I really want to dress up with Charlie."

"Cas!" Dean whined and spun around as Charlie burst out laughing.

"Dean!" Castiel laughed back. "Listen, I appreciate the thought but it's Halloween! I'm not staying indoors for that!"

"Fine! I'll go to some stupid party and dress up there and be stupid and stuff."

"Hey...we should go to some stupid party!" Charlie exclaimed and looked at Castiel.

"Me? At a party? Are you kidding, I'd get my ass kicked!"

"It doesn't have to be a party with the idiots from school."

Castiel sighed. "I'll think about it. But either way, I'm wearing a mask."

"Robin it is then," she smiled. "Dean-"

"I'll think of something," he snapped and Charlie smiled.

"This has been a productive day!"

Once Dean had finished making dinner he grabbed three plates and served both himself and his guests. Dean's cooking was always delightful and they dug into the food with few words exchanged throughout the meal. After they ate they cleaned up and talked for a while before the time came to get Sam.

The three of them got into the Impala and Dean put on the GPS before turning up the radio.

"No fucking way," he gasped and turned it up even more. " _No fucking way!_ Cas! Babe, sing it with me! Here we g-"

_"I can't fight this feeling any longer and yet I'm still afraid to let it flow. What started out as friendship, has grown stronger!"_

_"I only wish I had the strength to let it show. I tell myself that I can't hold out forever. I said there is no reason for my fear. Cause I feel so secure when we're together. You give my life direction, you make everything so clear!"_

Castiel sat up on his knees and turned to Dean, leaning back on his heels as he sang,  _"And even as I wander, I'm keeping you in sight!"_

 _"You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night!"_ Dean belted.  _"And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might!"_

 _  
_Castiel smiled and pointed to Dean as together they sang, _"And I can't fight this feeling anymore!"_

Charlie cheered in the backseat, her phone out as she recorded the duet.

 _"I've forgotten what I started fighting for. It's time to bring this ship into the shore. And throw away the oars,"_ Dean closed his eyes and Castiel gripped his shoulder as they screamed out, " _forever!"_

"Yeaaah!" Charlie cried.

_"Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore. I've forgotten what I started fighting for!"_

_"_ I've forgotten!" Dean added and looked at Castiel.

_"And if I have to crawl upon the floor..."_

_"_ Crawl upon the damn dirty floor!"

_"...come crashing through your door'"_

"Crash right through!"

 _"Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore!"_ Castiel finished and fell back against the door with a smile.

"Oh, that's golden," Charlie laughed as she ended the recording and Dean turned down the music. "That's definitely being played at the wedding."

Dean roared with laughter along with Castiel.

"That could've ended in  _disaster!_ " Charlie gasped. "Dean, your eyes were on the road for  _point two_ seconds!"

"Blame him! He was being freaking adorable!" Dean exclaimed and pointed to a still giggling Castiel. "Still is! We'll crash for sure."

"Castiel, enough!" Charlie reprimanded with a smile. "You'll kill us all!"

He sat up with a smile and turned to look at her. "Let me see the video."

"No, you'll delete it."

"No, I won't! Let me see."

"Nuh-uh," she said.

"Charlie-"

"Cas, sit down correctly I can't see the mirror."

"Charlie's not letting me-"

"Sit down," Dean smiled and grabbed Castiel by the belt before turning him around and pulling him down against the seat.

"If your car had seatbelts this wouldn't be a problem."

"Don't hate on Baby!" Dean cried and rubbed the dashboard. "He didn't mean it. He's just a punk."

Castiel rolled his eyes as Charlie started playing the video. He spun around in his seat and launched for the phone but she snatched it away before he could grab it and held it back away from him.

"Alright! Alright! Enough! I'm going to get in a damn accident. Cas, sit  _down!_ " Dean yelled and pulled Castiel back onto the seat. "Do I have to hold you down?!" Charlie giggled and Castiel looked over his shoulder. "Leave her alone."

"She's bullying me!"

"I'm sorry, Cas, I'm not allowed to do anything about your bullies."

"Got you there," Charlie commented. He sighed heavily and leaned against the door and put his feet on Dean's lap.

"You're so distractful today."

"I don't think that's a word."

"I think it is."

"You didn't use it right then," Castiel sighed.

"Yeah, I so did!"

"Mm mm," Castiel hummed and shook his head.

"My goodness you two are adorable," Charlie sighed.

Dean's phone started to ring and he pulled it out of his pocket and passed it to Castiel who answered.

"Hello?"

"Dean?"

"Nope."

"Cas?"

"The one and only," he smiled.

"Hi, um can you tell Dean to not come to the door when he picks me up? Just stay in the driveway I'll come out to him. Do  _not_  let him knock on the door."

"Any particular-"

"Just don't let him!" he snapped and hung up.

"Who was it?"

"Sam.... He says not to go to the door and to just wait in the driveway."

"Hm," Dean hummed with a smile. "Sounds like Sammy doesn't want me to accidentally embarrass him."

"Sounds like."

"Which means that I'll have to go all out."

"Looks like."

"I love having a younger sibling."

The drive didn't take much longer and soon Dean was pulling into the driveway of Jessica's house. He gave two small taps on his horn and waited for the door to open. Leaning out the window, he smiled when he saw Sam and moved his hand to the volume dial.

Sam walked down the path and to the driveway, being watched from the door by a beautiful blonde. "Hey, Dean, I-"

Dean cranked the volume to full blast, Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody blaring from the speakers. Sam froze where he was as Dean got out the car.

 _"So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye?!"_  he screamed and Sam quickly shook his head, silently pleading for his brother to stop whatever the  _hell_  he was doing.

"Stop it! Stop it! Turn OFF THE-"

_"So you think you can love me and leave me to die?!"_

"Dean!" Sam yelled and looked back at the door to see Jessica staring and laughing. "Quit- Oh my God!" he groaned and started for the car door only to be lifted by his big brother and slung over his shoulder as Dean jumped and spun around while singing the song. "Put me  _DOWN!"_  Same screamed and thrashed in his brother's arms.

Castiel's torso was tight and his breath wasn't coming to him easily as a silent laughter left his mouth. He slapped his hand against the seat and, finally able to breathe again, let out a booming laugh.

"This is cruel!" Charlie whined but smiled as Dean finally put Sam down. The younger boy shoved him roughly and went to punch him but Dean easily dodged it. Sam kicked the bumper of the Impala and then rushed into the back seat and slammed the door.

"I hate you!" Sam screamed as Dean opened the rear door. "Don't touch me! Don't-," he growled as Dean reached out for him.

"Apologize! Say sorry to Baby!"

"Oh, Dean, come on," Charlie said and pried him off of Sam. "Leave him alone, let's go. Poor thing's probably hungry."

"He's not eating tonight," Dean snapped while looking at Sam and got into the front seat before turning down the music. He leaned out the open window and waved to a still watching Jessica. "See you next week!"

"I really hope so," she called back with a laugh and shut the door. Dean pulled out the driveway and started down the road.

"Sam, if you  _ever_ kick Baby-"

"I don't give a damn about your stupid car, Dean! You embarrassed me in front of her!"

"Hey, with the grades you've been getting you embarrassed yourself!"

"I asked you  _kindly_ not to-"

"I didn't come to the door! And  _technically_ you asked Castiel to ask me."

"Didn't ask actually," Castiel said. "He told-"

"Shut up! I hate you both," he groaned and rested his head in Charlie's lap. "My life is ruined!"

"Don't worry, Sam," she smiled. "I have a  _great_ video that has your name written all over it."

"Oh," Sam smiled as Charlie ran her fingers through his hair. "I'd like that very much."

Castiel turned around to look at his friend. "You're so dead."

•••

"Hey...hey, wake up." Castiel was being softly shaken and he slowly opened his eyes and looked up to see John Winchester. "It's almost two in the morning, Castiel. Does your dad know you're here?" Castiel looked around the living room. The tv was still on, Sam was curled up in the armchair again and Dean had an arm draped across Castiel's waist.

Castiel looked back up at John and shook his head before searching for his phone.

He groaned at the number of texts and missed calls that were waiting for him and dialed his dad's number. Almost immediately the phone was picked up.

"Where are you?!" he screamed, his voice more in a panic than angry.

"Hi," Castiel mumbled. "Um, I fell asleep at Dean's," he said and then yawned. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"You couldn't call?! Castiel, I was worried  _sick_ about you! You couldn't pick up the damn phone?!"

"I know, Dad. I'm-" he stopped when he heard a sniffling from the other end of the line. "Dad?"

"You don't know what I was thinking! The shit that was going through my head! I thought one of those idiots from school-"

"Dad, no. No, it's alright. I'm okay," Castiel comforted and looked over his shoulder at the still sleeping Dean. "The only thing I have to worry about tonight is being drooled on." Castiel smiled and stood up. "You want me to come home?"

"No! No, you're way too tired to drive right now. First thing tomorrow morning though. And you're grounded."

"Okay," Castiel agreed, knowing that Chuck's 'groundings' weren't anything to worry about.

"Just call next time. For Christ's sake."

"Sure, Dad. I'm sorry again."

"I love you, Castiel."

"Love you too."

"And...and don't sleep in the same bed. That's really not appropriate."

"Sorry," Castiel grinned and his dad sighed before hanging up. He looked at John and nodded. "He knows now." John smiled softly at him. "He doesn't want me driving-"

"I wouldn't want you driving either. We have an extra room, don't worry."

"Thanks. Sorry for-"

"You have nothing to apologize for, Castiel. You were tired, you fell asleep. No big deal," he said before waking up Dean. "Come on, big man. Get in your room." Dean groaned and pushed himself up into a sitting position. John went over to Sam and started to gently coax him awake.

"Mmm," Dean groaned and John looked over. "I'll get 'im. Don't worry."

"Alright," John sighed. "I'm gonna eat. You all get to bed." He walked out the room and Dean sighed before slowly getting to his feet. He smiled sleepily at Castiel and kissed his temple before going over to Sam and lifting him up into his arms.

"Damn!" Dean exclaimed and stumbled. "You've gotten heavy." Sam groaned at Dean who smiled and started over to the stairs. "This'll be a trek," he sighed and took the first step. "I can't! Sammy, you're too b-bi-" And quicker than a flash of light, Dean was bolting up the stairs. Castiel smiled and walked up the stairs and into the guest room.

He froze at the sight of someone already in the bed but then smiled.

"Charlie."

Dean joined his side soon, panting slightly. "Charlie?"

"Yup."

"She was smart."

"Uh huh."

"Where will you sleep?"

"With her."

"With her?"

"Uh huh." Dean growled and Castiel smiled at him. "You know she's a lesbian, right?" he said and walked over to the bed to sit down and take off his shoes.

"Yeah, but she gets to sleep with you and I don't. Why can't you just sleep in my bed?"

"This one's bigger."

"We were fine on the couch!"

"Sh," Castiel said as Charlie stirred. "And couches are different. Can I borrow some shorts?"

"I'll be back," Dean mumbled and left the room.

"He's ridiculous," Charlie grumbled.

"Yeah, I know," Castiel chuckled.

"You love how jealous he gets, don't you?"

"I don't know. It's kinda reassuring I guess. After finding out he was...well you know."

"Mmhm," she sighed as Dean came back and tossed the shorts at Castiel.

"Anything else?"

"I think I'm okay," he said and took his jeans off before pulling the shorts on. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Yeah, I guess," he said moodily and crossed his arms.

"Goodnight, Dean," Castiel chuckled and got under the covers.

"Night," he sighed and left.

Castiel fell back against his pillow and sighed. "Goodnight, Charlie."

"Technically, it's morning," she grumbled back. He fell asleep with a smile on his face.

And what seemed like seconds later, was awake again.

"Wha-"

"Sh, sh. Just sleep," Dean said as he moved in behind Castiel and pulled him close.

"Dean? But Charlie-"

"She switched with me."

"But-"

"You kept kicking her," he said and leaned over slightly to kiss Castiel's cheek. "Sleep, it's alright."

"Sorry if I kick you," he murmured.

"Sorry if I drool on you."

Castiel smiled and fell asleep once again.

And once  _again_  he was woken up unexpectedly.

"You have a game today, Dean!" John yelled as Dean burrowed further under the covers. "You have to get up."

"I don't even have a game!" he yelled.

"For your travel team?! Yeah, you do! Get up."

"Oh, fuck!" he groaned and shot up from the bed.

"Castiel, you know I love you," John said, "but I don't trust teenagers so...."

"I will give you  _anything_  if you let me sleep."

John chuckled. "Tell you what, if you can wake up  _Sam_ , you can stay here as long as you want."

"S-Sam?" Castiel whined. "He's impossible!"

"Oh, believe me, I know."

Castiel got out the bed and dragged his body to Sam's room before standing over his bed.

Sam was snoring heavily, one arm draped over the side of the bed, his leg sticking out from under the covers and his hair covering his face.

"Saaaam," Castiel whined and shoved him. "Sam, Sam, get up." He didn't budge and Castiel looked up at the ceiling and sighed.

"Where's my mitt?!" Castiel heard Dean scream from the hallway.

"Sam, up," he said and rocked him roughly until Sam was groaning and shoving his hands away.

"I'm not your friend this week, go away."

"Dean has a game."

"I'm not going," he said and rolled over.

"Yeah you are!" Castiel said and jumped onto Sam's bed before rocking him more. "Get up, get up, get  _up!"_

"Where's my- Sam!" Dean said and rushed into his brother's room. "Have you seen my mitt?"

"Mm," he sighed.

"Sam! Come on, man! This is important!"

"Is it brown?"

"Of course it's brown! Have you seen it?"

Sam sighed. "Well... I got up a little earlier this morning and," he rolled onto his back, "I might've stumbled upon it."

"Where is it?"

"Uh... Oh!" Sam put a hand down the front of his pants and pulled out Dean's mitt before looking at it and smiling. "There is it!" he exclaimed, suddenly very much awake, and tossed it to his brother.

Dean nodded and looked down at the mitt.

"Sam," he said as his little brother sat up, grinning madly, "you have until the count of  _one_  to start running."

Sam leaped out of bed and bolted past Dean who was going after him half a second later. Castiel shrugged and left Sam's room before going into Dean's. Charlie was lying flat on her back, staring up at the ceiling with a look of complete annoyance on her face.

"How is  _anyone_ supposed to sleep with all this screaming?"

"Yeah, tell me about it," Castiel sighed and as if on cue, John's booming voice echoed throughout the house.

"DEAN, GET YOUR BAG! SAM GET DRESSED! I'VE HAD ENOUGH!"

"Anyway," Charlie sighed. "I'm kind of awake now. Do you want to go to the game?"

"Yeah, sure," Castiel said and pulled out a blue t-shirt, gray hoodie, and a pair of jeans from Dean's wardrobe. "It's a beautiful day for baseball!"

•••

After finishing his cup of coffee, Castiel fell asleep with his head resting against the back fence of the bleachers and Charlie followed suit with her head on his shoulder. They were pressed into the top left corner of the stands and had lost the battle with exhaustion shortly after the second inning.

He jolted awake at the sound of someone screaming his name and stomping on the bleachers.

"Dude, what the fuck," he groaned at Sam.

"Game's over."

"What? No, it just-"

"Ended. Yeah," Sam grinned. "Tell Dean he played  _amazingly_ because he did. Also, we're going to breakfast because I'm hungry. Do you two wanna come?"

"Where?"

"IHOP!"

"Oh," Castiel sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Um, that's too risky for me. Charlie can go if she wants."

Sam opened his mouth, most likely to argue, but then closed it. "Fine," he snapped and kicked the fencing to the side of them. "Be a...a fucking-"

"Don't say fucking," Castiel said.

"I'll say what I want! You're so-you're such a- Just come to breakfast with us!" he yelled and Charlie sighed before sitting up.

"Come on, Sam. We don't want to keep your dad and brother waiting." Sam sighed heavily as Charlie got up and took his hand. “Fill me in on all the innings I missed,” she smiled as she walked down the bleachers with him. Castiel got up soon after and pushed the hood off of his head before walking down the bleachers and catching up with Charlie and Sam. Dean was leaning against the Impala, listening to John lecturing him on one technique or another.

“You had a great game, Dean. Played really well,” Castiel called and Sam looked over his shoulder and smirked at him. Castiel looked from Sam to Dean, who was now looking irritably at him, and swallowed nervously. John snapped his fingers in front of Dean’s face and the teenager slowly looked back at him, his jaw set in frustration and his eyes hard with anger.

“Sam-”

“Probably one of Dean’s worst games,” he sighed.

“Why did you tell me-”

“One word. Jessica.”

“I hate you.”

“That’s unfortunate.” Sam rushed over to Dean as John finally finished talking to him and started talking animatedly to him.

“I’ll see you later, Charlie.”

“I drove you here, Castiel. How are you going to get back?”

“I’ll walk it’s fine.”

“Castiel-”

“Go to breakfast, Charlie,” he smiled. “It’s fine. I’ll be okay.”

“What’s this about you ditching on us?” Dean asked as he walked up to the pair.

“Your boyfriend is being stupid again,” she sighed and walked over to her car. Dean looked to Castiel and raised his eyebrows.

“Why are you being stupid again?”

“You guys are going out to breakfast and-”  
  


“You’re not coming, I know. Sammy told me. He also told me why and I have to agree with both him and Charlie that you’re being annoying.”

Castiel squinted his eyes slightly and put his hands in the pocket of the hoodie. “Why are you being so snappy?”

“Because I just played a crappy game that  _you_ fell asleep to which, I mean, I  _get._ I don’t really care… Well, I do care actually. I care a lot and I’m not having the best day right now and it’s only like eleven o’clock in the morning and you can’t even go anywhere because you don’t have a car so you’re coming to breakfast with us, capiche? Good. Let’s go.” He turned away from Castiel and walked back over to his car before getting in and shutting the door. John and Sam got in soon after and Sam winked at Castiel through the window before Dean pulled out and started over to the restaurant.

“So, you’re coming?” Charlie asked.

“I don’t think I really have a choice.”  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to leave comments, kudos, and any other nice things! Sorry this took so long you guys I hope you enjoy!

Dean stood up from his kneeling position before languidly kissing Castiel. He zipped up his boyfriend's pants and redid the belt buckle before slowly pulling his lips away.

Castiel, still panting from Dean's job  _very_  well done, rested his head back against the wall, eyes closed and a smile playing on his lips.

"Told you I could get it done before Bobby got back," Dean smirked as Castiel's eyes slowly opened. Dean quickly pecked him again before going over to the desk and sitting down with his feet propped up just as the door to the room opened.

"Alright," Bobby said. "I got you boys your... What the hell are you grinning about?" he asked and Castiel raised his eyes to see that Bobby was looking at him. "Are you  _high_ or something?"

"Cas is just being Cas. You said you got us-"

"Lunch, yeah. Small break though, Dean. These cars ain't gonna fix themselves."

"Yes, sir," he said and removed his feet from the desk before opening the take out bags. He reached in and pulled out a foil wrapped burger before tossing it in Castiel's direction.

Castiel held the burger against his chest and let out a long sigh.

"Would you quit actin' so weird and eat!" Bobby snapped. "You're makin' me uncomfortable."

Dean turned in his chair and took a bite out of his burger as he stared at Castiel. His face looked concerned but his eyes were shining. Bright and mischievous.

"Sorry," Castiel sighed and pushed himself off the wall before sitting next to Dean and unwrapping his burger. "Just...thinking about something."

"Somethin' good I'm guessin'," Bobby said. "With that dopey grin on your face. Hurry up and eat. I'll be outside," he said to Dean who waved his hand at him and took another bite of his food. Bobby grabbed a fry from Dean before walking back out.

Dean smiled and turned his head to look at Castiel as he chewed his food.

"You're such a giveaway," he chuckled.

"You know how I get after...that."

"Blowjobs, yeah," Dean said and Castiel's cheeks went red. "You go into like, ex _treme_  hippie mode."

"You shouldn't have done it with him so close to being back!" he laughed.

"Oh, babe, I had  _no_  idea when he was getting back. He could've walked in right as you blew your load for all I knew." He shrugged and shoved a few fries into his mouth before taking another bite out of his burger and standing up.

"You're done?"

"Cas, there is still half a burger on that table. Do you _think_  I'm done?" Castiel shrugged. "I gotta ask Bobby a question."

"Oh, alright," Castiel said and began to eat his food.

"Don't...don't  _touch_ anything," Dean said, his hand circling his meal.

"Dean, I'm not crazy," Castiel chuckled and Dean smiled before walking towards the door. "Or suicidal."

"Well, those are both good things not to be," he said and winked before leaving. Castiel finished his meal and waited for Dean to come back. After he didn't show, he figured that Bobby had just set him to work and Castiel moved into the living room to watch some tv.

Castiel collapsed onto the slightly dusty sofa and turned on the tv before flicking through the channels and landing on  _Friends_.

"Oh, why not?" he sighed and laid down with an arm behind his head as he watched the show. But, soon enough, it wasn't enough to hold his attention and he felt his eyes getting heavy. Not wanting to fall asleep and be at the mercy of anyone who walked in, Castiel got up and went to the kitchen before running the sink and throwing some water onto his face.

He looked out the window and smiled at the sight of Dean rolling a tire across the lot. He always looked satisfied when he was working on the cars. It was one of the few things that could take his mind away from of all his problems. When he was working, all his focus and thought went into the car and how to make it near perfect. No car could ever be  _as_  perfect as the Impala.

Castiel thought of a day sometime in the future. He and Dean living together, maybe even married, and Castiel watching Dean work on the Impala -that was always a sight to see. How carefully he took care of her. She truly  _was_ his baby. And Castiel would learn how to take care of her too. Dean would make sure of it. He'd show him how to wash her and how to change the oil and check the engine and take care of the seats. Castiel would argue that he already knew how to do all of that for a car and Dean would counter with "But do you know how to do it with  _this_ car?"

Still looking out the window, and into his future, Castiel was captivated and therefore didn't notice anyone enter the room, which was why he jumped about a foot in the air when a pair of hands covered his eyes.

"What the-?!"

"Guess who!"

Castiel recognized the voice and smiled before playfully jutting an elbow into the person's gut and turning around.

"Ash," he chuckled, "what are you doing here?"

"Getting beat up apparently!" he yelled and held his stomach. "Damn, Castiel. Your elbows are dangerous!"

"You scared me," he smiled. "But I'm sorry."

"That's what I thought," Ash said and moved his hands from his stomach to an outstretched position. "Bring it in," he said and gestured for Castiel to come closer. Castiel stepped into Ash's embrace and clapped him affectionately on the back.

"It's good to see you again, Ash," he smiled and stepped back, still slightly in Ash's arms.

"You too, blue eyes." He offered Castiel a smile and slowly moved his arms from around him.

"Dean's out working if you want me to get him."

"Nah, don't worry about it," Ash said and looked over at the table. "We can chat. Catch up," he said with a wink and walked over to take a seat and pick up a fry.

"Oh! That's-that's Dean's. I wouldn't-"

"What's he gonna do about it?" Ash chuckled.

"He'll kill you, for one," Castiel said and took a seat across from Ash.

"Dean Winchester a killer? I don't see it."

"He could definitely do some damage."

"I guess, depending on the reason, example: you or Sam, yes he could do some damage. But other than that, no. Dean Winchester doesn't fight and he sure as hell won't kill. So I think I'm good with a fry...or two," he said and popped another into his mouth.

Castiel smiled softly. "Why are you here?"

"I make my rounds every week or so. I mostly come in to check on Bobby, make sure he's doing alright. Every now and then I see Dean but today I think was the best surprise," he smirked.

"I...yeah," Castiel said nervously and looked away from Ash. He felt his cheeks heating up and begged for some sort of distraction, a way to change the topic,  _anything!_

The back door opened up and Castiel's head snapped up, thanking God for answering his silent prayers.

"Ash," Dean said as his eyes fell upon his friend. He turned to the fridge and opened it before pulling out a water bottle. "What a pleasant surprise."

"I am pretty pleasant."

"Oh, immensely," Dean said softly and raised his eyebrows before going over to the table, opening his bottle in the process. "How are you?"

"I'm doing alright thanks for-"

"You touched my food?"

"Huh?" Ash asked, his eyes growing wide with innocence. "What? No."

"Hm," he said as he took a drink for his water and looked at Castiel. "I'll be done in an hour, hour and a half. Then we can go out and cause some damage."

"Sounds goo-"

"Or," Ash said, "you and I, Castiel, could go out now and Dean can catch up with us later. Them you'd have something to do while Dean works."

"That works for me too," Castiel said with a nod.

"Great," Ash grinned and clapped Dean on the shoulder. "All settled then, I'll meet you outside, Castiel." He left and Castiel stood up before stretching.

"I'll see you later," he sighed as he relaxed his body and started walking away.

Dean's hand collided with his chest and gently pushed him back. Castiel stood in front of his boyfriend and frowned.

"Something wrong?"

Dean's eyes slid from the side into a position where they could meet Castiel's. Immediately Castiel felt like a child and broke eye contact. Dean's gaze was hard, unwavering, and angry. Castiel felt like he had just been called into the kitchen for one of his dad's  _famous_ discipline talks and felt sick and uneasy.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, though he wasn't entirely sure what he was apologizing for.

"Cas," Dean said and lowered his hand, "listen to me." Castiel nodded and slowly raised his eyes to meet Dean's but looked away. "Look at me." Castiel sighed before looking back at Dean. "I'm going to say this once. Be careful with Ash."

"What-what do you mean?"

"Ash doesn't necessarily have a great amount of morals. He knows that you're with me but that won't stop him from trying to.... He likes you, Castiel."

"Yeah, I know. I like him too-"

"No! I mean," Dean groaned and rolled his eyes. "You're so....," he sighed. "I mean, enough for him to try to  _make a move_  on you. All I'm saying is don't let him."

"Dean, we're just friends-"

"Would you just...just say okay and that I can trust you? That's all I need to hear."

Castiel stepped closer and took Dean's hand. "Of course you can trust me." Dean smiled. " You give great blowjobs! I'd be a complete  _fool_ to cheat on you!"

Dean rolled his eyes again. "Alright, you can go now."

"You gotta love me," Castiel grinned. "You know you gotta! I'm adorable as fuck-"  
  
"Leave, Castiel," Dean smiled as his boyfriend leaned in to kiss him. "I'll catch up with you later."

"Sounds like a plan," Castiel said. He kissed Dean again said goodbye and went out to find Ash sitting in his car.

"I feel like ice cream," Ash said. "Do you want ice cream?"

"Ice cream sounds amazing."

Ash took the two of them to Coldstone and Castiel happily ordered the Birthday Cake Remix while Ash got two scoops of coffee in a waffle cone. The pair sat outside and across from each other, Ash reclined back in his chair, enjoying the feeling of the sun.

Castiel thought about what Dean said as he brought another spoonful of ice cream to his mouth. He just couldn't see Ash doing anything Dean suggested he would. And even if he did, Castiel wouldn't act upon it. He was shocked that Dean felt he had to remind him about that. He was loyal, more loyal than he'd care to admit, and Ash just wasn't his type....

'Although,' Castiel thought as he watched Ash eat his ice cream, 'he's not  _un_ attractive. And he's funny. Doesn't have an image to uphold, doesn't go to my school, and I could be seen in public with him-'

"The hell are you staring at, Blue Eyes?" Ash asked with a smirk. Castiel cleared his throat and looked away from his friend.

"Nothing. Daydreaming, I guess."

"Bout what?"

"About...nothing," Castiel said.

"Come on, I wanna hear about your dreams, your wishes! Lay it on me, man."

"Um," Castiel shrugged, "I guess I was thinking about Dean," he said.

"What, I'm not good enough for you?"

"Huh?" Castiel asked. "N-no. No, I didn't mean it like- It's just-" He looked away blushing and Ash snickered.

"You're fun to play with, Castiel. What were you thinking about Dean for? I'm curious...."

"I...I was just thinking about," he sighed, "how we'd never be able to do this." Ash raised his eyebrows and Castiel shrugged. "Like get ice cream and stuff out in public like this."

"You'd be able to if you both got your heads out of your asses. You make your life a lot more dramatic than it needs to be. I've noticed that about you. Sometimes it's kinda cute but other times...," He mimed putting a gun to his head and pulling the trigger. "You gotta lighten up, my friend."

"Hm," Castiel said and took another bite of his ice cream. "Guess so. I mean, coming out to my family wasn't that bad...only a few were assholes about it. Well, only one... It was annoying. Doesn't matter. I would love to just come out and say it but the people at school don't make it easy."

"Fuck the people at school, Castiel. They shouldn't matter to you."

"They don't! But if I could keep Dean from getting beat up everyday like I am, I will. They only  _think_ I'm gay and weird and that's enough for them to beat me up. Imagine  _knowing_ I'm gay and gay with their...their god!"

"I'm pretty sure Dean can handle himself, Castiel," Ash said and looked at his cone. "He's a big boy."

"Yeah, but these boys are bigger," Castiel sighed and looked away from his ice cream and over a few shops. "And they wouldn't mind ripping Dean apart....  _School god_ or not," Castiel mumbled. "I hate them."

"You have a right to. You also have a right to kick their asses. So I say, do it."

"Yeah...."

"Hurry up and finish your ice cream. I wanna take you somewhere."

"Where?" Castiel asked and shoved another spoonful into his mouth.

"Ah, Castiel. Sometimes life is more fun when you don't have all the answers."

•••

Ash stepped out of the car as did Castiel and started over to what looked like a small, rundown house.

"What is this? A haunted Cracker Barrel?"

Ash grinned at Castiel and gestured for him to follow. Castiel sighed and shut his door before following after the brunette and into the house.

What was on the inside was nothing Castiel had imagined, though  _definitely_ something he should've expected.

On instinct, Castiel began to back out. Seeing the shelves and shelves of alcohol sitting behind the bar set of a signal inside him telling him to get out and get out quickly. He couldn't be seen in a bar, he'd get arrested!

Another part of him though was intrigued by the atmosphere. No one was horribly drunk and everyone seemed to be having a great time. Like a family reunion or something.

"Pretty something, isn't she?" Ash smiled and draped his arm around Castiel's shoulders before guiding him to the bar. "Take a seat."

"I...I can't sit at a bar," Castiel said with a nervous laugh. "I'm underage."

"Oh, shoot," Ash said and sucked his teeth. "You're right. Well, lemme sit and think about what to do," he said before taking a seat.

"Ash!" Castiel hissed. "Your underaged too!"

"No!" he gasped sarcastically.

"I don't even think we should  _be_ here-"

"Ash, definitely needs to be here," came a voice from Castiel's left. "He has a shift to work."

Castiel looked over and gasped before taking a large step away from the bar. "Ms. Harvelle!" he squeaked. "I-I-I don't- He brought me here," Castiel stated loudly and pointed to Ash. "I do  _not_ drink! I do  _not_ do illegal things! I am-"

"Castiel, would you pipe down. You're going to scare all my customers away. I know you don't drink, believe me."

"Yeah, and thanks for ratting me out," Ash said. "You're a  _horrible_ partner in crime."

"I should leave...."

"Castiel, relax. It's not like I'm going to call the cops on you."

"Of course not! But the  _owner_ might! They don't know me and I'm sure they don't want this issue on their hands."

Ash grinned and shook his head. Castiel frowned at him and looked at his English teacher who sighed and looked to Ash with a small smirk.

"Castiel," she said. "It's called  _Harvelle's_ Roadhouse.  _I'm_ the owner."

"You...you own-"

"Well, let's face it, being a teacher isn't going to make me the big bucks. Owning a bar though, now that's does a pretty good job. It'd be even better if Ash would be on time for his shifts-"

"Can I just show him around? It'll take five minutes," he said, already getting off the a stool and grabbing Castiel's wrist.

"Five minutes," she said and Ash smiled.

"Thanks, Ellen!" he said before running off, Castiel being dragged behind him. Ash didn't show Castiel much of anything before pulling him into the back of the bar and down a hall. "Jo!" he called out. "Hey, Jo!"

"What?" someone snapped from the end of the hall.

"Hey, go work my shift," he smiled as he opened a door.

"No. Go work your own shift."

"Jo, come on!  _Please_. I have a guest."

  
"Oh, I see that. Good for you."  
  
Ash sighed and looked back at Castiel and then over at Jo again. "Work my shift now and you'll be able to hang out with Dean later."  
  
"Dean's coming?" she asked, perking up slightly but not enough for it to be obvious to anyone who didn't know her well enough...or wasn't the boyfriend of Dean.   
  
Castiel narrowed his eyes slightly at her, but Jo didn't take notice.  
  
"Yeah, he'll be by soon...."  
  
She rolled her eyes. "Fine. I'll work your damn shift," she said and walked past him, bumping shoulders with him as she did so.  
  
"Glad we got that out of the way," Ash said and pulled Castiel inside the room. "Now I can give all my attention to you! Take a seat, Blue Eyes! Mi casa es tu casa!"  
  
Castiel, shaking the blonde haired girl from his mind, looked around the room.  
  
"Yours?"  
  
"All mine, pal. All mine."  
  
Castiel looked around, grinning at the lava lamp by the bed, the Pink Floyd, ACDC, and some half naked guy with too much eye liner posters on the wall, and the small drum set shoved into the corner of Ash's room. He would only think to himself, 'It makes sense,' as he studied the room and took a seat on Ash's bed.   
  
"I like it."  
  
"What's not to like?" Ash grinned and laid on his bed before putting his feet up on Castiel's lap and his hands behind his head.   
  
"My thoughts exactly," he said.   
  
"And you can't even tell there are drugs in here."  
  
"What?" Castiel asked, his eyes going wide.  
  
Ash chuckled. "Kidding. You're so uptight about things! I don't know how the hell Dean deals with you."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"Nothing really. It's just that Dean's such a free spirit, not really caring about what people think or what he does and then there's you..."  
  
Castiel shrugged. "We balance each other out."  
  
"Mm, that's cute. How far have you actually gone with Wincbester?"  
  
"I...what?"  
  
"How far," Ash repeated and sat up, "have you and Dean gone? Physically."  
  
Castiel smiled and looked down. "Pretty far."  
  
"Yeah? Like what?"  
  
"Like...far? I don't know! Why do you care?"  
  
"I'm just curious about you, Castiel. You're...interesting."  
  
"It seems like you're intereted in me and Dean."  
  
"Sort of. But mostly you. I wanna know what you're like."  
  
"I'm like...Cas."  
  
"Yeah," Ash said and moved a little closer to him. Castiel suddenly realized how dimly lit the room was and became very aware of how much of his personally space Ash was occupying. "But I want to know more about Cas." Castiel shook his head and pushed Ash's feet off of his legs and stood up.  
  
"Don't call me that."  
  
"What? Cas? But it's your name-"  
  
"Not for you," Castiel said. "Cas is not for you."   
  
"Just a Dean thing, huh?"  
  
"He wouldn't want you calling me that. He's possessive of...Cas."  
  
Ash leaned forward. "Are we still just talking about the name?"  
  
"If you're getting a deeper message I wouldn't ignore it."  
  
Ash nodded, a look of satisfaction on his face.  
  
"You know, I wasn't gonna kiss you."  
  
"Yeah! Because I wouldn't have allowed that-"  
  
"No, because I wasn't. Dean's a good friend of mine so I had to make sure his boyfriend was good enough for him. Congrats. You are...I guess."  
  
"Did...Did Dean put you up to this?"  
  
"No. Believe it or not I'm just a good buddy. Do you want a soda?"   
  
Castiel frowned as Ash got off the bed and turned up the lights in the room. He went over to a mini fridge Castiel had missed before and pulled it open.  
  
"Dr. Pepper, Coke, Sprite, Root Beer-" The sound of Castiel's ringtone cut Ash off.  
  
"Um, Root Beer," Castiel said before answering the phone. "Hello?"  
  
"Hey, where are you?"  
  
"Roadhouse." Castiel heard the Impala's engine come to life over the phone and found himself smiling at the familiar sound.   
  
"Okay, I'll be there soon. "You don't have to start missing me."  
  
"Too late."  
  
"Cute," he said and Castiel could hear the smile in his voice. "Alright, babe, see you in a bit." He hung up and Castiel turned to be met with a soda can being thrown at him. Thankfully, he reacted quickly enough to grab it, something that surprised both him and Ash.  
  
"Novak's got hands, huh?"  
  
"Um, occasionally I guess. This doesn't usually happen."  
  
"Well," Ash grinned and opened his can with a pop, "I am honored to have witnessed greatness."  
  
•••  
  
Castiel realized how much he loved spending time with Ash and found himself with the brunette everyday after school that week. By the weekend, it was fair to say that Ash had definitely left an impression on Castiel.

It was much easier to persuade Castiel to take part in certain activities that he wouldn't dream of doing in a million years. But all Ash had to say was, "Come on, man! It's your senior year. Live a little!" and Castiel would groan and give in. He was surprised someone had this much power and influence over him. It scared him. But...he kind of liked it.

 _Until_  today.

"I cannot believe how  _stupid_ you are!" Dean screamed at Castiel outside the Roadhouse.

Castiel squinted against the sun and looked away from his furious boyfriend. "It's not a big deal."

Dean's eye widened. "Not a big deal? Not a  _big deal, Castiel?!_ You're  _high!_ " he screamed some more. "You were  _smoking!_ "

"I didn't think it would bother you all that much. It was just one time-"

"It's always just  _one time_ ," he snapped, his hand rising to indicate the number with his fingers. "And then it turns into an addiction!"

Castiel sighed and shrugged.

"Man, I told you. I  _told_ you to be careful with him! Did I not say that? Have I not been saying that  _all_ week?! When you ditched me and went running around with him, did I  _not say-"_

"Okay! Yes, you said to be careful. I get it. Can we move on?"

"I...." Dean shook his head, his hands on his hips as he looked at the ground. "No. No, Castiel, I...I don't think....," Dean sighed before looking up at Castiel. "I don't think we should see each other anymore."

And with those few words, it was like every effect that the drugs had on him were washed away. It was like everything else in the world had been shoved aside and it was just him and Dean. There was a line between them and it was breaking slowly. Strand by strand being pulled apart. And Castiel had to do something to stop it.

"Huh?" he asked, his voice quiet.

"I don't think we should see each other anymore, Castiel," he said again, sounding a little more confident this time.

"I- Dean, if-if you don't want me hanging out with Ash then I won't. I-I'll tell him it caused too many problems. It'll be okay-"

"Cas, it's not hanging out with Ash. It's what you  _do_ with him-"

"I'll stop! Dean, it was  _nothing_! I was just experimenting-"

"Not the drugs! Although, that's a big factor right now.  _Especially_ with how you were acting."

"It was nothing!" Castiel said again.

"It didn't  _look like nothing_ when I walked in! You wereon top ofhim! _"_

"I wasn't! I was just touching his hair!"

"You were  _in his lap_! His hands were all over you!"

"Nothing happened!"

"Yeah, because  _I_ walked in!"

"Nothing  _would have_ happened!"

"You really expect me to believe that?" he scoffed. Castiel took that comment like a bullet to the gut.

" _Yes._ "

Dean let out a humorless laugh. "Fine. But even if nothing happened, the things you do with him-"

"I'm not going to smoke again! Dean, you have my-"

"Not the smoking! I mean everything else! Everything you can do with him that you can't do with me!" He gestured between the two of them respectively before going still. "Let me rephrase that actually. Everything you do with him that you  _won't_ do with me."

"What- Dean, I-"

"I just don't think, out of everything, I can be with someone who doesn't want to be seen with me."

Castiel's mouth slowly opened and closed before he found a response.

"Bullshit!" he yelled. "Th-that's bullshit! Of course I want to be seen with you. But we can't be seen together! You know why we can't and it's not my fault. I'm just trying to keep you from-"

"You're a coward."

Castiel cocked his head to the side, his eyes squinting again. "What did you call me?"

"A coward. You make up all this crap about protecting me and my reputation and every other thing on this damn universe but, Castiel, I don't  _care_ about that. I've never  _cared_. But you are so obsessed with it. Obsessed with the excuses and the lies because you are so afraid of admitting who are to everyone and what you mean to me and-and I can't  _be_ with someone who won't even hold my hand in a store, let alone be  _in_ that store with me!"

Castiel suddenly wasn't scared anymore. He was upset. All that he had done and all that he had sacrificed for Dean and  _this_ is what he got in return. Well, fine. If Dean was just too good for him then  _fine._

"Have fun fucking with Anna, then."

"Oh, don't start that," Dean said in an exasperated tone.

"No, no I understand. If you want to hold hands and be public with that bitch then by all means, do it! I don't care!" he laughed. "I don't want to be in the way of such a promising and prodigious relationship."

"This has nothing to do with Anna! Don't make me the bad guy. This is about our relationship and how you hide it and are ashamed of it. This is about how you can't even look at me outside our houses and with Ash you're open and free and ready to challenge anyone who gives you a second look! I try so hard to make it easy for you, to make it good and you-"

"It's  _better_  with Ash."

That stung. Castiel could tell that hit home with Dean. And while he wanted to feel satisfied about it, he couldn't. He had hurt him and all he wanted to do was say sorry and hold him and tell him he loved him and that they would work past all of this. But he didn't. He couldn't.

And soon Dean was nodding slowly, his bottom lip captured between his teeth. He smiled and hummed out a small, satisfied noise.

"Yeah, you know what," he laughed, "maybe it is." He reached into his pocket for his keys and looked down at them. "I hope you have a good time with him, Castiel," he said as he started to turn away. "And don't worry," he chuckled, "it won't be hard replacing you."

Those were the last words Dean said before he got in his car and drove away. 

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The strangest thing occured while writing this chapter. I started watching Gotham so Castiel turned into my oh so loved Oswald Cobblepot. A lot of editing was done to fix that. Please leave love! Kudos, comments, bookmarks, I love it all!

  
Castiel glared down at his fries and heaved out a long, aggravating groan. He hated them and their simple life and their stupid golden brown color. He shoved them aside roughly and snatched up his m&m's before opening the package and throwing some into his mouth. When he looked up, Charlie was smiling at him.

"What?"

"You. Angry and upset Castiel is so much more intriguing than sad Castiel."

"Glad you're happy."

"I am. I don't like seeing you depressed."

"I'm not going to get depressed over Dean Winchester. I'm not going to  _cry_ over Dean Winchester. He's not worth my fucking time."

Charlie raised her eyebrows and nodded slowly before picking up one of his fries. "Do you want these?"

"No. Go crazy."

Charlie grinned and pulled the fries closer as Castiel put his head in his hand.

It had been a week since they had broken up and Castiel was still bitter about the whole thing. He couldn't help thinking about what Dean said regarding him being easily replaced. Was he really  _that_ worthless?

And to go along with that, Castiel had no idea what to do about Ash. His friend was now just tagged with a bad memory and coming up with excuses as to why he couldn't do anything was exhausting. But being with Ash was only going to trigger thinking about Dean and Castiel was, as he told everyone,  _not_ going to cry over Dean Winchester.

"You know what I don't get?" he asked Charlie who looked up at him. "Why Dean-"

"No! No, no, no, Castiel! No."

"What?"

"We've been talking about this for a week and I would love to hear more about it. I'm  _yearning_ to hear more about it, but! But this week, is  _my_ week. Halloween is on Saturday and I am not going to have my spooky week destroyed by your problems. I love you but, dude.... No."

"Sorry I'm such a damn burden!"

"Castiel, don't get defensive," she sighed. "I'm here for you, you  _know_ that. But I need a break every now and then!"

"Yeah, of course. A break from my bullshit I get it."

"You're being an ass, Castiel," Charlie stated in a singsong voice. "And to be fair, you don't have the right to be."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What it  _means_ is that with the hiding your sexuality, sneaking around with your relationship, and smoking with Ash, it's not that big of a surprise that Dean got fed up with the whole thing."

Castiel was ready with a retort, ready to scream his head off at her and question what kind of a friend she was when he stopped.

"I...I never told you about Ash."

Charlie opened her mouth, let out a small noise, and closed it. "Uh..."

"Have you been talking to him?"

"Hm?"

"You've been  _talking_ to him!"

"Well, Castiel, he  _is_ my friend! And if you can't deal with the fact that I'm not ditching him because of your poor, sad, break up then  _bite me,_ " she growled and got up before grabbing her bag and leaving the table.

"What a-ugh," he groaned and got up. He turned and came into contact with a body. "Sor- oh," he murmured.

"Watch where you're going, Cassidy!" Raphael growled and shoved Castiel away from Dean. "This guy here is a prized possession. No part of you should ever come into contact with him."

Castiel's face broke into a grin. "Oh," he laughed. "Is that so?"

"Yeah, it is," Raphael growled. "Let's go, Winchester."

"You're not going to tell them?" Castiel said as they started to turn away.

"Tell them what?" Raphael snapped.

"Oh, not talking to you. I'm talking to Dean." Castiel looked past Raphael's shoulder and over at Dean. "Hm?"

"What are you talking about?"

Castiel shrugged. "Nothing really. Just the whole, 'I'm forbidden to touch you,' shit. You're not gonna tell them?"

"I-"

"Dean and I have had a  _lot_ of contact," Castiel smiled. "Haven't we?"

"What's he-"

"I don't know, man. Come on," he said and pulled on Raphael's elbow.

"Well, come on, Dean!" Castiel laughed getting the attention of a few more people. "You've always wanted to defend me! Here's your shot. Go on and tell them about how much I liked their  _prized possession._ And how much he liked me."

"Stop being weird, Novak," Dean said and Castiel's smile got wider.

"Harsh! Harsh, Dean. At least I have the courtesy to call you by your first name. I mean, we are familiar enough to do that, right?"

Dean held Castiel's gaze. There was a challenge in his eyes but also a plea.

'Stop it before I do something I don't want to do.'

"Let's let everyone know! I think I'm finally ready."

"Don't be a dick."

"But you  _love-_ "

Dean stepped forward and shoved Castiel. It was rougher than both of them had expected and Castiel lost his footing, his head colliding with the edge of a table.

The cafeteria filled with laughter as Castiel slowly pushed himself into a sitting position and shook his head, trying to get rid of his blurred vision and the pain of his throbbing head.

"Nice one, Dean!" Raphael laughed and clapped Dean on the shoulder. "Damn fag had it coming, am I right?"

"Uh," Dean looked down into Castiel's eyes, trying to convey something, an apology most likely. Castiel looked away before the message could be passed. "Yeah. I...I guess he did."

•••

Despite having their argument only hours before and ignoring each other throughout the school day, Charlie and Castiel found themselves together walking side by side in the mall sharing a cup of bite sized soft pretzels.

Castiel had tried to take the bus home that day but Charlie had grabbed him and dragged him into her car because "One stupid disagreement was  _not_  going to ruin her Spooky Week." Castiel had gladly accepted, not wanting to go home and deal with the pitiful looks and sympathetic gestures from his dad. Being with Charlie eased him and kept his mind off his misfortunes and in tune with his inner geek.

Fifteen minutes later, Charlie was trying on a leotard and Castiel was sitting in the fitting room with her checking his email.

“It shouldn't be this easy to sneak you into a fitting room,” she sighed and she turned in the mirror and looked over her shoulder.

“Yeah, I know,” he mumbled.

“What do you think? Should I get white leggings or no?”

Castiel looked up at quickly moved his eyes over her. “Your legs are pale enough.”

“Rude! ….But true.”

“Although,” Castiel sighed, “if we were to go to party then you wouldn't want any freak coming in direct contact with your skin.”

“Are you thinking of going to a party, Castiel?” she grinned and he shrugged.

“It's crossed my mind.”

“We’re going to a party!” she squealed. “I'm so excited! We’re going to have the  _best_ time. We have to make our costumes  _perfect_. I'm getting the leggings.”

Castiel smiled and stretched. “So, we’re leaving?”

“Yes, sir,” she said and started to change. “By the way, how is your costume coming along?”

“It's already made.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. This little unknown place called Party City-”

“Oh,  _no,_ ” Charlie said with a laugh. “No, no. My costume partner is  _not_ dressing in some Party City... _crap!_ ” She pulled on her pants and grabbed her shirt. “No, we’re fixing this right now,” she said and her shirt went over her head. “Come on, Novak. Your costume is my new priority.”

•••

At dinner later that night, Castiel kept his head down and his mouth full. His dad’s eyes were unwavering and definitely burning a hole into his head. Why couldn't he just drop the whole situation? Yes, Castiel had broken up with Dean. Yes, it was slightly painful. But no, he didn't need or want the pity!

Gabriel wasn't any help, obviously. He constantly talked about the women he saw at his job only to make their dad more concerned about Castiel’s feelings.

“Castiel,” Chuck said just as Gabriel was describing how one woman’s chest made  _everything_ in his body stand at attention. “What are your plans for Halloween?”

Castiel sighed and finished chewing before swallowing his food. “Uh, dressing up with Charlie.”

“Just Charlie?”

“Yes, just Charlie…. I don't have a whole lot of friends, Dad.”

“Right, no I know. I just thought that maybe someone else would be tagging along.”

“Oh,” groaned Castiel, “Dad, how many times do I have to tell you?”

“What? What? I didn't say anything! I just know he's friends with Charlie too and-”

“I'm not going to be seeing Dean-”

“Why are you dressing up?” Gabriel interjected. “Trick-or-treating is lame.”

Thankful for the change in conversation that surprisingly came from his brother, Castiel answered, “One,  _you_  try to say no to dressing up to Charlie, she would kill you. Two, trick-or-treating isn't lame. It's free candy, you of all people should appreciate that. Three, going back to the costumes, you have to wear a costume to a  _costume party_.”

“You're going to a party?” Chuck asked, concern lacing his voice. “Are- Who’s going to be there?”

“No idea,” Castiel sighed.

“Well-Well, Castiel, I don't think that's a good idea for you.”

“Why not?” Castiel challenged. He knew his dad wouldn't want to say it but sometimes he loved watching his struggle.

“Uh, because-because the alcohol-”

“I don't drink.”

“Drugs!”

“I-” Castiel cleared his throat as an image of Ash came into his head. “Dad, you're being ridiculous.”

Gabriel inhaled through his tightened lips and pressed two fingers to them before puffing out invisible rings. “Yeah, Dad,  _chill._ Cassie only smokes when he’s pressured by Dean’s exes.”

Castiel shot Gabriel a look as their dad, who hadn't heard the comment or decided to ignore it, rubbed his hands over his face. “Okay, Castiel, I'm just going to say it.”

“Please.”

“You can't go because those kids will hurt you.”

“There it is!”

“I'm serious! Especially with how crazy everyone gets on Halloween, they'll… Castiel, people die.”

“I had no idea.”

Chuck slammed his hand on the table and Castiel felt himself jump.

“Stop it! Stop with the sarcasm! I'm not kidding around! Pranks can go too far and these kids have already done enough damage to you! Who's to say I won't get a call sayings son is dead that night?!”

Castiel looked over at Gabriel silently asking for some assistance. He never knew what to do when his dad acted like this. It was so rare. “Dad,” the older of the two started, “Castiel can handle himself. He’ll be okay and he’ll have Charlie-”

“Charlie’s tough but I'm not going to depend on her and get her into trouble along with him,” he said and gestured to Castiel.

“You have to let him live his life. It's senior year, Dad. He's got to have these experiences. He's stayed away for three years already.”

“Gabriel,” he began and then stopped before moving his gaze from one son to the other. “ _You_  want to go, so why is  _he_  fighting me?”

“I-”

“See? You're not strong enough for this, Castiel! You can't even fight your own battles!” He shook his head. “You're not going-”

“They won't even know who I am! I'm wearing a mask!”

“That's not good enough for me. It was a  _lot_ easier when I knew Dean would try to protect you but now-”

“I don't need Dean!” Castiel screamed. “I don't need him in order for me to be happy and have fun! I'm perfectly fine without him.  _Better_  without him.”

“Lift up your shirt.”

Dear God, how many times had they played  _this_ game?

“No.”

“Prove to me that you're  _better_ without him.”

Castiel picked at a thread on his jeans. “No.”

“Castiel-”

“This isn't fair. Why do I have to prove it through the number of bruises on my body? Why can't you just see I'm a happier person? Mental health is really important.”

“I'm not saying it's not. But I know you're mentally okay. They’re not going to attack your mind, Castiel, they’re going to attack your body and it’s going to land you in the hospital.”

“You give these guys too much credit, Dad. They’re not that tough! And worst comes to worst, I can outrun them. Honestly, I’m going to be fine! A majority of them are going to be drunk and not thinking straight anyway. They’re not that much of a threat. Can I  _please_ go to this one thing that will actually make me happy and take my mind completely off the...the break up?” he asked with a sigh and looked to his dad with wide eyes.

‘Nailed it,’ he thought to himself with a satisfied feeling in his chest. He could see the guilt in his dad’s eyes and the strong defensive wall he built being broken down brick by brick. He could almost feel Gabriel’s satisfied smirk and a nudge of his foot under the table confirmed his brother’s sense of admiration towards him.

Chuck sighed heavily and Castiel smiled at the familiar reaction to his dad about to give in. He was proud of his feelings hosting such a weak spot in his dad’s heart and with the whole breakup drama, Castiel was sure to get his way. Maybe Dean wasn’t ruining his day after all.

“I’ll-I’ll  _think_ about it,” Chuck finally stated which really meant, “I won’t say yes until the day of.”

“Sounds fair.”

“Yeah, Dad,” Gabriel sighed and nodded. “I think that’s the best call.” The two exchanged knowing smiles before the family continued with their meal.

•••

“Now, you  _promise_ me you two will stick together?” Chuck asked for the eighth time that night.

“Dad,  _please_ -”

“We promise,” Charlie said cheerfully. “I wouldn’t want to lose the other half of my costume, anyway. It would lose the effect.”

“Right,” Chuck sighed. “Okay. Castiel, I want you back here before one.”

“Mkay.”

“And if anything prevents that please call to let me know and not have me worry and send out a Missing Person's Report with your name on it.”

“Alright,” he said and started moving towards the door as he put his mask on.

“Castiel, wait,” Chuck said and he heaved out a sigh before facing his dad only to be met with arms being wrapped tightly around him and a quick kiss to his head. “Please be safe tonight.”

“I will be,” Castiel mumbled and pat his dad on the back before pulling away. “And I’ll be back in one piece, I promise.”

“Thank you.”

“Have fun, Cassie,” Gabriel grinned. “But not  _too_ much fun. No hookups, no drinking, and no rowdiness.”

“Okay, Gabriel.”

“Say hi to Dean for me if he’s there.”

“Screw yourself, Gabriel.”

Charlie tugged on Castiel’s elbow and soon the pair was out the door and inside Charlie’s car.

“I cannot believe we’re going to a party!” she exclaimed as she put the key in the ignition. “More specifically though, I can’t believe  _you’re_ going to a party! Castiel Novak, how does it feel to be going to your first party?”

“I think I’m going to be sick,” he groaned and Charlie sighed with a smile and a look of pride upon her face.

“That is so beautiful,” she said and shifted the car into reverse. “Let’s go!”

Charlie was practically vibrating the entire way there and her positive energy eventually rubbed off on Castiel and by the time they reached the house, all his nervous tics and worries were gone, left abandoned on the road behind them. The two parked slightly down the road and Castiel didn’t question it, knowing Charlie had more experience in the party life and had a perfectly reasonable explanation for doing what she did.

The house was blasting music, causing the whole neighborhood to vibrate and by the time they were at the door, Castiel could feel the bass of the songs buzzing in his chest. He decided there that he liked the feeling.

Charlie opened the door, one hand wrapped around Castiel’s, which he didn’t realize he needed until then, as they stepped inside and she dragged him into the costume clad crowd.

“Charlie!” someone exclaimed and she looked up with a smile before pulling Castiel over to her friends. “You never said you were coming!”

“I wasn’t sure. I thought my partner here might’ve bailed.”

The girls’ eyes moved from Charlie to Castiel and maybe it was the lighting (or the alcohol), but he didn’t see a look of disgust on any of their faces.

“Oh,” one blonde asked. “And who’s this?”

Did they...did they seriously not know? He goes to the same school as them! All of them! Was a mask really  _that_ deceiving? Maybe it was the alcohol.

“Robin, obviously,” he said and all three of them burst into an uproar of laughter.

Definitely the alcohol.

“Oh my  _God_ , you’re hilarious!” the blonde giggled and grabbed his arm. “But seriously, who are you?”

“Can’t say. My secret identity must remain just that.” Again, all three laughed and Charlie looked up at him with amusement and sarcastic approval written all over her face.

“Well,  _Robin,_ ” the girl said and stepped closer to him, “hopefully, by the end of the night, I’ll have you unmasked.” Castiel swallowed and nodded as she pressed her breasts against his chest and whispered into his ear, “All of you.” She squeezed his arm and pulled away before waving at Charlie and walking away with her friends.

“Dammit,” Charlie snapped. “Guess she’s straight.”

“Yeck!” Castiel hacked, and stuck out his tongue. “She  _reeked_ of alcohol.”

“Yeah, well...you win some, you lose some…. Come on.” She tugged his hand and continued leading him through crowds and around the house. Every group they got into conversation with seemed to be very fond of Castiel and his wit, it made him wonder how many of them would turn their backs on him if he took the mask off and revealed it was the school’s “Number One Most Hated” underneath. But that thought rarely crossed his mind. Tonight was about having fun and making up for the last three years of staying away from these people. If they only liked him with a mask on, then so be it. Robin was pretty hard to hate anyway.

Two football players finished up a conversation on the back patio with Charlie and Castiel before heading inside.

“So?” Charlie asked with a grin. “How are you liking your first party?”

“I should’ve gone to more of these!” he laughed and Charlie gave a small fist pump. “I mean, I would’ve had to wear a mask to those too but it’s worth it!”

“Very true!” she agreed with a nod. “But everyone loves you. I wish they’d act the same way when you were Castiel and not Robin.”

“Yeah, you and me both…. Everyone loves Robin though.”

“They adore him. If you had a thing for the females, you’d be getting laid  _tonight_!” Castiel laughed and ran a hand through his hair.

“Yeah, I guess so,” he said and looked down as Charlie’s eyes wandered, possibly looking for someone else to introduce Robin to. Then Castiel felt her stiffen and look back to him.

“Hey, go get me a drink, would you? I’m  _parched._ ”

“Sure…. Alcoholic or-”

“I’m driving, you twat! Go get me a drink.”

“Pushy,” he mumbled and watched her eyes wander off again. He made a decision to ignore it and headed back inside to get Charlie a soda and bring it back to her. He got to about a foot outside the door before Charlie was there with a smile and open hands.

“Yum! Coke! Perfect!”

“Pepsi, actual-”

“Yay! Even better! Do you want to go inside, it’s kinda cold out here.”

“No, I liked being outside,” he said and made his way around her. “It’s refreshing and not as crowded.”

“Yeah, sure, but-”

“Charlie, what is wrong?” Castiel sighed as his friend bit her lip.

“I… Castiel, please just come inside,” she said and he almost listened. Her eyes flickered away from his and towards something behind Castiel and his curiosity got the best of him. He turned around, searched for a second or two, and landed on the cause of Charlie’s distress.

Dean.

But not just Dean. No, this was Dean dressed in tight black spandex, a black mask, and a pair of black wings. This was Dean without a shirt (‘Stupid,’ Castiel thought. ‘He’ll get sick.’) This was Dean making Castiel queasy with conflicting feelings of fear and excitement. This was Dean making Castiel warm up in 40 degree weather.

And just like that, it was Dean making Castiel feel like ice had replaced every bone in his body. Because now it wasn’t just Dean.

It was Dean and Anna.

It was Dean with his hands on her waist.

It was Anna with her fingers tracing his arms.

It was Dean tilting his head.

It was Anna lifting her face.

It was Dean and Anna kissing.

It was their bodies pressed against one another’s.

It was Castiel not being able to look away.

Dean’s right hand moved up her body. Slowly, tauntingly, knowingly. It had the effect he obviously wanted as she moved the lower half of her body against his and his hand came to rest on her neck.

Dean’s lips parted, noticeably accepting Anna’s tongue into his mouth as their kiss continued on, becoming more and more intimate with each passing second.

The feeling of excitement was slowly being replaced with despair. Castiel felt weak. Sick. Nothing could have prepared him for what was happening.

The pair broke apart before Dean lowered his head further and kissed her neck, causing her to smile and whisper something in his ear before walking away, her hand in his until the distance ultimately broke their connection. Dean watched her go with a satisfied look and moved his hand across his bottom lip before smiling and looking up.

Immediately, his eyes caught Castiel’s.

His smile widened.

There was no mistaking Dean knew who he was. Dean could’ve picked the raven haired boy easily out of the crowd without a second glance, despite him knowing Charlie and Castiel’s costume plans. Because Dean knew Castiel from head to toe in ways no one else ever would. So he smiled, knowing exactly what that would accomplish.

_“...it won’t be hard replacing you.”_

Castiel heard the words clearly, as if Dean was saying them to him in this very moment.

‘But is that  _not_  what he was saying?’ Castiel asked himself. ‘Was that  _not_  what he just told you, just without words?’ He turned his back to Dean and rushed quickly back towards the house.

“Castiel-”

“I have to go to the bathroom,” he said in a quick whisper to Charlie.

“Castiel, I’m sorry-”

“Please move,” he said in the same tone.

“We can leave-”

“Charlie, I just need to go to the damn bathroom!” he screamed and pushed her aside before running inside and making a beeline for the stairs. He found the bathroom easily enough on the right side of the hall and ducked in before slamming the door shut. He crossed over to the toilet and fell to his knees in front of it, hoping for anything to come out of his stomach. Anything to get rid of the sick feeling that was festering inside of him.

“Don’t,” he growled at the familiar feeling of a burning throat and watering eyes. “Don’t. Not over him,” he spat as his hands travelled into his hair. “He’s not worth it, Cas. He’s not worth it.” He fell back onto his heels and then moved his feet from under him altogether as he wrapped his arms around his knees and hid his face between them.

He couldn’t tell how long he had been sitting there, but once he found the will to get up he walked to the sink, splashed a handful of cold water onto his face, and left the bathroom.

As Castiel headed to go back down the stairs, he heard a giggle come from his right and looked over to see a bedroom door partially open.

“Could you  _please_ shut up?” an irritated voice sounded from the inside and for the second time that night, Castiel’s curiosity got the better of him and he opened the door to the bedroom.

The blonde from earlier was bouncing drunkenly on the bed as her friend, whose face was hidden, sat on the floor at the foot of the bed.

“Robin!” the blonde squealed and threw her hands in the air before making her way to the edge of the bed with swaying steps and dangerously leaning over it. Castiel flew in and caught her before she could fall and she gasped happily. “Wow! Whatahero!” she slurred and leaned heavily against him. “I loveyouso...much,” she said and laughed before throwing her arms around his neck.

“Um, yeah. Okay.”

“Rob...Robbie, I have to use the little girls’ room,” she whispered with a smile and bit her finger. “Or! Or I could pee here!”

“No! Nope, uh, bathroom is straight across the hall, you can’t miss it.”

“Will you come with me?”

“Um… No.”

“Such a goodguy,” she sighed and pat his cheek before kissing it. “Thank you, you cutie!” she giggled and made to kiss Castiel’s lips but he expertly dodged it and gently pushed her in the direction of the door. “Hard to get. I like that,” she grinned and pointed. “I’ll be seeingyousoon, babe,” she slurred before leaving the room.

Castiel frowned and scratched the back of his head before turning his attention to the girl at the foot of the bed.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“Oh, I’m perfectly fine now, thanks. Anything that could’ve gotten her off my hands, whether it was unfortunate for her or not, I was gladly open to.” She looked up and over at Castiel before shrugging and slightly scrunching up her face, one eye slightly squinted as she held her finger an inch away from her thumb. “Next time, don’t be afraid to be a  _bit_  more of an unfortunate case, mkay?”

“I… Meg, right?”

“The one and only.” She stood up and carefully looked Castiel up and down. “I really like the costume, by the way.”

“Oh, thanks…. I didn’t realize it was you with her downstairs.”

“Oh, that’s no problem. I’m barely noticed when big titted blonde is around, trust me,” she said with a forced smile and a roll of her eyes.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“‘Course not. No one ever does.”

“Uh...do you want to check on your friend?”

“No, not particularly,” she said, but started for the door. “She's not my problem.” Meg closed the door and locked it before turning to Castiel. “And I'm a little more focused on other things right now.”

Castiel raised his eyebrows and she stepped over to him and looked up. He could smell alcohol, but it wasn't as strong as the girl who just left.

“I really do love the costume…. But you could never fool me,” she smiled as her hands moved to his waist and she slowly backed him against the bed, the backs of his knees giving in as he came into contact. Meg moved over him and set her legs on either side of his lap, her fingers threading through his hair and under the tie of his mask. “Clarence,” she grinned and pulled the mask off.

“Meg!” Castiel gasped and reached for the object.

“I knew it was you,” she laughed and pulled the mask out of Castiel’s reach. “Poor baby just wanted to feel loved for one night!”

“Meg, quit it.”

“I'll make you feel loved, Clarence,” she said huskily, dropping the mask and moving her arms back around his neck. “I can make you happy,” she purred and kissed his jaw before dragging her mouth to his neck.

“Me-Meg...stop. I-I don't...I'm not-”

“First time, huh? Oh, then we should have a  _lot_ of fun.”

“No! I- O _kaaay,_ ” he gasped as she pushed him onto his back. “Meg!” he yelled when she grinded down on him. “Meg, listen, you're a little drunk - I can tell - and-and you don't really want to do this. I...I  _suck_  at this! You should ask someone else! Maybe...maybe a friend!” He sat up and gently tried to moved her off of him, but she resisted.

“Relax, Castiel. I know what I'm doing.”

“I'm sure you do but- Mm!” Castiel screamed with a closed mouth as Meg’s lips pressed against his. He could feel his face scrunching up and placed his hands on her arms, trying to push her away. When that did nothing for him, she shoved her tongue past his lips and into his mouth.

And that was the moment when Castiel shoved her over the edge of the bed.

“Ugh! Blegh!” he spat and held his tongue out of his mouth. “Not what I wanted.  _Not_ what I wanted,” he growled and got off the bed. He looked down at Meg, who was groaning, and felt his eyes nearly pop out of his skull.

She was bleeding. Her lip was bleeding and...and was that a bruise  _already_ forming on her head.

“Fucking nightstand!” she shouted and Castiel quickly snatched up his mask, unlocked the door, and bolted down the stairs, putting his disguise back on as he did so.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” he repeated to himself as he searched the crowd for Charlie. He pushed and shoved his way through the crowds, looking around desperately for a burst of red hair.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he saw her. She seemed worried and her eyes moved back and forth across the room as one of the high school boys tried to keep her engaged in conversation. Castiel rushed over to her and she let out a breath of relief when she saw him and grabbed his arms tightly.

“Castiel, you had me worried-”

“Who?” the boy asked and looked Castiel up and down.

“She calls me that when she's mad at me. Just to piss me off, ya know?”

“Oh...heh, yeah, that'd piss me off too.”

“Ugh! Yeah! I hate that guy. Anyway,” he said and took Charlie's hand before pulling her away. “We have to leave.  _Now._ ”

“Castiel, I'm sorry,” she said sympathetically and rubbed his arm.

“No. Not because of- We just have to go!”

“What happened?”

“I'll explain in the car,” he rushed and tugged on her hand. “Let’s go!”

After getting a couple miles down the road, Castiel was finished with his story and Charlie was dumbfounded.

“Meg...Masters?”

“Yeah.”

“She tried to have sex with you?”

“ _Oh, yeah._ ”

“And she knew who you were the whole time?”

“So she says,” he sighed. “I mean, she didn't rat me out the entire night if she was telling the truth but who knows what she's doing now. Or what she  _will_  do come Monday. She-She can't beat me up, right?”

“No,” Charlie said, shaking her head and keeping her eyes fixed to the road. “No...nah,” she continued. “Of course not.”

“You don't sound convinced!”

“Well!” she sighed and threw her hands up before letting them fall back onto the wheel. “It's Meg Masters!”

“Oh, God,” he groaned and leaned against the window as his phone rang. He pulled it out to see it was his dad and answered it. “Hello?”

“Castiel! Oh, thank goodness.”

“What?”

“You're okay.”

“Of course I'm okay.”

“I had a bad dream-”

“Go back to sleep, Dad.”

“Are you coming home soon?”

“Yeah, sure. Go back to sleep.”

“I'll wait up for you,” he yawned. “Just in case.”

“Dad, I'm  _fine_ -”

“See you at home,” he mumbled before hanging up. “He's so-”

“Does Meg have a boyfriend?”

“For the sake of their relationship, I hope not.”

“Hm...then you should be okay. Honestly.”

“I hope so,” he sighed. He stared out the window and went over the night in his head. From the start Castiel felt good about the night. People smiling at him, high fiving him, and hugging him. He felt like a part of the school. Like an actual student and not some piece of scum that everyone was trying to find different ways to exterminate. Everything was actually not half bad.

Then, he thought of Dean and that cold, sick feeling returned.

“He doesn't even like her, Charlie,” he whispered.

“Sorry?”

“He doesn't even like her,” he repeated and sat back in his seat. “He...he did that because he knew I'd see it.” He looked down at his lap and tugged on his pants until Charlie's hand wrapped around his.

The rest of the ride back was relatively quiet, the music from the radio occupied most of the silence all the way back to Castiel’s. Once they arrived, Charlie decided that she was too tired to drive and would stay the night with her friend. It wasn't an issue, of course, and Castiel was thankful. She might've said it was because she was tired, but he knew she wanted to keep an eye on him.

After dodging most of his dad’s hugs and Gabriel’s intense and smug questions, Castiel led Charlie to the game room and they fell into their usual spots, playing until the screen became blurred and their thumbs slowed down.

Charlie was the one to suggest bed, but the climb up the stairs wasn't inviting to either one of them. Castiel went into the hallway and pulled a large blanket out of a small closet before going back into the room and laying on one end of the couch as Charlie took the other. She put one leg on top of his as she relaxed against the armrest and shut her eyes.

“Night, Castiel,” she yawned.

“Goodnight, Charlie,” he replied.

Despite how tired he was, Castiel couldn't fall asleep. The image of Dean and Anna was too vivid when he closed his eyes.

_Replacement. Replacement. Replacement._

The word kept ringing in his head and Castiel groaned before rolling onto his side and pulling the blanket over his head.

‘He doesn't even  _like_ her….  _Replacement._ He doesn't even  _like_ her!  _Replacement._ He doesn't even  _like her_!’

He threw the blanket off of his head and slammed his fist against the couch before folding his arms over his chest.

“He doesn't even like her,” he voiced into the darkness.

_Tool._

Castiel raised his eyebrows. “He...he doesn't even like her.”

_Tool!_

Realization dawned upon him as he sat up with a smile. “He doesn't even _like_ her! He  _hates_  her! He's using her.” He laughed and laid back down. “Low blow, Dean,” he chuckled. “But if one can play, why not two?”

•••

“Is Ash here?” Castiel asked Jo as she wiped down a table.

“In the back,” she replied and turned to face him, her arms crossed. “Why?”

“I want to see him.”

“You haven't seen him in a few weeks now. You’ve completely ignored him.”

“There were complications.”

“Huh, that sounds so similar to, ‘Dean Winchester runs my life and I'm weak.’”

“Huh,” he exhaled and bit his lip with a shrug, “some dialect must've been lost in the translation. I'm gonna go see Ash!” he said and gestured behind him.

“Sure, whatever.”

“I adore you, Jo,” he said as he walked away.

“I guess I'm a fan of yours too.”

Castiel made his way to the back and after seeing that Dr. Badass definitely  _was_  in, he threw the door to Ash’s room open.

The boy was lying on the floor, his head towards Castiel and arms crossed. “Don't say anything!” he exclaimed and threw up a hand. “Ellen,” he stated.

“Not exactly.”

Ash tilted his head back as far as it would go on the floor and grinned. “Blue Eyes!”

“Blue Eyes,” Castiel confirmed as his friend got up. “Hi, Ash,” Castiel smiled as he shut the door. “How are you?”

“Great, now that I'm seeing you again! I thought you hated me or something.”

“No. No, I was just being selfish. I had an issue and…. Well, it doesn't really matter. I'm here now,” he smiled and shrugged off his jacket before tossing it onto a chair.

“Want a drink?” Ash asked and walked over to the small fridge, Castiel following after him. “We have- Whoa,” he laughed as he turned and came into contact with Castiel. “I didn't realize you were….” He trailed off as Castiel’s hand moved to his waist and his lips pressed gently against his. Ash let go of the fridge door, his hand rising hesitantly to Castiel's neck and his head tilting to the side.

Castiel parted Ash’s mouth and slid his tongue against the brunette’s. At the sound of Ash’s moan Castiel grinned and shifted them both before shoving him onto the bed and straddling his waist. Ash seemed to want to ask Castiel what was going on, but never got the chance as his mouth became covered by Castiel’s yet again. Any questions he had were soon out of mind as Castiel rutted hard against him and moved his hands to Ash’s jeans, quickly getting them unbuckled and sitting up to tug them down.

His hands then move to Ash’s overshirt and pushed it off his shoulders before lifting his t-shirt over his head and tossing it aside. Taking a page out of Meg’s book, Castiel pushed Ash onto his back and captured his mouth with his once again. His tongue sliding against Ash’s while his hips grinded slowly on the other boy’s.

“Ca-Castiel,” Ash panted as Castiel’s mouth moved down his jaw and to his neck. “I-I didn't expect th-this from you,” he breathed, Castiel’s mouth moving lower on his body, kissing its way down his chest.

Castiel lifted his eyes to Ash’s with a smile and as started to pull down his boxers. “I can be unpredictable sometimes,” he murmured as Ash became exposed to him. He heard the boy let out a stuttered breath and frowned. “Should I stop?”

“Hell no!” Ash protested and lifted his head. “Don’t do me dirty like that, Blue Eyes.”

“Oh, I just wasn’t sure,” he said and pressed his lips to the base of Ash’s cock. “Your breathing got all funny. I don’t want you to pass out in the middle of this,” he whimpered, his mouth dragging along Ash’s shaft all the while.

“Don’t worry about me. You just-  _oh fuuck,_ ” he moaned as Castiel took him into his mouth.

Castiel confidently continued to pleasure Ash, his tongue gliding up the underside of his cock and his hands occupying any space his mouth was absent. He felt a warmth rush through him with every moan, pant, and curse that escaped Ash’s mouth.

“Castiel,” Ash moaned, his fingers scraping against Castiel’s scalp as he thrusted his hips up. “Baby... _God!_  Fuck me!” he whined as Castiel’s hand pumped him quickly and smoothly. Ash was hanging on by a thread, his hands moved from Castiel’s hair to the sheets and he gripped and twisted them to the point where he was sure they were going to rip. His breaths were coming in short and quick as Castiel’s wet and hot mouth covered and moved around him. Only a moment later, he reached his climax.

As Ash panted and moaned Castiel gently kissed his way up his body until his lips were on Ash’s.

“Shit, man,” Ash breathed and chuckled. “You've really got a talent there.”

Castiel fell beside him, looking up at the ceiling. “I've had practice.”

“Oh, yeah, I'm sure.”

They laid in silence for some time, Ash pulling the sheets up around his waist and reaching over to pick up a small white cylinder and a lighter.

“So, Castiel,” he started as he lit the joint and moved an arm behind his head, “what did Dean do?”

“What?” Castiel asked, his head snapping in Ash’s direction.

“You wouldn't just suck my dick for nothing, Blue Eyes,” he smiled and took a drag before puffing it out. “What'd he do?”

“I...ugh,” he sighed and looked away from Ash before taking a breath and going into the story. He started from the break up and moved into the weeks that followed, including every beating and the incident in the cafeteria. He finished up with the Halloween party and his thoughts before coming to the Roadhouse and doing what he just did.

“Huh,” Ash said at the end, his arms now crossed over his chest. “Okay, I get it. I can let it slide.” He nodded. “Don't make it a regular thing though. I don't do relationships,” he said while stretching.

“You're really okay?”

“You gave me a blowjob and I don't have to remember our anniversary in a month. Castiel, you are heaven sent.” He leaned over and kissed him. “Can I give you some advice though?”

“Mmhm,” Castiel murmured.

“Don't center your life around him, Castiel. I know you’re pissed and sad and you have every right to be, don’t get me wrong. But you’re free now. Do things you never would’ve done with him. Break away from Dean Winchester and think about Castiel…. Dude, what the hell is your last name?”

“Novak.”

“Think about Castiel Novak! Go out! Have fun! You got your revenge, or whatever you want to call this, now go live!”

Castiel smiled and sat up. “Yeah. He’s held me back from so much before! This is my chance to find myself.”

“Exactly!” Ash smiled and brought the joint to his lips again. “Also, do I tell him about this?”

“Who cares? Dean Winchester isn’t apart of me anymore. If he knows, he knows!”

“Cool, because I can’t control what comes out my mouth.”

Castiel nodded, laying back down and looking over at his friend. “Thanks, Ash.”

“My pleasure, amigo. My absolute pleasure.”

  
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all have every right to hate me for how long this took. I am so sorry. But here is part 11! Share, leave kudos, comment! That's the stuff that keeps me going.

“Good morning, sir, I would like to try out for the track team.”

Castiel stood in the Athletics office on Monday morning, confidence emitting from his body and power in his voice. He was trying out for the track team! After months of wanting to, he was finally doing it! No, thanks to De-.... Actually, it didn't matter. He wanted to try out and now he was taking the first step to doing so.

“No.”

Or not.

“What do you mean ‘no?’” Castiel asked, his shoulders slumping forward and his brows creasing. “Why can't I-”

“Track isn't until Spring and let's face it,” the sports director said while looking up, “you don't stand a chance against those other kids.”

“Coach Welliver said I did.”

“Welliver? The  _PE_  coach?”

“ _And_ JV baseball! He told me to tryout.”

“Yeah, well,” he sighed, “like I said. Not until Spring. And seniority privileges-”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “I can beat any one of your guys. Any guy in this  _school_ actually.”

“Someone’s pretty confident.”

‘Yeah, Cas,’ he growled in his head. ‘Pretty confident. Want to shut the hell up now?’

“I'll tell you what, kid. You come by the track tomorrow after school and if you can prove to me that you're worth it, I'll save you a spot on the team.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Yeah, just make sure you don't waste my time, alright?”

Castiel nodded and gave the director a small wave before leaving the office. He felt confident as he strut down the halls and to Charlie’s homeroom.

Upon seeing him, Charlie waved him over and hugged him tightly.

“Hi, baby,” she said jokingly and wrapped her arms around his waist from her position atop her desk. “You look sexy today.”

“Thanks, sweetheart.” He smiled and slid into her seat. “So, I just asked for a track try out and got it.”

“You’re doing it?!”

“If I don't waste the guy’s time and he thinks I'm good, yeah!”

“Castiel, that’s great!” she smiled and hugged him. “What made you want to? I mean, aren’t you kind of programmed to stay away from sports and the like?”

“Ash. He told me I should do things I’ve never done before.”

“The same Ash who got you...high?”

“Yeah! Castiel smiled.

“Wonderful,” Charlie smiled. “Are you two a thing now?”

Castiel shook his head. “No. He doesn’t really do relationships. I just stopped by one day, we talked, and that was it.”

“Well, that and you two having sex with each other,” she said with a shrug.

“I- What?” Castiel asked nervously. “I never- no.”

“Castiel, please,” she smiled. “It's obvious. What happened at the party pissed you off, you went to see Ash to get even, only way to get even  _and_ one up Dean is to… Well, you know. No judgement from me of course. I applaud you on your work, sir. Even  _if_ Dean never knows.”

•••

“You had  _sex_ with him?!” Dean hissed at Castiel the following day after school. The halls were just about empty and Castiel was getting his change of clothes from his locker when Dean showed up.

He calmly turned around and looked at Dean.

“Sorry?”

“Don't play dumb, Castiel,” he growled. “You had sex with Ash. I know, he  _told_ me.”

“He talked about me? Wow, I'm flattered,” he smiled and shut his locker before starting down the hall.

Charlie had made a point when she said Dean would never know about him and Ash and Castiel felt a little unsatisfied at the thought of it. He let it go though, listening to Ash’s advice and leaving Dean in the past. He never would've thought he’d be so lucky to receive a text from Ash the next morning claiming that he had slipped up and let Dean know. Castiel wasn't upset of course, he had told Ash it didn't matter whether Dean knew or not. Now, he was just collecting was was due to him: Dean’s jealousy.

Dean kept in step with Castiel as the pair walked down the hall. They turned a few heads, many expressions were eager, hoping that they would  _finally_ get to see Dean Winchester knock the lights out of Castiel.

“Listen to me, I don't know what kind of game you're playing-”

“I'm not playing a game,” Castiel smiled. “But if I was, I'd be winning.”

“Shut up!” Dean yelled and stopped before grabbing Castiel’s arm and roughly turning him to face Dean. “Why did you sleep with him?”

“Why does it matter, Dean? We’re not together anymore. You broke up with me, don't you remember?” Castiel asked, keeping his voice low.

Dean’s features slowly changed from anger to sadness and Castiel smiled.

“Baby, I don't owe you an explanation for anything I do. Got that?”

Dean’s anger reappeared quickly after that statement. “You're just upset I kissed Anna.”

“I don't have time for this,” Castiel said and continued walking.

“Where are you going?”

“Track tryouts,” Castiel said confidently.

“ _Where?!”_ Dean exclaimed and Castiel rolled his eyes. “Are you just doing  _everything_ I hate to get back at me?”

“This has  _nothing_ to do with you!” Castiel yelled as they finally reached the locker room. “This is about  _me_ and doing everything I've ever wanted to do while we were together but never could because of you!”

“So you  _did_ want to fuck Ash when we were dating.”

‘No!’ Castiel thought. ‘Why would I want him when I had you?’

“That- It doesn't matter if I did or didn't. I have now and you can get over it. I'm not your boyfriend anymore. I'm not your baby or your sweetheart or your Cas. I'm  _me._ And what I want to do is none of your damn concern!”

Dean nodded and looked down before taking a small step back. “Fine,” he said as he looked up and smiled. “Go make a fool of yourself, Castiel. But don’t come crying to me when-”

“Believe me, I won't be going to you for anything. If you're finished, I'd like to get changed. I have a try out to get to.”

Castiel turned his back on Dean and set his bag down before opening it.

“Just because we broke up doesn't mean I don't still care about you.”

“Really?” Castiel laughed. “Are you sure? Because I have evidence to prove otherwise.”

Dean swallowed and looked away. “If you're talking about what happened in the cafeteria-”

“For starters!” he shouted as he turned back around.

“You were being an ass!”

Castiel rolled his eyes and turned back to his bag before pulling out his shirt and tossing it to the side before shrugging out of his jacket and pulling his polo over his head.

“And for the record, I didn't kiss Anna to start some big competition with you!”

“Great, because I don't want a competition anyway,” he said and pulled his shirt over his head.

“I'm not making a list of ‘things Castiel would hate’ and doing them.”

“Awesome. Me neither.”

“I'm handling this break up the healthiest way I can-”

“Well, kudos to you, Dean! Kudos to you! Do you want a fucking medal?”

“You're being such a child about this!”

“ _Me?_  You're the one who's causing a scene and following me into the locker room to interrogate me about whose dick I sucked this weekend!”

Dean crossed his arms. “Psh, yeah? Well-well you're… So shut up about it!”

Castiel shook his head and turned his attention back to his try out. He had prepared the night before and was suppose to have been “in the zone” by now, but was a bit behind schedule due to certain distractions. Once he was fully changed, he shoulders his way past Dean and out the door that lead to the football field and the track surrounding it. He could hear Dean following after him, but didn't dare give him his attention.

When he made his way onto the field, the man he had spoken to the day before was there and waiting with a stopwatch.

“Novak, right?”

“Yes, sir,” Castiel nodded and put his bag down.

“And what exactly are you running for me today?”

“The...sprint.”

“Amazing. Which one? One hundred, two hundred, or-”

“Oh, the one hundred,” Castiel said with a nod, not a fan of how the numbers were getting higher.

The man sighed and nodded. “Alright, come on.” He began to walk towards the opposite end of the track and Castiel followed behind him obediently. His eyes wandered, however, wondering where Dean had gone. He was just there only a moment ago. “Okay, kid, this is where you'll start and you're going to run to wherever I'm standing, capisce?”

“Yes, I...capisce.”

“Wooonderful!” he exclaimed without much excitement.

“Are you going to tell me when to start, too?”

“Just wait for the lovely sound of the air horn,” he growled and started walking away.

Castiel nodded before letting out a long breath and starting to stretch. He was just starting to get nervous and felt like today’s lunch would be joining him on the track at any moment.

He looked down before getting into a start off position and lowering his head.

“Breathe, Castiel,” he whispered. “You can do this. You're fast….right? Oh, shit,” he groaned, now not entirely sure of what he got himself in to.

And three short breaths later, he heard the air horn and burst forward.

‘God, please don't let this be a waste of his time,’ he whined inwardly as he ran as fast as his legs would carry him, which was pretty damn fast. He figured, with a jock on his ass every second of the day, he had been training for the moment for quite some time. He couldn't remember the last time he had pushed himself this hard, but he was so determined to impress this man and prove Dean wrong, that he would've gone around the entire track, just to show he could!

He crossed the line soon enough and brought himself to a slow pace before turning to face the director who still had his eyes on the stopwatch.

“Jesus H Christ,” the man sighed before walking off.

Castiel frowned, still panting as he watched him go. Had he blown it? Was he  _really_  that bad?

“Well...that's that I-”

A loud bang resonated from the bleachers and Castiel’s head snapped in that direction to see Dean getting up from one bench and making his way down the small metal staircase. He started walking away, not looking in the other boy’s direction.

“Hey…. Hey! Dean!” Castiel called and jogged over to the end of the track. “Dean!”

Dean stopped, visibly sighed, and turned around.

“What?”

“I… Do you know why he left? Did I do something wrong? Is he mad?” Castiel shot the questions out like rapid fire.

“Oh, he's pissed,” Dean said in a matter of fact way.

“Wh- Why? Was-Was I that bad? Was I… Did I do bad?”

Dean shrugged, his eyes fixed on the pavement beneath him.

“Nah…. He's just pissed he found his star runner during their senior year.”

Castiel started to smile, but the look on Dean’s face stopped him.

“Have fun on the team, Castiel.” He started to back up, offering up a sort of grimace before turning away. “Congratulations.”

•••

The first meeting with the members of last year’s track team was going well enough considering everyone in the room, except the director, (whose name Castiel had finally figured out) Dan, hated Castiel.

The members obviously couldn't do much to Castiel while their head coach was there but Castiel knew what was in store once the meeting ended and Coach Dan’s back was turned. And mentioning that Castiel had broken every 100 meter sprinters’ record during his tryout, certainly wasn't going to help his circumstances.

“So, I expect you all to welcome Castiel with open arms and show him his way around the track, okay?”

“Okay,” they all responded obediently.

“Great! Well, Castiel, talk to these guys. Get to know ‘em and we’ll do a few laps around the track when I get back. I want to work with you everyday until the Spring.”

“Okay,” Castiel said with a smile. He couldn't think of more than one teacher that looked at him with as much pride as Coach Dan was now.

“Wonderful. Okay! I'll be back you all,” he said and clapped Castiel on the back. “Socialize.”

He smiled, waved, and left the room.

The sound of the door closing was the most sickening noise Castiel had heard all day.

•••

“Doesn't running make you want to kill yourself?” Gabriel asked as Castiel laced up his shoes. “Because it makes  _me_  want to kill myself.”

“Gabriel, for the last time, no. Running does not make me want to kill myself.”

“But...But you  _do_ hate yourself, obviously, because you're running.”

“Once again, no.”

“Dad, Castiel’s gone insane.”

Chuck glanced up from his computer and looked at his two sons sitting on the couch. “Obviously he has if he thinks he's going out like that.”

“Like what?” Castiel asked looking down at his shorts and shirt.

“Hi, this is Kansas and it's winter! Put on warmer clothes.”

“I get hot when I run.”

“Not a discussion,” his dad replied and Castiel groaned heavily before standing up and going back upstairs to put on warmer clothes.

By the time he started running, it was already getting pretty dark out. He silently thanked his father for making him change and zipped up his jacket before he started to jog. Three weeks of running and he loved it. No one on the team spoke to him, but that wasn't a surprise. He enjoyed working one on one with his coach and releasing any stress through his runs. He had found something that worked for him and with how rarely things like that came around, he snatched it up quickly and couldn't think of letting go.

He took the same route as always, the entire jog being about four miles up and back. His sprints came in later, using the distance from one light post to the next as his markers. Each day he could feel himself getting better, faster. He didn't wimp out in the beginning or get a pain in his side towards the end. The entire run was just smooth sailing, and he couldn't think of having it any other way.

Castiel, once making it to the two mile mark (a small shopping plaza) took a moment to stop and stretch. He looked back at the route he was supposed to travel back down and thought. He didn't want to stop here. He wanted to keep going. Why not add on another mile or two? What could the harm possibly be?

With that thought, Castiel smiled and took off down the street.

About half a mile down, he realized that the harm could be the sky opening up and sending down a torrential amount of rain.

“This is what I get!” Castiel screamed over the sound of the water striking against the pavement, definitely causing cracks to form with the amount of force each drop was landing with. “I try to improve and  _this is what I get!”_  he screamed again as he ran back down his path.

As he rounded a corner, he slid slightly, quickly catching his balance and standing still, upright. He cursed softly and pulled his beanie down further onto his head.

“Fuck me. Just  _fuck-”_  Castiel stopped and lifted his head.

‘What was that?’ he thought and looked around. He heard the noise again. A type of mewling that was being drowned out as it tried to scream over the rain. Castiel, turned in a complete circle as the noise came again and again. “Hello? Do-Do you need help?” The soft cry for help came again, but seemed to be cut short by a type of gargling. “Hell- oh!” Castiel gasped as he looked down.

A couple feet away, he saw it. It was small, weak, and defenseless against the water rushed around it and - just for a second - over its head.

Castiel rushed over and knelt beside the small kitten who seemed to be stuck under a section of a fence.

“Okay, okay,” he whispered to himself and reached for the animal before gently tugging on it. That earned him a hiss and a weak attempt at being clawed. “Sorry! Did that hurt you? Sorry!” he whined and snatched his hands away before leaning over and grabbing a part of the fence. “Okay, we’ll try this. This could work,” he said as he pulled up on the fence with a grunt.

The kitten screamed and Castiel bit back a scream of his own as he slowly lowered the fence.

“I don't know what you want me to…” He looked down at the ground beneath the kitten, already softened by the rain, and started to dig.

He dug and dug and dug for a couple of minutes before gently reaching under the kitten’s body and pulling it out.

It meowed softly and shook in his hand.

“Well, that wasn't so bad, huh?” he smiled as he unzipped his jacket. “I mean, only emotionally traumatizing,” he said and pressed the kitten against his chest before zipping up the jacket. His hands moved over the jacket and under the kitten’s small body. “You'll be okay,” he cooed at it and started walking, not wanting to jog and cause the poor thing anymore pain.

He got back to his two mile marker and looked around the plaza before grinning at the sight of a Petsmart and ducking inside the store.

The warmth that it presented was greedily accepted by Castiel and he felt even the kitten pressed up against his chest sigh.

He walked over to the aisles and started down the bedding one before finding a small, red flannel bed and picking it up.

“What do you think?”

The kitten meowed and Castiel smiled.

“Yeah, me too…. You'll probably be hungry too,” he mumbled and turned to move out of that aisle and into another one. “You're small, probably have small teeth, not completely developed…. Soft food?” he asked and picked up a can. He brought it towards his jacket and the kitten peeked out its head before sniffing it and sneezing. “Bless you! Sorry, I know you're cold. We’ll get you home soon,” Castiel said and grabbed another can of food.

After that, he walked to the register, quickly paid for his things and left, bag in hand, kitten in jacket. It was still pouring when he got outside and he sighed.

“Ready for round two?” he asked his jacket, which sneezed in response. “Me neither,” he said and took off into the rain.

When Castiel finally got home, he flew through the front door and slammed it shut.

“I'm home-”

“Can you not answer a phone?!” Chuck yelled as he came around the corner. “Castiel, I've been  _calling_ you for an  _hour_! You shouldn't have been out there in that weather! Haven't I always told you to check the weather before you go running? Haven't I  _always_ said that?”

“No.”

“Well, I'm  _saying_ it now! You should've called me or your brother to pick you up.”

“Sorry, I had to get some stuff,” he said and held up with bag.

“Petsmart? What the hell were you doing at Petsmart?”

Castiel shivered slightly and shook his head. “Can I tell you after I shower? I'm cold.”

“No, you can tell me right now. It's not my fault you're cold.”

Castiel sighed and walked past his dad and into the living room where Gabriel was sitting and eating cereal while watching tv.

“How was your run?” he asked as he shoveled another spoonful of Cocoa Puffs into his mouth.

“Shut up.”

“If I had known running got you that wet, I would've started  _ages_  ago.”

Castiel rolled his eyes and sat on the floor before unzipping his jacket and pulling it off. On his lap sat the kitten. It was wet, covered in mud, and shivering.

“This is why I went to Petsmart. I found…,” Castiel gently lifted the kitten up and looked under, “her stuck under a fence. If I didn't do anything she probably would've died.” He placed her on the floor and she meowed lightly before stepping forward. Immediately, she snatched up her front right paw and balanced on three legs.

“Aw!” Gabriel whined and poked out his bottom lip. “Her wittle paw!”

“Please don't talk like that,” Castiel sighed.

“It's hurt!”

“And Castiel, what exactly do you plan on doing with this cat?”

“Um,” he said and looked up at his dad. “Nurse it back to health?”

“And then what?”

“Uh...find someone who wants it?”

“Bingo.”

A week had passed and Castiel started to see improvement in the kitten. He took her to the veterinarian a day after his found her and they gave her medication to fight off the small cold brewing in her body. They'd rather fight the cold than something worse.

At the moment, Castiel was watching her run around his room from his spot on the floor, her limp gone and her energy at its highest.

He stuck out his hand as she ducked under his bed and drummed his fingers against his carpet. She shot out from under the bed and jumped on his hand, clawing and biting it mercilessly.

Castiel chuckled and sat up before gathering the the gray kitten in his arms, her white paws going to his shirt, her claws digging into the fabric as she climbed up him and rested on his shoulder.

There was a knock at his door as Castiel turned his head as much as he could to see his dad.

“Hey, Cassie,” he smiled and came around to sit on Castiel's bed. “So,” he sighed, “it's been a week.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“We bought the thing a litter box...and  _several_  toys.”

“Mmhm.”

“We even got close to naming it.”

“Not close. We  _have._  Picket.”

Chuck raised his eyebrows and head. “Picket.”

“Yeah.”

“O...kay. Picket.”

“Think about it,” Castiel said with a smirk as Picket lept off his shoulder and darted around the room.

“Oh, I will. I will. Um, but first, have we found anyone who wants to take it?”

“Her. And yeah. I have.”

“Who?”

“Me.”

•••

“You're so lucky you have a kitten!” Charlie whined as they walked to the track. “ _I_  want a kitten.”

“Find your own,” Castiel chuckled.

“I'm going to have to start running in the rain. It sounds fun and adventurous.”

“Everyone else thinks I'm insane.”

“No, you are. You run for fun. I'd run for the free kitten,” she smiled. “I'll be in the bleachers if you need me. Run fast, I want to go get a smoothie.”

“Anything for you, Bradbury,” he smiled and jogged onto the track and over to his coach. “Afternoon, sir.”

“Novak, hey. Uh, listen, bud,” he said while looking down at his phone, “I'm sorry to do this to you but I have a family emergency and I gotta split.”

“Oh, that's fine. I can do the exercises on my own.”

“Yeah? Good, sorry again. We’ll meet Saturday to make up, okay?”

“Sure,” he nodded. “Yeah, that's fine.”

“You're the best, kid,” he said before running off.

“Are we leaving?” Charlie called and Castiel shook his head. “Then run, Forrest! Run!”

Castiel grinned and shook his head before he started to stretch.

He went through the routine easily enough. The number of jobs, sprints, stretches, and laps he had to do were permanently etched into his brain. Running was second nature to Castiel, as was all the work that came with it. He spent about an hour and a half working everything he would've done with Coach Dan and ran one extra lap around the track to see how much he had improved.

When he checked his watch and saw that he had finished ten seconds sooner than usual, a smile spread across his face.

“Nice,” he panted and looked up in the bleachers to give Charlie a thumbs up. “I'm gonna walk a cool down!” he called to her.

“Do what ya gotta do, babe!”

Castiel inhaled deeply and started to walk. He loved the feeling of the wind blowing against his face and the feeling of the track underneath him. The cool down was something he always looked forward to. It was the most stress relieving part of the whole sport and more than likely he wasn't anything if not stressed.

When he finished walking, he went over to his bag and started to pack up his things. He grabbed his jacket off the ground and shrugged it on before turning around and almost screaming at the sight of who was in front of him.

“Hey!” Alastair Rolston smiled. “How's it going?”

Castiel looked from Alastair to the three boys standing behind him and back to Alastair again.

“Um...good.” Castiel was calm. He never spoke to Alastair, barely even saw him -which was surprising given how big the guy was- so he couldn't think of a reason to be nervous. Plus, he had just released any stress be had only a couple of seconds ago. “How are you?”

“Not too bad,” Alastair grinned. “So, you're the new track star, huh?”

“Uh, I haven't really said anything-”

“Coach Dan never shuts up about you.”

“You play sports?”

“Oh, no no. I'm just close to the guy.”

“Oh,” Castiel said. No sports. Definitely a reason to not be afraid. “Cool.”

“Yeah…. Castiel, right?”

“Yeah,” he said and Alastair extending his hand which Castiel took. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too. Castiel, I have a question for you. Just between us and my buddies here.”

“Sure.”

“Did you by any chance dress up as Robin for Halloween?”

Castiel suddenly found it hard to speak. A million thoughts ran through his head about why Alastair might be asking that question, but nothing shouted at him to say no. Being Robin was one of his better memories.

“Uh, ye-yeah. I did.”

“And you were at that party, yeah?”

“I was, yeah,” he said and nodded then slowly smiled after Alastair did.

“Awesome,” Alastair laughed before raising his fist and swinging it across Castiel’s left cheek.

The blow was unlike anyone Castiel had received before. He was knocked to the ground, spitting blood from his mouth and trying to get the world to stop spinning. His ears were ringing to a point where Charlie’s horrified scream seemed to be miles away. Slowly, he found his bearings and got up on his knees, but it was short lived as Alastair’s other fist came across the opposite cheek.

Castiel was back on the ground. This time, feeling it would be better to stay down.

“Do you happen to remember,” came Alastair’s voice, “a certain dark haired girl that you have a busted lip and bruised head to.”

And there was the downfall. The one memory that Castiel should've accessed immediately.

“Alastair,” he said. “Th-That was- _oof!_ ” he groaned as a fist rammed into his stomach.

“Well, that particular girl happened to be  _my girlfriend,_ ” he growled and lifted Castiel up by his collar before his knuckles slammed into his nose and caused Castiel’s head to strike the track beneath him.

Castiel screamed and moved his hands up to his nose which was definitely broken.

“Leave him alone!” Charlie screamed. “Let go of me! Alastair, leave him alone!”

“Do you know what it was like to see her, busted up like that and not know who did it?”

“It was an accident!” Castiel cried and tried to back away. This only got him another blow to the stomach and the chin.

“Alastair, I swear to GOD if you touch him again-”

“Someone shut the bitch up, I don't have time for her whining.”

“Charl-” Another two punches to his side and Castiel stopped talking to let out another grunt and howl of pain.

“It was an  _accident_? What you did to her?!”

“Yes! She-She was drunk and she tried to have sex with me-” Alastair nailed him in the jaw and again on the nose. His first collided several times with his mouth and he grabbed his collar again before slamming him back against the ground. “Are you calling my girlfriend a slut?!”

Castiel couldn't answer. The pain was too intense. Every part of his body felt like it was being stabbed into or twisted a wrong way. He turned his head to the side, crying as he spit up more blood.

“No, no Meg isn't a slut. You...You tried to rape her.”

“NO!” Castiel managed to scream. “No, I-”

“And when she didn't do what you wanted, you hit her!”

“I would- I would  _never_ -”

“You thought you could try and  _rape_ my girlfriend?!”

“N-No!” Castiel cried and attempted to push Alastair off of him. “No,  _please_!” he sobbed and pushed some more. “I-I didn't  _touch_ her! I-I-” Castiel choked on his words as Alastair’s hands wrapped around his neck.

“I could kill you! I could kill you  _here and now_.”

Castiel clawed at Alastair’s hands and kicked his legs out, trying desperately to get the larger boy off of him.

There was a grunt from a few feet away and then one closer to Castiel as Charlie kicked Alastair in the gut and shoved him off of Castiel, who was now gasping desperately for breath and coughing roughly. 

“Hey, hey, it's okay,” Charlie said and gently placed her hands on either side of his face. “It's okay, they're gone. They're-”

“Charlie!” Castiel screamed and turned his face away. “Charlie, it  _hurts!_ ”

“I know,” she sniffled. “I know. I'm going to get you to a hospital, okay? I'm going to get you fixed up,” she soothed as he sobbed heavily. “Castiel, you've gotta get up,” she said and slowly started to pull him up.

“No!” he screamed as a pain shot up his torso. “No! Charlie,  _no!”_

 _“_ Castiel you  _have_ to get up. You have to! I-I can't-” She sat back and put her head in her hands before grabbing the front of his shirt and exhaling. “I'm going to make this quick. I have to get you up and I have to get you to the car, Castiel, okay? I'm sorry if it hurts.”

“Ch-Char-”

“I'm sorry,” she said and quickly pulled him into a sitting position. She buried her face in his chest as he screamed and whispered shaky apologies as her arms wrapped around him.

“What happened?!” A familiar voice cried from Castiel’s right as hands moved to his back. “Hey! What happened?!”

“Who are  _you_?” Charlie asked.

“Jo. Friend of Castiel’s.”

Castiel groaned and the girls’ attention was immediately back on him.

“Help me get him to my car,” Charlie said.

“Charlie, I can't- I can't m-move. Charlie, it  _hurts! It hurts!”_

She didn't respond, but instead moved to his side, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and another around his back. Jo followed suit and together the two lifted Castiel off the ground.

He stumbled and gasped in pain.

“Can you walk? Castiel-”

“Charlie,” he gasped and coughed. “I...I ca-can’t brea-breathe!”

Jo leaned down and lifted his jacket and shirt, much to Castiel’s dismay, and cursed.

“I’ll bet you anything it’s his ribs.”

“Is he going to pass out? Is- He needs to breathe!”

“He can, it’ll just hurt like a bitch.”

“Castiel, you’re gonna have to deal with it for right now. We have to get you to the hospital.”

The rest of the walk was no easy feat. Castiel nearly collapsed with the first step and the ones that followed only increased in pain. Jo and Charlie made their best effort to get him to the front of the school without running into any straggling students or faculty members. Castiel held back, screams, cries, and curses as they made their way to the parking lot. Once there, they stopped and helped Castiel to lean against the wall. Charlie rushed to get her car as Jo stood with him and tried her best to soothe him and get him to ignore the pain.

Getting into the car proved to be equally as difficult as did the car ride. Every bump and sharp stop was torture for Castiel and he let Charlie know through his screams.

“You have to slow down!” he roared. “It’s too painful, Charlie, you have to slow down!”

“I need to get you to the hospital,” she yelled back at him. “Jo, j-just get him to calm down.”

“I’m doing everything I can. He’s not going to stop if you keep running into every damn pothole in this fucking road!”

Castiel leaned his head back and closed his eyes and with the next stop and sharp jab of pain into his side, he blacked out. 

  
  



	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 12! Again, don't be afraid to leave comments, share with friends, and give kudos! It really does wonders and they make my day!

"Castiel.... Cassie? Hey, Cassie."

The whispers of his name were faint at first, but slowly became more prominent as Castiel started to come to. Accompanying the whispers was a soft beeping and the recorded laughter that played in sitcoms.

"Hey, buddy," the voice whispered again and Castiel peeked an eye open to see his brother's face. He tried to open his other eye but found that the left side of his vision remained black.

Castiel reached a hand up to his eye and Gabriel gently took it and brought it back down.

"It's swollen shut, Cassie. Don't touch it."

Castiel looked down and realized that he wasn't in bed at home, but instead in bed at a hospital.

"Wh- _oh_ ," Castiel gasped and reached up to touch his throat. Because of his gasp, a sharp pain penetrated his side and he quickly grabbed that as well.

"Yeah, bud, those are gonna hurt for a little bit too. And just to stop you from getting the idea, I wouldn't try to sit up."

The hospital door opened and Castiel turned his head to see his dad.

He was looking down at his phone, his face displaying aggravation as did his stance. He was stiff. To the point where Castiel believed a tornado could pass through the room and his dad wouldn't move.

"If this damn school doesn't answer the phone-"

"Dad, it's after hours, they won't pick up," Gabriel said. "And Castiel's awake."

That got his attention and Chuck quickly looked up and shoved his phone away. He made his way over to the bed and took a seat by Castiel.

"How are you feeling? Are you alright? What hurts? Does-Does anything hurt?" He sighed and rolled his eyes. "Of course something hurts, look at you! Castiel, I don't-I don't know how- Who did this to you? What was his name?"

Castiel scrunched his eyebrows together and looked down.

"Al-" he stopped as the pain shot up his throat and sighed. He had to speak softer. "Alastair," he whispered.

"Alastair what?"

"I...." He frowned and shook his head as his forehead scrunched up. "I don't remember."

"It's probably the concussion," Gabriel whispered to his dad.

"Yeah," Chuck mumbled and squeezed Castiel's hand. "That's okay, bud. Alastair is a good enough name to go on. I mean, who the hell is named Alastair?"

Castiel put a small smile on his face. "Who the hell is named Castiel?"

"It's unique! It's fun!"

"It's weird," Castiel smiled.

"Yeah, Dad," Gabriel said. "You really don't have a say in the whole 'weird names' business."

"What? You're _all_ named after angels! I don't see the issue."

"I've never heard of Castiel."

"And Satan doesn't strike me as the angelic type."

"Lucifer was God's most loyal follower!" Chuck defended and sighed. "Until he fell and became the devil."

"Amazing," Gabriel grinned as Castiel started to laugh.

He regretted it almost immediately, grabbing his side in pain once again. He tightly shut his eye and groaned while wrapping his other hand tightly around the sheets as his breathing became short and ragged.

"Hey, hey," Chuck said and took his son's hand. "Take it easy, Castiel. Breathe. It's okay."

"It's painful!"

"Don't yell. You'll only hurt yourself more."

Castiel inhaled and slowly started to relax against the pillows as he let his breath out slowly.

Gabriel, who had looked away during the whole ordeal, stood up and ran his fingers through his hair.

Castiel loosened his grip on the sheets and shook his head. "I hate this."

"I know," Chuck said and softly ran his hands through Castiel's hair. "But we'll get past it, okay? Let's just be thankful that you're here right now and that Charlie got you here safely-"

"Is she here?" he asked. "Charlie?"

"Hasn't left. Her or...her girlfriend?"

Castiel shook his head. "I can't remember. I only remember Charlie. She got me off the ground and into her car and she wouldn't slow down." He grimaced at the unwelcome and painful memory. "Then I think I passed out."

"I wouldn't be surprised," Chuck frowned. "You were probably in so much pain."

Castiel sighed. "Can I see her? Can you get her for me?"

"I'll do that," Gabriel said and swiftly left the room.

Castiel had never seen Charlie cry and that day he decided he never wanted to see it again.

She kept trying to reassure him that she was okay and that she was just being dramatic.

Castiel couldn't imagine what it was like to be in her position. Seeing someone you care about broken, bloody, and lifeless couldn't have been a very cherishing experience. He couldn't stand the sight of her crying. He couldn't stand the sight of her in pain. So instead, he put himself in that position.

As he sat up, his hand tightened around the sheets and his face contorted into a look of utter discomfort.

"Whoa, whoa, Castiel-" Chuck started but Castiel ignored him and grabbed Charlie before pulling her into a hug.

He didn't think anything in his life had been that painful, but for Charlie, he would endure anything.

"I'm okay," he got out through gritted teeth. "I'm okay, Charlie," he said, his hand moving up and down her back.

Charlie nodded against his shoulder and wrapped her fists around the hospital gown.

"Oh, God. I can't-I can't ever see you like that again."

"As long as I have you around, I think I'll be okay."

"Right. Because you were _so_ okay this afternoon," she sniffled, winding her arms tighter around him.

"Charlie, he would've choked the life out of me if not for your field goal worthy kick to his gut."

She laughed lightly and squeezed him quickly (Castiel held back a cry) before pulling back slightly to kiss his cheek.

Castiel smiled and looked up to see Gabriel standing next to a blonde. Her arms crossed and her eyes watery as she looked anywhere but at Castiel.

"Not Charlie's girlfriend," Castiel said and looked at his dad.

"What?" everyone in the room asked.

"She's not Charlie's girlfriend," Castiel said and nodded in the direction of the girl. "That's Jo. My other hero who I owe my life to."

"Oh," Chuck said and blushed as Charlie and Jo stared at him. "We-Well... You never know."

The rest of the day passed by with nurses, medication, painful movements, and speeches about murder (courtesy of Ash).

Jo had told him what happened and he had high tailed down to the hospital to see Castiel. He cursed and left the room when he first laid eyes on the boy and Jo had to go and calm him down. Apparently it was bad because it was a whole hour before Ash came back in the room and even then he was still crying.

Gabriel kept his eyes on Ash the entire time he was in the room, a grin on his face that made Castiel uncomfortable. He could only _imagine_ what was going through Gabriel's head:

'So _this_ is the guy Castiel got high with. So _this_ is the guy he slept with. Look at his hair! He has cool hair. He'd probably be pissed if I cut it off. He'd probably hunt me down and kill me.... I should cut it off.'

"And I mean it Blue Eyes," Ash said and pointed at Castiel as Gabriel mouthed the nickname with a smirk, "if I ever see this kid, I'm using my advanced Tae Kwon Do on him."

"You don't know Tae Kwon Do," Jo said with a sigh.

"I'll learn! Just to kick this kid's ass."

"Thanks, Ash," Castiel laughed. "I'll be sure to point him out to you."

Chuck smiled from his seat beside Castiel's bed as he looked around the room. Despite having it pretty hard most days, there was no denying that Castiel was loved. Maybe not by many, but by those who mattered. Everyone Castiel needed was in that room then and there.... Except for one maybe. Chuck wondered if Dean knew, if he had seen. Because if so, in a time before the break ups and heartaches, Alastair would've been as good as dead.

"Well," he said and stood up, "I think it's about that time, guys. Castiel needs to get his rest."

"I don't want to hold him back from that," Jo said and walked over to Castiel before hugging him. "We'll see you tomorrow, Castiel. Get some good sleep."

Ash went over next and sighed. "You get better, alright?"

"No worries," Castiel nodded.

Ash smiled then leaned down and pecked him on the lips. "I'll see you later, Blue Eyes."

"See you around."

"Mr. Novak, big Castiel," Ash said with a small bow towards Chuck and Gabriel. "Rock on." He looked to Jo and nodded towards the door before they left.

Chuck looked to Castiel who shrugged. "What?"

"I...I didn't know you two-"

"We're not. He was just saying goodbye. It was friendly."

"Friendly...right. Okay," Chuck said.

" _I_ didn't get a friendly kiss," Gabriel said. "I didn't even get my name. But, to be fair, I haven't sle-"

"Thanks, Gabe! That's good," Castiel interjected and Charlie laughed.

"I need to go too," she sighed and Castiel pouted. "I know, I'll miss you too," she chuckled and kissed his forehead. "Stay gold, Ponyboy," she joked and said goodbye to Chuck and Gabriel before walking out the door.

Castiel stayed in the hospital one more day after that and was back home on Monday. His dad kept him there another day after _that_ and was constantly checking up on him, along with Gabriel. It was almost like he had never really _left_ the hospital. The only difference was the quality in food and having clothes that completely covered his ass.

Oh, and being able to have a Star Wars marathon. Even watching it out of one and half eyes, Star Wars never failed to disappoint.

Gabriel joined him about a quarter of the way through Episode Four, bowl of popcorn in hand.

"So, Cassie," he said, "how was your-"

"Sh," Castiel said, his eyes still focused on the screen.

"I'm trying to have-"

"Shhhh!"

Gabriel groaned and slumped against the headboard, waiting patiently until the movie was over.

When it finally was, and the bowl was empty, Gabriel looked over at Castiel.

"How was your day?"

"Boring. But, I can definitely see out of my left eye now. It's pretty cool."

Gabriel turned Castiel's face towards him and nodded. "Yeah, I can kinda see your eye. And your cuts look better. More healed. The stitches still kinda stand out...."

"Yeah, I know. I can talk though without wanting to kill myself. And breathing doesn't hurt."

"Good," Gabriel smiled and let go of his brother's face.

Castiel stared at him and squinted slightly when Gabriel let out a sigh.

"What?"

"What?"

"No, I 'what' you first."

"What? I'm not doing anything."

"You're giving me a look."

"What look?"

"The 'oh I really don't wanna do this to you' look."

Gabriel looked away and then back. " _What?"_

"Gabriel, what is going on?"

Gabriel sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Dad has been talking to me and he's thinking about sending you back tomorrow. To school."

Castiel swallowed and licked his lips. "But...But Christmas break is on Friday. Can't-Can't I just wait it out?"

"That's what I said, but Dad's kinda worried about what you missed and stuff."

"Charlie will get it for me."

"You have _one_ class with her."

"Gabriel, I- No. No, _please._ "

"I'm talking to him, Cassie. Believe me, I am, but he wants you to go back."

"Gabriel, I'm _scared_ to go back! He'll tear me apart if I go back!"

Gabriel raised his hands in a calming gesture and placed them on his brother's shoulders. "Cassie, breathe. Okay? Breathe. I'm going to keep talking to him about it. I'll try to change his mind. But even if I can't, you are _not_ going to be in danger, you understand? _I'm_ not going to let that happen."

"But h-how?"

"Don't you worry about how, alright? Just know that you're never going to be hurt at that school again, okay? Do you trust me?"

Castiel's breath shuddered as he inhaled but he nodded. "Yes."

"Good. That's all that matters."

Gabriel did spend the rest of the day trying to sway his dad's view on sending Castiel back to school the next day, but unfortunately, Chuck was definite in his decision. However, when the time came for Castiel to leave the next morning, Chuck found him sitting, still in bed, and tears racing down his cheeks.

"Dad, don't send me back," he cried. "Not today, please don't send me back!"

"Castiel, I know you don't want to and I know it's hard to go back after what happened but if you don't I'm afraid you'll develop this constant fear of-"

"Don't make me go back!" he sobbed. "Dad, please!"

"Castiel-"

" _Please!_ "

Chuck sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Bud, you'll regret having missed this much. Knowing you, you'll be so upset and I don't want you upset over the holidays."

Castiel sniffled. He couldn't deny his dad being right. He had missed so much already and it was starting to stress him out. Charlie brought as much of his work home as possible, but learning the lessons on his own was just too much. And knowing that midterms would be after break and he had no idea what was going on in class was enough to make him sick.

"Tomorrow. Dad, just give me until tomorrow. I have lunch with Charlie tomorrow."

Chuck sighed again and nodded. "Okay. Tomorrow," he said before stepping over to Castiel and kissing his head. "I'll be writing if you need me, okay? Go back to sleep, rest up. You'll need it. Let me know when you're hungry and I'll make you breakfast and get you your medication."

"Okay," Castiel whispered and laid down before Chuck pulled the covers over him and kissed him again. "Thank you."

Chuck smiled and wiped the tears off Castiel's face. "Whatever's easier for you, bud."

•••

"Okay," Gabriel said as he parked the car. "Here we are, fifteen minutes early, right in front, happy campers ready for new days at-"

"I'm gonna be sick," Castiel whispered and opened the car door before leaning out of it.

"Cassie, just breathe. Remember what I told you. No one's going to hurt you here. Not anymore."

"Everyone's going to be staring at me and my stitches and bruises and swollen eye."

"No one's going to-"

"Do you have a sweater? I need another sweater, I'm cold."

"Uh," Gabriel said and looked in the back seat. "Oh, my hoodie," he said and grabbed it before handing it to Castiel who quickly pulled it on. "You're going to get too hot, Cassie."

"I'll be fine," he mumbled and pulled out his phone before quickly tapping on the screen for a couple of seconds.

"Castiel," Gabriel said as he noticed his younger brother's hands started to shake, "you need to relax."

"I don't know i-if I can do this."

"You can. I believe you can. And listen, if it ever gets to be _way_ too much for you, call me. I'll come get you."

"You have work."

"You're more important than any job, you understand? If it gets to be too much, call me."

Castiel nodded and rested against the seat. "Okay.... Can you wait here with me until Charlie gets here?"

"Fine by me."

They waited maybe ten minutes more before Charlie showed up by the car and leaned down to wave.

"Hello, Novaks!"

"Charlie. Alright, Castiel, I'll see you later. You need a ride home?"

"I've got that taken care of," Charlie smiled as Castiel stepped out the car and moved the strap of his bag over his shoulder. "See you later," she smiled and shut the door.

Gabriel waved out the window and they both waved back as be backed out his spot and drove out of the driveway.

"You look better," Charlie said. "A _hell_ of a lot better."

"Thanks," he mumbled and pulled up his hood. "Still don't want to be here."

"I've got your back. And so does the Junior."

"Jo."

"Jo.... You know, she's pretty cool," she said as they started walking towards the front doors. "And she's Harvelle's daughter!"

"Yeah, I know," Castiel said. "She was there when Ash first brought me to the Roadhouse."

"Is it weird seeing a teacher outside of school and being close with them?"

"No," Castiel said and opened the door for Charlie, "makes me feel safer," he said as he entered the school. "Not safe...but safer."

Charlie linked her arm through Castiel's as he lowered his head and they walked through the hall and to his locker. He fumbled with his lock, his hands shaking too much for him to get the combination in. Charlie stepped in to help as Castiel stood back.

"Charlie, I don't think I can do-"

"Yeah, you can." Charlie pulled Castiel's books out for him and handed them over. "And I'll be there before and after class, okay? You don't have to worry about anyone hurting you."

"O-Okay," he mumbled and she squeezed his hand.

"We're going to kick today's _ass_!"

Castiel didn't know about Charlie, but he surely wasn't kicking today's ass. He had been in a state of terror since homeroom and no class after that was able to calm him down. Not even his class with Charlie. By fourth period he was desperate for the end of the day and even thought about calling Gabriel.

Before going to lunch, Castiel and Charlie stopped by his locker in order for him to shed a few layers. Gabriel had been right. With his constant shaking and near nervous breakdowns, he had worked up a sweat. He pulled the hoodie over his head before taking off the jacket and sweater underneath.

"Jesus Christ. I know it's cold, Castiel, but it's not _that_ cold."

He shoved the jacket and sweater into his locker before pulling the hoodie back over his head. He offered Charlie a smile and together they went off to lunch.

He found that he wasn't hungry but Charlie urged him to eat at least an apple. He knew she only did so because he'd have to take his medication afterwards.

"So, one more period and we're all done."

"Yeah...then one more day."

"Half day to be correct," Charlie smiled. "You'll be able to make it. Then we're on break."

"Woohoo," he mumbled and rubbed his right eye.

Charlie rubbed his back and rested her head on his shoulder. "It'll get easier, Castiel. Maybe not here, but somewhere in the future, it'll get easier."

"Yeah," he said. "You're right. The future _will_ be a lot easier," he agreed as his hand tightened around the pill bottle in the pocket of his hoodie.

•••

Castiel slid into his seat in English, pulled out his notebook and immediately after put his head down.

One more hour and he was out. But of course, it would be the worst hour of his life.

"No way!" Raphael exclaimed as he walked into the class and took his seat. "How in the _hell_ did I get so lucky to see you before break?"

Castiel took a long and calming breath. He knew Raphael wouldn't hurt him, not _terribly_ , but just having him there put Castiel on edge.

"Hey, no hoodies allowed in class, Cassidy," he said and tugged on the jacket's hood. "Take it off."

"Leave me alone."

"Hey, Ms. H!"

"What is it, Raphael?"

"Castiel has a hoodie on and last I checked, the hood part wasn't allowed to be on during class. It's disrespectful."

Castiel sighed and sat up. He knew that Ellen (it was still weird to call her that) knew about what happened. Ash and Jo told her all about his encounter with Alastair last week so she most likely knew what his face looked like.

"Uh," she started, "you're right, Raphael. However, there was no need to _tell_ on him. You're a senior. Not a second grader."

"But he has to take it off, right?"

"Yes," she sighed. "I'm sorry, Castiel, but you have to take it off."

He cussed under his breath and slowly pushed the hood off his head. Even with his head bowed, whispers filled the room and he felt every eye fixed on his face. He raised a hand to shield it and stayed focused on his notebook.

"Alright," Ellen said, her voice just the slightest bit shaky. "Let's get focused and start the lesson!"

Raphael leaned forward just as their teacher turned her back.

"You shouldn't hide it. The whole school heard about it. One of Alastair's buddies got a video. You're a celebrity, Cassidy. Everyone wants to see. You're finally getting the attention you've always wanted. Show off your face. Let everyone see how badly you're fucked up. Let the next guy know what he has to beat."

"Raphael, zip it!" Ellen snapped at him. "Stop distracting your classmates."

"My apologies, Ms. H." He sat back in his chair and Castiel let out a sigh of relief.

It wasn't until a small water drop appeared on his paper that he realized he was crying. He quickly wiped his eyes and sniffed before running a hand through his hair.

"Welcome back to your own personal hell," Raphael chuckled and flicked his ear.

•••

"Castiel, come here," Ellen said after class.

Most of the class had left. A few kids were packing their bags as Castiel walked up to his teacher, already fishing homework out of his bag.

"I did as much as I could," he mumbled and presented it to her as kids ran past him and out the door. "I think I still have an exercise or two-"

"Don't worry about those, Castiel," she said and he looked up at her to see her frowning. "I wanted to know how you're.... Dean, I'm sorry, but would you mind leaving?"

"Huh? Oh, ye-yeah, sorry." Castiel chanced a glance in his direction and Dean swallowed. "Just packing," he mumbled.

Ellen took the homework from Castiel and put it on her desk. "Your friend Charlie's been picking up all your work? Every class?"

"Yes, ma'am," Castiel replied and looked back to Dean to see him leaning forward, obviously trying to get a better view of Castiel's face. He supposed his swollen profile wasn't enough. "She's a good friend. Always been by my side."

"I'm sure of it," she smiled. "Now- Dean!"

"What?"

"Get out! My goodness, will you ever _not_ be hardheaded?"

"I was just- I-"

"Being nosy, as usual."

Dean sighed and snatched up his backpack. "I'm _going_ ," he said and gestured to the door.

" _Thank you,_ " Ellen replied and gestured in the same way.

Dean left the room and immediately Ellen's face turned into one of concern.

"Come here, let me look at you, honey," she mumbled and gently took Castiel's face into her hands. Her frown deepened and her eyes glistened with tears. "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry they did this to you," she whispered and ran her right thumb across his cheek. "Who was it?"

"Alastair. I...I still can't remember his last name. I had a concussion-"

"And you were doing _homework?_ Castiel, I swear to God-"

His phone buzzed and he quickly checked to see it was his dad.

"Go on and answer. He's probably worried about you."

Castiel did as he was told. "Hi, Dad."

"Hey, bud. How was the first day?"

"Stressful...scary."

"Well, it's all over now, right?"

"Mmhm."

"Charlie's bringing you home?"

"Mm," Castiel looked at the door, confused as to why she hadn't shown up yet, "hmm. Yeah. She's coming to get me now."

"Okay, and listen, if you...if you want to talk maybe switching schools, Castiel, then I'm...I'm open to that, okay?"

"Okay, Dad," he said, though switching schools was the last thing on his mind.

"I'll see you when I get home."

"O-Okay, Dad."

"I love you-"

"Bye, Dad," Castiel quickly hung up the phone and shoved it back in his pocket. "I should go."

"What's the rush?" she asked as Castiel hurried towards the door.

"M-My ride is- I gotta go."

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow then."

Castiel didn't respond but instead ran down the mostly barren hall to his locker. He, with unsteady and shaking hands, attempted to get his lock open. He felt closed in, paranoid, and he was definitely starting to overheat again.

"Dammit!" he yelled and slammed his fist against the locker once it refused to open again. "Fuck. _Fuck_!" He rested his head against the cold metal, his arms bracing his head on either side. He brought in a deep breath before he squeezed his eyes tightly shut and felt tears streaming down his face. His chest was tight and his stomach uneasy. He had to get out of the school and soon. He had to get home and leave all of this behind.

He jumped at the feeling of a hand landing on his shoulder and when that hand forced him around, he raised his arms up in defense. His mouth immediately started to pour and babble out apologies and pleas and anything else that would shoot any kind of mercy into this person's heart.

A hand wrapped around each of his wrists and slowly lowered his arms.

Castiel turned his head and held his breath, waiting for the impact, but it never came. The hands instead let go of his wrists and moved to caress his face and gently turn it straightforward.

His eyes, for the second time that day, found Dean's.

The green pair quickly broke the gaze and started to travel around the rest of Castiel's face, his fingers moving over the different cuts and bruises. Castiel couldn't think of a more inappropriate time to be doing this, but he didn't pull away or push Dean's hands off of him. This was the most at peace he had felt in a week.

When Dean's eyes met his again, they were soft and sad. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but couldn't find the words. So, instead of speaking, he wrapped his hand around the front of Castiel's hoodie and pulled him forward as he started to march down the hall.

"De- My books-"

Dean threw the front door open and jogged down the steps, Castiel still being pulled behind him.

Eyes immediately went to the pair and words traveled over to them. Everyone had the same idea of what was going to happen and slowly started to follow after Dean and Castiel.

Once they got to the bottom of the first flight, Dean stopped, looked around, and then pulled Castiel a few feet to their right.

"Hey!" Dean called as they stopped about a foot away from Alastair. He turned around and smiled.

"Winchester! What's up?"

"Oh, not a lot," Dean grinned back and pulled Castiel forward. "You did this?" he chuckled and pointed to Castiel's face.

"Oh, yeah.... You didn't see the video?"

"No! Must've missed it. Unfortunately," he sighed. "But I'll be sure to get a copy," he laughed and Alastair laughed with him.

Castiel frowned and attempted to pull Dean's hand off of him, but the grip only tightened.

"Let me go," he hissed. "Dammit, Dean! Let me go!"

"But damn, you really fucked him up, huh?" he asked and turned to face Castiel. "Shit... He looks like a Picasso!"

"Yeah, yeah!" Alastair laughed. "He does!"

"I mean...swollen eye, broken nose, busted lip, stitches all over the goddamn place, and," Dean snatched the hoodie up to reveal Castiel's bruised torso, "that!" he pointed and Castiel quickly shoved the hoodie down. "Why'd you do it?" Dean asked with a smile and Castiel looked away from him, his eyes watering with humiliation as more people closed in.

"He touched my girlfriend."

Dean roared with laughter, holding his stomach as he did so. " _He_ did? Castiel Novak touched _your girlfriend_?"

"He'll never do it again."

"Oh, I'm sure," Dean snickered and looked back at the blue eyed boy. "Wow, those sure are a lot of injuries," he mumbled and his eyes traced over them once more before a satisfied look came over his face and he nodded.

And only a second later, Alastair was on the ground, Dean Winchester on top beating the shit out of him. His smile was gone, his eyes were stone, and his fist was flying.

Castiel couldn't keep up with how many times his fist collided with Alastair's face. All he could do was what everyone else was doing. Stare on in shock.

Dean Winchester, the boy no one could get to hit, let alone _insult_ someone, was most assuredly sending a kid to the hospital.

Castiel cringed at the sound of Alastair's nose breaking, but felt a sort of satisfaction swell inside of him.

When Dean's bloody knuckle hit Alastair for the last time, he pushed himself up off of the boy's chest and turned to Castiel before turning him around and throwing an arm over his shoulders as they started walking away

"Are you _crazy_?!" one of the boys yelled. "What the hell did you do that for?!"

And Dean, in the most nonchalant tone and with barely a glance over his shoulder, replied, "He touched my boyfriend."

•••

Castiel sat on the passenger side of Dean's car, his phone pressed to his ear.

"Yes, for the _hundredth_ time, Charlie, I'm with Dean."

 _"What happened? I mean..._ Castiel _!"_ she screamed and he pulled the phone away from his ear. _"Did_ he _beat up Alastair?!"_

Castiel sighed. "Yes."

 _"_ _OH MY GOD!_ _"_ she exclaimed.

"O-Okay, I'm gonna go now," he said over her screeching. "By-Bye." He hung up the phone and looked over at Dean who kept his eyes focused on the road.

Castiel looked away and out the window. The silence was awkward to say the least. He wanted to say something, anything to get conversation going, but nothing came to mind. Dean wasn't making it any easier by keeping the radio off.

They both jumped when Castiel's phone started to sound rapidly with a string of messages from Charlie. He quickly shut off the sound and blushed violently, not daring to look at Dean.

He recognized the route they were taking and groaned inwardly. He looked back to Dean, hoping to change his mind, but lost words at the sight of tears in his eyes. He quickly looked away once more, the rest of the car ride continuing as it had before: in silence.

Once they were parked by the water, Castiel brought his attention back to Dean. His hands were still tightly gripping the wheel and his eyes set forward.

Castiel opened his mouth and then closed it. He pushed out a light breath, his cheeks expanding as he did so, and pulled out his phone.

**Charlie**

**iMessage (36)**

"Jesus.... Charlie is really bad at controlling her- Dean?" Castiel asked, seeing that Dean's head was now resting on the steering wheel and his shoulders shaking. "Dean?" he asked again and placed a hand on his arm.

Dean gently shook Castiel's arm off and shook his head. "I-I don't de-deserve th-that."

"Dean," Castiel frowned and moved his hand back to its spot on Dean's arm and squeezed it. "Hey, don't...don't cry. You don't need to...." Castiel chewed on the inside of his lip before reaching his hand out and drawing Dean's chin up and turning it to face him. "Don't cry," he whispered, but it only seemed to prompt Dean on more.

"I let him...I let him hu-hurt y-you."

"You didn't know what he was going to do. You couldn't have known. And besides, I'm not your responsibility. Especially not at the time."

"I should've _done_ something!"

"Dean, you didn't know."

"He busted you all up! I should've done something! I should've do-done something! I-I should've- I should-should've..."

"Sh," Castiel whispered, taking Dean's hand off the wheel and pulling him closer. Close enough to wrap his arms around as Dean buried his wet and puffy face into Castiel's shoulder. "You couldn't have stopped something you didn't know was going to happen. You're only human, Dean."

Dean picked up his head, his eyes scanning over Castiel's face.

"He hurt you so bad!" he sobbed and placed his hands on Castiel's neck. "I-I never- Cas, I-" He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Castiel's.

"Dean...," Castiel whispered, his own eyes falling closed. He felt Dean shift forward, his forehead leaving Castiel's as he pressed his lips to a stitch just above Castiel's left eyebrow. And another one to a cut under his right eye. And another one to his nose.

Each kiss was an apology, Castiel understood that, but if kisses could heal, Castiel would be going home a new man today.

He opened his eyes to see Dean's focused on his mouth. He had kissed every injury but the one there and Castiel felt that he was holding his breath.

Dean closed his eyes again and softly placed his lips to the cut on Castiel's but pulled away before Castiel could react.

"I should get you home," Dean sniffled and sat back in his seat, obviously not concerned about the loud and thunderous beating that was Castiel's heart. He turned the key in the ignition and quickly wiped his eyes before putting the car into drive.

The radio played the whole way home.

•••

Castiel pulled off the hoodie and tossed it onto a hook as he opened the door, Dean right behind him.

"Who's home?"

"No one it looks like," Castiel said and Dean nodded before sneezing. "Bless you."

"Thanks."

"Are you hungry? Thirsty?"

"No, I-I'm-" His face scrunched up and he turned away before sneezing again.

"Bless you."

"Than-" Again he sneezed and Castiel rolled his eyes before reaching into the pocket of the hood, pulling out his medication, and going into the kitchen. "Well _bless me,_ I guess!"

Castiel pulled out a glass and filled it with water from the fridge as Dean walked into the kitchen rubbing his nose. Castiel opened the pill bottle and shook two into his hand. He sighed as he threw them into his mouth and chased them with water.

"What are those?"

"Just pain relievers," he mumbled and looked at the bottle before picking it up. "I was going to down the whole thing today. Right after Charlie dropped me off I was going go up to my room and..." He shook his head and screwed the top back on before throwing it onto the counter. "Dean, I was going to kill myself today," he laughed emptily. "Did you know that?"

Dean shook his head, though Castiel didn't see. "No," he whispered.

"No, of course not. You couldn't have known that," Castiel said and turned to face him. "Yet, here you are, stopping me from doing it."

"Maybe I'm _more_ than only human," he said with a quick smile, referencing Castiel's words from earlier.

"Maybe," Castiel said and looked down. "Thank you, Dean. Your timing on hospitalizing a boy couldn't have been better."

Dean grinned at Castiel before his eyes shut tightly and he sneezed once...twice...five more times.

"Jesus _Christ!_ " Dean sniffed. "The hell is wrong with me?"

"Maybe your body is in shock that it's in my house," Castiel said as a small tinkling met his ears and he looked down to see Picket coming into the kitchen and leaping onto a chair.

She looked up at him and meowed.

"Oh! You're hungry," he said and started to get her food.

"What is that?" Dean asked.

"It's a cat, Dean."

"No, I figured that... I meant, what is it doing here?"

"Living," Castiel said as he opened a can of Fancy Feast and put half of it into a small dish.

"Why?"

"Because if it were dead, it wouldn't be in my house," Castiel said as he picked up his kitten and placed her on the counter in front of the food she happily began to eat.

"It eats on the counter?"

"I'm sorry, let me know the next time _you_ eat on the floor."

Dean looked from Castiel to Picket and back again. "It's a _cat!_ "

"I think we've established that, Dean."

"It's _supposed_ to eat on the floor!"

"And humans are _supposed_ to walk around naked and not be conscious of being naked."

"Well, hell if you believe that story go ahead, I'm not stopping you!"

Castiel glared at him and crossed his arms. "Picket stays on the counter."

"What the _hell_ is a picket?"

"I don't think you've been following the conversation very well," Castiel sighed and scratched Picket behind her ears.

"I'm allergic to cats."

"That must be a very sad life to live," Castiel said and kissed the kitten's head. "But, my dad just washed the sheets in my room so it might be easier for you if we went up there."

"Subtle," Dean smirked. "I like-" He sneezed and Castiel sighed before walking past him. "Bless me _again._ "

"Dean, if you're going to sneeze all day, I'm not going to waste my few precious breaths in this life on saying, 'bless you.'"

"Manners never hurt anyone, Cas," Dean grumbled as they climbed up the stairs and made their way into Castiel's room.

Castiel rubbed the back of his head and stepped aside before throwing out his arm in a lazy gesture. It felt like he was having Dean in his room for the first time all over again. He didn't know what to do or say and he wondered what Dean thought of it. Did he like the minor changes? The pictures on the wall, the tv being moved.... Did he _notice_ the minor changes? Did he care?

"It is easier to breathe up here," Dean said and shut the door before stepping more fully into the room. "Am I in any of the pictures?"

Okay, so maybe it would've been better if he _didn't_ notice.

"Um...no," Castiel answered, looking awkwardly at the ground. "No, I...I did that after the break up. I just.... I needed something to remind me to be happy."

"You had to be reminded?"

"Still do," Castiel mumbled.

"I didn't make you happy?"

"Not at the time," Castiel said softly. "No."

Dean nodded and scratched his neck. "Yeah, right."

Castiel's eyes went to the hand on Dean's neck and frowned. "Your hand is still covered in blood."

"Huh? Oh," Dean said as he looked down at it. "Yeah... I'll go wash it, I guess." He moved away from the wall and out of the room.

Castiel toed off his shoes and threw them into his closet before sitting on his bed and rubbing his hands over his face. He couldn't escape the unsettling feeling that he should've been dead by now. Or at least dying.

He fell back against his pillows and groaned. Why did Dean Winchester have to be such a hero?

"Hey! Blood won't stain, right?"

"Depends on what it's touching."

"Um...towel?"

Castiel sighed. "Don't worry about it."

"It's gonna stain isn't it?"

"Wouldn't be the first blood stained thing I own," he said and turned on his side, looking at his wall.

He heard Dean sneeze and curse before coming into his room and shutting the door.

"All clean!" he smiled as Castiel turned over to face him. "Hurts like a mother though," he said as he flexed his fingers. "Should I put ice on it?"

"Probably."

"Huh," Dean mumbled. He shrugged and walked forward before getting on the bed.

"There's no ice for you here."

"But you're such a _cool_ kid I thought you could help me out."

"I hate you," Castiel smiled. "And your jokes still suck."

"Ah, but I made you smile. Smiles equal happiness. Put me on the wall."

"Dean, you don't let anyone take pictures of you. I don't _have_ any of you for the wall."

"So _that's_ why I'm not up there."

"You are also my ex boyfriend, Dean. That _did_ play a part in the picking and choosing."

"I'm not your ex anymore."

"Since when?"

"Since I kicked that guy's ass and announced to half the school that you were my boyfriend."

"I didn't realize that was your _oh so romantic_ way of asking me out again."

Dean smiled. "Give me your phone. I'll give you a picture for your wall."

Castiel reached into his pocket and pulled it out before handing it to Dean.

"I accept. Just...for the record," Castiel said, his eyes looking down.

"That's a relief," Dean chuckled and opened the camera. "I almost shit myself when you said I was your ex."

"Misunderstanding, I guess."

Dean grinned at him before holding the camera away from his face, making it serious and puckering his lips just slightly as he snapped the shutter.

"What was that?!" Castiel laughed.

"A picture for your wall."

"You weren't even smiling!" he said and sat up.

"I don't smile in pictures," Dean said with a smirk. "I don't like to smile in pictures."

"Then you're not going on the wall," Castiel chuckled and took the phone away from Dean.

"But-"

"It's a happy wall, Dean. People smile on the happy wall," Castiel said and opened the photo Dean had just taken. "You look ridiculous."

"I look hot! People dig that squinty eyed, puckered lips look."

"Not me," Castiel said. "So, not going on my wall." He went back to his camera and turned it to Dean. "Smile."

"No. Sorry, Cas, but if you want a picture of me smiling, you're going to have to work for it."

"Mm," Cas hummed then laid down, and stretched out on the bed. "M'kay," he yawned.

"Are you tired? It's the middle of the day!"

"Yeah, but school plus medication really wears a guy out," he said, his eyes drooping slightly as he tucked one arm under his pillow.

"The pills make you tired?"

"Mmhm. That's...That's why it would've been easy, I think," he mumbled. "I would've just...fallen asleep."

Dean laid down next to Castiel and drew him close. He started to gently run his fingers through Cas's dark hair and kissed his forehead. "Don't ever go to sleep without the intention to wake up," he whispered. "Don't ever go to sleep without wanting to see the sunrise just one more time."

Castiel stared into Dean's eyes, his own slowly closing feeling more and more relaxed with each stroke of Dean's fingers. He was lost in those hazel eyes again, trapped in their unwavering gaze and intense beauty.

No, Dean's eyes were not the sunrise - some might think Castiel insane for even considering it - but they were beautiful, constant, and captivating. They had surely captured _Castiel's_ heart. They were not the sunrise, oh no...but they were definitely something he'd go to sleep wanting to see just one more time. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it was time for a lighter chapter :)

Dean drove Castiel to school the following morning. They arrived early and waited in the Impala, listening to another one of Dean's cassettes as Dean pulled out his math homework from the day before.

"You know what I don't get? If I'm not gonna major in math, why the _hell_ do I need to study it? I already know my career isn't gonna involve it so why waste my time?"

"Just to make sure you're well rounded," Castiel said as he peered over Dean's shoulder and looked down at the homework.

"I am well rounded. My dad wouldn't have it any other way. But math is pointless. Anyone would agree."

"Except for those who have jobs in that area," Castiel smiled, resting his chin on Dean's shoulder. "It's not _that_ bad."

Dean grunted his disagreement and Castiel chuckled before kissing his cheek.

Castiel sat back against the seat and closed his eyes, resting for a while before they had to leave the warmth of the Impala. His mind wandered to the day before, thinking about Alastair getting beaten up, Dean joining his life again, falling asleep next to him...waking up to the sound of Gabriel yelling. It really was an eventful day.

Gabriel wasn't too thrilled to have Dean back in Castiel's life. He claimed to "not trust the arrogant dick" anymore and, much to Dean's upset, believed Castiel would be better off without him. It took some time to calm him down and get a word in to explain what Dean had done for Cas, but once Castiel was able to, Gabriel's emotions flipped like a switch and he had Dean in a full bear hug before the younger boy could process what was happening.

Chuck on the other hand took one look at Dean and all but threw him a party.

It's simple to say Chuck was easier to deal with.

But that was all in the past and Castiel couldn't care less about how his dad or brother felt. He knew how _he_ felt. And he was better with Dean than without him.

"Alright," Dean sighed after several minutes. "I think I'm done. It's not right, but it's done," he smiled and shoved his books back in his bag.

Castiel could hear him shifting and felt his eyes on his face. No matter how long or how many times he looked at him, Dean couldn't help but stare at Castiel's injuries.

"A picture would last longer, Dean."

"I don't want a picture," he said and leaned over Castiel who opened his eyes. "I want a kiss," he said and quickly pecked his boyfriend's lips. "Come on, let's get out before my windows get any more fogged up."

"But it's warm in here," Castiel whined as Dean stepped out the car and shut the door behind him. Castiel sighed and groaned when his door was opened and the cold air rushed in.

"Babe, let's go," Dean smiled. "Everyone's staring and wants to know who's behind the fogged up windows!"

"I'm sure they all know after yesterday, Dean."

"Yeah, but how much better will it be when you actually get out the car, huh? Am I right, or....," He grinned and lifted his eyebrows, absolutely _buzzing_ with excitement. "Let's kick it in the ass," he said and leaned in to give Castiel a long and lingering kiss then pulled away and held the door open for him.

Castiel prayed to God he'd be able to kick today's ass better than he did yesterday's and stepped out the car, messenger bag hanging off his shoulder.

"Got everything?" Dean smiled and Castiel nodded, still not looking towards the school. "Ready to finally do this?"

"Uh...can I get back to you on that?" he asked, swallowing nervously.

Dean chuckled and shut the car door before wrapping his arm around Castiel, just as he did the day before.

"Cas, baby, don't you worry about a thing," he said as they started walking forward. "Just keep your chin up, eyes forward, and smile like you know the world's biggest secret. Own these sons of bitches," he said and gestured to those standing around the stairs staring at the duo. "You let them _know_ you own them. You've got it all. High grades, track records, a hot ass boyfriend, and, most importantly, a give 'em hell attitude."

Dean squeezed Castiel a little as they walked past a group that had ceased conversation in order to gawk at the sight of Dean Winchester with his arm wrapped around Castiel Novak.

"This place is no longer your prison, babe.... It's your _palace._ "

Castiel looked at Dean. "I get all these perks for being gay?"

"Gay," Dean said and raised a finger, "and dating Dean Winchester."

"You're a cocky son of a bitch."

"Shut up."

Castiel chuckled at him as they entered the school and a whole new batch of kids got to stare at them.

"This is really quite interesting. Usually I'd have about ten threats and insults thrown my way by now. And people only stare at me when they want to hurt me, not when they are generally interested."

"I'm your best good luck charm," Dean smiled and stopped once they got to Castiel's locker. "I'm guessing you have to load up for all your APs that will actually be teaching you today."

"Yeah, it's a pain."

"Just making sure you're well rounded," Dean said with a wink.

Castiel started to reply but was interrupted due to a loud gasp that could only belong to Charlie.

They turned to look at her as she took the last few steps towards them.

"You two are... _talking_ inside school?" she whispered and looked at Dean. "Are you secretly threatening him?"

Dean smiled and shook his head. "No...Cas and I are," he shrugged and looked at Castiel, "out."

" _Shut up!"_ Charlie gasped and punched his arm. "You are _not!"_ she squealed. "I'm so happy! I'm going to cry and don't tell me to calm down because I'm not going to because I love you both so much and I'm happy you're both happy," she said and wrapped her arms around Castiel, burying her face in his chest. "You're out of that horribly concealing closet!"

"This has been quite the morning," Castiel said and rubbed Charlie's back.

"Yeah, eventful as hell," Dean sighed. "What do you say we go out after school and celebrate?"

"Yes!" Charlie exclaimed, pulling away from Castiel. "Chili's! Please!"

"Sure, Charlie. You can pick where to eat for our celebration."

"I love you," she smiled and hugged Dean. "Also, how much fun is math going to be today? I can't wait to see the look on Anna's face! She's going to-"

"I forgot about Anna!" Castiel gasped. "I wanna see her face, too! Dammit, Dean!"

"What did I do?"

"If I knew coming out would be _this_ gratifying I would've done it ages ago!"

"Tried to tell ya, man," he said with a shrug just as the first bell rang. "And that's my cue."

"As well as everyone else's, yes," Castiel smiled.

"Can I have my moment?"

"Find one that's personal to you and sure," Castiel snickered and Dean grinned before leaning in and kissing him. "I'll see you later, Cas."

"Ye-Yeah," Castiel stuttered. Kissing Dean at school was different and nerve wracking and surreal. Going from barely looking at one another to kissing made Castiel's head spin and his ability to see straight declined significantly. He would've stayed like that all day had it not been for someone yelling, "What the fuck? Did you _see_ that?!"

Castiel sighed and Dean shrugged. "What can I say? We're a spectacle," he said. "Embrace it. Love you," he said as he started backing away.

"Love you too," Castiel smiled and gave Dean a small wave which earned him a wink before he left.

"Best day ever!" Charlie grinned.

•••

Castiel jumped at the sound of someone pulling out a seat across from him at lunch. On Fridays, he normally ate alone and if someone did take a seat near him, it was more for their enjoyment than his.

When he looked up to see Dean, nothing in the world could have described his satisfaction.

"What are you doing?" he asked with a smile as Dean fell into the chair in front of him.

"Uh, sitting with my boyfriend at lunch," Dean answered as if it were routine. "Thought that was obvious," he chuckled and started pulling out his lunch.

"Well, yeah but...but-"

"But nothing. You and me, we're a show that's fun for the whole family. People wanna sit and watch, so I say: let 'em sit and watch," he said before taking a large bite of his sandwich. "An'one has a prolem, 'ey can chan the channel!" he said around a mouthful of food.

Castiel smiled adoringly at him. "You're gonna choke one day if you keep doing that."

Dean shrugged. "Eat," he said, nodding towards Castiel's food.

"Okay," Castiel smiled.

They exchanged countless amounts of smiles that lunch and shared stories about their day so far, talking mostly about what people had said about the pair of them. If it was real, if Dean had always been gay, how long it had been going on for. It was nice to see just about the whole school in panic.

Castiel couldn't think of ever having a better lunch; sitting across from Dean, their legs tangled beneath the table.... It was like a dream.

They walked to their final period together, hand in hand. More shocked looks were thrown their way as were the whispers and gasps of surprise.

"Oh, man," Dean laughed as they walked into class. "I wanted to tell you at lunch but I promised Charlie she could tell the Anna story."

"Was she really pissy?"

"Cas, it was like... _scary_ ," he said as Castiel sat in his seat. Dean took a seat behind him as he continued the conversation. "I thought she was going to like...smite me or something!" he said and Castiel snickered. "I'll leave the details to Charlie," he sighed and leaned back in the seat.

Raphael walked in then talking to one of the girls in the class, making her blush and giggle. She said a quick word to him and walked off, Raphael watching her every move before his eyes went to Castiel then to Dean. Whatever smile he had on his face before was wiped away.

He stalked over to the pair and stood above them. "You're in my seat, Winchester," he said.

"Huh," Dean said and looked down at the desk. "Am I?"

"Yeah. And I don't like queers in my seat, faggot."

" _How many insults can we fit in one sentence_ , a new game designed by the one and only, Raphael, leader of the dicks."

"Get up."

"No. See, I'm gonna sit here now. I like sitting behind Castiel. In fact, I like doing a _lot_ of things behind Castiel."

"Dean," Castiel squeaked, eyes as wide as saucers, and Raphael pulled a face. "He- Don't say that!"

"Aw, why not? Look at how uncomfortable he is, we clearly have the upper hand here!"

"Dean, get out of my seat. Harvelle's gonna make you move anyway."

Dean leaned further into the seat and put his feet up on the desk. It didn't look comfortable at all, but leave it to Dean to go the extra mile just to piss someone off.

"Fine. You want to be a dick-"

"Well, that would be awkward because, you know...cannibalism."

Castiel groaned and put his face in his hands.

"He's gonna pay for it!" Raphael snarled. "For you being a complete-"

"You really want to threaten something like that? After what I did to Alastair, you want to go down that road?"

"Th- _You_ put him in the hospital?"

"What? Is there not a video going around?" Dean asked, a deadly tone to his voice. However, it disappeared with his next words, reverting back to its light, sarcastic nature. "I thought I did a pretty bang up job! Cas, don't you think I was entertaining? I thought I was clever with the whole thing... Oh well. Not all art is appreciated."

"Would you just _move!_ "

"What's the issue, Raphael?" Ellen asked as she walked into the classroom.

"Dean's in my seat and he won't move!" he yelled as Dean quickly moved his feet off the desk and sat up. "It's annoying."

"Well, why don't you just sit in Dean's seat?"

"Because...Because that's not my seat!"

"Well, it's already a new quarter... Seat change," she said and smiled. "Sit over there." She pointed to Dean's old spot. "Anyone else want to move? No? Good. Let's start the very brief lesson we have."

Dean grinned up at Raphael and winked.

"See you next year, buddy."

Raphael growled and walked away, making his way to his new seat.

"That could've been worse, I guess," Castiel whispered and turned around.

"Mmhm," Dean smiled and pat his shoulder. "We owned it."

"Well, you did," Castiel said, sitting back in his chair. "I kinda... I got nervous."

"We'll work on it."

"Dean, Castiel, if the seat change is going to be a problem...."

"Not at all, Ms. Harvelle," Dean said. "Just asking for the page number."

"We're taking notes, Dean."

"Asking for...the notes number."

Castiel hung his head with a smile and their teacher sighed. "Pay attention, boys."

"Yes, ma'am."

Class continued on, Dean slipping Castiel notes every now and then with tips on "seizing the day" and "owning the crowd."

Castiel smiled at each one and pushed them into his pocket to save for later.

When the bell finally rang, Dean and Castiel were called to the front of the class while the rest of the students rushed off, ready for winter break to begin.

Ellen made sure the room was cleared, ordering Raphael out, before turning to the two in front of her.

"So," she said, "I heard the good news from various students."

Dean smiled and Castiel blushed deeply, ducking his head.

"Now, I don't mind you two sitting near each other and I don't care that you put that rotten kid in his place and got him away from Castiel, but don't let this become a distraction. Alright? You two do too well to have grades drop."

"Ah, I'm gonna get a scholarship anyway," Dean said and shrugged.

"Don't bet on that, Dean," she said sternly. "You understand?"

"Yes, ma'am," he sighed.

"Castiel?"

"Distraction free," he nodded. "And-And don't count on scholarships.... Not sport scholarships anyway. Academic scholarships though, they'll keep you focused in class and then, consequently, you'll get good grades and you'll get the scholarship _for_ those grades and-"

"Yes, Castiel, good," Ellen lightly laughed. "You get the concept."

"Well, we'll be going now," Dean said and placed a hand on Castiel's shoulder. "We have a lunch to get to!"

"Of course. You two have fun and enjoy your break."

"Thanks, Ellen," Dean grinned and Castiel smiled and waved as they headed towards the door and out into the hallway.

Immediately, Dean was shoved, bumping into Castiel which resulted in him stumbling into the wall.

"Pull shit like that again, Winchester and I'll fuck you up," Raphael snarled.

Dean, after regaining his footing, stepped forward and shoved Raphael back. "You wanna start something, Barnes? Because I'm ready to kick your ass as well as I did Alastair's!"

"If kicking my ass means I get to kick his first," he said and pointed to Castiel, "then by all means, let it happen! I've been wanting to do it all fucking year but you never let me get close. You always protected him and I didn't realize that until now. And that only makes me want to beat his face in more. Make up for lost time."

Dean growled and shoved Raphael again before stepping close, their faces only inches apart.

"Threaten hurting him again. _I. Dare. You_."

Raphael didn't respond and Dean took the silence as an invitation to continue.

"Because let me say something, if you so much as lay a finger on him, you're done. I didn't know Alastair. I didn't _care_ to know Alastair and you know what? I never will. Why? Because he _hurt_ him. Hurt him just once. You've been hurting him all year. You're lucky I'm letting you slide now. I'm only doing it because up until today, you thought we were friends. Best of buds, actually. But for whatever reason, the fact that I'm not as straight as the stick up your ass, I'm not worth being kind to. So you can officially mark this as the day I stop giving a damn about you. Mark this as the day that you should start looking over your shoulder and double checking your surroundings. Because from this day on, you should be _cowering_ at the sound of mine name. Today, and every day after, you're _my_ little bitch.

Raphael swallowed nervously, uncertainty rolled off of him like a fume. Still, he raised his head and spoke. "You don't want to start anything with me, Dean. My dad's a police officer and he could bring you down before you had time to throw your first punch."

Dean held Raphael's gaze for a long while, his glare intense as his jaw clenched.

"Stay away from him," he hissed and turned away from Raphael. "Let's go Cas," Dean said and squeezed his shoulder before he continued walking.

Castiel stared at Raphael whose eyes slid from the back of Dean to him. Castiel slowly smiled and, with a deep breath, confidently raised his middle finger.

"Yeah, fuck you, Raphael. I fucked your best friend!"

Raphael made a quick and intimidating lurch forward, causing Castiel to jump slightly and rush over to Dean.

He looked over his shoulder to see Raphael heading in the opposite direction. His eyes left that area and landed on Dean.

Dean turned to look at him and Castiel smiled.

"Owned it," he said and followed up with a wink.

Dean snorted and rolled his eyes, throwing an arm around Castiel's shoulders.

"Oh, yeah, babe. You owned the shit out of that."

Castiel grinned at him and Dean responded likewise, pressing a kiss to Castiel's head as they made their way out of the school.

•••

Castiel quickly slid into the booth at Chili's, Dean following behind him with a smile. Castiel wrapped his arms around himself and shook.

"Cas, we're inside. You can stop shaking."

"I'm-I'm c-cold."

"You have like three layers on!"

"I get cold easily," he bit back and Dean raised his hands in defense.

"Wimp," Sam smiled from across Castiel as Charlie slid in next to him.

Dean had decided to pick up his younger brother from school before going to lunch figuring he'd be just as, or maybe more, hungry as the rest of them.

"Sh-Shut up," Castiel mumbled.

Dean sighed heavily and shed his jacket before wrapping it around his boyfriend's shoulders and scooting closer to him.

"There," he smiled and snaked an arm around Castiel. "Better?"

"Yeck," Sam gagged. "Is it going to be like this _all_ the time now? Because if so, I could gently nudge you back into that nicely colored closet- hey!" Sam whined as Dean threw a sugar packet at him.

"Stop talking and look at what you want to eat."

Nearly thirty minutes later the table had been served and each of them were delving into their meals.

"Oh! Charlie!" Dean exclaimed after swallowing his food. "Tell him! Tell him about Anna!"

Charlie immediately dropped her fork and pressed folded hands to her lips, her eyes closing.

Sam raised his eyebrows at his brother with a smile and Castiel stared curiously at his best friend.

"Castiel," Charlie said. "Pick your favorite movie."

"Um...okay."

"Do you remember the joys that movie brought you? The pleasures?"

"Yes. Yes, I do."

"Really hone in on that feeling. Make it sharp within you."

"Okay."

"Got it?"

"Yes."

"Well, throw it away, because _nothing_ will ever compare to the pure _ecstasy_ felt during my math class today," she said, her eyes opening. " _Nothing._ "

Castiel grinned and leaned forward in his seat.

"It was a normal enough shortened schedule kind of day. Math sucked and our teacher gave us a free period. Everyone was moving around so I, of course, went to sit beside our dear Mr. Winchester here," she said and gestured to Dean. "We talked, I checked Tumblr, thought about the upcoming break. It was nice." She kept her eyes lowered and bit her lip, obviously trying to fight a smile. "And then, who should show up but the red haired bitch. And you know when Anna appears it's not just simply. It's with a flick of her hair, adjustment of the already too low shirt, and maneater _I fuck with Satan_ smile."

Castiel snorted.

"So she walked over and kneeled on one of the chairs, leaning over so our hero here has a rather horrid view of cleavage. Even _I_ wouldn't want to see it...in school."

"Charlie!"

"Dude, I'm sorry, but if she got rid of her horrible personality, showed some compassion, and wanted to _bang_ me, she could. Not the point! So, anyway, Anna started talking to Dean about..." She pointed at her friend and Dean shrugged.

"Um, wanted to know what I was doing over break."

"That! So, they talk about that and then she goes...

_"So I heard the craziest thing today!" Anna giggled and leaned forward on the desk._

_"Really?" Dean asked with raised eyebrows. "Bout what?"_

_"You!" she squealed and tapped his nose._

_"Me? What could you have heard about me that's so crazy?" He smiled and leaned forward slightly. "Cause honestly, I haven't got a clue."_

_"Well," she said, "I just_ heard _that you were talking to that weird Novak kid. That you two were friends or something! As if!" she said with a laugh. "I mean, imagine it. Dean Winchester friends with_ Cassandra Novak _!"_

_"What?" Dean laughed and Anna quickly joined. "Me and him? Friends?"_

_"I know! They've got it all wrong!"_

_"Completely wrong. We're not friends."_

_"That's what I-"_

_"We're fucking each other."_

_"What?"_

"Castiel the look on her _face!"_ Charlie exclaimed as her friends shook with laughter. "It-It was like...like someone had like... Castiel, I can't even find _words!_ "

"Keep going! Keep going!"

"Right, right! So then!"

_Dean smiled at Anna who nervously laughed back._

_"Okay, okay," she laughed. "You got me, Winchester! You and Castiel fucking, that's a laugh."_

_"Mm, I don't see what's so funny about it," Dean mumbled, looking at Charlie as if for a translation._

_"Well...Well, because...because of_ course _you're not fucking him!"_

_"I'm not?"_

_"No! You're not! You can't fuck Castiel! You're not_ fucking _him!"_

_Dean frowned at her but suddenly his eyes went wide and he sat back in his seat._

_"Oh!" he said with a laugh, hand slapping his forehead. "Right! Ahhh, I'm sorry," he laughed and Anna smiled as he looked at Charlie again. "Women...." He looked back at Anna and took her hands in his, looking her deep in the eyes and slowly saying, his voice saturated with sweetness, "We're_ making love _to each other."_

Castiel was doubled over, head on the table, as he laughed until he couldn't breathe. His ribs hurt and his abdomen was tight as he struggled to pull in air.

"Castiel, Castiel!" Charlie said, trying to talk through her laughter. "The scream! The _scream_ she let out! I-I thought I was going to die. I'm pretty sure I died."

"You said that to her?!" Sam gasped, eyes full of admiration as he looked at his laughing brother who nodded his response. "Dean!" he laughed. "Dean, that was so good!"

"And she started yelling, 'But you kissed me! You kissed me at that party!' An-And Dean smiled and winked and just said, 'The perks of being bisexual.' Castiel, she fucking _lost_ it!"

Castiel, still laughing, wasn't able to respond. In fact, it was a while before the table finally regained the ability to speak again.

"Oh," Castiel sighed and wiped his eyes. "Oh, God, I wish I was there. I wish I could've seen that whole thing."

"It was a masterpiece," Charlie smiled. "Anyone who heard got a good kick out of it. Told Dean so after class. And he didn't fail to wish Anna a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and all that crap... _God!_ The thrill!"

She sat forward in her seat and returned to her food.

"Won't be flirting with you anymore I presume," Castiel said to Dean with a smile.

"Absolutely not," Dean laughed lightly and stuck a fry into his mouth. "No, sir."

"Hm," Castiel hummed, a small smile on his face as he looked at the table. "Good." He looked up at Dean, his smile getting stronger.

Dean looked back and slowly the corners of his mouth twitched upwards before he leaned closer and pressed his lips to Castiel's.

"No, but seriously!" Sam whined. "Do I have to deal with it _everywhere_ now?!"

"Merry Christmas, Sam," Charlie said as Dean pulled away and rested his forehead against Castiel's. "You've got a whole life of your brother's PDA."

Sam could only groan in response.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! Comment, leave kudos, share with your friends! (All these make me really happy)

Buried under his sheets the first Sunday of winter break, Castiel realized he never wanted to move again. He had missed breakfast, ignored any attempt to get him to lunch, and - quickly coming up in his day - dinner seemed unappetizing.

He sighed and drew the sheets closer, curling his legs closer to his chest and rubbing his face.

Castiel heard the front door open and the low murmur of voices. He wondered if his dad had hired him a shrink.

He looked at the nightstand and the pain pills sitting there and turned over, shutting his eyes tightly.

It was just one of those days.

The days when suicide had a front position in his mind. It had altered a lot this week from the first to third and he was lucky enough to have it not cross his mind at all one day. But it's been slowly pushing its way up since Saturday morning and now, lying here on Sunday, the urge to down that whole bottle was greater than ever. He knew he could fight it, just wait it out until tomorrow, but the thought still made him sick and that only encouraged his depression to keep growing.

The sound of his bedroom door opening made him pull the covers over his head and turn his back.

Gabriel hadn't let up all day. He was scared, Castiel understood that. Gabriel hated when Castiel got like this. He would spend all day sitting in his brother's room just to avoid leaving only to come back to a dead body.

Castiel's bed sunk with the added weight.

"Cas?" Dean's voice washed over him and he groaned. "Well, hello to you too."

He didn't want Dean to see him like this. He was weak and pathetic and unimpressive.

"Go away."

"Castiel, what's wrong?"

Castiel shook his head. What _wasn't_ wrong? He was contemplating killing himself again, what could possibly be _right_ in the world right now?

"Cas? Hey," Dean whispered and pulled back the covers once he heard Castiel crying. "It's okay," he said and tugged on Castiel's shoulder. "Come here... Cas, come on," he said when he felt his resistance. "Castiel, come here." He pulled on him again and again until Castiel finally gave up restraining and turned over.

Dean pulled him up and into his chest, his hands going to rest on the back of his head and the small of his back. His hand moved up and down Castiel's back and his other gently moved through his hair.

Castiel felt calm. Or, at least, _calmer._ Having Dean hold him erased so many of his worries, but not all. His crying slowed until it stopped and his breathing reverted back to its familiar and slow rhythm. His eyes closed as he moved closer to Dean, one of his hands tightening around his shirt.

"Tell me what's hurting you."

Castiel scrunched up his face and threw a hand against his chest.

_"Me."_

"Do you want to talk?" Dean asked, slowly and gently pushing Castiel's sleeves back. "Elaborate maybe?" he mumbled and rested his head on top of Castiel's.

"My head," Castiel whispered. "My...My thoughts, Dean. They keep screwing with me. Telling me I'm-I'm useless...expendable. And-And if that's what I am then it wouldn't matter if I was gone. I mean... Just- I.... When's the last time my older brothers showed any interest in me? When has my mom ever.... The whole school hates me, I'm the biggest piece of shit burden to Charlie, Ash - even after all his flirting - didn't want to be with me. Even _you_ left me and you always promised that.... We just fought so much and-and I didn't.... Everyone hates me!"

"That's not... Castiel, that's not true."

"I keep hearing it though," he whispered. "And I believe it."

"Castiel, listen okay? Michael's a dick, you know that. I know that. _Everyone_ knows that. Lucifer doesn't show interest in anyone. _Ever_. Isn't he like in hiding or something? Discovering himself? Doesn't matter, he's stupid. Your mom....well, I can't say a lot about her, I don't know her-"

"Join the club."

"But she's an idiot for missing out on your life. A damn idiot. In fact, she's probably off somewhere all alone smoking crack and wondering where her life went wrong and I'd happily tell her it got fucked up the second she decided to leave you. From the very _second_ she decided that, everything started going downhill for her. She's missing out on the life of the absolute _best_ person I know and if there's anyone who should feel sorry for that, it's her. Not you."

"I...I just wish I wasn't the one who-"

"You weren't," Dean said.

"But-"

"No, listen to me. You. Weren't. Don't you dare blame yourself for that. You were a baby when she decided to walk out. What could you have _possibly_ done?"

"I-I could've...." Castiel looked down at his hands and shrugged. "I was an annoying baby."

"Who wasn't an annoying baby?"

"The first three apparently. She didn't walk out on them."

"Castiel," Dean said and then laughed. "You honestly think Gabriel wasn't an annoying baby? He's annoying now! Just imagine him with absolutely _no_ morals and crap falling out his diaper, the nightmare that must've been!"

Castiel couldn't help but smile, even though it was faint. His head rested against Dean's shoulder and he wiped at his nose. "I guess."

"And you are in _no way_ a burden to Charlie. None at all, okay? She calls me sometimes just to talk about you, did you know that? And only good stuff, obviously. She figures I'm as big of fan of you as she is and she goes on and _on_ about you. If I didn't know better, I'd say she were in love with you. Castiel, she tells me stories about you that _I_ was there to see and hear. When Alastair..." Dean cleared his throat and pulled Castiel just the slightest bit closer. "Cas, I've...I've never heard her sound so bad. She called me after it happened and she just...cried. She also wouldn't let me come anywhere near you. She let me sit at home, a complete mess, and didn't feel bad about it. She told me to stay away from you because she didn't know if me seeing you would make things better or worse. She sacrificed my mental state and well being to take care of yours. That's not you being a burden, Castiel, that's just her loving you."

Dean pressed his lips to Castiel's temple before continuing to speak. "And as for Ash," he said, "he doesn't want a relationship with anyone. He likes you...a lot...maybe _too_ much...more than I would _like_ him to, _but!_ But he's not ever going to date you or anyone else. That's just not him. He flirted with you, you flirted back, he took his opportunity when it came knocking."

Castiel sighed and pulled his sleeves down lower on his arms so that the ends stretched over his palms.

"What about the people at school?" he asked, his eyes watering at the thought of them.

Dean removed his lips from Castiel's temple and let his head rest against the headboard.

"We'll deal with the people at school. Just like we'll deal with everything else. Cas, you're strong. You're so _so_ strong and you're going to beat this. All of it."

"You...You think I can?"

"Yeah, I do. All you have to do is try, and I'll be right by your side the whole way through. Every damn day of this, I'll be there. The days you give a hundred percent and the days where you don't give any. The days where you just want to lay down and cry, well, I'll be there to hold you. I'll be there to wipe your tears. And sooner or later, the good days will outnumber the bad. In fact, I won't stop trying until they _do_ outnumber the bad and, believe me, they will. I want us to fight this, but let me carry the burden for the fight. You call the shots and I'll take 'em."

"We...We're gonna beat it?"

"You and me," Dean smiled. "You're not gonna stop seeing that sunrise, Castiel. Not on my watch."

Castiel felt the corners of his mouth pull upwards. "We'll kick its ass."

"Damn right we will," Dean smiled. "Now, how about we go get some dinner."

"Mm," Castiel groaned.

"Please?" Dean pouted. "Just a little bit?" he whined and nuzzled his nose against Castiel's. "A morsel?" He kissed Castiel's cheek. "Just a _teeny tiny-"_

"Okay!" Castiel laughed as Dean kissed him more. "Okay, we'll eat! St-Stop it," he giggled and gently started pushing Dean's face away from his own.

Dean grinned and got off the bed before pulling Castiel up and lacing his fingers through his.

"I think your dad made chicken," Dean said as he inhaled through his nose and pulled Castiel out of his room. "Rice is there too... Oo, yeck. Broccoli."

When they got to the kitchen, Gabriel and Chuck obviously relaxed at the sight of Castiel as Dean went about making his plate and asking what Castiel wanted.

When Dean finally set Castiel's plate in front of him, he leaned down on the side of him and gently said, "Eat as much as you can, alright? Don't feel forced to clear the plate, whatever you don't finish I'll have." He then pulled away and took a seat across from Castiel and next to Chuck, starting up a healthy conversation about football with Gabriel.

Castiel ate slowly and got about a quarter of the food down before pushing the plate away. He could feel his father's worried eyes on him but decided to keep his focus on Dean's smile.

"Is...Is that okay?" Castiel asked and Dean looked up at him.

"You ate, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"Well, Cas, that's more than okay with me," he smiled and pulled the plate closer. "You did great. I'm proud of you."

"Me too," Chuck jumped in and Castiel looked over at him with a smile.

"The food's not that good anyway, you ate more than I did," Gabriel said and Castiel chuckled.

"Well then, _you_ cook next time, Gabriel!"

" _Hell_ no. Your food's bad, my food kills."

Dean let out a laugh as Chuck snorted.

Castiel looked around the table and slowly his mouth quirked into a smile. He would beat it. This thing that was eating him away, he would beat it. How could he not? Looking at the three people sitting with him, how strong they were and how much they cared, he knew he could beat it. _They_ could beat it.

"I'm going to be okay," he said and smiled at them.

The three couldn't help but smile back.

"Cassie, we wouldn't have it any other way."

•••

"CHRISTMAS!" Gabriel screamed as he jumped onto Castiel's bed, resulting in the younger boy to bounce up and down between his brother's legs. "Get up, Cassie, it's the BEST DAY OF THE YEAR!"

"Shut _uuup!"_ Castiel yelled and pulled his covers over his head.

Gabriel jumped down onto his knees and snatched the covers off of Castiel.

"Come on! I can't open any presents until _you_ get your ass up. Let's _go!"_

" _Mmmm!"_ Castiel groaned before shoving Gabriel in the chest. "Stop!"

"Up! Up! Up! Up!"

After five more minutes of Gabriel screaming and whining and shaking his younger brother, Castiel decided it would just be better to get the hell up. He grabbed a blanket out of his closet and walked into the living room with it around his shoulders.

"Morning, Castiel. Merry Christmas," Chuck smiled as Castiel fell onto the couch and laid down.

"Merry Christmas," he mumbled back as Gabriel rushed to the tree.

"Okay! Me first!" Gabriel giggled and dove into the gifts.

"How are you feeling? Are you hungry?"

"Just tired," Castiel said.

"Do you want coffee?"

Castiel nodded and heard his dad get up, felt him run a hand through his hair, and head into the kitchen.

"Oo, nice," Gabriel smiled as Castiel felt four small paws leap onto his back and move up to his head. It was there that Picket felt was the best place to sit. "Cassie, I got a hundred bucks."

"Mm."

"You next," he said and walked a gift over to the couch. "Hi, Picket," he cooed and scratched the kitten behind its ears, causing it to purr. "Open it."

Castiel sighed and with one hand managed to get his gift open.

"Oh.... Cool," he said and smiled.

"Whatcha get?"

"Season one of the original Star Trek."

"Oh, golly wow! I betcha that's gonna look real swell on the color tv!"

"Shut up, Gabriel," he smiled as Chuck returned with the coffee.

Upon seeing Picket sitting atop Castiel's head, he chuckled and set the coffee on the floor next to his son.

"Careful not to spill it."

"Mmhm," Castiel hummed as Gabriel handed him another gift.

And it went on like that for some time. Gabriel handed out the gifts as Chuck sat in his chair and Castiel laid spread on the couch.

Eventually, Castiel sat up, moving Picket to his lap, to drink his coffee. He was surrounded by wrapping paper and grinned as his kitten lept off his lap and into the mess below, being easily entertained with the paper Christmas trees and fancy bows.

Chuck's phone rang once he started on breakfast and he answered it with a smile.

Castiel, not interested in the conversation or who was on the other end of the line, turned on the tv and allowed whatever Christmas show was on to have his attention.

Gabriel took a seat next to him and sighed.

"Good Christmas."

"Good Christmas," Castiel agreed and smiled. "We should go somewhere."

" _Where?"_ Gabriel laughed. "We don't have any family to spend the day with or cook dinner for. It's just you, me, and Dad."

"Michael's on the phone!"

"And Michael," Gabriel sighed as Castiel slouched in his seat.

Chuck came into the room, smiling at his sons. "Michael's on the phone. Wants to say hi."

"Let him say it and then tell him to hang up."

"Castiel," Chuck said and put his hand over the receiving end of the phone, "now is not the time for this. It's Christmas." He put the phone back against his ear and said. "Yeah, Cassie wants to talk to you."

Castiel rolled his eyes as Chuck walked over.

"Here he is," he said and held the phone out.

Castiel hesitated before taking it and pressed it to his ear.

"Merry Christmas, Michael," he said into the phone.

_"Merry Christmas, Castiel! How are you?"_

"Good-"

_"Well."_

Castiel sighed and closed his eyes. "Well," Castiel growled. "How's your Christmas going?"

_"It's great. Castiel, I think you would love it here. New York is just beautiful. The city, the sights, the-"_

"It's too crowded for my liking. Seems dirty too."

_"New York isn't dirty."_

"Personal opinion," Castiel sighed.

_"Hm.... I haven't spoken to you all year."_

"I know!" Castiel grinned, in complete bliss at all the nonexistent memories of his and Michael's conversations.

_"Tell me what's going on! I heard you're on the track team."_

"I am," he said and rubbed his arm. "Yeah, I actually have my first meet in February."

_"Castiel, that's great. I'm proud of you."_

"Tha-Thank you," he stuttered, not used to hearing those words coming out of Michael's mouth. "I... Yeah, I tried out last month and...yeah."

_"Well, I think it's great. Truly."_

Castiel couldn't help but smile as he pulled the sleeve of his shirt down. "Thank you," he said again.

_"So, with all this newfound glory you must be getting a lot of attention, huh? Big track man with all his speed and talent."_

"Ah, it's nothing too intense," Castiel smiled. "No one really.... I mean, it's not like I flaunt it."

 _"You should! Take it from me, girls_ love _it when you-"_

Castiel slammed the phone against Gabriel's chest and stood up. "Take it. I'm done talking to him."

"Wha- Castiel!" Chuck cried as his son started for the stairs. "What's wrong? What happened?"

"He still hasn't accepted it! He still hasn't gotten it through his fucking head!"

"Whoa, whoa, watch it. Calm down."

"No! I'm sick of him, Dad! I'm sick of him! He knows it'll piss me off and he still does it. He still talks to me about girls. Like him suggesting it so fucking much is going to change me!"

"Oh, yeah, you've definitely ruined Christmas again," Gabriel said into the phone. "No... Okay, no I don't understand your point...."

"He's an assbutt!" Castiel yelled and Gabriel raised his eyebrows, an amused smirk on his face.

"Okay," Chuck said, "you know Michael's had a hard time adjusting-"

"Oh, geez, where are my manners," Castiel gasped sarcastically. He placed his hands over his chest and bent forward. "Please forgive me. I didn't realize Michael was having such a hard time adjusting to _my_ life. Had I known, I simply would've turned it off.... Because it so _obviously_ works that way. Michael, I apologize for being gay!" he called over to the phone.

Gabriel held it up in order for Michael to hear him clearer.

"I forgot me being born the way I am so _easily_ offends you! I didn't mean for you to get hurt. I know having a younger brother who is gay brings you a lot of beatings, neglect, and fear of opening up to the world. To struggle with something like that must be _horrid._ So please, next time I act out of line let me know! So I can happily tell you to _kiss my ass!"_ he vehemently hissed.

"Castiel, how _dare_ you accuse-" Michael began to reprimand.

"Oh. Oh, no. I'm so sorry," he whispered, his hand moving over his mouth worriedly, but he it dropped soon after. "Was that too _gay_ for you?" he dead panned before turning his back and continuing his path up the stairs.

He heard Michael yelling on the phone, but his words weren't easy to make out and, to be honest, Castiel didn't want to stay and decipher them.

"Michael, calm down," Chuck said.

"Suck a _dick!"_ Gabriel screamed and then fell into fits of laughter.

Castiel smirked and entered his bedroom before sighing and falling onto his bed. He pulled his phone off the charger and started to scroll quickly through the Christmas messages he had received.

**Charlie**

**Merry Christmas Castiel!!! You won't believe what I...**

**Jo**

**Merry Christmas!**

**Sam**

**MERRY CHRISTMAS YA FILTHY...**

He smiled at that, making a mental note to go back and read the whole thing later.

**Ash**

**What's good  u candy cane cum guzzler DICKCEMBER...**

"Oh, Jesus Christ," Castiel chuckled, not sure if we wanted to read the rest of that message. He scrolled past Ash's message and landed on Dean's message box. He smiled and clicked on it.

**Merry Christmas babe! I have an AMAZING idea!**

**U should call me**

**Or at least text me back**

**Idc I just want to talk to u**

**Answer me**

Castiel smiled and turned onto his stomach before texting back.

_**You are the neediest son of a bitch I know.** _

**FINALLY! Why'd u make me wait so long**

_**I was celebrating Christmas with my family.** _

**Okay that's my point actually. Ur done celebrating right**

_**I guess. It's not like we have family to go see or cook for.** _

**Okay yeah! Me neither! Other than Bobby we don't have anyone**

_**This is a depressing conversation.** _

**Hahaha no but listen what if we did something**

**Both our families**

Castiel moved onto his back again and bit his lip. He had just made a scene downstairs and he wasn't sure his father would be so open to giving in to plans he made with his boyfriend.

_**What if I'm maybe possibly in trouble?** _

**What happened**

_**Michael called and I got mad and angrily let him know that he was an ass.** _

**Damn.... Okay don't worry. Just act surprised when I show up with Sammy and my dad**

_**So sneaky. I love it.** _

**And u love me**

_**That's up for debate.** _

**Shut up**

Castiel left the chat and went back to answer his other ones. Once he was finished there (and Ash had gotten a good laugh) Castiel decided to take a shower and afterwards, inspect his gifts a bit more closely.

Of course, going back down stairs meant his father lecturing him. He paid as much attention as he could, thinking about Dean and his plans for later, and at the end apologized for his actions.

Both Chuck and Gabriel were shocked.

"Castiel, you had every right to say what you said."

"Yeah, I know. But it didn't mean I _had_ to necessarily say it," he said to his brother. "Anyway, I'm going to go play these new games," he smiled and waved them. "Also, Picket is coming with me," he said and scooped up his kitten before kissing it and starting down the hall.

'Just a couple more hours of good behavior,' he thought to himself as he stepped into the game room.

"For Dean," he said and Picket meowed. "I'm glad you agree."

•••

"You're right. This was a great idea!" Castiel smiled as he skated past Dean.

When Dean, Sam, and John had shown up at the Novaks offering to take them out to the small Winter Wonderland some minutes away, Chuck couldn't think of a reason to say no.

Castiel had acted just as surprised as the rest of them but shared a knowing look with Dean when they started leaving the house.

"Shut up!" Dean called after him. "And turn that off!" he snapped as Castiel recorded his stumbling boyfriend on the ice.

"No, these are treasured memories, Dean."

"This is so stu- SAM!" he screamed as his brother sped towards him and showered his jeans with ice as he came to an abrupt stop. "I'm going to _murder_ you!" he yelled as Sam cackled and took off again.

"Dean, you just have to glide."

"I am gliding!" he yelled as he took a step forward.

"Hm, not really," Castiel smirked as skated closer to him. "Here," he said and extended his gloved hands. "Hold on."

"What? No," he said and glanced around. "I'm not some five year old kid."

"Of course not, Dean. The five year old kids are much better at this." He wiggled his fingers and Dean sighed before taking Castiel's hands.

"I feel so stupid."

Castiel smiled and pulled Dean over to the wall before letting him grab on to that.

"Do you feel less stupid here?"

"Yes. As a matter for fact, I do."

Castiel took one of Dean's hands before moving forward.

"This has been the best Christmas," he said while looking up at Dean. "Wouldn't you agree?"

"I would," Dean replied and leaned his head forward, tilting it to one side as Castiel's eyes fluttered shut.

"THIS IS A FAMILY FUNCTION!" came Gabriel's scream as both he and Sam caused a large spray of ice to pour over Castiel and Dean. "My _God_ where's your RESPECT!" Gabriel gasped before taking off.

Castiel would've been right on his tail had it not been for Dean falling after trying to lunge at Sam.

Sam, for the second time, took off laughing and sped over to Gabriel before giving him a high five.

"That kid's ass is mine," Dean snarled before pushing himself on to his knees, Castiel helping him up. "I'm going to just-"

"I think they got pictures of that."

"-and when I _do_ he'll learn. Oo, will Sammy learn."

"Gabriel definitely got pictures of that."

"Damn kid.... Can we get off the ice? I'm sick of being sprayed."

"Yeah, okay," Castiel took Dean's hand again and they carefully made their way out of the rink.

They turned their skates back in and pulled on their shoes before going to get hot chocolate and walk around the rest of the Wonderland.

"Wanna walk down Santa's Northern Fun Trail?" Castiel said and nodded to a decorated and heavily lighted nature walk that had been transformed into a Christmas heaven for any kid under the age of ten.

"Why do I feel like if I go in there I'll never come out," Dean said.

Castiel smiled and threaded their fingers together. "Come on," he smiled and pulled on Dean's hand. "We can make fun of everything in there."

Dean groaned but followed after Castiel nonetheless.

The trail was even brighter on the inside with metal elves and giant glowing Polar Bears. Castiel saw more Santas in that one trail than he had seen in his entire life. Big ones, small ones, ones that moved, ones that talked, and ones that just stared.

"It's unsettling," Castiel said as Dean wrapped an arm around his waist. "How do kids look at him and think, 'I can't wait until _this_ guy comes into my house!'"

"Fetishes."

Castiel looked over at Dean who, in return, looked at him and smiled.

"Please don't make the joke that children have old man fetishes."

Dean chuckled and wrapped his arm around Castiel's shoulders.

"Ah, Cas.... You have to admit I'm probably onto something."

"Yeah, because five year old kids know all about fetishes and sex and-"

"Uh, excuse me!"

Dean and Castiel looked over to see a middle aged woman standing beside them, her son's hand in her own.

"Watch your language. You're in public and this is a family event."

"Oh," Castiel said and blushed as Dean turned his face away and laughed into his hand. "I-I'm sorry. I'll be more careful."

"I _surely_ hope so!" she snapped and pulled her son away from them, going over to her husband with a look of annoyance.

"I'm embarrassed."

"Don't worry. Your blush looks like the result of the weather and not being publicly chastised for talking about sex and old man fetishes in front of a six year old boy."

"Okay, why is it that when _you_ say it nothing happens?"

"Because I'm awesome," Dean said, as if it was an obvious fact.

"Oh, right of course. How could I forget that?"

"If I knew I would tell you. We can't have you forgetting such basic, yet life changing, information."

"Of course not," Castiel said and turned to face Dean, their fingers still entangled together. "Although, I could think of _several_ ways in which you can remind me," he said and tugged on the front of Dean's jacket.

"Oh yeah?" Dean smiled and moved his hand to Castiel's cheek. "And what exactly are you-"

"Dean! There you are!" Sam exclaimed and grabbed his brother's arm. "Come on! _Come on!_ They're going to light the tree. Apparently it's gonna look _super_ cool. Come on!"

"Sam, if this is just some-"

"Let's go!" he groaned and pulled on his brother. " _Deeeeean!"_

"Okay! I'm going!" he snapped and pulled his arm away.

Sam immediately grabbed his hand, a smile on his face as he pulled his brother towards the exit, Castiel close behind the two.

Sam lead them all the way to a large gathering of people. In the middle was a tall, healthy looking, Evergreen decorated from top to bottom in ornaments, tinsel, garland, the whole nine yards.

"There you two are," John said. "Where'd you run off to?"

"The Santa trail thing."

"Oo, _fun_ ," Gabriel smiled, a cup of hot chocolate in his hand. "Did you see Santa and all his little helpers?"

"You know what, Gabriel, fu-"

"Castiel, please," Chuck sighed. "There are _families_ here."

"Castiel already got that talk," Dean smiled.

Castiel lightly punched him in the arm before being wrapped in it. He rested his head on Dean's shoulder and waited for the tree to light up.

When it finally did, it wasn't anything Castiel was expecting. The lights swirled around the tree from bottom to top before staying still and casting a red, green, and white glow over everyone's faces. The lights reflected beautifully off the ornaments and made the ice on the ground shimmer.

At the top of the tree was an angel whose wings shimmered different colors.

"Hey, he kinda looks like you," Dean smiled and pointed.

"If that angel was Castiel, it wouldn't be on top," Gabriel said to which both Chuck and John raised their eyebrows, however, they were too uncomfortable with the comment to look at their sons.

Dean and Castiel were grateful.

"It's beautiful," Sam smiled. "Everyone was saying it'd be amazing," he said as the lights started to flash and create unique designs across the tree, "and it is."

John smiled and pulled Sam against his chest. "Glad you got to see it, bud."

"We should come back next year," Sam said. "All six of us again. Dean and Cas will be home from college. We should come back."

"I wouldn't mind making it tradition. We've never really _had_ Christmas traditions," Chuck said. "Let's come back next year."

"Sounds like a plan," Gabriel agreed and looked over at Castiel and Dean. "Make sure you two don't break up. We don't want this whole thing to be awkward."

"I think Castiel and I will be just fine," Dean reassured Gabriel.

Castiel smiled and kissed Dean's jaw. "Guess I'll meet you here next year," he said once Gabriel turned away.

"You better," he mumbled and kissed him softly. "Next year Christmas, I want to see you. No excuses," he whispered and kissed him again.

•••

For the second time that week Castiel was awakened by someone jumping onto his bed. However, this time when he opened his eyes, he was met with the lens of a camera.

"Wh-"

"Good morning, Castiel!" Dean laughed. "And Merry Christmas!"

"You're one day too late," he grumbled and turned over.

"Nope! I'm perfectly on time! This is your Christmas present."

"Waking me up early and recording me is my Christmas present. What did I get? A sloppy, morning sex tape?"

Dean chuckled and pulled on the covers. "You have to get up in order for this to work," he said and leaned over to kiss Castiel's cheek. "Come on." He jumped off the bed and Castiel heard him pull his closet doors open. "Ah, what to choose from Castiel's _many_ lovely outfits? Something warm, obviously, seeing as it's _snowing_ outside."

"It's snowing?" Castiel gasped and sat up.

Dean pointed the camera back to him and smiled. "It is."

"You're lying to get me out of bed."

Dean walked over to Castiel's window and drew the blinds up.

"It's snowing!" Castiel grinned, now completely out of bed. He pressed his face against the glass of the window and giggled. "Yay."

"Will you get dressed now?" Dean asked, his eyes focused on the small screen of the video camera and a smile on his face.

"Yes. I'll get dressed," Castiel smiled and moved away from the window.

Dean followed Castiel around his room with the camera, keeping up constant narration of what Castiel was doing. He followed him out into the hallway and over to the bathroom.

"You can't come in. I'm taking a shower," he said as he blocked the doorway.

"That could be vital to the project," Dean said and zoomed in on Castiel.

"No," Castiel laughed, putting a hand over the lens and leaning forward to kiss his boyfriend before stepping back and closing the door.

When Castiel finally got out the shower Dean lead him downstairs walking (much go Castiel's concern) backwards down the small flight.

When they got to the kitchen Chuck and Gabriel were waiting for the pair with pancakes and an envelope.

"You're going to have to take these to-go by the way," Chuck said as Gabriel handed over the envelope.

Castiel looked down and saw the envelope had a large, black "1" written on it.

"One?"

"Everything will be explained," Dean said from behind the camera.

Castiel opened the envelope and pulled out a letter.

" _Merry Christmas, Castiel!"_ he read. _"This year I, your wonderful, loving boyfriend have come up with the phenomenal idea to give you a Christmas scavenger hunt! While the day will be filled with small gifts the main one will be revealed at the end. I hope you enjoy._

_Your first riddle is below!"_

Next to that final line was a Christmas tree drawn pointing downwards.

"It's... It's an arrow," Dean said with a proud smile as Castiel looked up at him. Dean looked around the room, expecting faces of approval. When he didn't receive them, the smile fell from Dean's face and he sighed. "Alright, just read the rest."

_"Your Christmas comes twice this year, another time with your favorite queer."_

"Me," Dean smiled and again looked around the room.

_"Celebrating two times this week, you get to see your favorite geek."_

Castiel remained staring at the piece of paper and sighed. He was fighting not to smile at Dean's riddle and bit the inside of his lip to help with the challenge. Finally, he placed the piece of paper on the counter and drummed his fingers lightly, raising his eyes to meet Dean's grinning face.

"It's Char-"

"Charlie. Yeah, no, I know." He looked away from Dean and down at the paper before sighing. "It's just a lame ass riddle," he murmured under his breath.

"Hey!" Dean whined and pouted, his eyes moving away from the camera screen to look at Castiel.

"Hm? What? I didn't say anything. Let's go."

"I put my heart and soul into that, Novak."

"I'm sure you did," Castiel smiled and took the pancakes from his dad before heading towards the door and pulling on his jacket.

"You looked stumped."

"I can assure you, I wasn't," he smiled and walked out the house and over to the Impala.

"Whoa, whoa! You're driving. I can't film you and drive at the same time."

"You've done worse."

"Okay, sure, but I can't take any risks on this. Take Gabriel's car."

Castiel sighed heavily and went back inside before grabbing his brother's keys.

"First stop: Charlie!" Dean grinned once he and Castiel were in the car. "I don't mean to brag, Cas," he said once they had pulled out the driveway, "but this is going to be your best gift yet."

•••

Castiel could've sworn they had been all over town with the number of riddles Dean had left. After getting to Charlie's and having to beat her in one round of Smash Bros (it took over an hour and he was pretty sure Charlie had just let him win) for his next clue, they took off to the Roadhouse (he played Ash in pool), Dean's house (trivia with Sam, which he might add, was _completely_ unfair because Sam wouldn't stick to one answer), their school, and a hell of a lot more other places, they had finally reached the final spot.

"Okay," Castiel said as he and Dean left Bobby's auto shop. "I learned how to properly care for a car and appreciate its beauty and all that.... Why do I feel like this Christmas present is more of a learning workshop than a present."

"Cherished memories, Cas!"

"My gift is...cherished memories?"

Dean smiled and nodded towards the piece of paper in Castiel's hand. "Open it."

Castiel did so as Dean leaned against the side of the car.

_"Merry Christmas one last time. The hunt is over. Great job! You get to boast. Now turn your attention to the one you love most."_

Castiel smiled and kept his eyes on the paper.

"You better get me home, Dean. Picket is waiting," he said with a chuckle and looked at his boyfriend.

"You're such a pain in my ass," he laughed and reached through the window before pulling out a package and handing it to Castiel. "Open it," he said closed the camera.

"Oh, sure. Don't record the _actual_ present."

Dean shrugged and Castiel started to unwrap the gift. Once he shredded the paper off, he pulled the top off the box and tucked it under.

He looked down at the gift with a smile and then looked to Dean.

"Your baseball jacket?"

"Yeah."

"Are you going to ask me to go steady with you?"

Dean snorted and tucked his hands into his pockets. "No.... No, I gave that to you for two reasons."

"Enlighten me."

"For one, you get cold easily. Like, in seventy degree weather you shiver. One more jacket couldn't hurt you _and_ it's a stylish jacket with my name on it so everyone knows you're with me and they can back the hell up."

Castiel snickered and looked back down at the jacket.

"And reason number two?"

Dean cleared his throat and Castiel watched him run a hand over his upper lip.

"Two, because it's senior year. And...And I know high school hasn't been easy for you, Castiel, and I'm so damn sorry about that. I should've been there for you through it all. I should've worked harder to keep our friendship during sophomore and junior year. I shouldn't have abandoned you. There were so many times when you needed me and I didn't come through." He let out a sigh and licked his lips. "And I know there will be times in the upcoming year where you'll need me and I won't be there. That's where the jacket comes in. You have depression. It's something you're struggling with right now. And while you've already had so many good days, I'm not naïve enough to think that it's gone forever. I don't want you to feel alone when you're in college, Cas, because I know feeling alone doesn't work well for you. When you feel upset or alone or angry you have that jacket. So, even when I'm not there to hold you I can still... _hold_ you. I-If that makes sense," he finished quietly.

Castiel swallowed past the lump in his throat and looked down at the jacket. Dean always knew what to say. He always knew what to do. How Castiel had gotten so lucky, he'd never know. The boy he was in love with genuinely loved him back. And that's more than many could say. His love was evident in his touches, kisses, words, and now, his gifts. Dean Winchester, although he didn't think it, was always going to be there. He wouldn't let it play out any other way.

"Ye-Yes," Castiel said and sniffled. "Yes, that makes sense. It makes perfect sense." He ran a hand over the jacket and nodded. "Best gift yet."


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so, so, much for your comments and kudos!! You guys make me so happy. I hope you enjoy! Keep leaving your kind and loving notes!

A week and a half after Christmas brought the return to school.

And a week and a half into school brought chaos.

Dean and Castiel were sucked into their personal, vicious, and grueling schedules.

Dean meeting with college scouts and Castiel preparing for or going to college interviews. Both had even done a few college visits. The two, with back to back weeks of preparing for their futures and going home only to crash on the nearest soft surface, hardly saw each other.

However, numerous texts and voice messages were left. When Castiel was gone, Dean was sure to call and vice versa. While they had headbutting schedules, they made sure to still stay present to each other in one way or another.

Both were grateful for being blessed with a four day weekend near the middle of February. Dean and Castiel had agreed to take it easy and enjoy the free time while they had it.

“Teacher work days are the only reason I live,” Charlie said, reclining on her elbows against the grass, as they enjoyed their Friday off. Kansas had blessed them with a (highly rare) warm, winter day and they, along with others, took advantage of the weather. The three decided to spend some time in a nearby park. People walked by with their kids, some played with their dogs, and other had blankets spread while they indulged in their picnics.

“Yeah, tell me about it,” Castiel smiled. “And what's even better? Gabe and my dad are going away all weekend. Whole house to myself.”

“You don't say….” Dean mused from behind him.

“You're not invited,” Castiel smiled up at him.

“Why are they going to be gone?” Charlie asked while smiling at Dean’s comment.

“My dad has to do business for his new book and Gabriel wants to be there to hear negotiations...or so he says. He probably wants to make an eccentric mess of things.”

“Ah, that is _so,_ Gabriel,” Charlie smiled.

“Isn't it?” Castiel smiled. “I'm going to miss him.”

“College is a bitch,” Dean sighed and rested his chin on Castiel's shoulder. “And we haven't even been there yet.”

“Hm,” Castiel said and leaned back into Dean. “I don't know… I think once we’re there it'll be more likeable.”

“It's college! It'll definitely be better once we get there,” Charlie smiled. “I get so excited just thinking about the clubs they'll have! And how many more girls will be into girls! College is going to be _amazing_.”

Castiel chuckled. “Yeah, they'll probably be a lot more guys to hit on too- _Ow!_ ” he hissed as Dean pinched him. He turned his head to look at him and Dean shrugged innocently.

“What?”

“Asshole,” he smiled. “I was joking.”

Charlie giggled while shaking her head. “He's so damn easy, isn't he?”

“Incredibly,” Castiel said while Charlie got up.

“Who wants food?”

“Depends on which truck you're going to.”

“Whatever you want,” she shrugged and held out her hand for money.

“Wherever there’s a burger,” Dean said and handed her a twenty.

“I'm not hungry,” Castiel said and Charlie frowned.

“Dude, you didn't have breakfast either.”

“Yeah, but I'm just not… I don't-”

“Everything on my burger,” Dean said to Charlie.

Castiel guessed he gave her a look because she sighed and nodded before walking away.

Castiel looked down at the grass and pressed his back further against Dean’s chest.

“What's wrong,” he said by his ear.

“Uh,” Castiel sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I-I think the stress of the past month and a half is catching up to me,” he said. “And now I'm freaking out about everything. If I did well enough, if they liked me, if I'll get scholarships…. And of course, the answers I'm giving myself aren't helping.”

“Hm… Castiel, what's your GPA?”

“Um, a five point three.”

“And where have you been accepted so far?”

“Uh, Harvard, Vanderbilt, UCLA, Baylor-”

“And which of those schools have _already_ mentioned scholarships?”

“A-All of them,” Castiel mumbled.

“Tell me again what you're worried about?”

Castiel couldn't fight the small smile that appeared on his face.

“I forgot about all that.”

“Just slipped your mind, did it?” Dean smiled and pressed his lips to Castiel's cheek and then, neck. “Babe, you'll be fine,” he said against Castiel's shoulder and wrapped his arms around Castiel’s front and kissed his temple.

“Hm…,” Castiel said and leaned into Dean’s kisses. “If I'm not, I'm blaming you,” he mumbled and turned his head to kiss Dean properly.

“Fair,” Dean breathed out in between a kiss as Castiel’s hand moved to his hair.

Castiel smiled at how easily Dean had agreed to Castiel blaming him, knowing full well why he wasn't going to argue about it right now.

Dean’s hands dropped down to Castiel’s waist as he leaned forward to kiss him better.

Castiel smiled again and Dean chuckled.

“What's so funny?” he said.

“Nothing,” Castiel replied with his eyes still shut. “Just happy,” he said while Dean pressed his forehead against his.

“And yet I'm _still_ not on that wall!”

“Dean,” Castiel laughed. “You know why I'm not putting you on my wall.”

Dean groaned and kissed him again before laying down.

“I love being able to do this,” he said as Castiel turned to face him.

Castiel moved over Dean, his hands on either side of his head. “What?” he asked.

“Be with you,” he responded. “In public and not having to worry.”

Castiel smiled broadly. “It is pretty nice,” he said and looked up and around the park. No one was staring at them or pointing in shock. Not one person had walked by with a nasty remark or a sneer in their direction. They were treated just like any other couple that walked by or sat down for a picnic or made out underneath one of the trees and it was a feeling Castiel never wanted to forget. A feeling of equality and respect. It was something he had longed for for quite some time.

He looked back down to meet Dean’s hazel green eyes and smiled again.

“You look good on top of me,” Dean said, the side of his mouth quirking up into a smile.

“It feels good. I so rarely get this view of you, Dean. Even with your awkward double chin you look hot.”

Dean shoved Castiel off of him with a grin and Castiel laughed.

“It was a compliment!” Castiel said with a laugh.

“A backhanded one,” Dean smiled and moved his hands behind his head.

Castiel’s eyes ran over Dean’s body from top to bottom. Dean’s hair was caught in the sun, bringing out the blonde hidden in the dark brown. It was blowing lightly as a breeze passed and Castiel felt himself shiver while his eyes moved over his face. Absently counting the freckles, knowing he'd never get an exact number. His eyes traced Dean’s lips and moved down his neck and the amulet hanging around it, slowly moving up and down with each inhale and exhale of Dean’s breath. The sight of that was comforting. Calming. The steady up and down of Dean’s chest. His eyes moved on to his torso and his waist and down his legs, which were crossed. He smiled at Dean’s boots. He didn't think he had seen him in any other kind of shoe, excluding his cleats.

Castiel’s eyes scanned back up and met Dean’s.

“You're beautiful, Dean.”

Dean raised his eyebrows and slowly opened his mouth, searching for a response, but closed it when he thought of nothing.

Castiel looked down and ran his hand through the grass with a smile still on his face.

“Hm,” Dean said. “Beautiful.”

Castiel shrugged and looked up again. “Just thought I'd say it.”

“If you had a, let's say, _wall_ of beauty,” he started and Castiel groaned and smiled before looking up at the sky. “No, no hear me out!” Dean said. “If you had a wall of beauty and the most beautiful went on the top and then the other _less beautiful_ went on the bottom...who would be on the top?”

“Pizza man from Domino’s.”

Dean burst into laughter and Castiel grinned at him. His laugh resonated throughout the park as his hands moved over his chest.

“Pizza man from Domino’s… Jesus,” he laughed. “He was cute, wasn't he?”

“We should've taken him back with us,” Castiel said. “Takeout,” he added with a wink.

“Hm…,” Dean mused with a smile. “I'd be under him though, right?”

“I thought I'd be under him and you could take him from behind.”

“N-” Dean fell into another fit of laughter and Castiel let his smile grow wider. “I meant on the wall!” he laughed, looking to Castiel.

“Oh, of course, yeah,” he grinned. “Right after him is you without a doubt!”

Dean smiled and reached out, wrapping his hand around Castiel’s arm and pulling him over.

He laid down next to Dean and smiled as he was wrapped in his arms. His hand moved to Dean’s neck and his lips to Dean’s.

Castiel pulled away a while after and met Dean’s eyes.

“I'm hungry,” he said and Dean’s face broke into a grin.

•••

“And when I say no friends, I mean _no friends_ ,” Chuck said as he got into his coat. “Not even Charlie.”

“Four days of isolation, got it.”

“I mean, you can go out. But don't _stay out._ And no one is allowed in.”

“Dad, I got it,” Castiel sighed.

“Yeah, he's got it. Castiel is a good egg,” Gabriel said and ruffled his brother’s hair. “We need to get going! You need to rest up for tomorrow’s meeting.”

“Right, okay…. Food is in the fridge, you don't need take out every night. Call me or text me everyday, get your homework done…and don't let the cat scratch my bedpost!”

“I cannot control what Picket does.”

“Keep the door closed then,” he said and hugged Castiel before kissing his head. “I love you, be safe, get to bed at a reasonable time.”

“Dad, come on,” Gabriel groaned and pulled on his dad’s arm. “See you later, Cassie.”

“Bye,” Castiel smiled and waved as he shut the door after them.

Once they were gone he ate dinner, watched tv, and took a shower.

When he stepped out, he realized he hadn't brought his pajamas with him and wrapped a towel around his waist.

He appreciated walking out into the hall and not having to worry about Gabriel running by and snatching his towel off of him.

He got into his room and ran his hand against the wall for the light.

“You take long showers.”

Castiel felt his heart leap into his throat and his body jumped and his stomach dropped.

His hand snapped upward and the light turned on.

Dean was laying on his bed, eyes closed and hands behind his head.

“Dean!” he hissed and his boyfriend peeked an eye open. “What the hell are you doing here?!” he growled as his heart started to slow down its thumping.

Dean reached over the side of the bed and held up a bag. “Spending the night.”

“Oh-Oh no,” Castiel said. “No, no, no. Get out.”

“Boo,” Dean frowned and sat up. “Why not?”

“Because I'm not allowed and it's...inappropriate.”

“It's only inappropriate if we make it inappropriate,” he grinned and stood up. “Wanna make it inappropriate?”

“Go home.”

“Can't. I already told my dad I was spending the long weekend with Benny up at his place. He won't be expecting me home until Monday afternoon.”

“Well, that's-that's just too bad,” Castiel said as Dean started walking over to him. “You can't be here.”

“Says who?”

“Says my dad!”

“Is your dad here now?”

“No, but…. Okay, well, says me! And I'm here so- No,” Castiel said and stuck out a hand, causing it to collide with Dean’s chest. “No,” he laughed humorlessly. “No, I see that look in your eyes, back the hell up.”

“Oo, you're mean when you want to follow the rules,” Dean grinned and pressed forward.

“Dean, uh uh, no,” Castiel said strictly as Dean put his hands on his waist. “I mean it! Go home.”

“Mkay,” he said and tilted his head slightly and closed his eyes.

“Dean,” Castiel got out, his hand no longer restraining him, but pulling him closer. “You're so annoying,” he whispered, feeling his own eyes start to close.

“Mm, I know,” he whispered and pressed his mouth against Castiel’s.

It was soft and slow, nothing like Castiel was expecting. He was standing in nothing but a towel for Christ’s sake and Dean could never control himself when he got one of his urges. But now, their kiss was gentle. Castiel could feel how Dean’s lips moved against his and felt the slow trace of Dean’s tongue against his bottom lip. He felt the small vibration of Dean’s moan against him and moved his hands around Dean’s shoulders and into his hair.

Dean pulled away slowly and dragged his lips along Castiel’s jaw.

“Mm,” he hummed and rolled his hips forward.

Castiel gasped sharply. He didn't realize how aroused he was and that simple action sent his head spinning.

Dean was obviously pleased by this and gently touched his lips to Castiel’s once more before pulling back. He kept his eyes locked on Castiel’s before moving to kiss his neck.

His kisses were wet...sloppy…but they did their job in making Castiel go weak in the knees.

His hands moved back into Dean’s hair and he shuddered as Dean nipped at his skin. Castiel let out a small pant and Dean pulled away from him.

He stepped back and turned to sit on Castiel’s bed.

“Come here,” Dean said, his legs spread and his back straight.

Castiel’s skin was heated and his vision just the slightest bit blurry.

Still, he walked forward over to Dean.

His hands moved up to Castiel’s waist and smiled before pulling him onto him. Castiel’s legs ended up on either side of Dean’s left one and his hands snaked around his neck.

Dean angled his head up towards Castiel and started to undo the towel from around his waist. His breath was warm against Castiel’s lips and he leaned up just enough to tug on Castiel’s bottom lip with his teeth.

Castiel moved his face forward, his mouth attached itself to Dean’s and, unlike before, this kiss was hungry, impatient, and rough. Castiel rutted against Dean’s leg and raised his hands to the sides of Dean’s face as Dean threw the towel aside.

“Mmm,” Castiel groaned as Dean wrapped a hand around his cock. His hips lifted and dug down as they moved forward on his leg. One hand traveled into Dean’s hair and he gripped it tightly, making Dean moan, his mouth dropping to Castiel’s neck.

Castiel arched into Dean and continued rocking his hips as Dean’s hand moved up and down his shaft. His head bowed forward, Dean’s mouth still on his neck. Castiel’s hands left Dean’s hair and searched for a new place to go and found themselves tugging on the hem of Dean’s shirt.

Dean unwrapped his hand from around Castiel and pulled his shirt over his head before it joined the towel on the floor.

Castiel’s eyes scanned Dean’s torso, hungrily taking in every muscle, every movement.

“Dean, I could stare at you for ages…. There's not one part of you that isn't satisfying.”

Dean smiled and wrapped his arms around Castiel before turning him over and pressing his back against the mattress.

“Ditto,” Dean smiled.

“You know,” Castiel breathed as Dean’s mouth moved down his body, trailing his torso with kisses, “just because you're so damn cocky, I don't know if the ‘ditto’ is about you or about me,” he smiled and looked down at his boyfriend.

Dean smirked and cocked his head as if to say, ‘good point.’

“Well, I can't see myself when we’re having sex, so let’s go with you. Just this once.”

Castiel laughed and ran his fingers through Dean’s hair as he started kissing his abdomen. His lips moved lower and lower before kissing the base of Castiel’s shaft.

Castiel held his breath and tightened his grip on Dean’s hair.

Dean hummed and sighed before moving back up Castiel and pecking him on the lips.

“Fuck you, Dean!” Castiel growled while Dean chuckled. “This is why I _hate_ you being on top.”

“You like how I tease you,” Dean said as Castiel started unbuttoning his jeans and pushing them off his hips. “I think that feeling of frustration is sexy,” he said as the bottom half of his body became nude. Dean kicked the jeans and boxers off the bed and again wrapped his hand around Castiel’s cock.

Castiel let out a noise between a groan and a sigh but Dean cut it off with a kiss, one that had his tongue sliding against Castiel’s on impact.

Dean thrust against Castiel and moaned into his mouth as he slipped his hand around both of their cocks, his hand moving quickly up and down them. He tugged on Castiel’s bottom lip again before panting and thrusting harder, faster. His head bowed forward and rested against Castiel’s forehead as he continued his movements.

Castiel relished at the sound of Dean’s grunts and moans. He loved the feeling that shot through him, a kind of warmth, when Dean cursed and thrust even harder against him, into his own hand.

Castiel wrapped an arm around Dean’s shoulders, pressing him closer to his body as he captured his mouth in a ravenous kiss. His mouth was filled with the taste of Dean.

Only moments later, Dean tensed and gave one last thrust. Still, even through his orgasm, he moved his hand around their cocks until Castiel couldn't take the heat, the friction, the _pleasure_ anymore.

He came, his back arching off the bed, his mouth open and eyes shut. His fingers dug into Dean’s back and he let out a grunt before falling back against the mattress, panting heavily.

Dean, his head resting on Castiel’s shoulder, was breathing heavily and turned to kiss his neck.

Castiel reached up and pulled his hand through Dean’s hair with a soft smile and kissed the top of his head.

“This defeated the whole purpose of me showering,” Castiel said and Dean chuckled before pulling back.

“If you want to jump back in there, I won't stop you. In fact, I'd join you.”

“Hm, that's intriguing,” Castiel said with a smirk and closed his eyes.

“But, you're not moving,” Dean smiled and kissed him. “Damn, I love that I can make you like this.”

Castiel hummed a response and Dean rolled off of Castiel and laid by his side. Castiel whined at the loss of contact while Dean got out of the bed and flicked off the lights.

“We gotta wash these tomorrow,” Dean said as he lifted the sheets and slid under them.

Castiel nodded, though he knew Dean couldn't see it.

Dean turned onto his side and kissed Castiel’s cheek while pulling him close.

Castiel turned into him, his head tucked under Dean’s chin and his left leg tangled between both of Dean’s.

It was quiet. A peaceful, serene silence.

Then Castiel snorted.

“What?” Dean asked and Castiel could hear the smile in his voice. “What hilarious thing killed the mood?”

“Do...Do you remember the first time we had sex?” Castiel snickered.

“Jesus Christ,” Dean laughed. “How could I forget _that._ First times are supposed to be a _little_ messy. Ours was a fucking disaster.”

“I had expected more from you,” Castiel said. “You were the one with all the experience after all.”

“Ah, ah… Don't blame all that on me. _You’re_ the one that got a cramp.”

“Sure! Fine, maybe I did, but-”

“ _And_ you tried to blow me when the condom was still on.”

Castiel groaned and cringed at the memory before burying his face in Dean’s chest.

“ _Oh,_ now all of a sudden we don't wanna talk about it, hm?” he laughed as Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean.

“It's not like I would've gotten the _chance_ to give you a blow job, seeing as you came early.”

“Hey, whoa! Whoa, whoa!” he exclaimed while Castiel chuckled. “We promised not to talk about that.”

“We promised not to talk about a lot of things, Dean,” he grinned and kissed his neck. “Sometimes...words just slip out.”

“Right…. _Slip out_.”

Castiel smiled and Dean pulled him closer, softly burying his face in his hair and gently kissing his head.

“You know you’re going back home tomorrow.”

“Mmhm,” Dean said and Castiel could almost hear that mischievous smirk in his voice. “Don't you worry.”

•••

Castiel woke up to an empty bed and the smell of bacon. His eyes squinted against the light pouring in from his window and his arms stretched out to his sides while his body adjusted to the feeling of movement once again.

He let out a small noise - half whining, half groaning - and sat up only to be met with the pleasant surprise of Picket jumping into his lap.

“Morning,” he mumbled against her head with a smile. He kissed the top of it and scratched her behind her ears. “How's my girl?”

Picket meowed and rubbed her head against Castiel’s bare chest.

“Careful. Dean might get jealous,” he whispered and ran a hand down her back before gently moving her off his lap and getting out the bed. He yawned and scratched his head as he walked over to his dresser and pulled out a pair of shorts.

After that, he hastily made his way out of his room and down the stairs. Although, he wasn't sure if he was in a rush to eat the food or in a rush to see the chef. However, upon arriving in the kitchen, when the smell of breakfast was at its strongest, he only had eyes for Dean.

“Good morning,” he said and Dean glanced away from the stove and over his shoulder.

“Hey, baby,” he smiled and moved a pan off the hot surface before moving over to Castiel and taking him in his arms. “How are you this morning?”

“Impressed,” Castiel answered. “I didn't see you as the ‘get up early and make breakfast’ type.”

“Ah, I kinda owe it to you after barging in on you last night.”

“I think my hickeys show you’ve already made it up to me,” Castiel said smugly.

“Bonus gift then,” Dean said and pecked Castiel’s lips. “Now, like you said, I'll be out of your way by the end of the day.”

Castiel couldn't help the disappointment that he felt at those words, and he was sure it was showing all over his face, but Dean really couldn't stay. His dad would absolutely _lose_ it.

“Right. Good,” he responded. “I appreciate it.”

“Mmhm,” Dean said lightly. “Now, come eat. Your boyfriend is a kitchen _god.”_

•••

They left the house an hour later and decided to spend an hour on their dock. They sat on the edge, leaning against the posts and facing each other. They talked about nothing and everything, perfectly content hearing one ramble on about one thing or another.

Castiel couldn't keep the smile off of his face and could tell Dean reciprocated that emotion. In fact, the only time they weren't smiling was when they were kissing. But even that ended in gentle laughs and small giggles.

Later, they met up with Charlie and decided to spend time at the mall. Most of the day was wasted here.

At the moment, they had just finished with lunch in the food court and were now sitting in the Nike Store. Dean was trying on a pair of cleats while Castiel perused the aisle with mild interest.

“Prom _is_ just around the corner. It wouldn't kill you to look at a couple tuxedos.”

“It might,” they both responded.

“Well, I don't want to look at sports’ shoes all day! And I want to make sure you guys look good.”

“We always look good,” Dean said and flashed her a grin as Castiel turned the corner into another aisle.

“We’re looking at tuxedos.” He heard Charlie say as he picked up a pair of running shoes. “No, I don't want to hear it!”

Castiel could practically see Dean’s mouth open, ready to snap a response. He smiled at the thought and walked back over to his friends.

“Fine,” he said to Charlie. “Help me pick out some track shoes and we’ll run over to...wherever it is they sell tuxedos.”

“Fair,” she said and grabbed Castiel’s arm. “I’m glad one of you sees reason,” she said with a pointed look at Dean as she dragged Castiel away.

•••

Dean and Castiel ended up leaving empty handed, save for their shoes, and after a goodbye and forced thank yous _from_ Charlie _to_ Charlie, they headed back to Castiel’s house.

Dean swore that he would leave that night but insisted they watch a movie before he did so.

However, Dean _had_ to pick one of Gabriel’s Fast and Furious movies.

Castiel didn't know if it was planned or not, but knowing how much he wasn’t interested or impressed by the movies, only a few minutes in his head was in Dean’s lap and his eyes were falling shut. Soon, the feeling of Dean’s fingers moving through his hair lulled him to sleep.

Castiel wasn't upset the next morning, waking up next to Dean. They went out for breakfast but, other than that, spent the whole day indoors.

Dean set his phone in the sound system and his music filled the house.

Castiel couldn't wipe the smile off of his face the whole day.

Any moment they shared or talk they were having was interrupted by a “Wait a second” or “Wait! Listen, listen,” quickly followed by one grabbing the nearest object and using it as an impromptu microphone. And, of course, there were the magnificent occasions when one performed for the other, standing on tables or couches, or the two shared in a sing off to rival any televised competition.

While his concern for his dad’s rules had been prominent in the beginning, it was quickly washed away. Castiel couldn't help but enjoy himself and found himself feeling that he never wanted Dean to leave. He wanted to be forever in this moment screaming out verses, grinning like mad when Dean claimed a song as his own, and feeling the music pumping through him, causing him to act out in ways he never thought he would. Particularly when a more suggestive song came on and whatever dance he was doing, while singing for Dean, (that, of course, ended with him straddling his lap) quickly transformed into a prolonged and heated make out session.

A lazy Saturday afternoon soon turned into evening and after a quick dinner, Dean and Castiel sat at the kitchen table, a small plate of Oreos between them.

The phone had been taken out of the system and now was on the table. The music was softer, more mellow.

Dean and Castiel didn't say much. Their fingers were laced together across the table and, occasionally, Dean would rub his thumb against Castiel's hand or bring it to his lips for a quick kiss.

Castiel smiled as Dean picked up another Oreo and split it open before licking the icing.

“You look so satisfied when you do that,” he said.

“Cuz I am,” Dean smiled back at him and shoved the rest of the cookie into his mouth before taking Castiel’s hand again.

“We need ice cream,” Castiel said. “Do you want-”

Dean’s eyes broke away from Castiel’s as a song started playing from his phone. He reached out and turned up the volume and Castiel was met with the sound of an electric guitar. The beat wasn't fast, but it wasn't slow either.

Dean stood up and pulled Castiel up with him.

“What?” Castiel asked and Dean smiled softly before kissing Castiel’s forehead and pulling him against his chest.

The guitar continued to play as Dean started slowly swaying the two of them back and forth.

“Dancing?” Castiel said with a smile and Dean shrugged.

“Felt necessary,” he mumbled and rested his forehead on Castiel’s.

 _“I'm alone,”_ were the first words that came from the song and Castiel could've sworn he felt Dean pull him closer. _“Yeah, I don't know if I can face the night…”_

Castiel looked up at Dean, who now had his eyes closed as the song continued on. His left hand moved to the small of Castiel’s back while the other moved Castiel’s hand around his neck. That one laced itself between Castiel’s fingers and prompted Dean to display the smallest of smiles.

 _“Baby,”_ was the first word Castiel heard from both the phone and Dean. _“You're my angel. Come and save me tonight,”_ followed, Dean’s voice quickly capturing Castiel’s focus.

Dean’s voice was always soothing, but when he sang, Castiel felt, it was something to be kept private, yet shared with the whole world. It was the most graceful, soft, and easy sound.

The sensation that washed over Castiel was enough to make his eyes shut and press himself closer to Dean.

Dean’s head slowly dropped to the side of Castiel’s. His lips by Castiel’s ear as he quietly sang.

They stayed that way for the rest of the song.

Dean singing into Castiel’s ear as they swayed back and forth in small, lazy circles. The music wrapped itself around the couple and Castiel couldn’t remember any other time he had felt so close to Dean. Physically or emotionally. The moment was profound and personal. One that surpassed any kiss or time they had made love. It was a strange sensation, but one Castiel couldn’t think of never experiencing. It was the most beautiful moment he had ever lived.

The song eventually ended and dancing eventually stopped. Dean turned off the music on his phone and lowered Castiel’s hand from around his neck before pulling him out the kitchen and up the stairs.

The walk was dark but they didn't turn on any of the lights. They knew the hall and stairs well enough and, if anything, were guiding each other.

When they got to Castiel’s room, the lights remained off, but light from the moon trickled in through the window.

They stripped down to nothing and Dean pulled Castiel into his arms and kissed him softly while backing him up towards the bed. Them being naked didn't lead to anything. There was just a need to be in close contact. Especially after the intimate moment they had just shared together.

Once they were laying down and underneath the covers, Dean’s mouth moved away from Castiel’s and his hand pushed Castiel’s hair back before gently pressing his lips to his forehead.

And then to his cheek. And his chin. And anywhere else he could reach at that moment.

The kisses weren't forceful or suggestive. They didn't lead to them having sex or touching each other.

Castiel sighed contentedly and moved his hand around Dean’s neck.

Dean took the opportunity to kiss that part of him as well.

Once Dean’s kisses started to retrace their steps and become slower Castiel pressed himself closer to Dean, tucking his head under his chin.

Dean moved his hands through Castiel's hair and sighed. Soon, he started to softly hum the song they were dancing to only a short time before.

That's the sound that Castiel fell asleep to.

And he woke up to the clap of thunder.

“Oh, fuck,” he grumbled out, knowing he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. Not with the sound of the rain slamming into the roof and the bang of the thunder and- He groaned.

The lightning was the worst.

He burrowed himself closer to Dean and pulled the covers up and over his head.

God, he felt like a child, but falling asleep with a storm outside was never his forte.

With the next clap of thunder, Castiel gasped and wrapped an arm around Dean’s torso, squeezing him tightly.

Dean groaned and pushed Castiel.

“Move _over_.”

“Dean, stop!” he hissed and wrapped his legs around him.

“Castiel, _quit it!_ You're making me hot!”

The flash of lightning lit up the room and the thunder that followed seemed to shake the whole house.

Castiel jumped and buried his face in Dean’s shoulder, his head still hidden under the covers and his hands moved into his hair.

“ _Dude,”_ Dean whined. “What is _wrong?”_

Castiel felt a wave of embarrassment wash over him. How could he possibly tell Dean, who appears to be afraid of absolutely nothing, that he is cowering from the storm outside. That the booming thunder makes him jump and the flash of lightning makes his eyes shut tightly. There really was no _manly_ way to say it, but Dean was waiting for an answer…. And he wouldn't leave it alone until he got one.

“The...storm,” Castiel said.

“What about it?”

“It frightens me.”

And the silence that followed made Castiel wish for the mattress to swallow him whole.

Dean pulled the covers from over his head, moved his hands from his hair, and gently tugged on his arm.

“C’mere,” he sighed and Castiel moved up. “The storm can't get you if _I've_ got you, alright?” he mumbled and Castiel nodded while Dean wrapped his arms around him.

Castiel’s head ended up on Dean’s chest, his eyes remaining closed.

“Relax, Cas,” Dean sighed. “You won't be able to get to sleep if you're that tense.”

“I can never go back to sleep if I know there's a storm.”

“Okay, well…,” Dean yawned. “Try focusing on something else,” he mumbled.

Castiel sighed and tried to block out the horrors of the storm. It took two thunder claps and three flashes of lightning later before he found it.

Dean’s heartbeat.

The rhythm was steady and strong. The gentle _thump-thump_ of his heart registered itself as a lullaby in Castiel’s head. His shoulders slowly started to relax and his eyelids began to feel heavy and they lost their scrunched up form. His hand rested on Dean’s stomach and the rhythmic up and down of his torso made Castiel calm.

Dean just breathing was putting him at ease.

He felt Dean’s hand move through his hair and it was all he needed before falling back into an easy and peaceful sleep.

•••

Castiel was awake before Dean the next morning which he didn't find to be shocking. He'd take a few extra minutes of rest too if his boyfriend woke him up in the middle of the night scared of one of nature’s natural causes.

Castiel yawned and stretched before rolling onto his back and running a hand through his already messy hair. He turned to look at Dean and smiled.

Even when he was sleeping he had the power to light up his world.

He was just as beautiful when sleeping too.

Castiel’s eyebrows shot up as a thought crossed his mind and he moved to the edge of the bed before grabbing his phone off the nightstand. He swiped up and his camera opened. A grin appeared on his face before he focused the camera on Dean and snapped a picture.

It wasn't _wall worthy_ but it was precious and a picture Castiel would cherish until the end of his days.

He let out a satisfied hum before moving closer to Dean. After flipping the camera, he raised the phone above them. Castiel smiled and touched his nose to Dean’s before snapping the picture.

He brought the phone back down and giggled.

A few more pictures were taken with Dean sleeping by his side.

At the moment, Castiel had his back pressed against Dean’s chest and the camera held out in front of him.

“Castiel,” Dean grumbled suddenly and Castiel couldn't help but smile, “you take one more picture of me and I'll kill you.”

Castiel snapped the photo.

Dean shot up and reached for the phone but Castiel tucked it against his chest and rolled over onto his stomach.

“No! No, these are precious memories, Dean!” he laughed as Dean shoved his hands between him and the mattress. “Oh,” Castiel said as Dean’s chest pressed against his back. “Why...this is an _interesting_ position, wouldn't you say?”

“Don't distract me,” Dean said, still fighting to get to the phone.

“I like how rough you're being.”

“Stop it,” Dean said, a smile evident in his voice.

“Harder, Daddy,” Castiel whined and pressed his ass back against Dean’s hips.

“ _Cas!”_ he laughed and while doing so, loosened his grip on Castiel’s hands. Because of this, Castiel was able to get his hands out, open the camera and get one last picture. “Hey!”

“That was the last one!” Castiel said and turned over onto his back. “I swear, the last one,” he giggled and tossed his phone onto the nightstand. “See?”

“Hm,” Dean mumbled, still with a smile on his face. “Fine.”

“Fine,” Castiel smiled. He placed a hand on Dean’s upper arm and moved it up to his shoulder before pulling him closer.

Dean obliged to Castiel’s touch and softly pressed his lips to his.

The bedroom door flying open, caused the pair to jump apart.

“Guess who got- CASTIEL!”

Due to their rough housing only moments before, Castiel and Dean didn't hear the front door open or the footsteps of Chuck coming up the stairs. And now he was standing in Castiel’s room, a paper raised above his head and his face turning red.

Dean looked over and shot away from Castiel. His frantic movements ended with him losing balance and falling over the edge of the bed, taking the sheets with him, and out of Chuck’s view.

“ _Shit!”_ Castiel screamed and quickly grabbed a pillow to move it over his lap. “GET OUT!” he yelled at his dad, now sitting up in his bed.

“You are in _so much_ _TROUBLE!_ _”_ he screamed and pointed at his son. “Get dressed and get downstairs!” He turned to leave and then turned back. “And, Dean, get _out_ of my house!”

“Don't have to tell me twice,” he mumbled from his spot on the floor.

Chuck slammed the door behind him and Castiel groaned before putting his head in his hands.

It quickly shot back up when his bedroom door reopened.

He was met with the unwelcome sight of Gabriel. His face was a replica of a child who had gotten their number one Christmas present or a man who had walked in on their dream orgy. Gabriel let out a booming laugh and bent over, staring at his brother and pointing at the pillow on his lap.

Dean raised his head and glared at Castiel’s older brother.

“Priceless!” he laughed. “Oh-Oh _GOD!”_

“Quit it, Gabriel!” Chuck yelled and the other boy slowly shut the door, head thrown back in laughter.

Castiel groaned and Dean sighed.

“Sorry,” he mumbled as Castiel fell back against the mattress.

“Yeah….”

“I'd comfort you but-”

“Just get dressed and go.”

“You'll be okay?”

Castiel shrugged. “Probably not. But hey, one good thing came from this morning.”

“And what the _hell_ could that be?”

“That picture I took...the last one,” Castiel said and looked over at Dean. The corners of his mouth turned upwards. “You were smiling in it.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 16! I still have no idea how many chapters this will be but it is winding down.... In a way. Just to let you know, this will probably be the last "light" chapter. Things start going downhill again for our friends.
> 
> Thank you all so, SO much for your comments and kudos. Words honestly cannot describe how happy I get when I read those (and re-read them). You guys keep me going and thank you so much for sticking around through 16 chapters and my horrible irregular posting schedule. :P Anyway, leave kudos, comments, share the story! And last, but not least, enjoy!

“Yes! Apparently, just last night…. John, I-I just don't know.”

Castiel sighed from his spot on the couch as his dad yelled on the phone to John Winchester.

“ _Oh!_ So he _lied_ to you!” he exclaimed with a pointed look at Castiel. “Away with a friend! Isn't that interesting!”

Castiel crossed his arms and looked away from Chuck.

“I don't know where they get these ideas, John. I just don't….” He shook his head and walked out the living room.

Gabriel chuckled from the doorway and walked over to Castiel before sitting down.

“Why didn't you tell me you were coming home early,” he snarled at his brother.

“Well, Castiel,” Gabriel smiled, “as father and I were returning home, a _marvelous_ thought crossed my mind. What if, just _what if,_ Castiel decided to be a bad boy this weekend and have his boy toy come over? That wasn't something I could miss out on! Even if you got rid of him and told me later...I needed the proof. So,” he grinned and wrapped an arm around his younger brother, “as we were cruising on down the road I said to myself, ‘Nah, don't warn him. Besides, there's probably no need, right? Cassie’s a good kid! Dad said no friends and Castiel said okay, right? I'm sure the house is holding just one person...and a cat.’ But then,” Gabriel giggled and hugged Castiel against his side. “Then we get here and oh, I can already tell! Dad’s excited about his new publishing deal and he just takes off up the stairs to tell his youngest boy about his accomplishments.” Gabriel sighed and closed his eyes. “I have never enjoyed the sound of your name coming from that man’s mouth so much.”

“Well, I'm glad you're so happy!” Castiel snapped and moved from under Gabriel’s arm. “Thanks to you, my life is officially screwed!”

“Oh, it can't be that bad. It's not like you two could've gotten each other pregnant!”

•••

“It's not like we could've gotten each other pregnant,” Castiel said to his father later that week as he sat next to Dean.

Chuck had called together a small meeting for the four of them and they were all currently sitting in the Winchester living room. It was tense. Chuck was pacing the room, his head bowed, only looking up every now and then in order to yell at Castiel.

John stood in front of the two boys, not moving, not yelling, just _staring._

And somehow, that was worse.

After hearing what Castiel had to say, Chuck rounded on him for the umpteenth time.

 _“_ Beside the _point_ , Castiel! BESIDE THE POINT! I don't care about you not getting pregnant or Dean not getting pregnant! You _disobeyed_ me! _US!”_ He gestured between himself and John before going back to pacing.

Yeah, Castiel supposed the whole pregnancy thing sounded better when Gabriel said it.

“But no,” Chuck said. “No, I’m glad you brought up the sex part to all of this.”

‘Shit,’ Castiel thought and looked down.

“You are _eighteen_ years old! What makes you think you're allowed to-to-t-”

“Have sex,” John finished for him and Chuck pointed.

“Yes! That!”

“Well, as far as I know, at the age of eighteen I'm an adult and can do what I-”

“ _THIS CLOSE, CASTIEL!”_ Chuck yelled, holding his finger and thumb only an inch apart. “You are _this_ close to being in even _deeper_ trouble. If that's possible!”

Castiel crossed his arms and leaned back against the couch.

“I think,” John started, “what your father is trying to get at is that you both went against rules that were set out and, Dean, in your case, _lied_ to me. And on _top_ of that, you were…” John gestured awkwardly with his hands and sighed. “I mean, we know both your brothers joke about it and we usually ignore those jokes, but now, if you're going to be doing it so recklessly, it's just another thing we, as parents, have to worry about.”

“It wasn't reckless… In fact, it wasn't anything,” Dean said.

“You were _naked on top of my son!”_ Chuck shouted.

“Oh, I _knew_ it,” a voice giggled softly from behind the opening leading into the living room.

John sighed and let his head fall back.

“Sam. Room. Now.”

The sound of feet scrambling back up the stairs followed soon after that.

“I realize I was naked and on top of Castiel, believe me,” he said with the slightest underlying sexual tone to his voice, “but nothing was going on. We only had sex the first night.”

“The _FIRST NIGHT?!”_

‘ _Shit!_ ’ Castiel thought once again and closed his eyes while pressing his lips together.

“Uh…,” Dean sank back against the couch and looked down at his lap. “Whoops.”

“Just a whole weekend of sex, drugs, and rock and roll, huh?! You two just thought ‘fuck it’ didn't you?”

Castiel bit his tongue to hold back the snide remark he so desperately wanted to spit out.

“Chuck, calm down,” John said to his friend before looking back to the boys. “Because you two decided that you would test the waters of being a pair of disrespectful punks, the two of us have made a few changes to when, where, why, and under what circumstances you're allowed to see each other.”

“What? Dad-”

“Don't start with me, Dean,” he cut in and his son automatically obeyed. “After some discussion, both of us have come up with a new set of rules for you. You're only allowed to see each other during the week. Dean, you're still allowed to take Castiel to school if you'd like but _straight there._ No detours. After school, not past eight o'clock. If you're at a house, an adult _has_ to be there and the doors _have_ to be open.”

“Also, Gabriel doesn't count as an adult,” Chuck added.

“Are you kidding me?” Castiel half yelled half whined.

“If I can't trust you then I _really_ can't trust him. So no. I'm not kidding you.”

“You have to check in every hour if you're with each other, giving us a location of where you are if you're not at a house.”

Castiel let his head fall back against the couch and let out a small groan.

“Is anybody else getting the vibe that we’re overreacting to this?” Dean asked. “I mean, no one got hurt. Everyone had a happy weekend! And I'm sure Castiel appreciated I was there with him instead of being alone in a big house.”

“He has his cat,” Chuck hissed and crossed his arms.

“So he does,” Dean sighed.

“You're not working your way out of this one, Dean,” John said. “You lied to me and disrespected Chuck and his rules in his own home. Because of that you're being punished. No discussion.”

And that was the end of the conversation.

The new rules and regulations went into effect the very next day and continued throughout the rest of the month as well as the next.

By the time Spring Break rolled around, Dean and Castiel were frustrated in more ways than one. They hardly saw each other during the week - their schedules were just too grueling - and when they did, they could barely look at each other without having Chuck or John interject.

Gabriel and Sam were getting a good laugh out of it of course. If they were home while Castiel and Dean were, it was hell. If there was ever a moment when the two could be alone, even if just for _one minute_ , their siblings would quickly interrupt whatever was going on to talk about nonsense that was neither life changing nor groundbreaking to any of them.

It was horrible. Tortuous. It seemed it would last indefinitely.

Their saving grace came in the form of Bobby carrying three tickets to the Royals vs Yankees game only an hour away from Lawrence. Bobby planned on spending the night by the stadium and he promised (after spending hours persuading John and Chuck to let the boys go) that Dean and Castiel would be in separate rooms.

They weren't. But that secret was kept between the three of them.

When Spring Break ended and they got back to school, the duo was the talk of the town.

“Being on ESPN’s Top Ten will do that to you,” Charlie said at lunch the week they got back.

“Yeah,” Castiel said and looked to his left at Dean. “Especially when you beat a Lebron James dunk,” he said with a heavy exhale, the slightest twinge of arrogance evident in his voice.

“One, anything could be a Lebron James dunk,” Charlie scoffed. “Two, you were number _nine_ don't get cocky.”

“Still not last place,” Dean grinned. “Lebron got last place. We got ninth. Lebron can suck my dick.”

Charlie rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well…Lebron got his on his talent. You got yours on luck.”

“We got ours on douchebags thinking they were funny by putting the KissCam on two dudes. I can almost hear them… ‘Oh, look! Look, they’re sharing popcorn,’” Dean said in a dumb voice. “‘Brooo, put the camera on them! Yeah!” he let out a slow laugh and then gasped. “Holy fuck they're kissing. Gays are _real? Whaaat?’”_

Castiel slowly quirked a smile, his head rested in his hand as he looked at Dean. “Spot on.”

“Yeah,” Dean says, his voice going about an octave higher. He took a bite of his fry and scoffed. “I know.”

“The whole stadium was blown away, huh?” Charlie asked.

“Out of their seats,” Dean grinned. “The video, you know, of Cas and me kissing...the one from ESPN’s Top Ten-”

“You're so _annoying_ ,” Charlie groaned.

“Yeah, that video doesn't do it justice. I mean everyone was cheering and screaming and Bobby was laughing so hard he had tears. It was great….”

“Wish I could've been there,” she said with a sigh.

“We could reenact it for you, if you'd like,” Dean perked up and looked at Castiel.

“Horny son of a bitch, aren't you? Daddy’s new schedule isn't agree with your needs is it?”

“It's killing me,” Dean groaned. “And him,” he said and gestured to Castiel. “He's just better at controlling it.”

“Hope they let up soon… Prom’s in a week and we all know the prom nighttime ritual.”

“Speaking of, whom are you planning on sleeping with?” Castiel asked with a lifted eyebrow.

“I'm a classy woman, Castiel,” she said. “I don't just _sleep_ with people on prom night because every other dumb teen will.” The bell rang and Charlie sighed before slipping on her bag. “But if all goes according to plan, you'll see who I'm sleeping with when I'm dancing with them all night,” she grinned and left the table.

“Plot twist! It's Anna,” Dean smiled while throwing his hands up.

“Plot twist! Charlie and I are really straight and it’s me!” Castiel chuckled and mimicked Dean’s movements.

Dean jabbed his fingers into Castiel’s stomach before standing up, ignoring Castiel grabbing at his stomach and looking up at him with an open mouth and wide eyes.

“Ow,” Castiel laughed. “That wasn't nice, Dean.”

“You deserved it,” Dean said and waited for Castiel to get up and put on his bag before taking his hand.

“Teasing.”

“Keep teasing me like that and you'll get something far worse than a jabbed stomach.”

“I'm sorry,” he said mockingly and pulled Dean closer before planting his lips softly against his.

“Million dollar kiss, right there!” A student shouted and Castiel chuckled before pulling away.

“ _Nine_ million dollar kiss to be exact,” Dean shouted back with a wink.

“Dean, does this mean we’re famous?”

“Definitely. We’ll be moving to LA by the end of the month. We’d be there now but I told them to hold off.”

“Why’s that?” Castiel asked as he pushed the cafeteria door open and they stepped into the hallway.

“I gotta take my boyfriend to prom.”

•••

“Prom is a _stupid_ idea!” Castiel yelled at the mirror as he tried to fix his hair once more. No matter what he did - comb it, part it, gel it back - he felt that he looked stupid.

“Hey, hey!” Chuck said as he opened the door. “How’s it-”

“Are you recording this?” Castiel asked, his voice becoming slightly squeaky as he eyed Chuck’s video camera.

“Well, yeah… I thought-”

“ _No!”_ Castiel yelled and pushed his dad out the bathroom before shutting the door. He groaned as he looked back in the mirror and quickly and roughly ran his hands back and forth in his hair. “You're overthinking it, Cas,” he mumbled and braced his hands against the sink. “Just comb your hair. Just make it look normal and not...not this constant sex hair shit that you-”

“Well, don't you look sharp!” Gabriel’s voice carried up the stairs and Castiel’s stomach flipped.

“Thanks, Gabe,” Dean replied.

“I was talking to Sam but… Yeah, you look nice too.”

“Ah, crap,” Castiel groaned and looked back in the mirror. “Crap, crap!”

Conversation downstairs continued as Castiel’s nervous breakdown upstairs continued.

He leaned back against the wall, still staring into the mirror. He could only _imagine_ what Dean looked like. Probably pure perfection! He was both intrigued and annoyed by the thought of it. Dean always knew how to style his hair for an occasion and he always did it so easily. Castiel had seen him in action once or twice and the end result always made Castiel want to run his fingers through it and drag him to the nearest bedroom. Of course, he refrained because Dean looked too damn good for him to want to ruin it.

Castiel picked up the comb again and pulled it through his raven colored hair.

Ten minutes later he was in the midst of hitting his head against the wall when there was a knock at the door.

“Cassie? You okay?”

Castiel quickly pulled the door opened and yanked his brother inside.

“You look good!”

“Help me.”

“With what? Nervous about tonight? Listen, the key to having gay sex…. Oh, wait,” Gabriel smiled, “you already know, troublemaker.”

“Not the time! Help me with my hair.”

Gabriel looked at the top of his brother’s head and shrugged. “What about it? It looks like it always does.”

“Exactly! It's horrible!”

“Horrible? Castiel, this is how Dean likes it…. Did you know that, even though it was to my absolute _disgust_ , he told me he loves your hair when it's all,” Gabriel gestured with his hands, moving them back and forth while looking at Castiel’s hair. “He thinks it's hot. And he thinks it's so perfectly you. Crazy with some bit of order,” he said with a soft smile. “Listen, Dean’s not going to care about what your hair looks like tonight or tomorrow or any other time. So long as he's with you, he’s happy.”

Castiel’s lips twitched up into a smile and he nodded at his brother. “That's...That’s nice to hear, thank you.”

Gabriel grinned and clapped Castiel on the shoulder.

Castiel responded by grabbing the front of his brother’s button down and pulling him close. “But this is prom,” he said in a low voice, “and while Dean’s opinions on my hair are nice,” he said in his rough voice, his head tilting to the side just the slightest bit, “I need it to look _good_. So, for the second and _last_ time... _help. Me.”_

Castiel was downstairs only a few minutes later. His hair neatly parted and resting against his head for a change.

“The primadonna is finally ready,” Gabriel announced as they reached the living room.

“Gabriel,” Castiel snapped under his breath as he turned to glare at his brother.

“Don't get snippy with me! If it weren't for my talents, you'd still be doing your makeup.”

“I'm not- I don't wear make- I don't-”

“Cas,” Dean said and his boyfriend looked over just as his face broke into a smile. “You look great.”

“Y-Yeah?” Castiel asked, no longer concerned about what his brother said.

“Mmhm,” Dean hummed and walked up to him.

“My hair-”

“Perfect,” Dean smiled and softly kissed his cheek.

Castiel could feel the blush rising in his cheeks and looked down at his shoes. He smiled and took half a step closer to Dean while looking up at him.

“You look amazing as well…. Obviously.”

And obviously was right. Dean always looked good in Castiel’s opinion as well as everyone else's, but seeing him in a tuxedo was a whole other treat. He looked sharp, classy, and sexy all at once. His hair was parted as well, neatly displayed, yet still with some bounce to it. He was cleanly shaven and his eyes stuck out more than usual. Taking all that and then adding in that wicked, clean, almost suggestive smile was enough to make Castiel swoon.

And he smelled _phenomenal_.

“Always happy to get dressed to the nines for you, Cas. I love what it-” Sam cleared his throat and Dean seemed to snap back to reality and realize they weren't the only ones in the room. He cleared his throat and stepped back from Castiel, a faint blush creeping into his cheeks.

“Glad that’s over,” Sam said.

“I'm not!” Gabriel whined.

“You boys look great,” Chuck said happily. “I want pictures!”

“Oh, Dad,” Castiel started. “That's not really necessary.”

“It is really necessary,” Chuck defended, his video camera raised in one hand and his digital camera in another. “Let’s go outside! The backyard is such a nice background!” Chuck rushed towards the back door before anyone could argue and Castiel looked up at this ceiling with a groan before allowing Dean to pull him after his dad.

The duo stepped out into the backyard and Castiel looked out among the vast amount of space. He had always appreciated how much room they had, especially when he was younger and would spend hours running out back with Gabriel. The grass was always green and the magnolia trees grew high, their form outlined by the blue - although nearly pink at the moment - sky. “Okay, now come stand in front of the flower bed… Castiel, don't give me that look, just come here!”

Castiel walked over with Dean and the hazel eyed boy smiled at him before wrapping an arm around his shoulders and slipping his other hand into his pocket.

“What a _bro_ posture,” Sam said with a smile. “We’re just a couple of bros being straight and posing straightly,” he said in a macho voice and Gabriel snickered before wrapping an arm around Sam’s shoulders.

“Hey, bro!”

“ _Bro!_ Wanna go to prom together? But like look totally straight in our picture?”

“Bro, it's like you read my effing _mind,_ bro!”

Dean raised a middle finger to both their brothers and John raised his eyebrows at him and pointed.

“Drop it.”

Dean did as he was told, but with a roll of his eyes.

“Both of you,” John continued and looked at Sam.

“How would _you_ like us to pose, Samuel?” Dean asked. “Want me to bend him ov-”

“ _Dean,”_ Castiel groaned, a slight bit of a warning tone in his voice.

“Well, now I don't know what to do! Apparently wrapping my arm around you isn't approved of.”

“It's just the way you look when you do it,” Sam laughed. “With that stupid Blue Steel look-”

“You think it looks stupid, too?” Castiel said happily.

“I'm never getting this picture,” Chuck sighed.

“Dean,” John said, picking up on Chuck’s disappointed tone, “just pose for the picture please. No one cares how, just let Chuck get one.”

Dean sighed and wrapped his arm around Castiel’s waist.

“This good?” he asked as he pulled Castiel closer.

“Mm! Mmhm!” Sam hummed and gave a thumbs up.

Castiel mimicked Dean and turned to kiss his cheek before looking at his dad’s camera.

“Ready?” Chuck grinned and a second later snapped the picture. He looked down at the small screen and smiled. “That's a good one…. I want to take another but this time, Dean, smile.”

“Oh, yeah here's the thing about that-”

“Dean doesn't smile in pictures,” Sam said in annoyance. “It gives the impression that he has feelings and stuff and big, tough, macho men don't have feelings. Obviously, Dean thinks he’s one of those,” he added in a loud whisper to Chuck before ending with a smirk at his older brother.

Dean took a step towards Sam but John raised a hand to keep him from going any further.

“Dean, can you just smile?”

“I'm going to look stupid.”

“Well, we’re all used to that, so-” Sam ducked behind his dad as Dean started for him again, laughing as he did so, happy with the fact that he had set his brother off.

“ _Enough!”_ John yelled and pushed Sam and Dean in opposite directions. “Jesus Christ!”

“I think I heard the doorbell!” Gabriel chimed and scooped up Sam, holding him horizontally against his hip. “Come check it out with me, pipsqueak.” He gave Castiel a wink before disappearing inside with Sam, who was now on a rant about his soon to come growth spurt.

Dean walked back over to Castiel and slipped his arm back around his waist.

“Fine, we’ll try this smiling thing.”

“Oh, but when _I_ ask I have to fight- hey!” Castiel jumped as Dean quickly pinched his butt. “You ass,” he laughed while looking up at Dean whose mouth was formed in a smirk as he looked at Chuck’s camera.

“That was a good one!” Chuck gasped as he looked at the screen.

“I wasn't even look-”

“Sup, bit- boys,” Charlie quickly corrected upon seeing John and Chuck. She laughed nervously and walked over to Dean and Castiel before hugging them. “I'm glad you took my advice.”

“What advice was that?” Chuck asked, fixing the camera on Charlie.

“Cas wears green, Dean wears blue. That way they compliment each other,” she grinned and tapped near her eye.

“Ah, very nice,” John said with a soft chuckle.

“And because of me,” she said and turned back to the boys, “you two look hot!”

Dean pulled on the suit of his tuxedo and adjusted the cuffs, “You think so?” he asked with a smug smile.

“Well, as hot as any dude can get in the eyes of a lesbian.”

Dean gave her an approving sort of nod and then gestured to her. “Well, in the eyes of a bisexual man, especially one with fantastic taste, you look gorgeous,” he smiled and kissed her cheek.

“Well, you were right. I _do_ look amazing in purple.”

Dean nodded and both he and Cas admired Charlie’s royal purple dress. She did look absolutely stunning in it, the satin flowed easily around her and the diamond necklace and earrings that accompanied her made the most delicate features stand out. Her collarbones, her cheekbones, her soft smile. And her eyes popped out against her make up. She was absolutely beautiful, and it was this realization that prompted Castiel to ask his question.

“How do you not have a date?”

“Who says I don't have a date, Novak?” she asked and raised her eyebrows. “She's inside. Gabriel and Sam are still gawking over how beautiful she is…. Either that or they’re just shocked about _who_ it is.”

“Well, now I'm intrigued,” Castiel said as Charlie stepped over in between him and Dean.

“You'll see her soon, right now I want a picture with my two boys.”

“Oh! _Finally_ ,” Chuck giggled with glee. “Someone who wants a picture!”

She wrapped her arms tightly around the two and smiled from ear to ear.

Castiel and Dean couldn't help but smile in response to her enthusiasm and Dean chuckled as he put up two fingers behind her head.

“Don't even think about it,” she said through her smile and Dean quickly lowered his hand.

It was only a moment or two after the shutter had snapped that Sam came peeling out the back door and over to the small gathering.

“Do they know?” he panted and pointed to Dean and Castiel while looking at Charlie.

“Of course not, they're oblivious losers.”

“Hey,” Dean said and raised his arms out to his sides.

“Oh, ho-ho,” Sam laughed as the back door opened again and Gabriel exited, holding the door open for the girl walking with him.

When she stepped out from behind the door, Castiel’s jaw hung open in shock and Dean’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. For standing there, dressed in red, hair raised into an elegant bun, and the slyest smile on her face was Jo Harvelle.

“Hi, boys,” she greeted and walked over to stand beside Charlie. “Don't you two look dashing.”

“J-J- But-”

“I knew it!” Chuck exclaimed and all heads turned in his direction. He cleared his throat and nodded. “I mean because I asked at the hospital that time we were there so… Called it.”

Dean looked from Chuck back to his friends and formed his hands into a ‘timeout’ position. “Wait, wait… _what?_ When did this happen?”

“Shortly after the Alastair incident. Jo helped me get Castiel to the hospital and during his time of being unconscious, I was a wreck. Jo was there to calm me down. After that-”

“We kept running into each other at school so we exchanged phone numbers to talk about Castiel and make sure he was okay. And we'd complain a hell of a lot about how dumb you two were. And she’d come by the Roadhouse every now and then and hang out.”

“And I'd skip lunch every so often because I knew Castiel had you,” Charlie said and gestured to Dean, “so I hung out with Jo on her free period. Kinda upset you guys never questioned that by the way.”

“Then one day,” Jo said and smiled, “I was at her place, it was getting late, we were watching movies and I kept saying I had to go but never really made a move to leave,” she sighed and looked to Charlie with a smile.

Dean grinned and wiggled his eyebrows. “You made another move instead.”

“Shut up,” she said and punched his arm. “But, yeah.”

“Wow,” Castiel said. “Well, hey…you're welcome.”

“Yeah, Cassie,” Gabriel said. “Good work on being beaten half to death and giving your whole family a scare. Although, bud, next time you want to make love happen, how about we go for them being blind _dated_ and you not blind _sided,_ yeah?”

“It’s in the past. Castiel is okay and Jo and Charlie are dating. That’s what matters,” Chuck said. “Now! Let’s get a few more pictures! After that, the night is yours!”

•••

The beginning, just like any high school dance, was slow. Everyone was mingling and saying their hellos to friends they had just seen the day before. Teenagers huddled around the buffet section of the ballroom or picked up drinks despite the fact that they weren't thirsty. They were all trying to avoid the very same thing.

The dance floor.

Everyone knew _someone_ had to get it started, but who would be brave (or stupid) enough to do it?

Castiel stood next to Dean, the pair of them in a conversation with a couple of Dean’s buddies. He was relieved to be able to spend his prom with Dean and to actually be able to enjoy himself. So many people had simply accepted the fact of Dean and Castiel being an item. People who had never spoken to Castiel before came up to him as if they were life long friends. No one was scared to be kind to him anymore. It was refreshing.

Castiel’s eyes kept glancing over to the dancefloor and he frowned.

‘That poor DJ is up there playing all his mixes and no one is giving them any love,’ he thought and took a sip of his Sprite. ‘It doesn't seem fair.’

“Hey,” Charlie’s voice came from the other side of him and he looked over at her, however, her eyes were fixed on Dean.

“Yeah?” he asked with raised eyebrows.

“Can I borrow your boyfriend?” she said while taking Castiel’s hand.

“For what?” Dean asked, extending the last word.

“He so obviously wants to dance and I need to make his dream come true.”

“Huh?” Castiel blurted out.

“You and Cas dancing? You and Cas being the _first ones_ to dance? By all means,” he grinned and gave Castiel a light shove towards Charlie before she pulled him onto the dancefloor.

“Charlie, I really don't… People are looking!”

“Yeah, I know!” she squealed and grabbed his other hand. “They're so jealous. I get to dance with ESPN’s number nine! The one and only, Castiel Novak!” she shouted and started to pull and push his arms forwards and backwards.

Castiel huffed out a laugh and eventually moved his arms along with Charlie’s pulling and pushing, rather than having her do all the work. And soon, they were in a full swing.

Castiel had Charlie spinning and twirling across the floor which Charlie found to be both impressive and surprising.

“Of course I know how to dance,” he shouted over the music and the noise of others who had joined them. Now that the floor was more packed, Charlie and Castiel brought their dancing to more of a “square space.” Castiel with his hands on her waist and Charlie with hers around his neck. “Michael thought it was important for all of us to know and forced Lucifer, Gabe, and me to take classes. Gotta say, he knew what he was doing.”

“I wish you could teach the rest of these people,” she said as she looked around at the grinding couples. “Poor things only know how to reenact the bad sex they’re having.”

Castiel let out a loud laugh and hugged Charlie close to him.

“I love you, Charlie,” he laughed.

“I told you there was something going on between the two of them,” Dean’s voice rang in Castiel’s ear as a pair of hands wrapped around his waist.

“Shoulda listened to you, Dean,” Jo sighed and kissed Charlie’s cheek as her hands unwrapped from around Castiel. “I just didn't want to believe it.”

“We’ve been caught,” Castiel gasped at Charlie.

“If we’re lucky, maybe they'll punish us for it,” she winked.

“I'm sorry, Dean,” Castiel smiled and craned his neck to look up at his boyfriend. “But _someone_ had to get the dancing started.”

“Yeah, and thanks to you, half our class will be pregnant at graduation.”

“The human life cycle is so astonishing,” Castiel said blissfully.

“Hey, you two want to get out of this mosh pit, pseudo-orgy?” Jo asked, already tugging on Charlie.

“Love to,” Dean replied and laced his fingers through Castiel’s before stepping in front of him and leading him out of the crowd.

A majority of the night was spent dancing (obviously) but more towards the outskirts of the floor rather than the middle of it. Only _God_ knew what was happening in there. The four of them, when not dancing, would squeeze into the rented photo booth, picking up props on the outside and bringing them in, to pose quickly for the four pictures the camera took. Charlie eventually suggested couples pictures and kicked Dean and Castiel out of the booth.

“Ladies first, I guess,” Dean sighed. “Whatever, more time for us to plan, right?”

“I suppose,” Castiel shrugged and started to go through the props, Dean looking over his shoulder. Then, suddenly, Castiel was thrust against the table and he was split second away from yelling at Dean before seeing the real cause to him being shoved into the wooden piece of furniture.

“Lot of balls you two have, showing up here together,” Raphael snarled at the pair.

“Raphael, have you noticed you, and maybe _two_ others, are the only ones who have a problem with us?” Dean asked.

“Then I guess we’re the only ones with our heads screwed on straight. I can't believe you, Winchester!” he hissed. “You had everything! You were popular and a sports’ star and you could get any chick you wanted and you'd rather shove your dick down his throat. Even for a phase, that's just _sick.”_

“He's not a phase,” Dean snarled. “And for the record, I'm still all of those things and I can still get any girl I want. But here's the thing, I don't want a girl and the one thing I am now that I wasn't before is happy. And both of those things are because of him. So you can take your homophobic and slightly misogynistic attitude and shove it up your ass!”

Raphael swung at Dean, but missed as Dean dodged the incoming blow.

“Don't,” he growled and shoved Raphael.

“Well, shit. If you won't take the beating, move out the way,” Raphael laughed and jutted his chin in Castiel’s direction before locking his eyes on him, “I know someone who will.”

Dean took a step forward, but Castiel grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

“Dean, no,” he said and looked into his eyes. “He's not worth the effort and you know it.”

“Whatever…. I don't want a faggot touching me anyway.” He flicked the pair of them off and walked away.

Castiel swallowed and looked down for a split second.

Dammit, he _hated_ that word. It took all he had not to cringe when Raphael spat it.

“How did you put up with him for four years?”

“Technically, it was only three,” Castiel said, looking at Dean and deciding to straighten the front of his jacket. “And I had-”

“Your turn!” Charlie smiled and smacked Castiel’s bottom.

Castiel raised his eyebrows and smiled. “Her.”

Dean sighed and looked over his shoulder to whet Raphael had just left.

“Hey,” Castiel said. “It's prom. Ignore him.” He grabbed Dean’s chin and pulled him in before kissing him quickly. “Be happy.”

Dean huffed before nodding and letting Castiel pull him inside the photo booth.

“We didn't get to plan,” Castiel pouted and looked over at Dean. “What are we going to-” Dean wrapped a hand around Castiel’s neck and pulled him into a kiss just as the first flash of light went off.

Castiel’s hand moves to Dean’s chest and tightened around the vest underneath, pulling him closer and tilting his head.

It wasn't until the third flash of light that Castiel remembered, “Oh! Picture!” However, he did nothing about it. Too wrapped up in the feeling of Dean’s mouth against his and the sensation Dean’s tongue always made him feel, Castiel decided that an entire photo strip of them kissing wasn't that bad of an idea. Besides, he was sure other couples had done it.

By the time the fourth flash went off, Castiel was nowhere _near_ finished with kissing Dean. Their fathers’ new schedule really had taken away from the simplest pleasures.

“Tell them the camera fucked up and we have to go again,” he panted against his boyfriend’s mouth.

Dean grunted his agreement and peeked out the booth. “We’re going again. The camera…. We’re going again.” He pulled the curtain shut and turned back to Castiel before crushing his mouth against his.

Castiel couldn't help but smile at the feeling and threaded his fingers through Dean’s hair, all the while pulling him closer.

“If the damn flashes would slow down, we'd have time for a quickie,” Dean groaned, his mouth ghosting over Castiel’s cheek and Castiel snickered.

“Maybe you just need to be faster,” he said and raised his eyebrows.

Dean grinned, his forehead resting against Castiel’s, and closed his eyes. “Yeah, maybe,” he chuckled as the final flash went off.

“Come on,” Castiel sighed. “Other people probably want to do what we’re doing.”

“They can wait! They don't have strict, time sensitive schedules.”

“Come on,” Castiel repeated with a smile and kissed Dean once more before leaving the booth.

He walked over to pick up their photo strips, but found them gone.

“What the-”

“Camera issues?” Charlie asked and Castiel spun around to see her holding both sets of photos. “Or boner issues?”

Castiel snatched the photos away and Charlie laughed. “Listen, it wasn't my idea.”

“You told me to tell them the camera was broken!” Dean cried and took the photos from him. He looked them over and smiled. “Hm, these are nice,” he mumbled and tucked them away.

“I would like to see them,” Castiel said and held his hand out.

“That's nice, Cas,” Dean smiled. “So! Who’s thirsty?”

He kissed Castiel’s cheek before walking away.

Charlie and Jo giggled at Castiel's unamused expression and he rolled his eyes. “He's a prick.”

“He's _your_ prick,” Jo said.

Castiel tilted his head in a confirming sort of nod and followed after Dean.

They spent the next hour near the drink bar, socializing, joking, and softly singing along to a song or two. Dean was in the middle of telling another, as he liked to call them, war story with Benny (this one having to do with how they nearly died in a forest at the age of sixteen. Castiel could never tell how much, if at all, these stories were true) when the DJ announced that it was “time to slow things down a bit, so grab that special someone and head out on the floor.” Castiel wasn't really expecting Dean to dance with him, he didn't know why but it just didn't seem like something Dean would do. But sure enough, Dean paused the story, took Castiel’s hand and nodded towards the dance floor.

Castiel followed after him and allowed himself to be wrapped in Dean’s arms, just as he had two months ago in his kitchen.

Dean’s hand slipped through his right one and pulled it against his chest while his other moved around Castiel’s waist.

After the first verse had passed, Castiel let out a small laugh. “I still can't believe you're the slow dancing type.”

“Oh, yeah. I get my boyfriend pressed up against me, his hand in mine, and I get to occasionally do this,” he said before lightly kissing Castiel. “Why on earth would I like _slow dancing?”_

“Touché,” Castiel replied with a slight raise of his eyebrows. “Although, I have to admit...I liked it more when it was just you and me.”

“Hm,” Dean hummed and lowered his head so that his mouth was near Castiel’s ear, “does that have to do with the fact that we ended up naked in your bed afterwards?”

“Not...entirely,” Castiel sighed, looking up at the ceiling and fighting a smile. “But I guess that could contribute to the liking.”

Dean chuckled and hugged Castiel closer before kissing his forehead.

“I love you,” he murmured against his skin.

Castiel closed his eyes and inhaled slowly before exhaling with the words, “I love you, too.”

The night continued on long after that. From prom to the prom after party to the regret of going to the prom after party to the taxi ride home.

Dean was passed out on Castiel’s shoulder in the back seat, snoring lightly as Jo stared out the window. Charlie had been dropped off already and they were heading to Jo’s home now. Dean had made a point of making sure the girls were dropped off before them.

Castiel was softly running his fingers through Dean’s hair as he leaned against the car door, the smallest of smiles on his face. He didn't know how or why, but this moment here was his favorite of the whole night. Dean was so often in control and so often Castiel’s support. It was nice to be needed rather than being needy. Even if he was just needed as a pillow.

“Did you have a good night?” Castiel looked over at Jo who was now sitting up and nodding.

“Yeah…. Kinda hoped I'd be staying with Charlie though,” she said with a sigh and stretched her arms out.

“Oh?”

Jo shrugged with a smile and let her hands fall into her lap. “I like her. A lot. And I thought that maybe we _were_ going to be…I don't know. I guess things got all jumbled up with the after party and never booking a hotel room-”

“And the fact that Charlie was nervous as hell,” Castiel grinned. “She wanted to…. _Wants_ to. Believe me. But she got nervous. It was written all over her face.”

“Was it?”

“Oh, yeah,” he laughed. “I'm surprised she didn't spontaneously combust…. She was holding a lot in.”

“Huh,” Jo mused and her eyes flicked to the side. “Maybe I need to get her to relax then. Take it slow.”

Castiel nodded and Jo let out a small laugh.

“Funny, I always thought she’d top.”

“Oh, she will. Maybe in the beginning she’ll be timid, but by the end-”

“And how would _you_ know?”

“I can sense certain things about people. You two will have fun battling for dominance.”

Jo laughed. “Thanks, Castiel.”

A comfortable silence followed afterwards and Castiel leaned his head against Dean’s and sighed, fingers still carding through his hair.

“What about you and him?” Jo asked a while later and Castiel looked at her as she nodded to Dean.

“Dean tops.”

“You ever try to break that?”

“Oh, sure. Number of times. Dean won't have it.”

Jo smiled. “He doesn't like it up his ass, huh?”

Castiel thanked God for it being dark enough in the taxi to hide his blush. “A-Actually, we've never…. Um,” he cleared his throat and looked down.

“Oh,” Jo said awkwardly, though he was sure she didn't mean to. “Uh…”

“Yeah, so…. Where do you live again?”

“Like five minutes away.”

“Cool,” Castiel nodded and rubbed the back of his neck. “Cool, cool, cool,” he said.

The silence that followed that time was not at all comfortable.

“Awkward,” the taxi driver said, his high pitched, squeaky voice doing a number on Castiel’s ears. “But hey! Don't let it get you down. You know, you're avoiding a lot of diseases by not engaging in anal sex. Believe me! I know! And even if you wanted to, you still have time! You kids are young. My advice though-”

“Oh, oh that's- No,” Castiel said. “Thank you, um, sir-”

“You can call me Metatron.”

“No, no, no, no,” Castiel said quickly. “I don't- Sir is fine.”

“Whatever makes you happy. Sir is so…. Well,” he laughed (though, it sounded near a giggle) deeply. “I don't need to say.”

Jo was happy to be leaving the taxi only two minutes later and Castiel clung to Dean on his way home. Once the taxi pulled into the driveway, Castiel shook Dean awake, quickly paid the fare, and jumped out the car.

“Why’re we rushing?” Dean slurred as Castiel located the spare key and opened the front door.

“Because we were in a taxi with some pervert man.”

“I didn't see Mr. Zachariah in there,” Dean said and giggled at his joke as Castiel walked inside. “Am I allowed in?” Dean asked and Castiel rolled his eyes before pulling Dean inside the house and shutting the door behind him. “I'm just saying, it's way past eight and I'm not trying to get in trouble.”

“I wasn't going to leave you sleeping in a car with a man who has diseases. I'll wake my dad up and-”

“No need,” Chuck said and placed a hand on Castiel’s shoulder, making the boy jump. “Hi, Castiel! How was prom?”

“Great, Dad,” he said as Chuck flicked on the hallway light. “What are you doing awake?”

“I had to wait up for you, didn't I?”

“No.”

“And I'm going out.”

“Where could you possibly be going at one thirty in the morning?”

“To get you a surprise,” Chuck smiled. “But before I do that…. Dean,” he smiled. “Hi.”

“Hey,” Dean grinned. “Yeah, our taxi had a pedophile or something. I fell asleep so I don't know, but Cas seems pretty shaken up.”

“I can drop you off on my way. Come into the kitchen, I'll call your dad. Make sure he's awake.”

Dean nodded and followed after Chuck and Castiel after him. Once in the kitchen, Castiel grabbed a water bottle out the fridge and hopped up onto the counter while Chuck picked up the landline and started to punch in Dean’s home number.

Dean smiled at Castiel and walked over to him. He stood in between his legs, his arms bracing themselves on either side of Castiel as he looked up at his boyfriend while he took a sip from his water bottle. Once he moved the bottle from his lips, Dean gently took it from him and took a swig of his own. He then screwed on the top and placed in on the counter before resuming his prior position.

Castiel’s arms went around Dean’s neck and his hands into his hair before he kissed the top of his head.

“Hey, John, the boys just got in…. Yeah, Dean’s here too. Apparently there was some taxi trouble….”

Dean let out a tired groan and rested his head partway between Castiel’s chest and his stomach. His arms wrapped around Castiel’s waist and squeezed him tightly.

Castiel breathed out a small laugh and kissed the top of Dean’s head again while his hands moved up and down his back. He kept his face buried in Dean’s hair, his eyes falling closed. It was then that he finally realized how exhausted he was.

“Yeah, we can be there in ten…five actually. I'm kind of rushing. I have to pick something up…. Uh-huh…. Yeah, okay…. Okay, sounds good. See you soon. Bye.”

Chuck hung up the phone and let out a sigh. Neither Dean nor Castiel moved and he let out a small chuckle.

“Tired?” he asked and Castiel let out a small moan. Seconds later, his eyelids were penetrated by the all too familiar flash of a camera. He peeked his eyes open and Chuck smiled nervously at him. “It was a picture perfect moment.”

Castiel smiled and closed his eyes again.

“Ah, ah,” Chuck said. “Don’t get comfy, I have to take Dean home. And we need to head out now,” he said and patted Dean on the lower part of his back. “Come on, buddy.”

Dean whined and slowly pried himself away from Castiel, allowing his boyfriend to slide off the counter.

“Bye,” he sighed and leaned in, leaving a sloppy kiss on Castiel’s lips. “I had a great time.”

“I had a better time,” Castiel murmured against Dean’s lips with a smile.

“And I'm guessing Dean had the best time, now let's _go,”_ Chuck urged and Castiel snickered before pulling away completely. “Castiel, get to bed.”

“What about my surprise?”

“It'll be here in the morning. Get some sleep, please.”

Castiel shrugged his consent.

“Spoiler alert, it's me. Back again.”

“Horrible surprise,” Castiel joked.

“Boys, come on,” Chuck whined.”

“Bye,” Dean chuckled, taking Castiel’s hand and squeezing it.

Castiel held on until the distance forced their hands to separate. He waited for Dean to leave the kitchen and for the front door to shut before he trudged up the stairs and into his room. He found Picket was already curled up in the center of the bed and quickly changed into pajamas before gently picking her up, getting under the covers, and laying her back down.

The cat purred against Castiel’s chest and with that, and his ears still ringing from the all night blast of music, Castiel fell asleep. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mood change chapter!! Alright, so this chapter is just a wee bit shorter than the others, my friends. I wanted to kinda introduce one thing that will cause chaos and then bring in more later. I couldn't bombard all of you lovely people with TOO much upset after all those happy chapters, now could I? :p Well! I hope you enjoy. Comment (I LOVE your comments honestly you guys are so kind!) Kudos and share! Thank you all! :)

Castiel woke up late the next day. It was nearly twelve when he finally rolled out of bed and onto his feet. Picket stood up on the bed and stretched just as Castiel did before following him into the hall.

“Hey, little bro,” Gabriel smiled upon leaving the bathroom. “Just getting up?”

“Mmhm,” Castiel said and yawned.

“How was prom?”

Castiel smiled sleepily and Gabriel ruffled his hair.

“Good to know.”

“Are you heading downstairs?”

“I smell food, of course I'm heading downstairs.”

“Wait for me,” Castiel said before quickly ducking into the bathroom to relieve himself.

Gabriel and Castiel headed down the stairs only a minute later, Picket tucked in Castiel’s arms, and headed for the kitchen.

“Did Charlie and Jo…you know?” Gabriel asked just before they stepped into the room.

“Nah, I'm pretty sure Charlie got freaked-”

“There they are!”

Castiel froze at the sound of the voice and tightened his hold on Picket. His eyes were still locked on Gabriel’s, which had widened in the same way Castiel was sure his did. He felt a cold shiver run down his spine and his throat felt blocked. No words or sounds came out and he instead swallowed roughly, hoping to open it up in some way.

“How are my baby brothers?”

Gabriel finally broke Castiel's gaze and looked over at their guest.

“Michael,” he said with a smile. “Hey, man, how's it going?”

Castiel heard him walk over to hug their eldest brother and felt a white hot sensation burn in him. He didn't like Michael touching Gabriel. Gabriel was _his_ and Michael sure as hell wasn't worthy enough to hug his favorite brother. He finally turned to face them once they broke away but his eyes went to his dad.

“Surprise!” Chuck smiled. “I was picking up Michael from the airport last night.”

“Why?” Castiel asked. “I mean,” he started over, once seeing the frown start to work its way onto his dad’s face, “what are you doing here?” He looked to Michael, really taking him in for the first time, and had to fight the urge to go over and punch him right in his disgustingly perfect face.

“Came down for your graduation,” he smiled, his teeth flashing.

“Graduation isn't for another month.”

“Well, Castiel, being the boss of your own company allows you to vacation however you'd like. And I wanted to spend time with you guys. I missed my family.”

“Ah,” Castiel said. “Well, hello.”

“Not gonna give your big brother a hug?”

‘My hands are full,’ was what he desperately wanted to say, but Gabriel shot him a look, seeming to know exactly what Castiel had in mind.

‘Hug him, it'll just make things easier,’ his eyes seemed to say and Castiel sighed before setting Picket down.

He walked over to Michael and quickly wrapped his arms around him, his cologne overpowering Castiel’s senses.

“Good to see you, Castiel.”

“Mm,” Castiel hummed back kindly before pulling away.

He stared at Michael and he stared back. The challenge was evident in both of their eyes and Chuck and Gabriel looked warily between the two brothers.

“So...breakfast!” Chuck said. “Let's all sit down and eat, okay?”

“Sounds good,” Michael said, his smile still strong and his eyes still locked on Castiel’s. “I’m starved.”

•••

“But why? _Why?_ Dad knows I hate Michael, why would that be my surprise?”

“Something tells me Dad didn't get a say in any of it,” Gabriel said from his bed. Castiel had spent the past ten minutes pacing Gabriel’s room. After breakfast Castiel had quickly excused himself and ran up the stairs. He had spent half an hour trying to calm down and make sense of the whole thing in his room. When that proved to be fruitless, he dashed into the shower and spent an hour trying to think up a conclusion there. After _that_ was no good, he went to Gabriel’s room, slammed the door behind him, and started to voice his concerns. “You know Dad doesn't really have a backbone when it comes to this stuff.”

“He had a backbone when it came to me and Dean.”

“I think that was just his disappointment and upset fueling him. Michael is…. Well, he towers over Dad, you know? Intimidates him to a point. It's been like that since our mom left,” he sighed. “Michael didn't need to take charge, but he did.”

“Sounds like Dad should've switched Michael and Lucifer’s names around.”

“Michael isn't evil, Castiel,” he smiled.

“He's close enough,” Castiel murmured and ran a hand through his hair, resting it at the top and exhaling. “I'm going for a run.”

“You just showered.”

“Yeah, and that didn't help. Hopefully a run will.”

Castiel was out of the house five minutes later. He didn't bother stretching or setting a goal in his head, he just ran. He went past his two mile marker, past the four mile marker. Castiel didn't break his stride until he had reached nearly seven miles. He fell back against a tree planted in the front yard of someone’s home, its trunk thick and sturdy. The uneven bark cut into his back, but not to a point where it was painful. He closed his eyes, panting fervently as he tried to catch his breath as well as come to terms that Michael was in his home.

“Crap,” he wheezed and sank against the tree, the roots now digging into his legs. “Come on, breathe, Cas,” he said as his hands moved to his hair. “Crap, crap,” he panted and dropped a hand to his chest. He groaned and let his head fall back against the trunk.

‘Breathe. Breathe, Castiel. In and out. In and-’

“Excuse me?”

Castiel looked over and up, his eyes meeting shockingly blue ones.

“Are you okay? Do you need water?”

‘Water,’ Castiel thought and nodded.

“Okay.” He watched the dark haired girl run back into her house and waited a minute or two before she reappeared and shoved a bottle into his hands. “What are you running from?” she asked and adjusted the yellow cardigan she was wearing while looking over her shoulder.

Castiel downed half the bottle and exhaled harshly.

“Nothing,” he panted.

“You look like you're running from something.”

“No, just...running. I run track at school so-”

“Then why do you look so upset?”

“Upsetting day,” he answered and slowly got to his feet. He looked the girl up and down. She seemed to be about his age, dressed in jeans with a blue top under her yellow cardigan. She seemed worried, those blue eyes searching every inch of his face, looking for some break in it to call him out on a lie he wasn't telling. “Thanks for the water.”

“You needed it,” she said. “Can I give you a ride back home? Unless, you want to keep running.”

“No, I'll walk. I have to clear my head,” he sighed, although, truth be told, he would love nothing more than to hop in a car and mosey on down the road. His legs were killing him and his lungs were quite near burning a hole through his chest. But he didn't want to get in a car with someone he didn't know. Call him cautious, but after last night’s incident he'd rather be safe than sorry. Even if she did seem completely harmless.

“Right,” she said and looked him over once more. “Well, if you pass out on the way back home….” She shrugged and Castiel nodded.

“Yeah, thanks. Um, right,” he smiled at her. “What’s your name?”

“Hael.”

“Hael. Nice name,” he said. “See you around.”

“Doubt it,” she said with a smile back in his direction. “But, who knows?”

Castiel shook her hand before heading back towards his home. The thought of Michael was still upsetting him, but the feeling of pain all across his body claimed his attention. After getting about two miles closer to home, he collapsed on the nearest patch of grass and laid down. Five minutes after that, he pulled out his phone, and clicked his most recent contact.

After the third ring, he had an answer.

“Dean?” Castiel said. “Can you come pick me up?”

•••

Castiel’s head rested in Dean’s lap as they sat by the water near their dock. His eyes looked out across the surface and was calmed with the feeling of Dean’s fingers moving through his hair. He let out a long sigh before adjusting to look up at the sky.

“I just don't like him being here. And for a month? Ugh, I'd rather gut myself.”

“Don't say that,” Dean mumbled and placed a hand on Castiel’s chest. “I'm sure you'll be perfectly fine. It's just a month, it'll fly by.”

“Not with him. When he's around I…. He screws everything up, Dean. And-And I don't like how he makes me feel.”

“How does he make you feel?”

Castiel chewed on his bottom lip, trying to conjure the appropriate word. When he finally located it he sighed.

“Tainted.”

“Tainted,” Dean said and Castiel saw him frown. “I….”

“It's just…everything I do, in his eyes, is repulsive or inadequate…. Nothing I do pleases him. Except me running track. I don't know, Dean, it's just exhausting. Just this morning, after breakfast, I put Picket on the counter so she could eat and he had a fit. ‘Castiel, what are you doing? Get the damn thing off the counter.’”

“To be fair, I thought that was bizarre too.”

“But you never called her a thing. _Thing,_ Dean.”

“That's true… Pretty sure I never said that.”

“And what's more infuriating, my dad backed him up! Gabriel was right. He has no backbone when it comes to Michael. It's…It's scary.” Castiel mumbled.

Dean continued to pull his fingers through Castiel’s hair, his eyes focused on the lake. “I don't like that he makes you feel tainted. I don't like what that could turn into. You've...You've been doing so well, Cas, I don't want him to cause you to relapse or something like that.”

Castiel looked down his body at his hands and swallowed. “Yeah, me neither.”

“Okay,” Dean said and lightly pat Castiel's chest. “Then that's that. It's just one month, right? We just have to push through one month. Michael will be here and gone and hopefully, most of the time, occupied by Gabe or your dad. We have to make it through one month,” he said and smiled at Castiel. “Just one,” he said with a raised finger.

Castiel smiled, thankful Dean didn't throw the burden on him alone.

“One,” he confirmed and wrapped a hand around Dean’s finger and held his hand against his chest. “Yeah. I can do that.”

They spent fifteen more minutes by the water before Dean decided he should take Castiel home.

“I love you, but you smell _horrible._ ”

“I put up with your baseball stench all the time!” Castiel argued as they started down the road.

“Yeah, but it kinda turns you on.”

“No, it doesn't!” Castiel laughed in disbelief. “Do you think before you speak?”

“Thoroughly,” Dean grinned and looked at him for a brief moment before turning up the radio.

Dean pulled into Castiel’s driveway and stepped out the car only a few minutes later. The duo walked up to the front door, conversation still passing between them as they made their way inside.

“Are you planning on sticking around while I shower?”

“Heh,” Dean said with a nod of his head and a quirk of his eyebrows. “If it weren't for these damn rules I’d join you-”

“Castiel,” Michael said with a smile as he came around the corner. “There you are. Where'd you run off to?”

“Michael,” Castiel said. “Hi. Again. I was just…,” he gestured to the front door. “Training. I run everyday. Track meets and stuff to stay in shape for.”

“Good work,” Michael said and his eyes moved over to Dean. “And who are you? Training buddy?”

“Dean Winchester,” Dean answered and held out his hand.

“Oh,” Michael said and firmly grasped Dean’s hand in his own. “So _you're_ Dean. Castiel’s Dean….”

Castiel frowned, slightly confused at how Michael referred to Dean.

“Yeah, I've heard a lot about you. Not from Castiel,” he said with a pointed look at his younger brother, “but still. Dad talks about you a lot.” He let Dean’s hand go. “You play sports? You've got the build for it.”

“Baseball.”

“Baseball,” Michael repeated and nodded approvingly, his bottom lip sticking out just slightly. “Nice, man. Which position?”

“First base for my travel team and pitcher for school. Although, they could honestly put me anywhere. I love playing the outfield.”

“You know, I played a little bit of baseball in my high school days.”

“Oh, yeah?” Dean smiled.

‘What the hell is happening?’ Castiel growled in his head.

“Yeah, shortstop,” he nodded. “Loved the game.”

“Can't go wrong with America’s greatest pastime,” Dean said.

“That you cannot,” Michael agreed with another award winning smile.

Castiel looked back and forth between Michael and Dean, his eyes squinted.

“Yeah…. Well, Dean and I are going to head upstairs,” he said and slipped his hand through his boyfriend's.

And that's when he saw it.

Michael’s eyes darted down and the smile he had been wearing slowly faded. His jaw clenched as the rest of his body stiffened up, each nerve disturbed by what was in front of him. A sneer was making its way onto his mouth. Castiel could’ve sworn he even saw his pupils shrink down a size. He was tense and aggravated and judging by the look on his face, he was about to let Dean know just that.

“I'm sorry,” he said with a sharp laugh, although there was no humor in his eyes. “Dad told me to play nice and keep my opinions to myself but I can't help it. You do know what you and my brother are doing is _sin_ right?”

Dean pulled back slightly, obviously shocked at Michael’s words and how they seemed to explode out from nowhere. Castiel, however, saw them coming from a mile away.

“Excuse me?” Dean asked, his face not revealing hurt or upset, but instead displaying confusion, which was quickly changing into anger.

“This!” Michael yelled and gestured to their hands. “I don't know what kind of world we live in anymore. Where parents think it's okay to raise their kids like this. _Encouraging_ them to be….” He gestured vaguely to Dean and Castiel.

“My dad didn't _raise_ me to be anything,” Dean snapped back. “I grew up, realized who I was, and went with it.”

“Then he should've _beat it out of you!”_ Michael screamed with his finger pointed in Dean’s face.

“This is so like you,” Castiel said with a dry laugh. “This is so like you to just fuck everything up.”

“It's not _natural,_ Castiel. It’s horrendous. No son or daughter of mine will be this-this _sickening_ thing that you are.”

“Then I pray to God that no woman is dumb enough to have sex with you.”

“Ha!” Michael spat. “As if He’d answer your prayers, you damned son of a bitch.”

Castiel opened his mouth, ready to bite back a retort, but his words were cut off by someone else’s.

“Whoa, whoa! What the hell is going on?” Gabriel asked as he stepped into the foyer. “All this yelling is making me tingly. And not in the good way.”

“Him,” Castiel seethed and pointed to his brother. “ _Him!”_

Gabriel looked to Michael who stood up a bit straighter. “I don't need to explain myself to you, Gabriel. You weren't apart of the conversation, you don't need to know about what was said.”

“As a matter of fact, I do. Especially when it involves you upsetting him,” he said and gestured to Castiel.

“I was only speaking my mind.”

“On _what?”_

“It doesn't concern you,” he snarled. “Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to take a page out of your book,” he said and nodded to Castiel, “and go for a walk.”

“Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out,” Castiel bit back. “You might think it's trying to fuck you and burn it down.”

Michael scowled and shouldered his way past Castiel before leaving the house and slamming the door behind him.

“God, I hate him,” Castiel said, dropping Dean’s hand, closing his eyes and moving his hands into his hair. “Fuck, I hate him.”

“Cassie, come on. Relax.”

“He's going to fuck everything up!” he yelled and he heard Gabriel make an uncomfortable noise. “He's an asshole! A damn asshole and-”

“And you need to breathe,” Dean said and reached for Castiel’s hands. “Hey, look at me.”

Castiel opened his eyes as Dean pulled his hands down and kissed them.

“Breathe.”

“He's the absolute-”

“Breathe,” Dean repeated and Castiel sighed before inhaling deeply, holding it, and letting the breath slowly seep out. “One month.”

“Fight through one month,” Castiel said in agreement, giving in to Dean’s words as he looked down. “Okay.”

“Alright,” Dean smiled and kissed his forehead.

“Whoa,” Gabriel said and Castiel and Dean looked over at him. Judging by their faces, they had forgotten he was there. “That was...intense. And beautiful. _Magical_ ,” Gabriel grinned, obviously pleased with the word he had chosen. “I gotta hand it to you, Dean-o, I'm impressed. I can never handle screaming, arguing brothers. You do a top notch job. Not to mention it was so damn cute.”

“Shut up, Gabriel,” Castiel sighed.

•••

The following week didn't get any better and having Michael around was starting to take an emotional and physical toll on Castiel. It was noticeable to nearly everyone around him. Particularly Charlie and Dean. He was eating less, berating himself more, and spent as much time away from home as he could.

He was currently laying on Ash’s bed, watching tv while the room’s owner worked his shift. Jo sat in a chair next to him, her eyes more focused on the screen in her hand rather than the one on the wall.

“Dean told me to get you to eat something.”

“Tell him you succeeded then,” Castiel sighed. Dean was currently with the school’s baseball team. Group workout sessions had doubled up to one, see what the rookies had in them and two, prepare for a big home game they had coming up. It was the school’s Senior Night as well as a battle between their biggest competitor. Losing wasn't an option.

“I'm not gonna lie to him.”

“Jo, I'm just not hungry, okay?” he sighed and sat up. “Actually, I think I should get going. I have homework and Picket needs to get dinner,” he said and then sat up. “I'll see you later,” he mumbled and she frowned.

“I really wish you'd eat.”

“And I really wish my brother would fall off the face of the earth.”

He left before Jo could say anything further and walked out into the bar area of the Roadhouse.

“Blue Eyes!” Ash called over the counter and Castiel looked over. “Leaving so soon?”

“Uh, yeah. I have stuff.”

“That's too bad. I barely got to see you,” he sighed. “Well, come here for a second will you. I gotta get your opinion on somethin’.”

Castiel shrugged and walked over. He sat at the stool, and let his arms fold in front of him, his form slightly hunched over. However, he jumped back when Ash threw a plate in front of him and looked down at the ceramic surface covered by a hamburger patty.

“Check it out, man.”

“Uh, yeah…. Nice.”

“Try some,” Ash grinned and nodded towards it.

“Mm, not hungry,” Castiel sighed and pushed the plate towards Ash.

Ash pushed it back towards him. “No, no, you don't understand, Castiel! That patty is going to change my life! That is, if it's good.”

“Well, why don't you try it?”

“If I try it, I'll immediately like it because of my knowledge of how awesome I am and everything else I touch is. Which, by the way,” he touched Castiel’s forehead and smiled, “includes you. So, I'm biased! I need an outside opinion.”

“Ask Jo.”

“She won't like it. Just cuz it's me. She doesn't like to admit that she likes me or anything I do.”

Castiel sighed and looked down at the food. “What's so special about it?”

“The onions,” Ash said proudly.

“The...onions.” He looked down at his plate, a small frown on his face as he inspected the patty. Sure enough, if you looked closely, there were bits of chopped up onion inside the meat.

“Mmhm,” Ash smiled. “See, I did something special with them.”

“Yeah, you put them in the patty. That’s impressive,” Castiel said in a bored tone. “Do you want a ribbon?”

“No, Blue Eyes,” Ash responded in an exasperated tone. “I want you to eat it and tell me how good it is.”

Castiel sighed and looked up at his friend.

“The onions _also_ have been grown by yours truly,” Ash said with a big smile.

“ _Where?”_

“Okay, so they haven’t. But I _did_ leave them marinating in seasoning for five days.”

“Do onions marinate?”

“Eat the damn patty.”

Castiel sighed again and looked at the meat in front of him again.

“Do I at least get buns?”

“You can get a fork and a knife,” Ash said, already producing the utensils and setting them on the counter.

Castiel picked them up and started cutting into the meat, Ash watching him carefully and leaned forward to rest his head on the counter, getting at eye level with the plate and allowing his eyes to travel up to Castiel’s mouth when he lifted the fork.

“You’re making this weird,” Castiel sighed, and lowered the fork again.

“Sorry! Sorry,” Ash exclaimed and pulled back.

Castiel rolled his eyes and put the small piece of patty in his mouth before he started to chew. He didn’t know if it was because of him not eating for two days or if Ash was just _that_ good of a chef, but the flavors that burst inside his mouth were the best he had ever tasted. His eyes fluttered shut and he leaned back, his hand grabbing the edge of the counter to keep him from falling out of his seat.

“Wow.”

“Really?”

“ _Wow.”_

“You think so?”

“ _Wow!”_

Ash smirked and cocked his head slightly. “Nailed it.” He watched as Castiel put another piece in his mouth and the smirk turned into a grin.

It was only a few seconds before the plate was cleared and Ash sighed. “Well, that's that. I'm glad you enjoyed,” he smiled. “I have some more…. Maybe you could try it with buns now?”

Castiel felt himself salivating just at the thought.

Two burgers later, Castiel was happy to say he was stuffed. His stomach was full and at least one part of him was satisfied. However, and no matter how hard Ash tried, he couldn't get himself to feel any better. Ash held up conversation pretty well, long enough for Dean to show up.

He locked eyes on him and while Dean’s face broke into a grin at seeing his boyfriend, Castiel couldn't even get his mouth to _twitch_ upwards. The reaction - or lack thereof - had an obvious effect on Dean and Castiel looked away and down at his lap.

‘Why can't you smile? Just _smile_ for him! It's not that damn hard.’

“Hey,” Dean said as he leaned on the counter next to Castiel. “I didn't know you were still here.”

“I was gonna leave but… Ash,” he said and nodded in the boy’s direction.

“Were you planning on going home?” Dean asked, readjusting in order for his body to fully face Castiel, his right arm now resting against the counter.

Castiel sighed and shrugged, shaking his head slightly as he turned to Dean and rested his head against his chest.

Dean already had an arm raised before Castiel’s head landed against him and it dropped to his boyfriend’s back before he started to rub small, lazy circles against it. Dean pressed his lips against the fringe of Castiel’s hair and sighed.

“Wanna come to my place?” he asked, the hand on Castiel’s back now moving into his hair, threading through it easily. “Hm?”

Castiel nodded and slid out of the stool, readjusting his head onto Dean’s shoulder.

“Okay, we’ll start heading over.”

Castiel nodded again and Dean kept a hand massaging through his hair as he looked at Ash.

“Hey, man. How's it going?”

“Alright,” Ash grinned and then said something else Castiel missed. He was facing away from Ash, his head still on Dean and let out a small sigh.

“You did?” he heard Dean respond quietly and Ash continued talking. “I-I don't know what to say. Thank- Ash, thank you.”

“What?” Castiel asked, finally looking over at Ash.

“Don't worry about it Blue Eyes,” he said with a soft smile. “I'm glad you enjoyed your burgers.”

•••

Dean walked in after Castiel, a hand on his shoulder, before shutting the door and twisting the lock.

The ride over had been quiet on Castiel’s part. Dean’s stories and music filled a majority of the ride to his house and Castiel was grateful for it. He didn't think he'd be able to hold conversation all that well if he started having another breakdown over Michael.

“Alright,” he said and dropped his baseball bag by the coat rack. “I'm gonna go shower,” he sighed and Castiel nodded at him as Dean looked him up and down. He worried his lower lip with his teeth and flicked his eyes towards the living room. “Sammy!”

“Yo,” Sam responded and looked over the couch.

“I'm gonna go shower. Entertain my boyfriend.”

“ _That_ sounds inappropriate,” Sam sighed and turned back towards the tv.

“You'll be good?” Dean asked and Castiel nodded again. “Alright,” he said with a quick smile before heading up the stairs.

Castiel watched him go and sighed before looking down and rubbing the back of his neck.

“Wanna play Call of Duty?” Sam asked and Castiel turned to look at him before shrugging.

“Sure. Why not,” he sighed and started walking over as Sam set up the game.

“So,” he said, still bent down by the PS4 and opening the game case, “still avoiding your brother?”

“Umm, yeah.”

“Umm, why?” Sam asked as he put the game in and moved back onto the couch. He handed Castiel a remote and stared at him, waiting for an answer.

“Because I hate him. And he hates me.”

“But he's your brother,” Sam said innocently and looked up at Castiel with wide eyes. Of course Sam wouldn't understand, he had the world’s best brother in Dean. He loved Sam, couldn't get enough of him. Sam probably thought Castiel was some hostile, malicious, jerk for hating his older brother.

“I know, Sam,” Castiel mumbled and looked down at the controller. “But he's also one of my biggest nightmares,” he whispered and slumped back against the couch.

“Well,” Sam said, “I'm sorry you hate your brother, Castiel. That must suck.”

Castiel shrugged as Sam started to move through the game menu. “It's not all that bad,” he sighed and pressed x to join. “I like Gabe and Lucifer is...alright. I love one and a half of them.”

“Hm,” Sam smiled with a small nod. “Yeah, I like Gabriel,” he grinned. “I like him a lot.”

“He likes you too.”

Once they had gotten into the game and each one had a few kills under his belt, Sam sat up and glanced over at the older boy.

“Do you wish you had a younger brother.”

“I do,” Castiel said and reached over to ruffle his hair, his eyes not leaving the screen.

“No,” Sam laughed while pushing his hand away. “I mean like, a biological younger brother.”

“I don't know. Gabriel’s kinda like a younger brother sometimes,” he said with a small smile.

“So I'm guessing that's a no,” Sam smiled.

“I…I just don't think I'd be the best influence on a younger brother or sister for that matter. I'm not exactly the best big brother material.” He sighed. “Although, I guess if I had a younger sibling it would mean I got to have my mom stick around a little longer. Then I would've felt like she walked out because of them and not me….”

“Yeah, I guess I kinda know what you mean,” Sam mumbled. “If I had a younger sibling then that would mean my mom didn't die in a fire,” he said with a big sigh.

Castiel closed his eyes and raised a hand to run over them. “Dammit, Sam, I'm sorry. I- Shit, I'm sorry. My mom had a choice. Yours didn't and I-”

“No, Cas, it's fine,” Sam said with a smile. “Honestly, it's okay. I just...I get where you're coming from, yeah? Regardless of what happened to our moms.”

Castiel nodded and looked back down at his controller. “Yeah, okay.”

“And, for the record, I think you'd make a great big brother,” he smiled before turning his attention back to the screen.

Castiel smiled softly and looked towards the screen. Ten minutes later, Dean joined them and put himself on Castiel’s team. As the game progressed, Dean and Sam started to go back and forth teasing each other, shoving one another’s remotes, and - in Dean’s case - putting his brother in a headlock. Castiel knew that neither one was doing it to be mean. It was just another way of showing their affection. But the actions started to have an effect on him. Why couldn't he have something like that? Why did Michael berate him instead of embrace him? Why did he show disgust rather than adoration?

“Ah, dammit!” Dean yelled. “Cas, you were supposed to be covering me from the back! Cas?”

“Hm?” Castiel asked, snapping back to reality and looking over at Dean.

“Whoa, hey what's wrong?” he asked already switching spots with Sam and grabbing Castiel’s thigh.

“Nothing’s wrong,” he replied softly.

“Yeah? Then why the hell are you crying,” he said worriedly and it wasn't until Dean reached up to wipe Castiel’s face that he noticed it was wet with tears. “What's bothering you, huh?”

Castiel shook his head and let it rest on Dean’s shoulder.

“I don't know what's wrong with me.”

“Nothing's wrong with _you._ There's just something wrong in your life.”

“Mm,” Castiel hummed and Dean pulled him closer.

“Sam, wanna just put regular tv back on?”

“Yeah, sure,” he said softly.

Dean readjusted himself to have his back against the sofa and wrapped his arm around Castiel’s shoulders. He rested his head atop Castiel’s and trailed his fingers lightly over his upper arm. He tugged him a little closer and let out a heavy sigh.

“I'm going to murder Michael.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think we'll be wrapping up this story soon! New ideas keep popping into my head though so who knows! Love you all very much and the comments and kudos and bookmarks and all that give me AIR! Chapter 18! I'm glad you're all still with me.

Castiel couldn't stop staring at it. They had been sitting at lunch for ten minutes and Castiel’s eyes hadn't strayed for a second.

Dean, who had just taken another bite from his chicken sandwich, looked up and rolled his eyes.

“Would you stop staring at it?” he said and took another bite. “I told you it's not a big deal.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing you need to worry about.”

“Dean, you have a bruise under your eye of course it's something I need to worry about.”

“It really isn't,” he growled and returned his attention to his food.

“Who did it?”

“Jesus, would you drop it? You're annoying the hell out of me.”

Castiel decided to ignore the pain that accompanied that comment and pressed on with the issue at hand.

“Was it Alastair?”

Dean ignored him.

“Did Bart do it? Bart could be an asshole. What did you do?”

Dean sighed heavily and looked up, past Castiel.

Castiel studied his face for a while, a frown forming on his own. “You and Adam disagree a lot…. Dean, who was it? Will you just tell me what happened? I could help, I could-”

“I said _drop it!”_ Dean screamed at him, after slamming his fist on the cafeteria table. Several students around them turned to stare at the couple, their curiosity getting the best of them.

Castiel sank back into his seat, his head hung, eyes lowered.

He suddenly didn't feel very hungry.

He heard Dean sigh and closed his eyes.

‘You're such a damn burden,’ his head whispered to him.

“Cas-”

Castiel shook his head and stood up, grabbing his bag and moving the strap over his head and across his chest.

“Baby, stop. I'm sorry,” he said and reached out to him but Castiel took a quick step back and turned, hurriedly leaving the cafeteria and the scene that just took place.

•••

Castiel kept his head low as he waited for class to start. His eyes were trained on his notebook as he doodled idly in the margin. The class around him chattered amongst themselves, a few asking him how his day was going (most likely witnesses to the cafeteria spiel) while others passed by, giving him a pat on the shoulder. The noise of the room fell to a dull buzz as he continued his drawing.

The sound of someone rushing over and dropping into the seat behind him, however, was as sharp as a blaring whistle to Castiel’s ears.

“Castiel, listen,” Dean said softly, leaning forward in his seat to make sure Castiel heard him. However, as soon as he leaned forward, Castiel moved up in his seat. “Cas-”

“I don't want to talk to you,” Castiel hissed back.

Dean huffed out an impatient breath and fell back against his chair. Castiel could almost see him running a hand through his hair in aggravation.

Class started soon after and Ellen left them with a writing assignment due at the end of class.

Castiel was glad they received individual work for the day because only God knows what Dean would've tried to do if they were in groups. Their work never would have gotten finished.

Halfway through the assignment a slip of paper glided over Castiel’s shoulder and onto his desk. Without even bothering to look at it, he slid it into the corner of his desk and continued writing. A couple of minutes later another piece landed on his desk and he again moved it away.

Five more folded slips were slipped over his shoulder until one landed, unfolded, with the words **READ THEM!** written on it.

He rolled his eyes and gathered up the slips before shoving them all into his pocket.

Dean let out a loud groan and kicked Castiel’s chair.

“Mr. Winchester, is there a problem?” Ellen asked, looking up from her paperwork and into Dean’s eyes.

“No,” he grumbled back. “Just can't think of what to say.”

“Well, I suggest you think fast. You have twenty minutes left.”

“Yeah….,” Dean mumbled and Castiel heard him start to fiddle with his pen. “Something will come to mind, I'm sure.”

•••

“Castiel, I said sorry. I said it a _thousand_ times! I'm sorry I snapped at you, alright? These damn workouts are a bitch I haven't been getting good rest because I'm up worrying about you and-”

“So it's my fault?” Castiel whined.

“No! Castiel, I didn't say that.”

“You didn't have to.”

“Don't twist my words, Castiel! Just _listen_ to me, alright? I'm sorry I snapped. I was just aggravated because you wouldn't drop the issue even though I told you to a bunch of times. It was just pissing me off.”

“I didn't mean to be such a burden.”

“ _Stop!”_ Dean yelled and people around them stopped or looked over their shoulders at the pair. “Stop _twisting_ everything!”

Castiel looked down and readjusted the strap on his shoulder.

“Oo, trouble in paradise?” Raphael’s voice reached Castiel’s ears and both he and Dean looked over at him.

“Stay out of this,” Dean pointed at him, his voice strict and sharp.

“Just make the break up quick. We do have practice, Winchester.”

“And I'll be there, now fuck off,” he snapped and Raphael grinned before turning and walking away.

Castiel brought his eyes back to the ground and Dean grabbed his arm before pulling him out of the hallway and into an empty classroom.

“We’re breaking up,” Castiel said softly.

“No,” Dean said.

“I have to go.”

“No, you don't. Besides, where are you going to go? Home? You never go home right after school. We both know that's when Michael’s at his worst.”

“I'll- No, I'll deal with it.”

“You're not going anywhere until we settle this.”

“Settle what?” Castiel asked, his voice more rough than usual as he tried to keep it from cracking. “Settle how pathetic I am? How-How I can't even stand you snapping at me without my emotions doing a complete one eighty? How you'd be far better off without me-”

“No, hey,” Dean said and took his hand. “What did I say when we got back together? You _and_ me are fighting this. The good days and the bad days I'm there, remember that? Castiel, I'm not mad at you or fed up with you. I know you're going through a rough time. I know you're feeling depleted and weak and I'm not snapping at you to take advantage of you or anything. I'm honestly just exhausted and I get cranky when I'm exhausted. This,” he said, gesturing vaguely, “is not your fault.”

Castiel sniffled and bit his lip as Dean’s hands moved soothingly up and down his arms.

“It's been hard,” he whispered and Dean nodded his understanding. “He insults me every. Damn. Day,” he said and Dean stepped closer to kiss his forehead. “Maybe if you told me who hit you I can take my frustrations out on them?” Castiel said with a small smile.

“Hm,” Dean hummed and smiled back. “Not a chance.”

Castiel’s smile slowly fell and he let out a long sigh. “I don't want to go home.”

“I can drop you off at my place really quick and rush back over here for practice.”

Castiel shook his head and scratched the back of it.

“Jo?”

“No, I've been there everyday this week.”

“So?”

“I'm probably annoying them, Dean. Being a burden.”

“You're not a burden,” Dean said softly despite knowing that Castiel wouldn't listen to that. Castiel never listened to anyone when he had his bad days. He felt worthless and useless and, unfortunately, no one could change his mentality. “Where are you gonna go?”

•••

“I needed this.”

“You're telling me,” Charlie smiled as she leaned against the wall next to the pen full of puppies, all running over Castiel, licking his face and sniffing his body up and down.

He was laying in the middle, eyes closed, as the small bundles moved around him.

“Can I stay here forever?”

“Sure.” She shrugged. “Doesn't bother me. And, surprisingly, doesn't bother April either. For such a hard ass, she has a _super_ big soft spot for you.”

“I’m a likeable guy,” he sighed and opened his eyes before sitting up, one puppy sliding off his chest and into his lap.

“And she's an infamous cougar. I'd watch your six...and your twelve and three...and nine- Well, you get it.”

Castiel smiled and leaned down to bury his face in the fur of a golden retriever. He held it close to him and let his eyes fall close as he hugged the puppy against him. He sighed before pulling back and running a hand through his hair.

“Charlie?”

“Mmhm?”

“Who’s hitting Dean?”

“What makes you think _I_ know?” she asked as she waved off a coworker who was trying to get her to, well, _work_.

“Because when it was me who was getting hit, I told you everything.”

“That you did.”

“Uh huh…And I also told you to not tell Dean, you recall that?”

“Uhh,” Charlie said, her voice reaching a higher octave as she shrugged. “No.”

“Dean told you, didn't he?”

“Maybe he did! And I'll respect his choice to keep it secret just like I respected yours.”

“But I'm your _better_ friend! You're _supposed_ to give into my desires over his!”

“No way, Castiel,” she said with a tone of finality. “Just believe that it's nothing you need to worry about, alright? I mean honestly.”

Castiel sighed and looked down at the puppies.

“I'm taking you home in an hour,” she said and leaned over to pet one of the puppies. “That okay?”

“Yeah, it's fine,” he mumbled.

“I love you,” she said and started walking away. Castiel watched her go with a frown and laid back down, his eyes closing.

•••

“No, it really did help, Charlie. Honestly,” Castiel said once he walked through the front door with Charlie.

“You were quiet the whole way home. That makes me nervous. I feel like the puppy thing-”

“It helped,” he said with a reassuring smile. “It was just a...in the moment kind of help. Not very long lasting,” he sighed. “Come on, I've been dying to crush you in-”

“Oh, finally,” Michael’s voice came as he stepped around the corner. “Where do you go after school? When I was in high school, it was straight home! Even if I did stay after for an event or two, it never took this long.”

“Times change,” Castiel said, exasperation evident in his voice.

“From now on-”

“You're _not_ Dad so whatever you say I'm _not_ going to listen.”

“Listen, someone around here has to start disciplining you!”

“I am disciplined! I'm just not made to your liking and you can't seem to get past that!”

“Uh,” Charlie started awkwardly. “Want me to go set up the system or….”

Castiel looked back at his friend, an apologetic expression on his face.

“Yeah, I'll be there soon,” he mumbled and she nodded before walking by, squeezing his hand as she went. “Michael, you need to get off my back, okay? It's screwing me up in ways I can't explain-”

“Who’s that?” Michael asked, his head turned away from Castiel and in the direction Charlie had gone.

“That's Charlie,” he replied.

“Charlie…. Same Charlie you talk about at dinner? I mean, when you _do_ join us for dinner.”

“Yeah.”

“Always thought you were talking about a guy.”

“I said she.”

“I guess I wasn't paying attention,” he said nonchalantly.

“Guess not,” Castiel snapped back, hoping his short reply would mask his shaking voice and the pain he felt at Michael’s words.

‘Of course he wasn't paying attention to you. What valuable things do you have to say?’

“She's pretty. She's really, very pretty,” he mumbled.

Castiel squinted slightly at his brother and felt his head cock to the side, a habit that was more involuntary than not.

“Yes… But back off. She's taken.”

“Oh?” Michael smiled.

“Yeah. So...okay,” Castiel said before walking away and going off to meet Charlie.

“Yeah,” she said as she pulled out a controller. “He's an ass.”

•••

“Idiot!” Castiel hissed at himself before erasing an entire math problem. “So damn _stupid!”_ He threw the pencil down and threaded his fingers through his hair. “You can't even do a damn math problem right. What the hell are you good for?”

There was a light knocking on the door and he looked over to see Michael standing in the doorway.

“What?” Castiel snarled although his stomach churned at the sight of Michael and his mind started to throw every insult Michael had spat at him out into the open.

“How was your time with Charlie?”

“Fine….” Not the words he was expecting.

“Good, good,” Michael grinned. “You guys seem close.”

“We are. She's...She's been there for me through everything. She's sort of like my life support.”

Michael nodded and moved into Castiel’s room and sat on his bed. Castiel turned his chair around to face him.

“She seems very in tune with you. I mean, you guys seem in tune with each other. It's remarkable.”

Castiel nodded.

“And she's beautiful,” Michael said with a small laugh.

“Yeah…. You should've seen her for prom. I mean, wow.”

“Yeah?”

Castiel nodded again and found himself smiling. He didn't know why Michael was so interested in Charlie but he wouldn't pass up an opportunity to talk about her. And to talk to Michael so easily.

“Gorgeous. Although, to be honest, I prefer everyday Charlie. I like her when she's just sitting back playing video games and beating the crap out of me in Smash Bros,” he said with a laugh and he was surprised to see Michael join in with him.

“You went to prom with her?”

“Uh, yeah. We all rode over together.”

“You two danced?”

“Mmhm.”

“And...prom rituals?”

“Huh? Oh, well, Charlie got nervous so she bailed and I went home,” he said with a shrug. “No big deal though.”

“Yeah, you can always do it some other time.”

“Sure. When the opportunity comes I’m sure she’ll take it.”

“You should make it happen!” Michael said with a light shove to Castiel’s arm. “I mean, it's so obvious she wants you to! You two were made for each other, it's so clear! Listen, I can get Dad and Gabriel out of the house and you two can-”

“No,” Castiel said with a frown. He could tell his face was displaying a look of pain and upset and he was quickly trying to convert it to anger. It was just too hard to feel other kind of emotion lately. Anger was the one that was the easiest to get away with. “No, Michael. _No.”_

“Well, why not?”

“You _know_ why not.”

Michael’s smile was wiped off his face in the next second and he stood up, now towering over Castiel.

He hated this feeling. He hated the power Michael held when he did this. When he made him feel inferior and stupid.

Castiel ducked his head and immediately chastised himself for it.

‘Stand up for yourself! Do something, don't wimp out!’

“Is it because of _him?”_

“Him meaning my boyfriend? Yes-”

“Don't call him that! He's not your boyfriend, he's your phase and I'm going to get you out of it even if I have to _force_ some girl on you!”

“Wh-What does that mean?”

“I can tell you it's a lot more pleasurable than the second option. I-I just can't believe you! How _disgusting_ you are! Everyone else turned out okay but you have this-this defect! Hell, Mom should've saved herself the trouble of walking out and just gotten rid of you.”

“Mi-” Castiel couldn't get the rest of his brother’s name out. He couldn't say anything. His throat closed up as his eyes filled with tears. He couldn't move, too shocked with what his brother was suggesting, what he believed to be _better_ than having a gay brother. He would've preferred to have never known Castiel. To have him dead.

Well, at the rate Michael was going, he might just get his wish.

“Of course, how could she know you'd come out all fucked up. She was smart to have left. She did the right thing. We all had to suffer because of _you_. You made her walk out! You made her leave this family! You corrupted our family! Our name! So, if I say I'm going to get you out of this, I'm getting you out! By _any_ means necessary. You got that? And stop crying! Stop being so damn _weak,_ Castiel!”

But Castiel couldn't stop. He couldn't find a way to. It was like he had lost all feeling in his body and all he _could_ do was cry. The tears streaming steadily down his face.

He needed Gabriel. He needed him badly right now. Where was Gabriel? Where was his brother?

“I'll make you see why this is wrong. I'll make you regret ever becoming a faggot.”

And with that one word, feeling hit Castiel like a freight train and he screamed his brother’s name before breaking down into a harsh fit of sobs.

“Stop that,” Michael snapped.

“GABRIEL!” Castiel screamed again.

“Shut up! He's not here.”

Castiel felt as if all his air had been sucked out of him. He was alone. He was alone with Michael in this...this _hell._

“You're such a damn issue, Castiel. You're _such_ a damn issue.”

He walked out of the room, leaving his youngest brother doubled over, hands gripping his hair, sobbing into his own lap.

‘You corrupted the family. You made her walk out. You made her leave. She didn't want you. She left everyone else because of you.’

Castiel shot out of his chair and slammed the door shut before spinning around to face his room.

‘Lifeline, lifeline.’

His eyes landed on his phone and he rushed over to it before lifting it up, hurriedly punching in his passcode and going to his contacts. Automatically he went to Dean and clicked on the number. While it was ringing, he fell onto his bed, his head in his hand.

“Pick up, pick up, pick-”

‘You're annoying the hell out of me.’

Dean’s words from earlier that day bit at Castiel’s mind.

‘I haven't been getting good rest because I'm up worrying about you….’

Castiel stared down at the floor before pulling the phone away from his ear and hanging up.

‘You're such a damn issue.’

Castiel put the phone down and pressed the heels of his hands into his temples.

“Stop,” he hissed through his tears and through his sobs. “Stop, stop, _stop!”_ He screamed, slamming his hands against his head.

The sharp blare of his phone ringing cut through his thoughts and he looked over to see Dean’s name and face displayed on the screen.

Castiel moved away from the phone and felt himself crying harder. His chest heaved out large sobs and his throat burned with each cry. His head fell back into his hands as he tried his best to block out the noise. To ignore the temptation of reaching over and sheltering himself in the sound of Dean’s voice. In the caress of its soothing tone and calming words. Dean didn't need it. Didn't _deserve_ it. Castiel wouldn't weigh him down anymore. He wouldn't be the cause of anymore distress but his own. So he let the phone ring. He let it ring until it stopped and he felt himself breathe a sigh of relief.

Then it rang again.

‘You're scaring him! You're stressing him out! You're distracting him. You're _annoying him._ He doesn't want to deal with you. He's being forced to care about you. He _pities_ you.’

“Stop. Stop,” Castiel cried and gripped his hair. “Please, stop!”

He needed a distraction. Something to take his mind off of Dean and Michael and the words tainting his mind. He needed something to calm him down. Put him to sleep. Focus his mind elsewhere.

“Sleep,” he mumbled and thought of the bottle of NyQuil waiting in the cabinets downstairs.

‘Down it.’

“No,” Castiel snapped and closed his eyes tightly, trying to block that thought from reentering.

His phone made a small noise that signaled a text coming through.

“Bathroom,” he said softly. “I just need to relax. Take a bath or something.”

‘Drown yourself.’

“ _No!”_ he cried as another text shot through and he stood up. “Push it back!” he growled, gripping his head again. “Don't think about it. You're okay, Cas. He's not getting to you. You're okay.” Another text.

‘Burden.’

“Please, stop,” he sobbed and looked at his phone. “Stop it.”

Another message came through.

‘Issue.’

Castiel backed away before turning and leaving his room, rushing down the hall and into the bathroom before slamming the door shut. He turned his back to it and slowly slid to the floor.

“You're okay, you're okay,” he whispered and wrung his hands together, pulling and twisting one after the other. “You're alright. It's just a bad day. You have bad days. You have them. You have- you have too many. You're so weak. So damn weak. Nobody cares!” he screamed and got up from his position on the floor. He walked over to the mirror and glared in it. His face was swollen and red, his eyes blotchy and still filled with unshed tears. His skin looked pale and his hair a wild, unkempt mess. He glared at the boy in the mirror and gripped the edges of the sink until his knuckles were white. “Nobody cares that you're broken.”

‘So why not break yourself a little more?’

•••

“You don't look very good, Castiel.”

Charlie stood with her friend by his locker the following day, a deep frown upon her face as Castiel switched his books out.

“I feel fine,” he said, without much effort of trying to prove that point, and forced a smile onto his face.

“Who do you think you're kidding?”

“Charlie, I'm...I'm okay,” he sighed. “I just need to get more rest. I was up late doing math. Really, I'm just tired.”

“You look pale. And sick…. And your eyes are-”

“Hey!”

Castiel turned at the sound of Dean’s voice, though it was without that sense of joy or excitement he used to feel at just the mention of Dean’s name.

“Dude, what the hell?”

“What the hell what?”

“Why didn't you call me back last night? Or text me? I was worried sick about you! I had half a mind to drive over there and see what was wrong!”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“Why'd you call then?”

“Must've been a butt dial.”

“You couldn't think to tell me that?!”

“I'm sorry, Dean. I didn't realize.”

Dean’s eyes scanned Castiel’s face over several times before his head pulled back slightly and his face developed a look of deep uncertainty.

“What's wrong?”

“Nothing,” Castiel said easily.

“No, there's something wrong. What is it? What happened?”

“I was up late, Dean. Nothing is wrong.”

Dean’s eyes flickered over to Charlie and Castiel sighed.

“He told me he was up late, too.”

Dean looked back at Castiel and stepped closer to him.

“Are you lying to me?”

“No, of course not,” he said and smiled, this one looking more genuine than the one before.

“You know I'll find out if you are.”

“Mm,” Castiel hummed and scratched the back of his head.

“Okay...good,” Dean said and gently grabbed Castiel’s chin before kissing him. “I love you. But for the record, I don't believe you.” He kissed him again before pulling back and gently brushing a small bit of fuzz off of his face. “Why'd you wear a sweater? It's hot as all hell today,” Dean said and slipped his hand through Castiel’s as he, Castiel, and Charlie started down the hall to lunch.

“Cold classes,” Castiel answered simply and thankfully, that was enough to change the subject.

•••

“Don't tell Dean!” Castiel sobbed to Charlie who had both hands over her mouth, her eyes wide and locked on Castiel as tears spilled from them. _“Don't tell Dean!”_ he cried again, his hands clasped around one another in begging.

They had just reached her car after walking out of the school and Charlie was planning on taking them back to her house. She had been in the middle of chastising Castiel for still having his sweater on, saying it was too hot and he was going to have a heatstroke. He refused to take it off numerous times and Charlie had eventually given in to his request before grabbing his wrist.

“You can at least roll up the sleeves,” she had said before pushing up the one on his left arm. It was then that she screamed, dropped his hand, and started to cry.

Castiel, only seconds after, had told her to stop. _Begged_ her to. When she wouldn't listen to that, he started to beg her to not say anything to anyone. Especially Dean.

“It's okay! Charlie, look, the-they’re okay!”

He started to peel back the bandages on his wrist, his hand shaking terribly as he did so.

“Charlie, it's okay. Charlie,” he said and looked up at her. “Charlie, don't tell Dean. Look,” he said and finally peeled the bandage back. He regretted it immediately when Charlie screamed at the bruising that surrounded the numerous cuts in his wrist and the bright crimson and spattered, dull brown that decorated the inside of the bandage. It was swollen and irritated and Castiel quickly covered it back up, not expecting his wrist to look so badly destroyed. “Charlie-”

“Why would you do that?!” she yelled. “Why are you doing that?!”

“I'm… Charlie, don't tell Dean.”

“Why are you cutting yourself?!”

“Charlie- Dammit,” he said and looked around to see a few kids staring at them. Who knew how long it would take before news got to Dean, especially in this school. He opened Charlie's backpack and pulled out the keys before unlocking her car and opening the passenger side door. He shoved her into it before slamming the door shut and pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes, hoping to stop the flow of tears. After a minute of trying to steady his breathing, he walked around to the driver’s side and got in.

Charlie was still crying and he reached over to click in her seatbelt before doing the same for himself.

“Charlie,” he said as he put the key in the ignition and the car in reverse, “don't tell Dean.”

“You tried to kill yourself!” she screamed at him as he backed out. “You cut your wrist open!”

“I know what I did but I promise it wasn't to kill myself-”

“You could've fucked up! You could've fucked up and you know it! Some part of you was hoping-” Her words got caught on a sob and she turned away, putting her head in her hands.

“Charlie,” he said, still worried about her lack of agreement on keeping this secret. “Please-”

“Why? What made you….” She wiped her eyes and looked at him. “Why the hell would you…. Oh my God,” she cried and doubled over in her seat. “I'm going to be sick.”

Castiel hesitantly lifted a hand off the wheel and laid it on her back.

“I'm okay, Charlie. They’ll go away.”

“They never should have been there!” she cried and reached up to grab his hand and hold it against her chest. She continued to cry, holding her friend’s hand and gently running her thumb across it. “Can...Can we not go to my house?” she asked. “My parents will have a fit if they see me like this and then they'll question it and...and then it'll rat you out and it's none of their business.”

“Sure,” Castiel said softly and decided that heading to his place was the only option. The bright side of it was that he knew Michael was out today and he wouldn't be back until night.

Charlie held Castiel’s hand against her heart the entire way there, her head turned toward the window and her tears falling freely down her face.

When they finally arrived, Castiel walked to the front door with her and pulled out his keys.

“Charlie,” he said and looked at her. Her eyes weren't as red and the tears had finally stopped falling. “Don't tell Dean.”

“I'm not going to tell Dean,” she said and he smiled before unlocking the front door. He allowed her inside first and she took in a deep breath as she heard Chuck’s footsteps approaching. She looked back to see Castiel rolling down his sleeve and then up into his eyes. “I'm going to tell your dad.”

•••

“How long?” Chuck asked, his voice cracking as he stood in front of Castiel who was seated on the couch.

Charlie had let him know the second he came to greet them, too afraid Castiel would try to change her mind later.

Chuck had been shocked stiff. He had kindly asked Charlie to leave him and Castiel alone. She was too upset to drive and so Chuck recommended she go to the kitchen and get a glass of water.

After that he had approached Castiel and held out his hand. Castiel pulled back the sleeve of his sweater and lifted his arm into his dad's awaiting hand. Chuck had gingerly peeled back the bandage before quickly looking at the wound and covering it back up, eyes closed while he bit on the inside of his lip.

“I'm sorry,” Castiel had cried then. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry!”

It took nearly an hour for Chuck to soothe him and finally calm him down.

And now, Castiel was sitting on the living room couch, his dad standing in front of him.

“Castiel?” Chuck said softly and Castiel lifted his eyes. “How long have you been doing this?”

Castiel looked back down and shook his head. “Just last night.”

“Can...Can I ask you why?”

Castiel shook his head. “You won't listen to me.”

“Castiel-”

The front door opened then and Castiel held his breath until he heard the familiar sing song “Honeys, I'm home!” from Gabriel. He joined them in the living room only a minute later, smiling happily at his family. “Hello, Novaks! How are…” It took only a few seconds for Gabriel to assess the situation, his eyes scanning from his dad, to Castiel, to the bandaged arm. That's where his eyes lingered.

“Oh, hell,” he whispered. “Oh, _hell!_ ” he cried and gestured to his younger brother’s arm. “Don't tell me that's what I think it is!” he said, eyes watering. “Castiel, don't- Oh, shit!” he cried and turned half away from his brother, his hand coming up over his eyes before dragging it down his face.

Castiel, covered his wrist with his hand, the well known feeling of guilt eating at his brain.

“Gabriel, relax,” Chuck said softly. “We’re talking this through.”

“When did you do this?” he asked, completely ignoring his father. “Why?”

“Las-Last night,” he stuttered. “I… Um-”

“Michael,” Gabriel said in a deadly tone. “You two were alone. It was Michael.”

“Don't jump to that conclusion, Gabriel,” Chuck snapped at his son.

“I'm not wrong,” he said and nodded at Castiel. “He’d tell you himself if you'd stop trying to protect that son of a bitch!”

“Gabriel-”

“What did he say to you? You can tell me, I'll listen.”

“We all listen to Castiel.”

“Yeah, but unlike you, I’m prepared to do something about it. Like kick that bastard out of our home. I mean, haven’t you noticed? Can’t you tell he’s being doing worse since he’s been here? He’s not eating again, he’s self deprecating, which you’d notice if you really _truly_ listened to him. And on top of all _that shit_ he’s **_cutting_** himself! What more do you need to prove that Michael isn't good for him! He isn’t good for this family. What’s it going to take for you to see that? Your son’s body in a coffin?!”

“GABRIEL!” Chuck yelled but it didn’t seem to have an effect on his son. Gabriel continued to stand tall, chest puffed out, face red, and hands balled into fists. “That is _enough_.” He turned away from his older son and looked to his younger. “Castiel, was it because of Michael?”

Castiel didn't raise his head but nodded.

Gabriel shifted and in his peripheral vision, Castiel saw him cross his arms.

“What did he do to you?”

“Nothing,” Gabriel said to his father. “It's what he said. He manipulates him. Makes him think things that-”

“Gabriel, please,” Chuck sighed.

“It's what he says,” Castiel said softly.

“What’d he say?”

Castiel swallowed past the lump forming in his throat and tightened his hand around his wrist. “Um,” he said shakily. “I- He...He said I was an issue. He said I was the reason Mom left but it-it would've been better had she just-” he swallowed again and wiped his eyes. “He called me a faggot. And he said he was going to-to get me out of this phase and he...he called me disgusting and-”

Castiel shook his head and stared at his hands. Not wanting to continue or recall any more of Michael’s words.

“So...So you decided to cut yourself because of that?”

“Yes,” he whispered. “And because...because when I did it I stopped thinking about what he said to me and instead thought about how much everything hurt. Because it did _hurt_. It hurt a lot…. It still hurts,” he said softly and rubbed the bandages. “I did a good job wrapping it though, huh?” he said and looked up with a smile before quickly looking down again when seeing the grave looks on his dad and brother’s faces. “Sorry.”

“S’alright, Cassie,” Gabriel said. “Finding light in the situation is always nice. Not always appropriate, but nice.”

“I need to take you to the hospital.”

“Wait a minute, okay? Hold on,” Gabriel sighed. “What are we going to do about Michael?”

“Can we talk about it on the way there?” Chuck said. “If that gets infected it won’t be pretty. And I doubt you thought about cleaning it out,” he said to Castiel.

“Uh, n-no. Um, I was focused on hiding. Not cleaning.”

“That’s okay,” Gabriel said, reassuring his brother again. “I’ll get you your coat and clean shirt, okay?”

Castiel nodded and Gabriel disappeared up the stairs.

Chuck let out a heavy sigh and ran his hands roughly against his face.

“I...I wasn’t trying to kill myself,” Castiel said softly. “Honestly.”

Chuck nodded and Castiel felt sick as he watched a tear roll down his father’s face. “But if you had slipped up-” Chuck choked out before shutting his eyes. “Castiel, you have no idea what that would’ve done to me. Or your brother. Gabriel would have lost himself entirely if you had taken your life, do you understand that? I know he’s an enormous pain in your ass sometimes but he loves you in ways I can’t explain. _I_ love you in ways I can’t explain.”

Castiel nodded his understanding and Chuck sighed again before motioning for his son to come over to him. Castiel did and was then pulled into a hug. He felt Chuck let out a relieving sigh, one that contrasted the ones he had released before, and clung tightly to his son until Gabriel came back downstairs.

“Promise me you won’t do it anymore, Castiel,” he said and pulled back to look into his son’s eyes.

“I promise,” Castiel replied, although something definitely seemed to be lacking in his words. However, whatever it was that he felt was missing went unnoticed by his dad who smiled and gently pat Castiel’s cheek.

“Well, alright. Let’s go get this cleaned up.”

And something about his tone of voice and choice of words made Castiel think that his father truly believed all of this could be fixed with a quick visit to the hospital. Just like the cure to some disease.

•••

Michael was moved into a hotel. Chuck was paying for it all and Castiel greatly appreciated the distance it brought. Michael was still around, sure, but not nearly as much as before. It was a breath of fresh air.

When Chuck had finally gotten into contact with Michael he tore him a new one. Castiel got a satisfaction out of seeing his dad’s face get red and his arms flying everywhere as he watched him yell at Michael through the small window in the hospital door.

Gabriel got a good kick out of it too. His only wish was that he could’ve been the one to do something about Michael.

“My way would’ve been much more physical, believe that,” he had told Castiel around the lollipop in his mouth.

The whole situation was handled in a much nicer way than he was expecting and he was grateful for an easy response.

What he wasn’t expecting, however, was for Chuck to notify John Winchester of the incident.

When Castiel had gone back to school, he wasn’t aware that Dean knew what had happened. He trusted that Charlie really wouldn’t say anything and knew he would never have the guts to tell Dean what had happened. Still, because of his dad, he found out and upon seeing Castiel the next morning wrapped him in a vice like hug. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t cry. He simply embraced him and Castiel realized that was all he really needed. His head fell onto Dean’s shoulder while his eyes fell shut. He didn’t care who saw them or what assumptions people were making. All he felt was Dean. All he needed was Dean.

He couldn't fix him by any means. No one could. But he could support him.

And that’s where the silver lining of the whole mess came in.

John and Chuck reworked the limiting schedules they had forced onto the boys near the end of February. Chuck knew that now, because Michael was gone, Castiel would have days and nights when he was home alone. That, of course, didn’t sit well with him. He asked for Dean to be allowed over when he and Gabriel were gone and for Castiel to be able to spend time at the Winchesters during those same days. Whichever seemed to be easier when the time came.

“Are you comfortable?” Dean asked as he combed his fingers through Castiel’s hair, his head resting on Dean’s chest. They were laying on the couch in Castiel’s living room, Dean slightly propped up against the armrest.

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean’s torso and pressed his head closer to the rhythmic beating of Dean’s heart.

“Completely at peace.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awesome! Here it is! Chapter 19. I can't tell if the next chapter will be short or long but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. My mind is in a whirl right now (APs just ended and I just graduated)! Also, question, would it be wrong to change the title now? I've been thinking about shortening it to just "Best Four Years." I don't know. Let me know what you guys think! Comment, kudos, and share, share, share!! Much love. You guys makes me happy!

The crowd erupted into cheers, standing out of their seats as Dean Winchester pitched another strikeout. The opposing team’s hitter, clearly agitated, turned away from the plate and roughly undid the velcro strap of his glove.

“I can’t believe he’s doing this!” Sam exclaimed next to Castiel as the crowd started to sit back down. “I can’t believe he’s pitching a no hitter game! Castiel, this is like the _biggest_ thing to ever happen to a pitcher! This is _fucking insane!”_

“Don’t say fucking,” Castiel chastised, knowing Sam would eventually stumble upon the word again.

The Senior Night game was finally here and Lawrence High was in the lead. To be fair, it wasn’t like the other team had been given a chance to score. Dean had pitched strikeout after strikeout and offensively the team had collected a total of three home runs and four regular runs. The team had established a sure dominance in the beginning of the game and hadn’t let it up since.

“Let the kid curse, Blue Eyes!” Ash said from above the pair and tightly wrapped an arm around Sam’s neck. “It’s good for him! Gets out those frustrations!”

Sam laughed and pushed Ash’s arm from around his neck before turning his focus back to the game.

“It is pretty amazing,” Charlie grinned. “And I bet the undercover scouts are _loving_ it. This is probably going to open up so many more opportunities for him. I mean _major_ money scholarships!”

“My brother is going to be a _fucking star!”_

“Sam,” John said sternly in his direction and the boy ducked his head and lowered the baseball cap on top of it. “Watch your mouth.”

“Yes, sir,” he said back softly as Castiel chuckled. “Shut up.”

“I told you to stop, Sam,” he laughed.

“Cassie!” Gabriel called from the other end of the bleacher. “I’m going to get some food, want anything?”

“Get me a coke… And a pretzel.”

Gabriel nodded and stood up before clapping Michael on the shoulder and gesturing towards the stairs.

Castiel was shocked when Michael had agreed to come to the game, but he figured he was more forced into it than willing to attend. He had kept his distance for the week and when he _was_ around Castiel it wasn’t without someone else in the room. He had stumbled upon Dean and Castiel more times than any of them would have preferred, but didn’t make any remarks. His body language and facial expressions were enough to convey what he was feeling. Dean always kept his body stiff and his eyes trained on Michael when he was in the same room as them, as if expecting to fight him at any moment. Michael noticed and had returned the challenge with his own kind of body language. Complete apathy. Once he got over initial disgust of seeing Dean and Castiel together and met Dean’s eyes with a hard stare, he completely disregarded their presence. His eyes never met them again, his body was always angled away from them, and if they happened to be in the way of something he needed, he shouldered past them to reach it. Castiel was thankful for Dean’s resilience making the duo seem strong even when Castiel ducked his head when his brother entered a room or stepped out of Michael’s way when he needed something. He didn’t think he would ever be able to face Michael again in the semi-confident way he was able to before. Encountering the person who drove him to his breaking point only made him cower and turn away, too afraid to end up in that situation again.

As Michael stood up he glanced over at Castiel, no expression on his face, and eyed him before following his younger brother to the concession stand.

Castiel decided it was best to finally breathe again once Michael was out of eyesight.

“Hey, stop that,” Charlie said and pushed Castiel’s scratching hand off his wrist.

“Sorry,” he said. “Nervous tendency.”

“Since whe-”

The crowd erupted again and Castiel and Charlie turned their attention to the field to see Dean and the rest of the team jogging in.

“Seventh inning! Blowout game!” Sam hollered. “Go back to your ass licking-”

“Sam! Here. Now,” John called while snapping and pointing in the spot where he wanted Sam to be.

Castiel couldn’t help but smile as he looked from John to Sam.

“Ah, dammit,” Sam sighed under his breath as he went over to stand in front of his dad and get reprimanded. He was allowed back over afterwards but his mood had definitely changed.

“I bet you’ll listen to me a lot more now won’t you? My advice will be like gold.”

“Shut up,” Sam grumbled.

Gabriel came back with the snacks and drinks just as another player was struck out.

“I miss anything good?”

“We have two outs,” Castiel sighed. “Their pitcher seems to have developed skills. It’s annoying.”

“Well, who’s batting next?” he asked and squeezed in next to Sam.

“The one and only,” Jo smiled on the other side of Charlie.

Gabriel gasped and stood up. “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ON YOUR FEET!”

And the crowd didn’t even need to question why. Everyone rose up with screams and cheers and chants as Dean made his way over to the plate. He didn’t show any reaction to it though. He couldn’t. His mind had to be on the game and the game alone. When he was out there nothing else seemed to cross his mind and Castiel always found that to be impressive.

Dean swung the bat up behind his shoulder, adjusting himself into a good position.

“Novak your boyfriend better be getting some good sex tonight!” a senior shouted in Castiel’s direction and Gabriel let out a loud laugh while Ash grabbed Castiel by the shoulders and shook him playfully.

Did no one care that both his and Dean’s dads were only a couple of feet away?!

The first pitch was thrown and the crowed _oohed_ as Dean quickly jumped back, avoiding a pitch that most definitely would’ve hit him.

“Why didn’t he take it? He could’ve walked!” a girl not too far from Castiel asked her friend.

“Dean’s not one to take a walk. He wants to hit a run!”

Castiel smirked with pride.

The second pitch flew and the contact it made with the bat resulted in a foul ball.

“Come on, Dean,” Sam whispered. “Come on, you got this.”

Dean stepped back and swung a few times as the pitcher was thrown a new ball.

And then he did something Castiel had never seen before.

He looked into the crowd.

The second he did, everyone erupted into more cheers but Dean’s face stayed serious, his eyes scanning the hundreds of kids who had come out to see the team play.

“Ten bucks says he’s looking for you,” Gabriel grinned at Castiel who blushed. But sure enough, Dean’s eyes found Castiel’s and while the moment only lasted a second before Dean smiled and turned away, it seemed to be an eternity.

“Awww!” Castiel’s surrounding friends and family cooed - which triggered a majority of the crowd to join in - while he looked down and tried to fight a smile.

“You guys are so annoying,” he mumbled while adjusting the cap on his head.

Dean stepped back into position, the bat held perfectly behind him, as the pitcher took a deep breath in and slowly let it out.

Castiel saw Dean do the same thing.

The ball was thrown and the crack of contact rang throughout the stadium as the ball flew far and high.

Some eyes stayed trained on the ball while others brought their focus back to Dean. He was sprinting to first just as the ball flew past the gated fence enclosing the field.

 **“ _Home run, baby! Home run!”_ ** Sam screamed and pumped his fist as his brother made his way around the diamond.

When he reached the home plate, his team was there waiting for him to clap him on the back and affectionately pat his helmet.

Dean’s name was soon being chanted throughout the stands, although Sam and John’s voices seemed to be the loudest.

The team eventually made their way back to the dugout, their spirits still high as the next batter stepped up to the plate. The rest of the inning played out in their favor and the game was as good as theirs (obviously). When the final score had been met and the teams shook hands, all of Lawrence High was on their feet cheering their team off the field and back into the locker rooms.

“Dad! Dad!” Sam said as they walked over to the locker room and waited for Dean to come out. “How about when- Okay, Dean’s first hit, remember?” he said, looking up and walking backwards. “When he slammed it straight down the line?! How'd he get it so straight like that! And how- When he goes from pitching to batting how didn't that throw him off?! He's- That was so cool. Oh, _man,_ that was so cool!”

“Why don't you talk about me like that?” Gabriel asked and nudged Castiel.

“Because you're not cool, Gabriel. You're obnoxious.”

“Yeah, and you should get excited about that!”

Once the team was released and Dean had received all his praise from the surrounding students, he made his way over to his family. John and Sam occupied his attention for at least ten minutes. John kept rubbing his head affectionately and grabbing his arm when talking about a specific play. Sam was jumping all around his brother, his adorations spilling from his mouth as his body language begged for his older brother’s attention.

“So proud of you,” John revered for the hundredth time. “So damn proud of you, kid.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Dean grinned and moved on to greet his friends along with the other adults who had come out to see him.

Castiel was aware of Michael keeping his distance and even more aware of Michael keeping his eyes fixed on him. He seemed to be watching Castiel’s every move, every breath, and every nervous scratch at his wrist.

Castiel was desperate to get Michael’s eyes fixed on something else. His gaze was covering him. Suffocating him.

But then, Dean broke away from the small crowd and his eyes latched onto Castiel.

Castiel felt warmth wash over him and grinned as Dean made his way over and wrapped his arms tightly around Castiel’s waist, tugging him close against his body before laying his lips on his.

Castiel stumbled slightly but regained balance in time to respond heartily to Dean and his kiss.

He hoped Michael’s eyes were still on him then.

During this kiss, Castiel wasn't aware of anything but Dean, but upon pulling away he realized people were chanting and cheering for the couple.

“People are so weird,” Castiel chuckled and Dean shrugged.

“To be fair, our kiss is incredibly famous.”

“So it is,” Castiel grinned and kissed Dean again, this time very much aware of everyone's cheers.

“Give it a rest,” a voice snarled as a shoulder slammed into Castiel.

He broke away from Dean and turned around to face Raphael.

“Good God,” Castiel groaned and rolled his eyes.

“What did I tell you about shit like this?” Raphael snapped in Dean’s direction. “Want me to give you another shiner, Winchester? Because I have no problem with that.”

“You're the one that hit him?” Castiel questioned.

“Yeah, are you're not going to do shit about it, Novak,” he spat and shoved Castiel roughly. “Are you?” he asked and shoved him again. “You couldn't even if you tried. You'll probably go home tonight and cry about all this, won't you? Then slit that wrist of yours open again. Hopefully this time you go a bit deeper-”

Dean lunged forward and tackled Raphael to the ground.

“Hey! Hey!” John’s voice called just as Dean got a hand balled around Raphael’s jersey and his fist raised to optimum height. “Dean!” he shouted. “Get off of him!”

“But he-”

“ _Now._ ”

Dean roughly let go of Raphael and got to his feet before taking Castiel’s hand and walking back over to their small group, specifically over to his dad.

“He's such a dick!”

“That gives you the right to hit him?” John asked.

“He hit Dean first,” Sam exclaimed.

“Wasn't a big deal,” Dean stated. “He hits me, I get jostled. I hit him, he ends up on the ground.”

“All the more reason to _not_ do it,” John said. “Come on, let's get you home.” John lifted Dean’s bag onto his shoulders and started away, talking casually to Ellen.

Dean sighed heavily and looked down at his and Castiel’s hands. “You're okay?”

“Mmhm.” Castiel nodded and decided it best to leave out the fact that Raphael’s words were screaming in his head. Maybe he should cut himself again…. Lord knows it would distract from the mental abuse.

“Yeah?” Dean asked, hazel eyes wide as they stared into Castiel’s blue ones.

Castiel nodded again and Dean sighed.

“Okay,” he said before kissing him again.

That night, despite his exhaustion, Dean called Castiel and stayed on the phone with him until Castiel drifted to sleep.

Raphael’s words were drowned out and forgotten with Dean’s first, “Hey.”

•••

Castiel’s eyes slowly peeled open and he let out a soft sigh before turning his head towards the source of noise: the tv.

He groaned softly and stretched his body out and wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist.

“Morning,” Dean mumbled from underneath him, his head propped up on the armrest and his arm dangling lazily over the edge of the couch while the other moved up and down Castiel’s back.

“Is it really?” Castiel asked groggily.

“No, it's about ten at night but I thought morning sounded fun.”

Castiel sighed and snuggled closer against Dean, closing his eyes for a brief moment, listening to the soft pounding of Dean’s heart, before opening them and resting their gaze on Dean’s neck. He smiled upon seeing the various freckles scattered there and was soon enamoured by the bob of his Adam’s apple. Castiel’s hand moved up to gently run his fingers over Dean’s throat and around the opposite side of his neck before he leaned in and planted a soft kiss against it.

Dean’s hand continued to move on Castiel’s back although Castiel could've sworn it was moving lower now.

He kissed Dean’s neck again before moving his body up Dean’s in order to place his lips against his cheek. His hand remained on Dean’s neck while his lips peppered the left side of Dean’s face. Some kisses lingered a bit longer than others as Castiel placed them in different areas. He couldn't think of a reason for why he was doing it but, along with that, he couldn't think of a reason to stop.

“Ya know, the other half of my face is feeling a little unloved,” Dean said and Castiel felt the smile forming under his lips.

“You won't turn your head, Dean,” he replied easily and slid his mouth over Dean’s, kissing him slowly.

When Dean’s hand moved back up Castiel, it was under his shirt and Castiel tensed before relaxing into Dean’s touch. He couldn't remember the last time he had been this intimate with Dean. He had been reluctant to do much with him since Michael arrived and it had only gotten worse as time went on. But now, kissing Dean and feeling his hands running over his bare skin, Castiel realized how much he had missed this aspect of their relationship. Of course, they could be just as happy without it but there was nothing wrong with relishing in the feeling of your boyfriend’s tongue against your own.

Dean moaned lightly and Castiel slowly pulled away from the kiss.

“Don't stop now,” he said with a light laugh and small smile.

“I wanted to look at you,” Castiel said as Dean opened his eyes.

“Can you keep your eyes open and kiss me at the same time?”

Castiel squinted slightly and looked away in contemplation. “No, that'd be weird,” he said and looked back at Dean.

“Hm,” Dean sighed and shifted underneath Castiel. He moved his hands from under Castiel’s shirt and stretched his arms above his head, Castiel’s eyes on him as he did so.

Dean looked back at him and shook his head before looking down.

“What?” Castiel asked and Dean shrugged. “No, what?”

“Just thinking,” Dean said softly, raising his eyes again and reaching up to gently move a hand through Castiel’s hair before sighing and dropping it to the side of his face. “I don't want to leave you.”

“What?” Castiel asked, although this form of the previously asked question was filled with worry and dread rather than curiosity.

“College,” Dean said and Castiel breathed a silent sigh of relief. “I don't want to leave you,” he repeated and moved his thumb across Castiel’s cheek. “I'm going to miss you, Cas.”

“Come on,” Castiel said and leaned into Dean’s hand. “Yeah we have less than two weeks but it's not by much. And we have an entire summer together.”

“Summer doesn't last forever.”

“We’ll talk in college. FaceTime and stuff,” he mumbled.

“I don't want to FaceTime you,” he sighed. “I want to touch you and hold you and have you fall asleep on me everyday.”

“You're talking like we’ll never see each other again.”

“It kinda feels that way,” he said with a sad laugh.

“Dean, of course I'll see you. When my college baseball team kicks your college team’s ass, I'll be there.”

Dean laughed and Castiel felt himself warm up at the familiar sound.

“Will you be cheering for me?” Dean asked.

“Hmm,” Castiel hummed with a sigh. “I guess if I want you to give me that quickie afterwards I'll have to.”

Dean laughed again and dropped his hand from Castiel’s face.

“I guess there's after college, too,” Dean said. “But that's so far away,” he groaned.

“You think about after college?” Castiel asked and grinned when he saw Dean blush.

“I mean...don't you?”

“I prefer not to,” Castiel said.

“Oh… Well, yeah. I do.”

“What do you think about?” Castiel asked and Dean somehow blushed even more.

“Uh.” He cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably. “We-Well, I think about you and me. How we both might be off doing different things and we might need a break from each other but...but eventually we’d find our way back to one another,” he said. “Simple things like that, you know?” he said and looked down. “Something to help me sleep at night. Nothing weird like how we'd get married and eventually adopt kids or anything.”

“You think about that?” Castiel asked and Dean rolled his eyes.

“No! Maybe…. Shut up,” he grumbled and looked away.

“Do you have our entire lives planned out?”

“It's not so much of a _plan_ as it is a fantasy. But, if it comes true I would be ecstatic,” he said.

“You think about spending the rest of your life with me?” Castiel whispered and Dean, still looking away, nodded.

“I...I want to be with you until my last breath, Castiel.”

Castiel’s breath caught in his throat and he looked away from Dean, trying to reign in his emotions. He felt his hand wrap around Dean’s shirt and a small smile grew into a larger one.

“I want your fantasy to come true,” he whispered before looking up and meeting Dean’s eyes.

He had thought about the two of them. He had thought about a life beyond high school, even beyond _college_. Castiel couldn't describe the joy he was feeling. He couldn't wrap his head around the fact that yes, _yes_ Dean wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. The rest of his life with this broken and unpredictable -in all the worst ways- version of Castiel. Because he loved Castiel. He loved him for his flaws and his perfections. For his good days just as much as his bad ones. He loved him. Unconditionally.

Dean reached up to caress the side of Castiel’s face again before leaning forward and gently pressing his lips against his.

“I love you,” he whispered against them and kissed him once more.

“Mm,” Castiel hummed back and smiled.

“Here's the part where you say you love me too,” Dean said and Castiel nodded.

“Yeah, I know,” he responded but didn't utter the words. “But I can't.”

Dean pulled back and looked into Castiel’s eyes, his own full of worry.

“Why?”

“Because I don't.”

“Wha-”

“No,” Castiel said quickly and shook his head. “No, I mean…. I can't say I love you because it's not enough. It's not enough to convey what you mean to me.”

Dean, now relieved and comforted by Castiel’s answer, laughed and shrugged with a smile.

"What's more than love?"

"Whatever the hell it is I'm feeling for you."  
  


Dean’s smile slowly fell and a look of awe and adoration completely took over his features.

Castiel could've sworn he saw tears forming in Dean’s eyes but didn't point them out. He kept his eyes on Dean fascinated by the many emotions that were washing over his face. He didn't think much of what he said but they had obviously hit some precious spot in Dean’s heart.

It was so like them though. Where Castiel gave himself little to no credit for his creations, for his words, Dean found the beauty.

But Dean would make him see it.

He always did.

•••

Castiel never stressed about APs. He had been taking the tests for four years now and was used to the format and time. Still, that didn’t stop him from studying. When he wasn’t reviewing for math or chemistry, he was studying English with Dean.

Well, _Castiel_ was studying. Dean more so sat off to the side with an open notebook in front of him and his phone in his hands. He didn’t bother Castiel, knowing how he wasn’t fond of his concentration being broken, but kept himself entertained while his boyfriend worked on multiple choice packets and wrote out possible essays.

Unfortunately, while Castiel wanted to be occupied with his tests and his tests alone that week, he couldn’t.

Raphael had taken his blatant intolerance for Dean to another level and had dedicated the past week to verbally and physically showing just what he thought of Dean.

Castiel was in testing three out of the five days but whenever he was released, there was a new story to hear. He’d find Dean within a matter of minutes and demand the full and completely honest narrative. Dean, at first, was reluctant but eventually gave into Castiel and would give the stories verbatim and even pointed out injuries he had received. None of them too serious but enough to make Castiel livid.

On top of that, whenever Castiel delivered the news to his family, Michael always seemed to be holding back a grin. Castiel swore he once heard him say, “He deserves worse.”

“Castiel, it's honestly nothing I can't handle. Whatever he does to me I do back double to him,” Dean grinned. “And we’re almost out of here. I'm never going to see him again! And I feel I kinda deserve all this after all those times I didn't do anything to help you. This is my repentance.”

“This is you being stupid,” Castiel said as they walked out the doors of their high school on Friday. “You need to tell someone.”

“If I remember correctly, you _never_ told anyone. And you didn't even fight back.”

“Yeah, but-”

“Babe, I’m fine,” he smiled and stopped walking to hold his arms out at his sides. “Can you stop worrying?”

“You know I can’t.”

“Then try to mask it,” he said. “We gotta go. You have studying to do.”

•••

Castiel rapidly hit his pen against the desk, head in his hand as he stared down at his third essay prompt of the day. He had spent all of his Saturday morning studying and it had slowly faded into night. His dad had to repeatedly remind him to get something to eat or go to the bathroom but it was nothing they weren’t already used to.

Castiel sighed heavily and stopped tapping his pen before pushing the prompt away and spinning around in his chair to face his bed.

Dean was laying on it, his feet towards the headboard and his head resting on the end of the bed. His phone was raised above his face as he typed out a message before leaving that screen and clicking on one of his gaming apps.

Castiel got out of his chair and walked over to him before kneeling by Dean’s head and looking down at his face.

“What happened to studying?” he asked, his eyes still on the small screen.

“I wanna go out,” Castiel mumbled and leaned closer.

“That so?”

“Mmhm,” Castiel sighed and kissed him. “We can go to the dock,” he said and gently kissed him again. “Stay out all night… Wait for the sunrise.” He ran the back of his hand over Dean’s cheek before moving his mouth back over his.

Dean put his phone down then and reached up to run his fingers through Castiel’s hair.

“It’s weird kissing you upside down,” Dean chuckled and kissed Castiel again.

“It’s like Spider-Man,” Castiel responded. “Geek by day, hero by night.”

Dean snorted. “Alright, Parker, let’s get you out of the house.”

“Not likely.”

Dean and Castiel looked over to see Michael scowling in the doorway of Castiel’s room.

“Castiel needs to study.”  
  


“He’s been studying all day,” Dean said, already sitting up and swinging his legs over the edge to pull his boots on. “I’m taking him out.”

“You’re not going anywhere with him,” he snapped. “I will not let-”

“Don’t care,” Dean said with a shrug and unconcerned frown. “Come on, Cas.”

“Don’t. You. Move.” Michael pointed at Castiel who had started to rise. “What makes you think you can just take my brother out of the house and go off God knows where with him?”

“If you want to know where we’re going, it’s the dock not too far-”

“Oh, shut up,” Michael spat. “Castiel, sit down and study. You’re not going anywhere with this fag-”

“Michael!” Chuck’s voice rang down the hall and Castiel felt himself smile and look over at Dean.

Chuck appeared next to his son only moments later and pulled him away with the words, “I think it’s time you go back to the hotel.”

Michael grumbled a response that Castiel didn’t hear but he couldn’t mistaken the sound of his retreating footsteps.

Chuck appeared again and let out a sigh. “I’m sorry, Dean.”

“No trouble,” Dean smiled and took Castiel’s hand. “We’re going to go out per Castiel’s request. We’ll be at the dock not too far from here.”

“That sounds fine,” Chuck nodded and smiled at the pair. “Be careful though. It’s late.”

“We always are,” Dean smiled.

•••

He wasn’t expecting it. How _could_ he expect something like this? If he had been suspicious of or waiting for something like this to happen he would’ve made sure they never left the house.

Castiel Novak was not expecting to be on his knees, pressing his shirt against the rapidly bleeding out abdomen of his boyfriend. But yet, there he was. Hands shaking, tears running, and voice cracking.

“I-I’m go-going to get you to-to a hospital,” he stuttered as Dean took in ragged and shallow breaths. “Dean-”  
  


“I’m going to die.”

“You’re not going to die, I just need to get you-”

“I’m going to die!” Dean screamed and Castiel shut his eyes tightly before looking up at the still open door of the Impala.

It all seemed to happen so quickly.

Dean and Castiel had arrived at the dock safely and once they were parked, continued the conversation they were having about Michael before slowly slipping into better, happier topics. They talked for hours jumping back and forth between any and all discussions before talking turned into touching and their mouths no longer spilled words but instead kisses against one another's.

They had their arms wrapped around each other in matter of seconds. Dean had made quick work of Castiel’s shirt, throwing it to the floor before he shrugged his jacket off and pressed Castiel further into the seat. Dean’s shirt joined Castiel’s shortly after and they had slowed down right after that, savoring in the feel of one another’s bare skin and running their hands over wherever there was direct contact. Dean’s mouth had left Castiel’s in order to suck and bite at the skin on his neck, collarbone, and even trailing down his torso. Castiel had pulled on Dean’s arm before he could get too far, however and lifted his head up in order to meet Dean halfway and pull him down against his body. He shivered at the feeling of Dean pressed against him, something he swore he’d never get used to, and moaned at the sensation of Dean rutting against his crotch. Dean, after spending minutes moving his tongue against Castiel’s and tugging on his bottom lip with intense desire, started to move back down Castiel’s body and Castiel was in no rush to stop him.

Until he heard it.

He had grabbed Dean’s arm and sat up, claiming to have heard a noise coming from outside the car.

“Just a raccoon or some shit,” Dean had responded, his voice heavy with ecstasy.

Castiel wished it was something as simple as that.

Dean had gotten out the car after Castiel complained several times about the noise.

Castiel had told him to get back in. Had begged him.

‘You should’ve done more,’ his head screamed at him now. ‘You shouldn’t have gotten out!’

Because it wasn’t _until_ Castiel left the car that everything had gone to hell.

Castiel was on his back in seconds, the familiar feeling of a fist making contact with his face making a reappearance.

Dean had fought whoever it was off of him and Castiel made to help but it was dark and he was dizzy and he couldn’t quite tell who was who. Still, he pushed himself to his feet and lunged into the brawl. It was soon easy to get through his head that flesh was Dean and fabric was their enemy, but the dark of night still made the task of fighting the person more than difficult.

It was when Castiel had been knocked down again and screamed from his wrist being broken under a foot that he saw it. It caught the light of the moon and glared at Castiel before diving into his skin. He screamed as the blade cut into his stomach time and time again. He tried to fight, but not much was being accomplished with a broken wrist and his left hand being constantly deflected. He had screamed for Dean and soon got his salvation.

‘You should have fought on your own!’ his head screamed now as the sharp, double shots of a gun sounded as a memory.

Castiel screamed again but this time was met with the thud of a body and the quickly moving feet of the attacker running away.

Castiel had, despite the pain that accompanied it, crawled over to Dean and grabbed his shoulder.

“Dean-”

“He-He sh-shot me,” he gasped and coughed. “He sh-sh-shot me.”

And here the two of them were.

Injured. Alone. And quickly bleeding out.

“Dean,” Castiel said, feeling dizzy. “You… Come on.”

Castiel stood up, swaying slightly before looping his arms under Dean’s. His wrist screamed in protest as did Dean but he ignored them both as he dragged him over to the Impala and hoisted him up onto the seat.

Castiel felt more blood spill from his body and took a deep breath, hoping it would calm his heart rate.

“He shot me.”

Castiel moved Dean into a sitting position before getting behind the wheel and slamming the door shut.

“You’ll be….” His vision blurred and his head bowed forward before snapping back into an upright position. “Hospital,” he said and turned the key in the ignition. “Keep pressing the shirt against your…. Keep it there!” he snapped as Dean’s hand started to fall away. He put the car into drive and took off onto the road.

“Cas,” Dean whined, his head resting heavily on Castiel’s shoulder as he look down at his wound. “I’m bleeding a lot,” he cried.

“I know! I know, just-”

“He hurt you,” Dean said. “I’m going to kill him. I’m going to _kill_ him!”

“Stop. Calm down. Breathe. You’ll lose more blood if you get worked up like that,” Castiel hissed, but could feel his own heart pumping wildly out of control. And keep that damn shirt pressed against it!” he yelled and Dean moaned. “Dean?…. DEAN!”

“Cas-”

“Talk to me, alright? Talk to me.”

“Cas,” he said again. “Can...Can I hold your hand?”

Castiel looked down at the hand in question, resting between the two of them. His wrist popped out at an awkward angle and just the thought of Dean touching it made him want to cry out in pain.

“Yeah,” he answered and bit his lip as Dean laced his fingers through his. Castiel tasted blood in his mouth. “Talk to me,” he croaked out and Dean groaned. “Tell me about Sam.”

“Sammy?”

“Ye-Yeah,” Castiel nodded as his vision blurred some more and- _shit!_ Was that a red light?

The sirens that blared behind them shortly after answered that question.

“Oh, Sam,” Dean cried and turned his face into Castiel’s shoulder. “I’m going to leave Sam!”

“No, you’re not! You’re not going to leave anybody, you’re going to live!”

Castiel glanced down at Dean’s side and cringed at his already blood soaked shirt.

He shouldn't have been bleeding out so quickly. Not from his abdomen. Was Castiel’s wound doing the same? Would he die while driving? Would they both die? How far away was the hospital?

The sirens cut through Castiel’s train of thought and he tightly squeezed his eyes shut for a second before opening them again and looking back at Dean.

He wasn't moving.

“Dean,” Castiel mumbled and shrugged his shoulder a bit. “Dean!”

“I can't feel my legs,” he whispered.

Castiel looked back to the road and cursed his eyes for choosing now to water. As if it wasn't hard enough to see before.

“Castiel,” Dean murmured. “Cas-”

“What?” he asked, not unkindly, but with overwhelming concern.

“I love you.”

“Shut up.”

Dean laughed and that brought some relief to Castiel. “Tell me you love me.”

“I'll tell you that and more once you pull through this, you understand me? You fight and I fight and I'll tell you I love you every second of every day.”

“Tell me you more than love me,” Dean said, voice cracking and Castiel realized his breathing was getting more labored.

“Stay alive.”

In minutes, Castiel was swinging the car around the front of the emergency room entrance. He shifted the car into park a threw the door open. The flash of blue and red light flooded his vision but he didn't care. He had to get Dean out.

“Sheriff Jody Mi- Oh my _God!”_ she cried once Castiel stepped out and reached in to get his hands around Dean.

“Come on,” he whispered as he pulled Dean closer against him. “Come on, Dean.”

His body was limp and his eyes closed as Castiel dragged him out. Castiel felt a sudden wave of nausea once Dean’s body was completely out, and collapsed onto the ground.

“We need two gurneys!” the sheriff shouted. “NOW!”

“I’ve got you,” Castiel whispered into Dean’s ear while he pressed his hand against the wound. “You're here, they're going to take care of you, okay? You'll be okay. I'll be right there with you.”

Dean body emitted a small sigh and Castiel could've sworn he heard his name on his lips.

Doctors and nurses were around them in the next few seconds, lifting Dean’s body out of Castiel’s arms and onto a gurney as hands pulled Castiel to his feet.

“We need to get him to surgery. Immediately.”

Castiel started forward towards Dean, but strong hands pushed him back.

“No. No, I need to go with him,” he said and pushed at the nurses. “I need to be with him!”

“Sir, we’ve gotta get you some stitches and-”

“No, you don't understand!” he yelled as Dean was being rolled away. “ _DEAN!”_ he roared as he was pushed onto a gurney. “Let me go. I need- Dean!”

“Get me a compress!” one nurse snapped. “He's bleeding all over the damn place.”

Castiel became suddenly very aware of his state and looked down at his stomach. He pressed a hand against his body, feeling the shredded skin there, and almost immediately after, the world turned black.

•••

Castiel lurched awake at the sound of screaming in his head and was met with the comforting hands and words of his Dad.

“Hey, hey calm down, you're okay,” he said, taking in Castiel’s dazed and worried behavior. “You're in the hospital.”

Castiel’s eyes, after wandering around the room nervously, finally landed on his dad.

“Dean-”

“What happened?” Gabriel asked, looming over both his dad and Castiel. “Do you remember-”

“Dean,” Castiel said again as Chuck tried to push him back against the pillows.

“Your stitches are still pretty sensitive right now, Cassie. You should just lie down.”

“Where's Dean? Is he-”

“Is Michael still outside?” Chuck asked and Gabriel nodded.

“He's talking to some of the doctors and that sheriff-”

“ _HEY!”_ Castiel shouted and Chuck and Gabriel turned to look at him. “Where. Is. Dean.”

The duo standing in front of Castiel exchanged quick looks and Chuck took Castiel’s hand in his own.

“Cassie, listen-”

If he was asked later he would say he didn't know. He didn't know what came over him and prompted him to rip the IV needle out his arm or what strength encompassed him to break past both his dad and Gabriel as well as the nurses outside, Michael, _and_ a sheriff. He wouldn't be able to say how he kept his speed and sense of direction while his head was screaming in panic. He wouldn't be able to say how his legs didn't give out on him or how fast he was running. He didn't know how he didn't notice the stitchings coming undone.

He couldn't tell you what he was thinking when Gabriel caught up to him just outside the surgical ward and at the feeling of his hand wrapping around Castiel’s wrist he had spun around to punch him.

“ _Shit!”_ Gabriel yelled and reached up to touch his lip, hand still wrapped around Castiel’s cast.

“Let me go! LET ME GO!”

“Castiel, you can't go in there right now. Okay? You can't go in there,” he said and Castiel yanked his hand away before backing into a wall and sliding down it.

“I need to see him. I need to tell him something.”

Gabriel sighed and moved over to Castiel before kneeling in front of him.

“You need to listen to me, Castiel, okay? I need you to understand something before you go in there-”

“No, shut up,” he sobbed. “Don't say anything. Don't say a _damn_ thing!” he screamed, his hands pulling at his hair.

“Cassie-”

“GABRIEL, SHUT UP!”

“Oh, this is ridiculous!” Michael snapped from above Gabriel. “Let me talk to him,” he said and put a hand on Gabriel’s shoulder. “You can't handle-”

Gabriel spun around while rising up and shoved Michael roughly in the chest. “Shut up! Shut! Up! The last person he needs right now is you! Fuck off!” he screamed and Castiel could feel himself shaking once Gabriel was back on his level. “Castiel, I need you to come with me back to your room.”

“No.”

“You're bleeding again,” he said frantically and looked down at Castiel’s side. “Cassie, you already lost enough blood, please-”

“No.”

“You…You can come back lat-”

“NO, I’M NOT LEAVING HIM, I’M NOT LEAVING UNTIL I SEE HIM! I NEED TO SEE HIM!” Castiel roared at his brother while his hands tightened around his hair and tears threatened to spill over his eyes.

“Okay,” Gabriel whispered. “But Castiel, I need you to know that-”

“Stop! Stop, stop!”

Gabriel eyes darted back down to Castiel's wound and he groaned before moving to sit beside Castiel.

And there they waited.

And waited.

Castiel’s eyes were fixed on the ground and he felt himself slowly slipping into unconsciousness when he heard his name.

“Dad, wait…wait it's Castiel.”

Castiel looked up at the sound of Sam’s voice.

Weak. Broken.

He locked eyes with the younger boy before looking at Sam’s dad who seemed to be carrying the weight of the world upon his shoulders.

He was defeated and torn apart, that much Castiel could see. He could only imagine what was lying underneath the facade that had to resemble some sort of strength for Sam’s sake.

Castiel saw Sam take a step forward and a few more over to him before kneeling. He looked Castiel in the eyes before glancing at the crimson stained area of his hospital gown. The look that passed over his face was one of pain and exhaustion. His eyes went back to Castiel’s and Castiel was finally able to study his face. Red and blotchy. Eyes still watery and his face in what seemed to be a permanent frown.

“Do you want to see him?” he asked with a cracked voice.

Castiel nodded and Sam reached out a hand that he accepted before being pulled to his feet. Gabriel got up beside him and followed the duo over to the door and inside once Sam pulled it open.

“Wait,” his voice, even though it was so small, echoed.

The nurses who were standing beside the steel surgical table looked up and Sam swallowed.

“Wait,” he said again, his voice even softer. “He needs to see him. Just for a few minutes. Please.”

“He's bleeding,” one nurse mumbled but the other held up a hand.

“He seems like he can hold himself up. Let’s just get out of his way.”

They stepped aside and Castiel finally saw Dean.

Sam looked up at him and dropped his hand.

“You can go,” he whispered before crossing his arms and looking down.

Castiel stared at Dean but found himself unable to move.

“Cassie?” Gabriel’s voice sounded. “Bud, if you can't-”

“I need to tell him something,” he snapped back at Gabriel but still didn't move.

It was a few seconds more before Castiel was able to put one foot in front of the other and make his way over to Dean.

Upon approaching, Castiel felt his breathing become ragged, uneasy. His hands felt clammy and his throat burned as the first few tears spilled over onto his cheeks.

Pale.

That was the first thing he noticed and when he placed a hand on Dean’s torso, he realized it was more of stark contrast than he previously thought.

He took a deep breath in but pushed a short one out.

His jaw clenched. Cold.

He was cold. He couldn't remember a time where he touched Dean and felt a temperature so frigid.

He spread his fingers and slowly moved a hand up his torso but stopped and lifted it before it could get over his heart. Instead, his hand cupped Dean’s cheek and his thumb moved across it.

His body started to shake with sobs and he felt himself drop his hand to Dean’s shoulder and grip it there tightly.

He had never felt something as intense as this. He had never felt so fearful, so pained, and so cheated all at once. He had never experienced a feeling that seemed to suck the very life out of him.

He had never felt something so powerful that it sent him to his knees in shock and confusion and loss. He was out of breath, gasping for air he couldn't get. His hand was wrapped tightly around Dean’s. He couldn't let go. He wouldn't _dare_ let go.

Gabriel was by his side in a second and it wasn't until he felt the touch of his brother, the touch of something pulling him back to such an unforgivable reality, that Castiel screamed.

He screamed in agony.

In disbelief.

In heartbreak.

He screamed over his brother’s comforting words and to the point where he thought he would never be able to speak again. He couldn't make out anything he was saying. He was begging and apologizing and bargaining but the words that partnered with those emotions were incoherent.

“We-We have to move him. I'm sorry, we-”

“Cassie, come on,” Gabriel said, one hand on Castiel’s arm and the other against his chest, pulling and pushing him away from Dean.

Castiel only continued to shout and fought fervently against his older brother. He felt his hand slipping away from Dean’s and shook his head.

He couldn't lose again. He couldn't lose another fight for Dean.

The feeling of Dean’s fingers slipping out of Castiel’s hand was enough to take his breath and make him sick, but the sight of Dean’s hand falling limply to his side made Castiel collapse back against his brother.

That one action reached deep into Castiel and ripped _everything_ out of him.

He looked away from Dean and buried his face in Gabriel’s neck.

Gabriel wrapped an arm around Castiel’s chest as he leaned against the wall of the room.

Castiel tried to block out the sounds of the nurses preparing Dean’s body to be moved but it was to no avail and soon he found himself shaking uncontrollably in his brother’s arms, his tears making Gabriel’s neck damp.

He didn't know when Sam left or when Chuck came in to get him.

He didn't know how he got back to his hospital room or which doctor worked on his stitching.

He didn't know what Michael and Gabriel were arguing about or why his dad kept saying his name while stroking his hair.

He didn't know why that night happened.

All he knew was that he was lying in a bed, staring out a window, and looking at the city below him shrouded in its ignorant bliss.

His eyes flickered from the buildings to the sky and his breath came in quick and stuttered.

The sun was coming up. 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I am so sorry this took forever  
> 2) I am so sorry about all the errors that are probably in here, I will edit them later  
> 3) Hopefully this chapter being super long will make up for one and two (???)
> 
> Please Pray for Orlando <3

Getting Castiel out of bed the next day was impossible. Bottom line.

After his blood had been replenished the night before at the hospital his family had lead him through the halls of the hospital and sat him down in the lobby while Chuck went to get the car.

Gabriel sat with him and Michael leaned against the wall on the other side of Castiel.

They didn't say anything. There was nothing that could be said to make this moment any better.

When Chuck had pulled up the car and called Gabriel to let them all know, Castiel had gripped the wooden armrests of the chair he was sitting in and ignored any attempts his brothers made to get him moving.

How could he leave? Dean was here. Dean was inside these four walls.

It was fair to say that Castiel, much to Gabriel’s upset, had to be dragged out of the hospital and forced into the car.

He cried the entire way home and shoved Gabriel’s hands away whenever he tried to comfort him.

And now he was lying in his bed, his face half buried in his pillow, as he stared at his bedroom door and tears fell from his eyes, going over his nose or directly into the pillow.

Gabriel was sitting at his desk.

Castiel wished he would just leave. He wasn't saying anything or being a disturbance, but Castiel wanted to be left alone.

“He's not going to eat, you know he's not,” Gabriel said hours later outside of Castiel’s room. “There's no use bringing that in here. He hasn't moved, he hasn't talked, he's _not_ going to eat.”

And he was right.

Castiel spent that Sunday lying in bed doing absolutely nothing but wondering _why?_

Why did it have to be him? Why did it have to be Dean? Why didn't he listen to Michael and stay inside? Why didn't he fight harder? Drive faster? _Why?_

Monday came with Castiel being shaken awake.

“Get up. School,” Michael’s voice said and Castiel looked up at him groggily. He had only finally gone to sleep an hour before.

Castiel didn't say anything but pushed the covers off of himself and sat up.

“Wh- Castiel, what are you doing?” Gabriel asked as he walked in. “Michael, get out! Castiel, go back to bed you’re not going to school today.”

“Gabriel, he has APs this week. He's go-”

“Who cares about the damn tests?!”

“Well, if he doesn't _take_ them he doesn't get _credit_ for them.”

“He doesn't even have one to-”

“I'm sure they'll be reviewing. Castiel needs to be there for the review…. Don't you?” he asked and Castiel nodded. “Gabriel, I know what I'm doing. Castiel knows I know what I'm doing. In fact, had he listened to me before, his boyfriend would still be alive, wouldn't he?”

Gabriel grabbed Michael’s arm and pulled him out into the hallway.

Castiel sat upright in his bed, a new set of tears falling down his face as Gabriel hissed at his older brother only a few feet away.

“So what if he's gone? No one can change that! The one thing Castiel can control is whether or not he passes those tests and honestly, that's all anyone should give a damn about.”

“You're not getting it,” Gabriel snapped. “You don't understand what this is going to do to him! Someone he deeply cared about, someone he loved, died this weekend! Someone who loved him and kept him alive is _gone_. You push him any more than you already are and you will _kill_ him!”

Castiel closed his eyes tightly before getting out of bed and starting to get dressed.

If going to school would somehow push him closer to his death (and he had no doubt that it would) then what was so bad about enduring the last few days?

“Gabriel,” he said softly but somehow it was picked up by his older brother who came rushing into his room. “It's fine. I can do this.”

“Cassie, no. You don't need to listen to him. You don't need to let whatever he’s saying mess with your mind, you don't!”

“But he's right,” Castiel’s whined and his voice broke. “Gabriel, he's right.”

“No, no,” he whispered while shaking his head. “No, Castiel, he's just putting that crap into your head so you'll do what he wants. You need to stay home. Castiel, you're not ready to do this you need to stay home and let me take care of you, okay?”

“Why? So-So I can lay in bed an-and think about it? Replay it over and over in my head until it drives me insane? Until I start hearing those damn gunshots one after the other on repeat until I start to think maybe they wouldn't have sounded so bad if they were splitting _my_ artery instead of his?”

Gabriel shook his head and gripped Castiel’s shoulders. “We’ll go out. We’ll do something, okay-”

“No,” Castiel mumbled. “No, I need- Gabriel-”

“He wants to go,” Michael said and Castiel looked over at his brother standing confidently, his hands in his pockets and the slightest smirk on his face. “Let him go.”

Gabriel’s grip on Castiel tightened and he looked over at Michael.

“I take him.”

“Fine by me,” he sighed. “Just make sure he gets there.”

•••

“I said I'll be fine!” Castiel snapped at his brother as he pushed the car door open and got out. “Just shut up about it!”

The whole ride over Gabriel wouldn't let up about how he thought Castiel would be better at home. He had talked about Dean and the night at the hospital and the day Castiel spent in bed. He mentioned how Castiel still hadn't eaten a damn thing and how he just _wasn't ready_ to go back to normal.

“I'm trying to help you!” Gabriel cried back. “Castiel, face it, without Dean-”

Castiel slammed the door shut and started towards his school.

_Without Dean._

That was the rest of his _life._

School _without Dean._ Car rides _without Dean._ Conversations _without Dean._

A future.

 _Without_.

_Dean._

Castiel gripped the railing of the stairs and doubled over, his other hand pressing against his chest.

_Gone._

Dean was gone.

“Hey, man…. You okay?”

The voice was familiar, but the tone it was speaking in wasn't. Castiel shook his head and that person placed a hand on Castiel’s back and helped him into a standing position.

“Something hurt?”

‘ _Everything hurts!’_ Castiel wanted to scream but shook his head. He could feel himself crying.

“I can get you inside. Maybe to the nurse if you want.”

Castiel shook his head again.

“Man…. Listen, I know I was an ass to you after middle school but you need help right now! You don't look good!”

“Uriel,” Castiel mumbled as Uriel started to pull him forward. “Uriel,” he said again and sniffled.

“Yeah, I know you don't want my help-”

“No. It's not that,” he groaned as they passed through the front doors. “It's-”

“Castiel!”

And that voice he would recognize in any tone. He looked up to see Charlie rushing towards him, her eyes filled with pain and just the smallest amount of pity. Her arms were already outstretched towards him.

He felt a large sob leave his body and he lost the small amount of strength he had in him, collapsing onto her just as she got her arms around him.

“Oh, God,” she whispered. “I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Castiel. I'm so sorry.”

Castiel gripped her tightly and felt Uriel trying to hold him up, keeping much of his weight off of the redhead.

“Should I get a nurse?”

He felt Charlie shake her head and hold him a little tighter.

“No,” she said, her voice thick with tears. “No, there's no point. She can't fix this.”

•••

They spent that lunch on the patio. They were mostly alone, a few students scattered here and there but none close enough to hear conversation. Although, that didn't stop them from staring.

The whole school was aware of Dean’s death now. That morning their principal had made an announcement over the PA system. Castiel had been in homeroom and while he sat there crying someone had wrapped their arms around him. He didn't know who, he didn't stop crying in time to find out, but their hold was comforting and didn't leave him until the bell for first period rang.

“What are the police saying?” Charlie asked and Castiel shrugged.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, when stuff like this happens there's usually a police report and then a media report and they usually label this stuff as...something.”

“It was a fucking murder. What other label do you want?”

Charlie sighed and Castiel closed his eyes.

She was trying to help. He shouldn't have snapped.

“I meant,” she started softly, “who are they labeling as _murderer_. What was the motive? Psychopathic killer, criminal record…hate crime.”

“Hate crime?” Castiel asked.

“Well,” she said and took a deep breath, “Castiel, you and Dean weren't _everyone's_ favorite.”

“So-So they _kill_ him because of that?”

“It's a possibility.”

Castiel took a moment to let that statement sink in before shaking his head.

“The- No. No label um...there was one officer- a sheriff- and she only saw- she was there when I was getting- when I had to-” he swallowed. His arms felt heavy, as if Dean’s body was weighing on them once again. He tightly shut his eyes and saw the flashing red and blue lights of the sheriff’s car and heard the small whisper of his name leaving Dean’s lips.

“Castiel?” Charlie asked softly. “Hey.” She reached out and grabbed his arm, causing him to jump and look over at her before wiping his eyes.

“No,” he said shortly. “No, they haven’t labeled it or-or thought of any suspects. The sheriff...she talked to me for a while I think. Once I had see-seen him she…. But I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t say anything, Charlie. I couldn’t _speak._ So I said nothing. They don’t know where it happened, they don't know any possible suspects. All they know is that their sheriff reported a bloody boy dragging another bloody boy to his death because the first bloody boy couldn’t call a fucking _ambulance!_ I should’ve called the ambulance,” he gasped and put his head into his hands. “Oh, _God_ why didn’t I call the fucking ambulance?!”  
  
“Castiel, you were scared. You were acting in the moment and just trying to get him somewhere safe-”  
  
“I was trying to be a damn hero! I was trying to prove something!”

“Castiel-”

He dropped his head onto the table, his arms coming up to cover the top of it, and let out a scream. “I was trying to be a hero and he was _dying!_ ”

Charlie spent the rest of their lunch period with her arms around Castiel and her head bowed down close to his, whispering comforting words, as she worked to get him to calm down again. Castiel couldn’t do much more than scream agonizing words in response. When the bell rang they didn’t move. Castiel couldn’t bring himself to get out of his seat.

Charlie wasn't worried about her class so she stayed with him until he was finally able to catch his breath again and push himself into a standing position. She helped him with his bag and linked her fingers through his.

“You're okay,” she said to him and reached up with her free hand to wipe his tears off his face. “Last period of the day, you can do this.”

“No,” he whispered. “I can't. I killed him. I _killed_ him.”

“You did _not_. And he wouldn't want you believing that, you know he wouldn't.”

“He didn't want me to believe I was worthless but that didn't make it not true!”

“Hey!” Charlie snapped when Castiel attempted to walk away from her. He turned back around, fresh tears streaming down his face. “You are not worthless! Castiel, you are not worthless, don't you dare say that. Don't you dare _think_ that.”

Castiel shook his head. “Then what am I, Charlie? Because without him I'm _nothing._ I mean absolutely nothing to anyone but him!”

Charlie raised her eyebrows and dropped Castiel’s hand.

“Is that what you think?” she whispered, pain and anger pulled across her face.

Castiel looked away from her again and down at his shoes. “Yes.”

Charlie let out a short laugh and crossed her arms. “You think you mean nothing to me? You, my best friend, mean nothing? You think you mean nothing to Gabriel? To Ash, to-” She shook her head and laughed again. “You think you mean nothing to Sam?”

Castiel snapped his head up at the mention of Sam and clenched his jaw. “Sam…”

“You probably mean more than the world to him right now.”

“Wh-Why me?”

“Because you had a close, personal connection to Dean. One that probably shares some attributes Sam can relate to. And, if not that, well...you're kind of like his second brother-”

“No,” Castiel cut off. “No, I could never be Dean to him. I could _never_ be for him what Dean was.”

“And no one is asking you to be,” she said. “I'm only saying that the time is going to come where Sam hits a wall. And he's not going to be looking for his dad or Jess…. He's going to be looking for you.”

“And...And what do I do when he finds me and I can't help?” he whispered and Charlie sighed before stepping forward and gently placing a hand on his neck and pulling his forehead down to meet hers.

“You'll be okay,” she said and he slowly let out a shaky breath.

“I want him here.”

She pulled her fingers through his hair and sighed.

“I need him here.”

“If I could bring him back-”

“Yeah,” Castiel said and pulled away. “A lot of people would _if_ they could.”

Charlie frowned at him and he wiped his face again.

“We’re late,” Castiel mumbled. “Let's go.”

•••

Ellen was more than surprised to see Castiel walking into her class that day.

“Sorry I'm late,” he sighed but Ellen didn't seem to have a response other than rapidly blinking away her tears and gesturing to his seat.

“Last minute questions,” she said once he sat down. “For the-the test on Wednesday. No sense in making you work any more prompts or…. If you- Questions? Do you- Class, I'm going to….” She placed a hand against her mouth and quickly left the classroom.

Castiel sighed and looked down.

“Hey.”

He looked up at the person in front of him and raised his eyebrows.

“Um, I'm sorry.”

Castiel swallowed and nodded before looking back down.

“Can...Can I sign your cast?”

Castiel looked over at his cast and nodded again before holding out his wrist.

The kid in front of him, Aaron Bass, reached into his bag and pulled out a sharpie.

“You know,” he started as he was signing. “One day this year, you were out visiting a school or something, he sat in your spot and just about chewed my ear off talking about you. I missed the entire lesson.”

Castiel looked up at Aaron and offered him a small smile.

“Were you with him?”

“What?”

“When it happened were you with him?”

“Uh,” Castiel cleared his throat. “Yes. But I'd rather not talk-”

“Oh! Yeah, sorry. I'm sorry that was stupid.” Aaron said and capped the pen. “Just…I'm sorry. And-And from what I could tell he loved you a lot.”

Castiel looked away and nodded once more, becoming ever more aware of the emptiness behind him.

“Thank you.”

“Yeah,” Aaron mumbled and looked around the room. “Hey!” he said and raised the sharpie. “Who wants to sign Castiel’s wrist?”

It didn't take long for Castiel’s cast to be covered in ink. Black, silver, and gold signatures were piling up on his arm and the conversation that flowed around him proved (at times) to be an easy distraction from a certain absence in the room.

“I hope no one else wants to sign,” Ruby smiled down at him. “There's hardly any room left,” she sighed.

“Well, that's not fair.”

The voice crawled across Castiel’s skin and made him close his eyes.

“I didn't get to sign yet.”

“Like he'd want your signature,” Aaron mumbled and Raphael’s eyes flicked over to him before he grabbed the boy by the shirt and pulled him out of his seat.

“Go and keep my spot warm for me, will you?” he said before sitting in front of Castiel and grabbing a marker off the desk. “I wanna talk to Castiel.”

Aaron looked quickly at Castiel before walking away.

Castiel slowly opened his eyes and let out a long and calming sigh.

“What do you want?”

“Honestly?” Raphael said as he pulled Castiel’s wrist towards him. “To say sorry,” he sighed and uncapped the sharpie before he started to look for a place to sign.

“What?”

“To say sorry,” he said again. “Dean was a friend at one point in time and...and I'm sorry.”

Castiel glared at him as he finally found a spot to sign and set the marker against it.

“I don't believe you. You hated Dean.”

“No,” he said and looked up. “I hated Dean with _you._ So, I'm sorry he's dead but _damn_ am I happy to say I told you so.” He smiled but kept his eyes fixed on the cast. “I told you both it wasn't going to be pretty. I told you it was disgusting, that people were going to hate it but you _didn't. Listen.”_ He looked up and his eyes scanned Castiel face. “And now look at you,” he chuckled. "Whoever it was did a pretty bang up job on your face. Not as good as Alastair but it'll do.”

Castiel ducked his head and fought desperately against the tears that were threatening to start spilling over.

“Although, I guess they did hurt you more than any fist could. They took away the one person who gave a damn about you....” His smile grew and his eyes locked on Castiel. “ _If_ that."

He heard someone shout his name but he couldn't place why. His ears were ringing and his face was wet again. His left hand was throbbing and he was on his feet looking down at Raphael but _what happened?_

“Castiel!” That voice screamed again and he looked up to see Ellen.

When had she gotten back? Why was she looking at him like that?

“What were you thinking?” she said. “Go into the hall-”

“Ms. Harvelle!”

Castiel looked over to see Hannah standing out of her seat. Her eyes were on Castiel and he gently squinted his eyes and tilted his head confusedly.

“Hannah, can you wait just one seco-”

“Raphael provoked him,” she said. “It wasn't Castiel’s fault, Raphael provoked him.”

“Yeah,” Aaron chimed in. “Castiel… Raphael was talking about Dean. He was saying nasty things and...and….” He looked back at Hannah and she quickly took over the conversation.

“Castiel shouldn't be punished.”

The rest of the class nodded their agreement and Ellen raised her eyebrows.

“Well,” she said as Raphael looked around and pushed himself to his feet. “In that case, Raphael, come with me,” Ellen said sternly. “ _Now.”_

Raphael scowled at Castiel and raised his fingers to his bleeding lip before leaving the room.

Castiel looked down at his hand and collapsed back into his seat.

_If that._

Castiel closed his eyes and ran a shaky hand through his hair as he fell back against the seat.

“If that,” he whispered to himself.

“Hey, don't listen to him.”

“ _If_ that,” Castiel said again and leaned forward to put his head in his hands. “ _Fuck!”_ he screamed and kicked the chair in front of him.

“Get Ms. Harvelle. Now,” someone hissed as Castiel started sobbing. “Hey,” that same voice said as they kneeled next to him. “It's okay. Castiel, it's okay.”

Ellen was there in the next second, gently coaxing Castiel out of his chair and pulling him out into the hallway before they made their way to the teacher’s lounge. Ellen sat him down in there and for the rest of the period he screamed and cursed and cried over Raphael and over Dean.

Ellen couldn't do much more than sit and listen.

He eventually calmed down and she took a few minutes to wipe his face and hold his hands and whisper soft, comforting words to him. Castiel kept his eyes fixed on her and his crying to a minimum but he’d never be able to remember what she was telling him. He had heard it all before and threw overused phrases to the back of his mind.

“You sure you're okay? I can't wait here with you until-”

Castiel shook his head. “No, I'm okay,” he whispered and got to his feet. “I just need to go home.”

She nodded and walked with him back to her classroom to get his belongings before hugging him tightly, mumbling an “I'm so sorry” into his ear before she let him go.

Castiel made a stop by his locker to get the last of his books. He had planned on going that morning but never made it that far. He pushed the memory aside and pulled the small metal door open.

He was shocked to see a folded slip of white paper fall out and drop by his feet.

Slowly he bent over to pick it up and carefully opened it up.

_Happy Monday!_

_It's round two of APs! Which probably means this Monday sucks but hey I like to keep it positive. You seemed a little stressed out today (Friday) so I decided to write you a ‘You'll Be Fine’ letter! Aren't you glad your boyfriend is the world’s greatest? Anyway_

Castiel’s grip on the paper tightened and he slammed his locker shut, not bothering to pull out any books. He stalked down the hallway, desperate for the exit as the letter rang in his head.

He felt the sympathetic looks being thrown his way but ignored them as he finally reached the door and threw it open.

His eyes scanned the parking lot until they landed on Gabriel’s red Honda. He started over to him slowly but as he got closer his pace increased until he was in a sprint. This didn't go unnoticed by his older brother who got out the car and walked around to the front of it just as Castiel threw his arms around him.

“Okay,” Gabriel said and wrapped an arm tightly around Castiel’s waist as the other came up against his head. “Okay, okay,” he whispered. “Hey, I've got you. It's over. The day’s over, I'm here,” he said and buried his face in Castiel’s hair. “I've got you.”

“I-I want…to go h-home,” Castiel cried against Gabriel.

“Then let’s get you home.”

The car ride back had been silent so far. Gabriel had the music turned down low and while his eyes kept glancing over at Castiel he didn't say anything. Not until he looked down at Castiel’s hands.

“What's that?” he asked and gestured to the slip of paper still crunched between his fist.

Castiel looked down at it and relaxed his grip.

“A letter.”

“For you?”

“For me.”

“Did some asshole give it to you? Is that what upset you? Was it Raphael?”

“Dean,” Castiel mumbled and sniffled. “Gabriel, I don't want to talk about it.”

“The letter or-”

“Anything.”

“That's fair,” Gabriel sighed and turned the music up slightly as they continued on home.

They arrived only minutes later and Gabriel carried Castiel’s bag inside with its owner not far behind.

As Castiel shut the door he heard a very joyous “Hello!” come from Michael’s voice.

“So, Castiel, how was your day at-”

“Shut up,” Gabriel snapped. “Shut the _fuck_ up. How could you do that to him?! How could you put in his head that he should've gone today? Are you fucking insane?!”

“Oh, Gabriel, please,” Michael sighed. “We expected the first day to be rough and-”

“Rough?! He came out of that school a fucking mess! Oh, but why the hell would you care? All you want to know is how AP reviews were!”

“It is tickling at my brain,” Michael said with a small smile.

“Well, fuck you,” Gabriel spat while pointing at him. “He's not going back tomorrow.”

“He’ll make that decision-”

“No,” Gabriel growled. “He's _not_ going back tomorrow.” The brothers stood eye to eye, Gabriel daring Michael to make a move. “Come on, Cassie,” he said in a softer tone. “You're exhausted.”

Castiel stepped over to his brother and allowed him to wrap an arm around his shoulders as they moved up the stairs.

“I have to take that test on Wednesday,” Castiel said once they made it to his room.

“So you get tomorrow off, go in on Wednesday. Simple.”

“My last day is Thursday,” he said as he sat down on his bed and Gabriel dropped his bag by his desk.

“You won't go in Thursday,” Gabriel said, keeping his eyes on Castiel’s bag.

“But...it's the last-”

“Castiel, you're not going in Thursday,” he said again, his voice even softer and Castiel could've sworn it cracked. “Trust me, you're not. Get some rest,” he said. “I'll be back to check on you.”

Castiel sighed and toed off his shoes before moving back against the headboard and letting his head fall against it. He sighed and looked down at his left hand, the letter still sitting in it.

He brought his head down and slowly opened the letter again.

_Happy Monday!_

_It's round two of APs! Which probably means this Monday sucks but hey I like to keep it positive. You seemed a little stressed out today (Friday) so I decided to write you a ‘You'll Be Fine’ letter! Aren't you glad your boyfriend is the world’s greatest? Anyway you'll be fine and if not I'm willing to offer myself as your personal punching bag. Just not the face. I think we both can agree that you don't want to mess with perfection like that._

_-D_

_PS you look really cute right now biting your pencil and now you're looking at me and wow you look like you know I'm up to something I should wrap this up before you try to get a sneak peek I love you!_

Castiel went over the letter five more times before holding it against his chest and letting his head fall back again.

_I love you._

Castiel leaned over the side of his bed and reached under before pulling out his box of Dean’s letters. He carefully opened it and rested the latest one on top before tucking it away once again. He was itching to delve into the box and its contents but knew it'd be safer if he kept Dean’s past words at bay. At least for the moment.

When Gabriel came back in, Castiel’s back was to him and his eyes focused on his left hand. It was already bruising from what happened earlier in the day and he even spotted a few small nicks that allowed for small amounts of blood to seep through.

He flexed it several times and was hit with the memory of Dean standing in his room so many months ago. How he had opted to lay with Castiel rather than get ice for his similarity bruised fist.

“Gabriel,” Castiel said softly.

“Mmhm?” Gabriel asked from his spot at Castiel’s desk, feet propped up.

“Dean loved me, right? He...He gave a damn about me?”

Castiel heard him shifting out of his position and rolled over to look at him.

“Of course Dean loved you. It was written all over his face when he looked at you. He loved every bit of you.The kid screwed up sometimes but I always knew he was best for you…. Why are you asking?”

“I just needed an outside opinion,” he mumbled and turned back over.

“Don't listen to kids at school, Cassie.”

Castiel nodded. “Okay.”

“He loved you.”

Castiel found out later that night, once Chuck had come home, why he was definitely missing school on Thursday. Chuck told him he didn't have to go if he felt it'd be too much for him but Castiel pushed that option off the table the second it had appeared. How could he not be there? It was his fault there was a funeral in the first place, the least he could do was attend.

“They…. They asked if you could process in with the-with the casket,” Chuck said, his hand firmly gripping Castiel’s. “You won't be alone but if you don't think-”

“That's fine,” Castiel answered.

“Okay,” he said and leaned forward to kiss Castiel’s head. “I'm sure Dean’s happy to know he’ll be in good hands.

“Yeah, the same hands that got him killed in the first place,” Castiel mumbled and Chuck’s eyebrows knit together.

“What?”

“Nothing. Don't worry about it.”

Castiel’s Tuesday was spent at home under the watchful eye of both Gabriel and Chuck.

Michael had decided to spend the day catching up with some old buddies.

Gabriel yelled at him the entire way out the door.

When night rolled around Chuck sat on Castiel's bed, a bowl of soup in hand.

“You have to eat, Castiel, please. Just something small, I'm begging you.”

He had pleaded for two hours. Castiel kept his back to him the entire time.

When morning came on Wednesday Chuck begged him again to eat. He tried to use the fact that Castiel needed “brain food” for the test as a reason but Castiel ignored him. Still, Chuck managed to shove a granola bar into his hand and got Castiel to promise him he would eat it during their break. It was a promise he would later break.

That night Chuck sat Castiel down in the kitchen and placed another soup in front of him.

“Tomorrow is going to be…. It's going to take a lot of energy and strength. You _need_ to eat dinner. You need to eat _something.”_

Castiel looked down at the soup and felt his stomach ache uncomfortably but he fought to push the feeling away. He looked away from the bowl in front of him and down at his hands.

“No.”

“Oh, Castiel!” Chuck cried. “I'm _begging_ you here! _Please!_ Bud, I need you to eat I really need you to eat, you're scaring me!”

“I said _no!”_

Chuck sighed heavily and fell into the chair across from Castiel’s, his head in his hands. It was only a moment or two before he started to cry, obviously afraid for his son’s health and frustrated at the lack of impact his words and actions made.

Castiel frowned at him but pushed the bowl of soup away further.

“Castiel?” Gabriel said softly as he walked into the kitchen. He pulled out the chair beside his younger brother and turned his body to face him. “Dad’s right. Tomorrow is going to drain you. It's going to take a _lot_ out of you. You need your strength.”

“I don't want it,” he said.

“You don't need to eat the whole thing,” Gabriel whispered. “Do what you can and we’ll be happy. Even if it's just a spoonful.”

Castiel looked up at his brother before his eyes flickered over to the soup. He worked at his bottom lip with his teeth before nodding and Gabriel breathed a sigh of relief before pushing the soup over.

Chuck raised his head as Castiel picked up his spoon.

Gabriel smiled minutes later as he picked up the half empty bowl and carried it to the sink.

•••

“I can't do this,” Castiel whispered as he stared into the full length mirror placed on the inside of his closet door. He was dressed in a black suit - one that was now loose on him - for the funeral and seemed unable to wrap his head around the fact that he was going to bury Dean. Dean who should've been at school with him right now slipping notes into his pockets or texting him during their shortened classes. Dean shouldn't be in a casket. He shouldn't be going into the ground only hours from now. “I can't do this,” Castiel gasped as his hands shot up into his hair.

“I think you can.” Gabriel’s voice came softly from the doorway and Castiel quickly shook his head. “Cassie, you can. I'll be right there with you the whole time, okay? I'll take care of you, I promise, but we gotta start heading out if we want to make it on time.”

Castiel swallowed. “Gabriel, I'm going to bury him.” Castiel turned as Gabriel sighed.

“Bud, I know,” he mumbled. “But if you don't go to this you'll regret it for the rest of your life. I know you will. And….” He shrugged. “He's expecting you. You don't show up and he's-”

“Stop talking like he's here,” Castiel said shortly. “I _hate_ that.”

“Okay,” Gabriel said. “Then he _would_ want you there _if_ he was still alive.”

Castiel sighed slowly and looked away from his brother.

“What's with the tie?” Gabriel asked and Castiel looked down while running his hands along it.

“He...He liked when I wore things that complimented my eyes. I-I know it's stupid,” he whispered, “but…. I don't know. I figured he'd-”

Castiel stopped and bit down on his tongue.

“Forget it,” he voiced. “It's not like he's going to see it right? Not like he's going to care.”

Gabriel opened his mouth to respond but Castiel shook his head before adjusting his tie and walking out the bedroom door.

•••

Chuck led his sons from the car to the church, Michael walking close behind him then followed by Gabriel who kept glancing over his shoulder at his younger brother.

“John,” Castiel heard his father say and looked up to see Chuck taking John’s hand. He started talking to him softly and it wasn't until Castiel got closer that he was able to hear what was being said. “...hardest part was getting him out of the house which is saying something because getting him to eat was no walk in the park either.”

Castiel hadn't seen John since the hospital and after carefully looking him up and down he decided that he looked worse. He didn't expect anything different. Nothing could be easy about planning your eighteen year old son’s funeral.

“Castiel,” Chuck said and he looked up at him. “Come here,” he said and held out his arm. Once Castiel reached him he put his hand on his back. “John’s going to show you where to stand, okay?”

Castiel nodded, keeping his eyes away from the man standing in front of him.

John started walking away and Castiel followed after him.

It only took a few steps before they reached the casket and Castiel felt an immense pressure wrapping around his heart and an equal force twisting at the insides of his stomach.

“Okay,” John said in a raspy voice and turned to look at Castiel. “You'll be standing on the right side and Charlie will be in front of you, Benny behind. Jo and Ash on the other side along with one of Dean’s close travel teammates. I'll be coming in after you with Sam and...and the rest of them. Got it?”

Castiel nodded and glanced up at John just in time to meet his eyes before he walked away. He was frightened by the amount of hate he saw in them.

Castiel couldn't find words to describe how damn difficult it was to place his hand on that casket and walk down the aisle. He couldn't find a number to relate to the crowd that waited on the other side of the doors but he was sure that no senior attended their last day of school.

As the service went on Castiel kept his head low and his hand wrapped tightly around Charlie’s. He did nothing to try to stop the tears falling from his eyes and running down his face. It kept hitting him that him that he was at Dean’s _funeral_. His mind kept yelling at him and the scars on his wrist seemed to be burning against his skin. Castiel felt closed in and he felt Charlie’s eyes on him as his breathing started to become irregular.

“Castiel?” she whispered and squeezed his hand. “What's wrong?”

He gave a sharp shake of his head and clenched his fist.

“Cassie?” Gabriel said from behind him, leaning forward behind him to get closer to his ear. “Bud, what's wrong?”

“He’s dead,” Castiel hissed back once he was able to force the words out.

“Castiel, take a deep breath,” Gabriel said and Castiel responded by shaking his head and letting out a sob. This turned the heads of a few people and he heard Gabriel shift forward more.

“What?” he heard Chuck ask. “What is it? Is he okay? Do you need to leave? Castiel, what's wrong?”

“I can't breathe,” he groaned and doubled over.

“Charlie, switch with me,” Gabriel said, already getting up and moving out of the aisle. When he had his seat, he placed a hand on Castiel’s back and leaned forward in a similar fashion to his younger brother. “You can't breathe?”

Castiel hummed his denial while once again shaking his head.

“Okay, well sit up. Let me unbutton your collar and loosen your tie.”

Castiel did as he was told and Gabriel did as he said he would, his eyes running worriedly over Castiel’s face the entire time.

“We’re almost done, okay? This is almost all over and then we’re out of here. We’ll be-”

“Good morning…. Or, yeah, I'm sure it's afternoon by now.”

Castiel and Gabriel looked up at the podium to see Sam Winchester standing behind it with a microphone near his mouth.

‘The eulogy,’ Castiel thought and frowned. ‘ _Sam’s_ giving the eulogy?’

It wasn't that Castiel didn't believe Sam was well spoken or good at public speaking. But he was young. He _just_ turned fourteen and lost his older brother how could he possibly bring himself to do something as big as this?

“But that's not really the point,” Sam said. “The point is that this morning, while I was getting my breakfast-”

‘Good. He's eating.’

“I spilled my orange juice.” He looked up at the crowd and smiled softly. “And you know who I blamed? Him.” He pointed to the picture of Dean and the crowd laughed lightly. “You can ask my dad, I cursed Dean’s name so hard and threw one of the biggest tantrums known to man because my orange juice was all over the counter and floor. And you know what? Dean would've taken the blame for it. He would've shrugged and said ‘Yeah, you're right. My bad, Sammy.’” Sam choked on the last word but quickly composed himself and cleared his throat. “Because that was the kind of person Dean was. He was the one to take blame even if he was innocent or make you feel better if you screwed up on something. He'd stop anything to ask how you were doing and actually _listen_ to that answer. Dean was just a _good person_. And it sucks, I mean it _really freaking_ _sucks,_ that the world has one less good person in it.”

“As I'm sure all of you know, Dean loved fiercely. And he loved each person in an individual and unique way and that's hard to do as a son, brother, friend, and boyfriend but he managed it. He gave time and effort to do something like that and he didn't flaunt it or bask in its glow. The only thing he asked for in return was that you loved him back. And looking around here today I know Dean got his wish.”

Castiel felt himself lightly nodding and sniffled as Gabriel wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

“But it's a shame, it's a damn shame to know that not everyone loved or could accept love the way Dean did.” Sam’s hand gripped the podium tightly and his eyes closed for a split second before he took a long and deep breath in. “My brother was murdered. A lot of people are confused as to why but I know. I know and so does everyone else with common sense. My brother…” Sam cleared his throat again and gripped the podium tighter. “My brother was murdered because he was hated. Because he was different. Because he was in love and not afraid or ashamed of that love and it just doesn't sit well with me, or anyone else with a damn heart, that someone out there killed my big brother because he loved in, the falsely opinionated, _‘wrong way.’_ It scares me that there is someone out there so filled with hate and fear of difference that they'd do _anything_ to get rid of it. This person thought that they were only fixing a problem but look at how many lives they affected! Look at the number of people who have to rearrange their entire _lives_ because of who they lost! Because this person couldn't live in a world where a man...where a _boy_ loved another boy. Well, here's a newsflash for that person and for anyone else in here who didn't know my brother was bisexual and is suddenly having second thoughts about him: someone’s sexuality doesn't affect _anyone_ but _them_. It's not going to hurt you or corrupt you or suddenly turn you into it. So leave. Them. Alone. Your ignorance and your hate cost the world a good person. Cost these people a loyal friend. Cost me a big brother.”

Castiel heard Michael shift behind him and felt his skin start to burn and tingle with anger.

“Dean will be missed terribly and nothing will ever be able to replace what he meant in our hearts and in our lives but we can never forget how he lived. We should spend the rest of our lives trying to fulfill his and live similarity to how he did. His love should be shown through ours and in return, hopefully someday, we’ll feel a similar kind of love given back. Don't forget about him. Fight for people like him. Fight for people like my brother. Keep them safe. Keep them _alive._ And maybe one day we’ll wake up, and our world will be _full_ of love.”

Sam stepped down and made his way over to his father, stopping in front of the casket to lean down and kiss it. When he was back in his seat beside John he buried his face in his shoulder and wrapped his arms around him. John bowed his head, undoubtedly telling Sam that he delivered a beautiful speech and that he was proud of him.

Castiel was sure Dean would've been proud too.

•••

Castiel was drained by the time Dean was buried but spent half an hour staring at his grave, Sam right by his side. The two didn't exchange any words - Castiel didn't think he would know what to say - and after some time, Castiel decided it was best to leave Sam with his own private moment.

While walking back over to his family, Castiel began to feel the weight of today settling down on his shoulders and took the final steps needed in order to collapse safely against Gabriel’s body.

They attempted to talk Castiel out of going to the reception but Castiel insisted and they found themselves inside the Winchester household an hour later.

It was the first time since Dean’s death that Castiel had been inside the house and he immediately felt the difference. The emptiness. He avoided conversation with anyone the best he could, wanting more to simply walk through the house and think of his memories rather than share them. A time came when the first level became too suffocating and Castiel managed to sneak up to the second one, claiming he had to use the restroom. When he was finally up there and out of sight, he leaned back against the wall and let out a long breath.

‘Finally,’ he thought. ‘Peace.’

Castiel looked to his right and saw the door to Dean’s room was closed. He could understand why of course. Sam and John probably hated looking in there and seeing Dean’s room looking so normal when their lives were anything but. Castiel felt that he would've done the same thing so he was especially confused when he was turning the knob and pushing the door open.

The scent hit him first and seemed to hit him squarely in the chest and shove him back a step. Almost like a warning telling him “Don't come in! You'll regret it if you do!” Castiel, however, pushed past that and moved deeper into the room.

Dean’s bed was still unmade and a plate and fork rested on the nightstand. It seemed to be licked clean (as most plates Dean ate from did) so Castiel couldn't make out what the meal had been. His earphones were abandoned on his pillow and his closet thrown open displaying both the clothes that hung and the ones that had been left sitting on the floor mixed in with his shoes. Castiel ventured over to Dean’s desk and let his hand glide over his laptop’s mouse. The screen lit up to show Dean’s last video being a compilation of the Nation’s Greatest Baseball Plays and Castiel felt himself smiling at the simplicity of it. He almost felt like he'd turn around to see Dean walking in before jokingly accusing him of snooping around on his computer. Castiel didn't dare turn around though. He didn't want to feel what it was like to have even the smallest and most humble of fantasies crushed right before him. So he continued to look at Dean’s desk and only stopped when his eyes landed on two strips of photos taped on the wall behind it.

Castiel reached over and gently pulled the tape off the photos before bringing them closer and peering down at them.

Prom.

Castiel never had the chance to look at them and he never knew Dean had them tucked behind his computer like that. His eyes traced over each photo carefully, his fingers running down each strip slowly as he replayed that night over in his head. It felt so long ago and had Castiel known Dean’s time was running close to an end he would've held him closer, kissed him harder, danced with him longer.

“You can keep them if you want.”

Castiel jumped and turned around to see Sam standing in the doorway.

“He would've wanted you to keep them.”

Castiel looked back down at the photos and then up at Sam. He wanted to say “great job today” or “I'm here for you” but all that was running through his mind was, ‘He looks like Dean. How long has he looked like Dean? Has it always been this way? Were his eyes always that shade of green? His hair that shade of brown?’

Castiel tore his eyes away from Sam and tucked the photos into his pocket before quickly rushing out of the room and down the stairs.

“There you are!” Charlie exclaimed and grabbed Castiel by the wrist. “Gabriel is looking for you. He's worried.”

“I just had to pee,” Castiel said and gently pulled his hand away from Charlie before following her back over to his older brother.

“Cassie,” Gabriel smiled. “Good.”

“I was just using the bathroom,” he sighed but stepped closer to his brother. “You don't have to constantly be worrying about me.”

“I don't have to be but I'm going to be,” Gabriel replied.

Castiel sighed and leaned against the wall behind him and let his eyes linger around the room. After some time, they landed on Michael and looked the older man up and down. His hands were shoved into his pockets and Castiel felt himself frowning. They had been in Michael’s pockets the day he woke him up for school and everyday after that.

“Something wrong?” Charlie asked and Castiel shook his head.

“No, why?”

“You're scratching at your knuckles. Are they irritating you?”

Castiel looked down at his hand, the one that had punched Raphael only days before, and studied the bruising for a quick second before shoving it into his pocket.

“No,” he said. “I'll be right back,” he mumbled and walked away from Charlie and over to Michael. “Hi,” he said and Michael stopped the conversation he was having to look at his younger brother.

“Hello, Castiel. Gabriel was looking for you.”

“Found me,” he responded and Michael nodded.

“Good. What do you need from me?”

“Show me your hands.”

“What?”

Castiel took in Michael’s defensive stance and glared at him. “Show me. Your hands.”

“Castiel,” he said and smiled, hoping to alleviate Castiel's obvious tension and anger. “What are you-”

“Show me your goddamn hands, Michael,” he snapped. “Now!”

“Whoa, hey, keep your voice down-”

“Let me see your fucking hands! Just show them to me!”

“Castiel, stop it,” he hissed as people turned to look at the duo. “You're embarrassing me!”

“How'd you get access to a gun?”

“What?!” Michael exclaimed.

“Who gave you a gun? You were mad at him because he took me out, you hated him, you killed him. You _killed_ him! You shot him! You _shot him_ and you beat the shit out of me! You killed him! You killed him!”

Michael’s eyes shot around the room, obviously pleading for help. “Castiel, quit it.”

“You said he deserved worse, you killed him!”

Castiel shot forward and shoved Michael. “Just show me your hands! Show me where you bruised from hitting me! Show me which one pulled the goddamn trigger, Michael! Come on! You must be proud of yourself! Show off your trophies!” he screamed and shoved Michael again, this time resulting in arms wrapping tightly around him.

“You were trying to end the ‘phase,’” Castiel spat as tears streamed down his face. “Trying to get me out of it! You killed him because you wanted me to be like you! Fucking girls and all that shit!”

Gabriel started to pull Castiel away just as Castiel let out a dark laugh and shook his head. “You failed. I still love him. I still love him, Michael. I'll never stop loving him! I’ll love him until I'm in the ground next to him! I won't stop loving him because you took him away! I won't stop loving him because...because you...you killed him,” he whispered and his smile slowly faded away.

Castiel let out a cry and went limp against Gabriel.

“You killed him,” he sobbed. “Why did you- Why would you do that to me? Why would you kill him? Why did you take him, Michael?”

“We’re going home,” Gabriel said softly in his ear as Castiel continued crying.

“Why did he kill him? Why did he kill him?”

“That's enough,” Gabriel hissed while continuing to pull Castiel towards the door. “Castiel, that's enough.”

•••

Gabriel tugged Castiel’s tie through its small loop before adjusting it to be against his neck and in the center of his collar. Gabriel hadn't said a word to Castiel since he woke him up for his graduation which had made him helping Castiel get ready slightly awkward and uncomfortable.

“You're quiet,” Castiel said as Gabriel started to tuck the tie under his collar.

“Am I?” Gabriel asked, his eyes not meeting Castiel’s.

“Are...Are you mad at me?”

Gabriel sighed and gave him a small shrug.

“I don't know if mad is the word I'd use.”

“Disappointed?”

“That seems more on the money.”

Castiel looked down as Gabriel removed his hands. “Is it because of Michael?”

“Bingo.”

“I'm…. I thought he-”

“He's your _brother,_ Castiel. And I know he's a pain in your ass and a nightmare and your biggest bully but he's your _brother_. He never would've done what you accused him of two nights ago.”

“I...I just thought…. He was out and we were out and he was already pissed at me and I just started thinking and-and…. And I don't know! He seemed like a likely suspect.”

“I've told you once and I'll tell you again: Michael is _not_ evil. He's not. He's ignorant and arrogant and bigoted but he's not evil. And he would never murder. How could you even think that of your family?”

Castiel shrugged and fought against the tears pooling in his eyes.

“I just wanted answers.”

“And you thought the most appropriate place to do that was at the reception?”

Castiel sniffled and shrugged again. “It just happened. I couldn't control myself.”

“Learn to.”

Castiel nodded and looked down as Gabriel let out a heavy sigh.

“Do you hate me?” Castiel asked after several moments of silence.

Gabriel sighed again. “No, Castiel. I don't hate you.”

“Are...Are you going to leave me?”

Gabriel reached out and pulled Castiel against him and wrapped his arms around him in a fierce hug.

“No, Castiel. I'm not going to leave you.”

“I'm sorry.”

“I know.”

Gabriel held onto him for a while longer before pulling away.

“Alright,” he sighed. “Enough of the sappy! We have a graduation to get to!”

•••

“I'm so proud of you!” Chuck said after the ceremony as he held Castiel tightly. “You’ve done so much, Castiel. I'm so _so_ proud of you.”

“Thank you,” Castiel said while pulling away from his dad.

“I need to get a picture!” he gasped and started patting himself down looking for his phone. “Gabriel, Michael, get in there with him.”

Gabriel and Michael did as they were told and just as Chuck was snapping the picture, Castiel was lifted off the ground by an arm wrapped around his waist.

“Oh, he did it! He did it! Wonderboy Goodchild graduated from high school!”

Castiel gasped at the familiar voice and spun around just as he was back on his feet.

“Lucifer?”

“Oh, I'm back, baby brother,” he grinned down at Castiel and held out his arms. “In the flesh.”

“When did you get here?” Gabriel laughed and Lucifer shoved him away with one hand as he went in for a hug.

“Shut up for a second, I'm sizing our Castiel here up. You look good, kid.”

“Really?” Castiel asked and Lucifer laughed.

“No, not at all. But you've never been one to turn a head. At least, not a head _I'd_ be used to turning. And _speaking_ of head, where's the young fella that gives you just that on a daily basis?”

Castiel felt himself physically and emotionally deflate and Michael cleared his throat.

“Lucifer, may I speak with you?”

“No, I want to-”

“Lucifer, now,” he snapped and Lucifer groaned and leaned back before following after his brother.

“How long is he staying?” Gabriel asked his dad who shrugged.

“I didn't even know he was in America. Who the heck knows when he's going to leave?”

“I can't take many more family members,” Castiel mumbled and started loosening his tie.

“Then I guess you wouldn't want to know about Uncle Balthazar coming this way possibly two bottles too drunk?” Gabriel asked.

Castiel groaned just as an arm fell on top of his shoulders and a “hello!” was being sung into his ear.

•••

Once the seniors had their diplomas there was absolutely nothing holding them back. They threw parties, went on extravagant trips, or spent the days in front of the tv. There wasn't a care in the world for any of them and they weren't afraid to head into the rest of their lives head first and chin up. They felt invincible and ready to challenge any obstacle set in their path.

Things for Castiel, however, were vastly different.

He spent days locked away in his room and nights battling against nightmares and the hold they wouldn't relinquish him from until someone came to save him.

Unfortunately, his savior didn't always come in the form of his favorite brother.

There were nights when Lucifer got to him first and hit and shoved him awake instead of gently coaxing him like Gabriel did.

There were nights where Michael stayed back from the hotel and would yell his name until he jolted himself awake instead of taking a more comforting route like Gabriel and talking softly above him, helping him out of the nightmare rather than forcing him out of it.

On this particular night, it was Lucifer that got to him first and Castiel woke up screaming out of his nightmare to Lucifer straddling his chest, slamming his hands against Castiel’s headboard and bent over to yell in his face.

“Not much fun to wake up to is it?!” Lucifer yelled.

“Ge-Get-Get o-off!” he choked out past his tears, his nightmare still vivid in his mind. “St-Sto-Stop it!”

Lucifer cackled above him and leaned back, his hands holding his stomach.

“What the hell, Luc?” Gabriel grumbled from Castiel’s doorway. “Get out, man.”

Lucifer giggled and shoved Castiel’s face against his pillow, using that to push himself off and leave the room.

“Don't pull shit like this again,” Gabriel said as Lucifer walked past him. Gabriel walked over to Castiel’s bed and sat down before placing one hand on Castiel’s shoulder and the other he used to wipe his face. “Breathe, I'm here. You're okay, it's over. It's not real. Breathe,” Gabriel said again, feeling his brother shaking uncontrollably.

Castiel let out a small groan and wrapped his hands around Gabriel’s as it dropped to his chest. He took several deep breaths in and pushed them out evenly before he started to talk.

“We were in the Impala,” he started, “and we were kissing and...and it felt so real.”

“Is that what upset you?”

“No. I mean, yes it's upsetting to wake up after a dream like that and know he's not here but this one...in this one he was kissing me and when I pulled back and-and looked down he was…. Gabriel, there was blood. So _so_ much blood just pouring out of him and he-he told me to not get out of the car but-but I _had_ to! I had to get help! So, I-.... But then….” Castiel sighed heavily and Gabriel turned his hand over in Castiels’ before squeezing them. “The second I got out of the car that night everything went to hell. And the same thing happened in the-in the nightmare.”

Gabriel moved his free hand through Castiel’s hair. “It's over. Get some rest now, okay?”

It wasn't as much as Gabriel usually did for Castiel and Castiel felt the familiar feeling of guilt settle into his stomach at the sight of his more than exhausted brother.

“Okay,” Castiel said with a nod. “I can...I can sleep.”

“Good,” Gabriel smiled and squeezed his hands one final time before getting up and leaving the room, shutting off the lights as he did so.

Castiel didn't go back to sleep however. In fact, Castiel stopped sleeping altogether after that last incident and coupled with the fact that he wasn't eating, fear for his life started to grow in the house.

“His body is going to shut down if I don't do something,” Chuck mumbled late one night into the phone. “I'm not burying my son, I'm not so you've got to help me. Do _something_. You could help me. Help _him_ in some way, I'm begging you.”

Castiel always wondered who his dad was talking to but never admitted to hearing the conversations. He didn't talk for anything else, he didn't see a reason to for that.

Gabriel was around Castiel the most and the one time Castiel _did_ decide to talk it was to scream Gabriel’s name and point to his wall when his older brother appeared.

“Take them down,” Castiel hissed, still pointing to the photos. “Take them _down!”_ he growled and Gabriel did. At least the ones of Dean.

A week went by of Castiel not sleeping. Gabriel was able to get him to eat small meal portions, but not enough to get his color back or bring his weight up. Just enough to keep him alive.

“If I sleep, I scream,” Castiel murmured as he leaned back against his headboard. “I scream, I wake you up. Or I wake Lucifer up or I wake Dad up and-”

“We've gone a week with nothing. I'm sure we can handle just one night. And who knows? Maybe you'll be so exhausted you won't even dream.”

“I don't know-”

“Castiel,” Gabriel said and gripped his shoulder. “It's been a week. If you don't go to sleep, I'm going to knock you out.”

Castiel sighed heavily and Gabriel smiled, knowing he had won. He moved under his covers and rested his head against the pillows. He had to admit it felt absolutely amazing.

“Good,” Gabriel smiled and pulled the covers up. “Now, I'm not going to leave until I know for _certain_ that you're asleep. So, if you want me to get rest you better cooperate.”

Castiel gave Gabriel a small smile and shut his eyes. No more than a minute later, he was fast asleep.

And at three in the morning, Castiel jumped awake at the sound of his cell phone ringing. He groaned loudly and pressed his hands against his eyes while chastising himself for ever depriving his body of something as sweet as sleep.

He extending his hand to his nightstand and yanked his phone off the charger before, through sleep bleared eyes, hitting the green button.

“Hello?” he rasped out.

“Ca-Castiel?”

_Sam._

Sam...crying. Castiel heard it now. The sniffling, the gentle sobs, the labored breathing.

“Sam,” he said and rolled onto his back. “What's wrong?”

“I….” He started crying and Castiel sat up.

“Sam? Talk to me, what's wrong?”

“I-I had- I had a nightmare. It-It was a bad one it- Well, Dean always- He told me not to-to-” Sam broke off, crying again, and Castiel felt himself frown.

“What happened?”

Sam took a shaky breath. “It doesn't matter. It was st-stupid. It's not the-the nightma-mare,” he hiccuped.

“Then what?”

“I…I came downstairs to the garage,” he whispered. “And I was going to get in the Impala because sometimes-sometimes when Dean was upset he'd just sit in there and listen to music or something and-and I th-thought maybe I could…. Bu-But-”

“Sam?” Castiel said as Sam sobbed heavily into the phone. “Hey, deep breaths, okay? Just tell me what-”

“There's blood!” he screamed. “The-There's bl-blood everywh-where! And I can't get it out! I can't get it out and I don't know what to do!”

Castiel was already out of his bed and opening his closet to pull his shoes on.

“I'm coming,” he said softly into the phone. “You wait there, okay? I'm coming.”

“O-Oka-kay,” he whimpered.

“I'll get it out for you. It's going to be completely fine. I'll fix it. I'm coming, Sam.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was wondering why I was SO STUCK on this chapter and I realized that I wasn't stuck at all! I just didn't want it to end :(

Castiel pulled into the driveway of the Winchester household fifteen minutes later. The garage door was up and Castiel caught sight of Sam, curled up in an old wooden chair, staring into the open door of the Impala.

Castiel shut off the ignition and stepped out of his car before making his way over to Sam, keeping his eyes off of the sleek black car.

"Hi," Castiel said.

"Hi," Sam whispered back and sniffled before running his hand under his nose. 

"So.... The car."

Sam nodded and Castiel sighed before turning and looking into the vehicle.

He nearly gagged at the sight and quickly turned away, looking instead at the ceiling.

"Can you clean it?"

'No fucking way I'm getting near that,' Castiel wanted to say, but hearing the desperation in Sam's voice made him reconsider.

"Yeah, I can clean it," he responded and his mind suddenly shot back to the Christmas gift he had received last year. "I just need you to get a few things for me." 

Castiel worked for an hour on the car, scrubbing into the cushions and the floor and around the steering wheel and dashboard. The bucket beside his feet was filled halfway with red, murky water and the garage was permeated with a mixed smell of blood and chemicals. 

All in all, it wasn't an enjoyable experience.

But, at the end of that hour, when the stains were gone and the Impala was restored to its former glory, Castiel felt a swell of pride in his heart and puffed out his chest.

"Well, that should do it," he said. "I'm going to leave some chemicals on the floor to kind of soak up whatever is left behind but...I think she's-" Castiel stopped when he turned around and was met with the sight of Sam fast asleep in his chair. He let out a sigh and went to work cleaning up his small station. Dumping the water down the garage sink, rinsing out the bucket, and wringing out the sponges. When that task was done he made his way back over to Sam and placed a hand on his shoulder. He bent down, ready to gently bring him back to consciousness before he stopped. 

Whenever he had been over and stayed late, Sam would fall asleep, just like this, on the chair inside his living room. And he was never woken up. Always carried. Castiel thought it would be a slap in the face, another painful wake up call, to Sam in regards to his brother's death and he couldn't bring himself to wake him up. But looking down at himself, knowing he hadn't eaten well or gotten rest in days, Castiel was afraid he'd collapse under Sam's weight. 

But Castiel pushed those thoughts aside and instead focused on what he could do for Sam. He focused on  _being there_ for Sam. And with that mindset, he moved his arms around the fourteen year old boy and lifted him up.

Sam was small for his age and talked nonstop about his upcoming growth spurt but that didn't stop Castiel from nearly tumbling over with the weight of him. But he quickly got his footing, hoisted Sam higher in his arms and made his way towards the inside of the house. Getting the garage door open was more than a challenge but the climb up the stairs was life threatening.

'Don't fall, don't fall, don't fall,' he repeated over and over on his head until they reached the top of the stairs. He had Sam in his room only a second later and gently rested him on his bed before pulling the covers up to his chin and breathing a sigh of relief. 

"Not too bad," he whispered.

"Thanks for not dropping me," Sam whispered back so quietly that Castiel almost missed it. He smiled as Sam was immediately overtaken by his exhaustion and nodded to himself before turning around to leave the room.

He almost screamed at the sight of a tall and burly figure standing in the doorway.

"Castiel?" John Winchester's sleep filled voice permeated the room and Castiel placed a hand over his chest and tried to catch his breath. "What are you doing in my house?"

"I...." And suddenly, Castiel's heart started pounding for an entirely new reason. He remembered how John had looked at him at the funeral. The hate that was evident in his eyes. And now Castiel had put himself right in the line of fire by showing up in Sam's room and four something in the morning. "Sam called me," he stated quickly. "He- There was an emergency. He had a nightmare and-and the car-"

"The car?"

"Blood."

"The car...blood?"

"I should go," Castiel mumbled and carefully made his way past John.

"Now, hold on a second," John said and Castiel froze, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck stand at attention as John walked over to him. He rested a heavy hand on Castiel's shoulder as he walked around to face him. "Why don't I get you a drink?"

"Huh?" Castiel asked, more shocked than he was confused. 

"I'm guessing Sam had you working on that car. You must be thirsty. Let me get you a drink."

"O-Okay," Castiel stuttered and the hand lifted from his shoulder as John turned away and started down the stairs, Castiel only a second behind him. 

They reached the kitchen and John went straight to the fridge before pulling out two beers.

"You ever had a beer before, Castiel?"

'Oh, now I see,' Castiel thought. "Get me drunk and then murder me so no one hears me-'

"Castiel?"

"Uh, no," Castiel said. "No, I...I always thought I'd wait until I was twenty one."

"Alright then," he said and set the two beers on the table before going to the cabinet and pulling out a glass. "Juice, water, milk-"

"Water is-is fine," Castiel said and sat at the table, eyeing the two beers in front of him. He had a glass in front of him shortly after and quickly raised it to his mouth to take a long drink as John popped the top off of his beer and took a swig, his eyes landing on Castiel once the liquid had gone down his throat.

They didn't talk through John's entire first beer and Castiel was shocked when he so readily opened the next and downed a good bit of it.

"You're quiet," he said and Castiel jumped slightly. 

"S-Sorry. I just...I thought you'd like me," Castiel swallowed, "quiet."

"Why?"

"Because you hate me," he whispered. 

The room fell quiet again and Castiel closed his eyes and groaned inwardly. 

"I haven't drank like this in twelve years," John said as he held up his beer.

"Huh?" Castiel asked softly, not understanding why John had just shared that fact.

"In the early morning, barely able to keep my eyes open, downing two cold ones," he chuckled. "No, sir! Not in twelve years."

"Oh," Castiel said. "Okay."

"I started because of Mary's death. My wife. Sam was just a baby when she died. Dean was four and I was a mess. I couldn't do much more than drink after she passed. Drink and scream and...." John looked down at his bottle and sighed. "Want to know why I stopped?"

"Uh, sure. Sure, why not?"

John nodded. "I stopped because one morning I woke up with an  _insane_  headache. I mean, this one was  _bad,_ Castiel. I could hardly get my eyes open because the light was too much. And my windows were covered! Anyway, this headache was out of this world and I felt sick to my stomach and I just remember screaming Dean's name. Screaming for him so he could bring me some medicine or something. But he didn't come and so I got angry and threw the covers off and stalked down the hall to his room and threw the door open." John mimicked the action with his arm and then let it fall on the table. "He wasn't there. Now, I'm pissed off and terrified, you know? So I spend a good twenty minutes looking for him and it completely escaped my mind to look in Sammy's room. But I finally did and that's where I found him. And he was holding his brother really close in his crib. Sammy was a wild sleeper so I was impressed that Dean was able to hold him like that the whole night." John paused and the amusement that had been on his face suddenly faded. "But...But then I got a closer look, see...and Dean wasn't just holding Sam. He was- He was protecting him. He had his arm kinda...kinda wrapped around Sam's head, pressing it against his chest, you know? And his other one was wrapped around Sam's waist real tight.... And Sam. Sam's fist, hi-his little fist was wrapped around Dean's shirt. Of course, I was confused because I had no idea why they were sleeping like that so I-I started shaking Dean awake and grumbling his name and when he did wake up, he turned his head and...." John's eyes filled with tears and he looked down at the table as if reliving the whole thing over again. "And he had this massive bruise all...," John moved his hand over the left side of his face. "I remember snatching him up and kneeling down as I stood him on the floor and asking 'What happened to you? What did you do?' And he looked me right in my eyes and said, 'You.'" John swallowed thickly and bit his bottom lip, trying to keep his tears from spilling over. "Castiel, I hit my six year old son. And I hit him  _hard_. And you know what? He didn't scream or cry or hide. He went and protected his brother. From  _me._ From his  _father_. I swore then to stop. To regulate my drinking more responsibly, maybe save it for just special occasions. And it was going great! I never got to a point like that again. Not for twelve years," he sighed and took another swig. He looked down at his bottle for a brief moment before saying, "I need you to promise me something, Castiel."

"Okay," Castiel said, still trying to recover from John's confession.

"If I  _ever_ hit Sam you take him away from me."

"Wh-What?"

"No matter how small you take him away! Even if he tries to fight you or brush it off as nothing you take him  _away!"_

"I could never-never do that. Sam wouldn't-"

"You promise me!" he yelled and slammed his fist against the table.

"Ye-Yes," Castiel responded more out of fear than anything else. "I promise."

John visibly relaxed after that and breathed out a long sigh. "Good. Well," he sighed, "you're done with your water."

Castiel looked down at his glass and nodded just as John stood up and stretched. "Come on, then. I'll walk you out."

The pair left the kitchen and made their way through the house and out to Castiel's car. Castiel pulled the door open and sighed before turning back to face John and holding out his hand. 

John looked down at Castiel's hand and then back up at the boy.

"I don't hate you."

"What?"

"You said earlier that I hated you and I need you to know that I don't. Not anymore."

Castiel frowned and John sighed.

"I did hate you, Castiel. When all of this first happened I kept thinking 'Why him and not you?' I kept wondering why whoever it was trained the gun on him and wanted to see  _him_ dead. I said horrible things about you. I wished horrible things upon you. I hated seeing you at the funeral because I blamed you. I didn't think you had the right to grieve him because it was you who didn't save him and it was you who was there when it happened and got out okay. Sam insisted you be there to process in with Dean though. He told, not asked, me you would do it. Sam didn't hate you and you know what? That pissed me off! In fact, that night when I had to go to the hospital to see him, I saw you sitting on that floor a complete mess and I walked right past you. If Sam hadn't stopped me I would've kept on going. But now I see how wrong I was to do that. How  _selfish_ I was to think that you didn't deserve to grieve. I see how much you're suffering physically and I saw how much you were suffering emotionally at the reception. The way you went after your brother, well, I'd be lying if I said I was unfazed. I can only imagine the type of hell you're putting your father through at home," he said with a grimace. "But I don't hate you. You don't deserve to be hated."

Castiel sighed and looked down at his car keys as he moved them between his fingers. He shook his head and looked up at John before getting out, "But it  _was_ my fault," in a cracked voice. " _I_ was the one who wanted to go out.  _I'm_ the one who ignored my brother an-and  _I'm_ the one who didn't react fast enough! Who didn't  _drive_ fast enough! It is  _my fault!"_

"No, no," John said and grabbed Castiel's shoulders. "You reacted quickly and did all you could. You're an  _eighteen_ year old  _kid_ , Castiel. You shouldn't have all this weight on your shoulders. It wasn't your fault. You went through hell to save him. It was no one's fault but the person who pulled the trigger, you understand me?"

Castiel looked down but John put a hand on his cheek and forced him to look up.

"You fought for him. You got him to that hospital. You did what you  _could._ "

"It wasn't enough."

"It was everything you had. And that's all I could ask for."

Castiel sniffled and rubbed his arm against his nose. 

"Listen to me," John said, "because I'm going to tell you what he would tell you if he was still here." John waited for Castiel to look at him before firmly stating, "Keep fighting. I know right now everything feels like crap and you just want to give up on it all, believe me, I know. But you need to keep fighting. Push your way through this until you reach the light. Because there  _is_ light, Castiel. It  _is_ out there. It's just hidden away behind all this pain and suffering and loss but it's calling for you and it doesn't want you to give up. Never give up.  _Never_. I know this is tough for you, I know you lost someone who kept you going, but please, _please_  find a reason to go on." John gently shook his head and his hold on Castiel's shoulders tightened. "We already lost Dean. Don't make us lose you too."

•••

Castiel woke up around two the next day. His early morning venture had gone unnoticed by his family as far as he knew and he hoped to keep it that way. He was thankful they let him sleep as late as he did and knew it wouldn't raise too many questions seeing as he hadn't gotten rest in what felt like ages.

Castiel rolled onto his back and rubbed his eyes roughly before letting his hands fall into his chest with a sigh. He let his mind wander to what had happened hours earlier that day. He thought about Sam and how he had called him to help him out of his distress. He thought of what Charlie told him during their final week of school and took in a staggered breath. She had been right. Sam was looking to him for help and Castiel, for the life of him, couldn't understand why. But he decided to leave that alone and instead focus on what John had told him only hours before now. 

Dean had never mentioned that John hit him and he certainly didn't act that way around his father. Maybe it really was just that one time. Maybe that's why John held Dean in such a revered position. They both had such a strong respect for each other that Castiel always found fascinating and was even more impressed by how much love passed between the two. Dean always seemed to be worrying about John, making sure he got enough rest and food between his unpredictable hours. Maybe that's why Dean was so good with Castiel, he had years of experience. And John, in return, watched after his boys well enough for two parents, maybe even more. Castiel was sure John loved both Sam and Dean equally but there had always been a special interest in Dean. A certain connection that couldn't be duplicated for Sam. 

Dean was aware of that connection, of course, which was why he was unusually nervous about telling his dad about Castiel. Sure, Dean had "dated" Ash when they were younger but no one saw it as anything serious whereas Castiel was something  _incredibly_ serious as well as  _incredibly_ important.

 _"It's not that I'm not comfortable with who I am, Cas,"_ Dean had said.  _"I just don't want to mistakenly unveil my dad to be an ignorant douche!"_

Of course, Dean had nothing to worry about when he told John and his dad responded with. 

 _"Okay, and I'm a single dad raising two kids. I didn't realize it was 'Reveal Obvious Information' Day,"_ he had joked before telling Dean congratulations and pulling him into a hug. Castiel remembered watching on in awe and nearly jabbing John in his stomach when he had stuck out a hand to shake.

Castiel felt himself smiling at the memory but quickly pushed it away before it tore at his heart anymore than it already was. 

The sound of his door opening forced him out of his reverie and back into reality. He'd save his thoughts about the Winchester family for later. 

He was first met with Picket who came bounding inside the room and up onto Castiel's bed where she crawled up onto his chest and laid down. After her came Gabriel with a smile and he made his way over to Castiel's bed with the comment:

"Glad to see you're awake."

Castiel nodded as he ran his hand over his cat.

"How'd you rest?"

"Surprisingly well," Castiel responded and he watched as Gabriel's face lit up. 

"Awesome. I told you everything would be alright," he grinned and pat Castiel's leg through the covers. "So, listen, you have a guest."

"Who?" Castiel asked, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"The sheriff."  
  
•••

"Castiel," Jody Mills said minutes later as Castiel sat down on the couch, Picket still in his arms, "the last time we spoke...we-"

"Didn't," Castiel finished with a small laugh. 

"Not very much, no," she said and looked down at the files on the small table between the armchair and the couch. "I came over today to ask you if you're ready to talk about what happened. I want to start a more thorough investigation as soon as possible and I can't do that unless I have all the facts."

Castiel nodded and looked at the tape recorder also on the small table. "So you want me to talk about that night. And about Dean."

"Yes. I need you to tell me  _all_ you can remember."

" _If_ you're ready to," his dad said, a hand raised as he stood next to the sheriff's seat. 

"Right, only if you're ready."

"This will help with the investigation? With answers?"

"Yes, Castiel, it will," she said with a nod.

Castiel looked between her and his dad before nodding. "Okay. Okay, I can do it."

"Great," Jody smiled and started the tape recorder. "Let's get to it then."

Castiel didn't realize how difficult it would be to talk about the incident. He figured his mind would be so focused on helping to get them closer to answers that it wouldn't mind reliving that night. He had never been so wrong. 

He had paused and stuttered and zoned out so many times that he wondered if anything he said would be of use. It all started to sound like gibberish as he tried to describe the punches and the blood and the fear. He didn't even bother going over what was said between the two of them, knowing it would get broken up and lost in the recording. 

By the time he was finished he felt sick and worn out. Gabriel was in the kitchen getting him a glass of water while his dad sat beside him, rubbing his back.

"Just a couple more questions, Castiel, then I swear it's all over," Jody said and Castiel nodded.

"First, who knew you were going out that night?"

"Ju-Just our families. We were here when we decided to go and Dean texted his dad before we pulled out."

"So no enemies or threatening figures knew where you were?" she asked just as Gabriel stepped into the room. 

Castiel's thoughts shot immediately to Michael but, for fear of disappointing Gabriel again, he simply shook his head.

"No. Not that I know of."

"Okay. And your injury, you said, it felt like the person was-"

"Carving. Not just stabbing but...but carving."

"Have you looked at it since it healed? Maybe the scars-"

"No, I don't particularly  _like_ looking at it. And if I do it's only for a moment when I accidentally see it in the mirror."

"Right," she said and reached into her pocket. "Well, can I get a picture of it? If you said it felt like a carving, maybe there's something we can work off of."

Castiel nodded and stood up before lifting his shirt. 

Gabriel turned away as Jody snapped the picture.

"I see what you mean," she said. "Definitely looks like a letter. We'll work on it," she sighed with a smile before getting up and gathering her belongings. 

Chuck talked softly to her about the investigation as they headed for the door and Castiel for the stairs. He was nearly up them when he heard the sheriff call his name.

"Castiel, I'm sorry, one more question."

"Yes?" he asked. 

"That night when I came in to talk to you you kept saying 'I didn't tell him....' What were you talking about?"

Castiel gripped the banister and felt the rest of his body stiffen up. He pursed his lips together while looking down and inhaled deeply before clearing his throat.

"That was about Dean," he said evenly but his voice was evidently close to breaking. "On the car ride over, when he was bleeding out, he told me he loved me. I told him to shut up. I didn't say it back because I wanted him to  _fight_ to hear it again. He was minutes away from dying and I couldn't do the one simple thing he asked me to and tell him I loved him." Castiel continued to look down, a frown on his face as he felt the familiar burn of quickly approaching tears in his throat. "I didn't then and now I never will."

"I...I see," Jody whispered. "I'm sorry, I thought- I-"

"Don't apologize," he said with a light shake of his head. "I'm glad you asked otherwise I never would've faced it. Thank you," he said and nodded in her direction before continuing up the stairs. When he got to his room, he slammed the door shut and fell back against it with his head in his hands. 

Easily, with just one question, that fresh and painful wound had been reopened. Castiel, frustrated and fearful, knew he had no way of telling what would be triggered from it.

•••

"I always said I'd find out what these were," Charlie said, sitting next to her friend with piece of paper, all different shapes and sizes, were splayed out in front of them, "I just wish I found out another way."

Out in front of Castiel and Charlie were the numerous letters left in Castiel's locker, bookbag, gym bag, notebooks, and thousands of other places by Dean. Castiel had pulled them out from under his bed early that morning and Charlie had walked in to find her friend crying over a shoebox. It took some time but eventually Charlie was able to convince Castiel to take the letters out, maybe even read over a few.

"He wrote me a lot," Castiel said picking up a piece that had obviously been torn out of a notebook. "Sometimes he drew.... Like this one," he said and reached for a folded piece before opening it. Charlie laughed at the decently drawn image of Castiel with wings sprouting out of his back stepping on some poor soul. 

"And who is that supposed to be?" she laughed and pointed to the figure whose face was getting squashed. 

"That's Raphael," he smiled and pointed to another spot on the paper. "There's Dean cheering me on in the background and I'm guessing the unfinished, cheering people are my adoring fans." Castiel studied the picture a little longer before laughing. "I have no idea why he drew  _me_ as the hero but I never asked. Decided to save myself the lecture," he said with a smile. 

"I wonder if there are any naughty letters in here," Charlie said and started to rummage.

"Sure. The real gem is the porography drawing. I have to say it was some of Dean's best work. I remember he told me to open it alone and that was warning enough," he laughed. "I had opened some of his small erotic novels in class and that never ended well so I waited until I got home and opened it in here. I laughed through our entire phone call after that," he chuckled. "Dean laughed so hard he-he kinda started to squeak, you know? And right when we finally caught our breath, I mean  _right then,_ he suggested we put it in the Louvre. I couldn't get through dinner with a straight face."

Charlie smiled at her friend and placed a hand on his thigh. "Isn't it great talking about him like this? Easy?"

Castiel smiled at her but shook his head. "No," he laughed. "Because this is all I have," he said. "There's going to be a day where I run out of stories, Charlie," he mumbled. "And no one's going to want to hear the same one twice." He sighed, his mood changing completely as he leaned back against his pillows. "You know what sucks?"

Charlie leaned back with him and turned her head to look at him. "What?"

"High school was the worst four years of my life." He stared up at his ceiling as Charlie continued to look at him. "But they are the  _only_ years I had him. High school has been nothing but me dodging punches, crying my eyes out, and swearing I wouldn't kill myself for the sake of my dad. It's been nothing but being called a faggot or being shoved into something or being ignored. When I think about him I have to think about getting beaten up, I have to think about the nights I cried myself to sleep, I have to think about...I have to think about the first time I slit my wrist open."

Charlie sat up slightly and looked down at Castiel with a frown as he picked up another slip of paper and read the words that were written there. He ran his thumb over Dean's signature and let out a heavy sigh. 

"High school is all I want to forget," he said and gently folded the note back up. "But it's the onlything I have."

•••

"I'll be back tomorrow," Charlie sighed as Castiel walked her out to her car. She had stayed for another two hours after Castiel's small confession and did her best to try and lift his spirits. "I could bring Jo if you want. She says she hasn't seen you not high for a while."

Castiel had been sneaking out more at night, not to visit Sam, but to visit Ash. The first night there he didn't do much but cry and curl up next to him. Ash had to stop him from undressing more than once and Castiel could tell he had to control himself from getting more forceful. 

_"Castiel, if you don't quit it, I'll kick you out! I swear it."_

_"N-No one's ev-ever going to wa-want me again," he sobbed. "Dean was the only one who e-ever wanted me. But you can have me now. Yo-You can h-have me._ Please _, Ash." He started to pull up his shirt and Ash gripped his hands tightly. Castiel saw then that he was crying._

 _"Don't you do this to me," Ash hissed. "Don't you dare put me through this, it's not fair." Castiel stopped fighting against him and Ash shook his head. "I am_ not  _going to have sex with you. Not like this and most likely never again. I will_ not  _be used by you to replace him. I am_ not _going to give myself a satisfaction I know will never last."_

_Castiel shrank back as Ash sat up._

_"But," he continued with a sigh, "I will help you get better and I_ will  _help you move past this Even if it seems completely impossible to. Okay?"_

_Castiel nodded and Ash slipped out of the bed before going under it._ __  
  


_"Blue Eyes," he said from under the bed, "sometimes the first step to accepting and recovering from the pain," he said and groaned as he backed out from under the bed and set a small box on top of it, "is to be completely numb to it." He popped the top off the box and Castiel looked down and in the dim light made out the unmistakable figures of Ash's personally rolled joints._

_"I said I would never do it again."_ __  
_  
_ _"And I said I would never get a rim job, but here we are!"_

_Castiel raised his eyebrows at Ash in surprise and Ash shook his head._

_"Not important. Are you in or not? Because I can get you drunk too but you'd probably puke all over yourself."_

Castiel spent the next four days in Ash's bedroom smoking. Gabriel was the only family member that knew what was going on but he chose to turn a blind eye. He was thankful for anything that got Castiel eating - even if all the food was complete crap.

"Yeah," he sighed at Charlie. "Sure, bring Jo, I don't care."

Castiel could tell Charlie hated hearing those words coming from him, especially now. The less Castiel cared for everything in his life the fewer reasons he found to continue on. He knew that just as well as everybody else and while it was a feeling he was indifferent to, it terrified those around him.

He waved his final goodbye to Charlie before going back upstairs into his room and sitting in front of his laptop as he pushed his earbuds into his ears.

It hadn't been too long ago when Gabriel walked in on Castiel crying on his bed, his phone pressed to his ear. His brother had learned that Castiel spent hours dialing Dean's cell phone just to hear a voice he was convinced he had forgotten and didn't want to forget again. Gabriel said listening to the same outgoing message over and over again would drive Castiel insane and took it upon himself to download all of Castiel's saved voicemails onto his computer where he could have variety along with a choice of what to hear whenever he needed to hear it.

Still, that didn't stop Castiel from choosing the same message every day.

He hummed softly as he clicked on the message and closed his eyes, his humming coming to a stop, as the recording started.

 _"Hey, Cas, it's me. I'm just checking in on you, making sure you're alright. You'll be happy to know that I absolutely love it here and I'm actually_ not  _dreading every moment of it! Of course, I_ am  _dreading every moment I'm away from you but I feel like that goes without saying and is factored in some other category, you know?"_ There's a small pause in the message and Castiel could almost see Dean turning his head up towards the sky with a smile.  _"It's beautiful here, Cas. So warm and bright and quiet. I didn't expect it to be this way but..._ wow _. Still though, I miss you. Miss you like hell but I keep telling myself 'eventually, I'll see you again. Eventually I'll kiss you again. Eventually, eventually, eventually.' And, before you know it, I'm there.... Eventually."_ Castiel felt himself smiling, not caring about the tears running down his face.  _"Well, I've gotta go now. If you need anything just call on me, okay? And I'll be there. For anything, I mean it, alright? Okay. See you soon, Cas. I love you."_

The message ended and Castiel sat still before he took a trembling breath in.

"I love you, too, Dean."

•••

Castiel pulled away from the Impala's engine a week later and looked over at Sam.

"Why were you even turning it on?"

Sam shrugged and continued to stare at the car. 

"Can you fix it?"

Castiel sighed. He had lost track of the number of things he had fixed on the car. From cleaning the blood, to getting the side mirror back on, to fixing a taillight, Castiel had seen and done it all!

"Yeah, I guess I could give it a shot.... But doesn't your dad know-"

"He's at work," Sam cut in. "I'll get us some sodas," he said and rushed back inside the house. 

He had changed immensely, Castiel noticed that. He didn't smile anymore or joke around like he used to. His answers and replies in conversations were short and void of the narratives and explanations they used to contain. It tore at Castiel's heart in a way he couldn't quite comprehend and made the loss of Dean even more painful and stinging to him.

Sam returned with the sodas before going over to his chair and pulling his knees into his chest. He intensely watched Castiel work, his eyes only straying from Castiel's hands when he was studying his face. Castiel pretended he didn't notice not wanting to comment on something Sam was obviously trying to keep secret for whatever reason. He figured it would just bring up an unwanted topic.

About forty five minutes into working on the engine, Sam stretched his legs out and sighed.

"Are you eating Castiel?"

Castiel grunted as he reached further under the hood and then shrugged.

"Not well."

"Yeah, I can tell," Sam murmured.

Castiel felt his stomach twist at the comment and not understanding why, he decided to ignore it.

"What about you, Sam?" he asked. "Are you eating?"

"Yeah," he sighed. "Dad makes sure I do."

"Good," Castiel sighed and pulled back from under the hood. "You need to eat."

"That doesn't mean much coming from you."

"I don't care. I still need to say it. You still need to hear it."

Sam rolled his eyes.

Castiel felt sick seeing the action without its usual sarcastic nature. 

"Can I ask you something?" Sam questioned.

"You just did."

"Whatever," Sam growled and Castiel frowned.

"I was kidding," he sighed. "Go ahead, ask."

Sam rubbed the back of his neck and chewed on his lip nervously before sighing and closing his eyes. "Is your dad making you talk to someone?" he asked quickly, still keeping his eyes shut.

"Like a professional?" Castiel asked and Sam nodded. "No. No, my dad knows I hate that crap so he's not making me. Why? Are you seeing one?"

"Yeah. And-And I don't like it."

Castiel sighed and walked over to the driver's side of the car before sliding into it. "Your dad knows what's best for you."  
  
"They said I was depressed, which was damn obvious but still freaked my dad out," he grumbled. "So he kept forcing me to go because...." Sam shook his head and pulled his knees back up to his chest as his eyes watered.

"Because why, Sam?" Castiel asked, forgetting completely about checking the engine to make sure it was running smoothly again.

Sam sniffled and wiped his arm under his nose. "Because my dad doesn't want me to get suicidal," he said in a soft voice, the words falling out barely over a whisper, almost missed by Castiel.

"Oh," he mumbled, not wanting to even  _think_ about Sam getting that bad. "Well, Sam, that's smart of your dad-"

"Yeah, but maybe I already am!" he screamed. "Maybe I've already thought about it! Maybe I'm  _sick_  of living without him! Maybe I'm  _tired_ of crying myself to sleep at night! Maybe-Maybe I  _despise_ the smell of alcohol on my dad all the fucking time and maybe I just want it all to stop! Everything!"

"Sam," Castiel said, getting up and going over to him before kneeling down and grabbing his arms. "Sam, do you want to kill yourself? Not maybe,  _do you?"_

"I don't like it here without him," he hiccuped. 

"Sam...."

He rolled his eyes again before shaking his head. "No," he whispered. "No, I...I'm too scared to do it. And...And I want to live. I mean, I-I hate it here without him but I'm just too scared to...." He moved his hands over his face and started crying.

"Sam, that's good," Castiel whispered with a small smile. "Bud, that's  _good_ that you're scared. You shouldn't want to end your life this soon. You  _should_  wantto live."

"But it's not fair," his muffled reply came. "It's not fair that he's alone and I don't even have the guts to-" He broke off again and leaned forward onto his knees.

"No, no, no," Castiel said. "Sam, no." He started to rub his hands up and down Sam's arms. "If you took your life Dean would be devastated. He would want you to live and grow up."

"Well, he's not even here to see it so why does it matter?"

Castiel was at a loss of words. Why  _did_ it matter? He had been trying to figure that out ever since Dean left. What was the point in even going on if Dean wasn't there running beside him? Sam was right; all this didn't mean shit coming from him. If anything, Sam was the stronger of the two. He wouldn't dare try to take his own life. Castiel had tried on several occasions.

He stood up and went back into the car before sliding the key into the ignition and starting up the vehicle. He revved the engine a few times before turning it back off and stepping out.

"Engine's fixed," he said and shut the hood.

"Yeah, alright," Sam whispered finally lifting his head. Castiel almost cried with the look of complete and utter pain on the boy's face. "So...So you're leaving?" he asked and Castiel swore he heard the slightest twinge of distress in his voice.

"Uh," Castiel started. "Well, I was thinking about washing her if that would be okay with you."

"Sure," Sam mumbled and nodded. "Be my guest."

The entire time Castiel was scrubbing away at Baby's exterior, Sam was sitting in the grass staring at the small patch between his feet. It made Castiel uneasy and only reminded him that he proved to be useless once again during Sam's small breakdown.

'There's gotta be something,' he thought as he put the sponge back into the bucket and started spraying the car down with the hose. 'What would Dean do if he saw Sam like this?' He looked up at Sam, still staring at the grass, and slowly a smile formed on his face as a plan formed in his head. He waited only a couple seconds more before putting his straight face back on and gently lifting the hose in the direction of the boy, causing a small stream to get on him.

"Hey!"

"Whoops, sorry. Wasn't paying attention, it slipped."

Sam pushed a hand through his hair. "Whatever."

Castiel continued to spray the car down and about a minute later, raised the hose in Sam's direction and left it on him a bit longer before he lowered it and looked away. He made sure Sam saw the smirk on his face that time around. And after that, he waited...and waited...and waited. But, still, it wasn't long before he felt a sponge connect with the back of his head and heard a small snicker escape the body behind him. He reached up to feel the large wet spot on the back of his head before whipping around and spraying a laughing and squealing Sam with the water. He couldn't help but let out a laugh of his own as Sam held up his hands to block the stream as he ducked behind the Impala and out of Castiel's view and aim. Castiel carefully started moving forward around the car, bracing himself for another sponge to be thrown at him, while keeping his hands on the hose's trigger. He tried to keep his breathing quiet as he bent down by the hood then took a deep breath in before jumping out to the side and spraying...nothing.

"What?" he whined and stopped spraying and turned around. "Where the hell did you-  _OH!"_ he gasped as he was met with a wall of soapy water. "You're  _dead!"_ he laughed as Sam cackled and backed away from him. "You're so  _dead_ , Winchester!"

"I win!" Sam cheered and threw his arms up as Castiel shook his head out and wiped at his face. "Say I win! Say it!"

Castiel couldn't fight the smile off his face as he gently shook his head. "Alright! Alright, fine," he laughed. "You win! Happy?" he asked, though Sam's continued laughter answered that question for him. "Dammit," he grinned. "You soaked me!"

"I've been known to do that to a lot of people," Sam said with a wink. 

"Gross."

"But true! I mean, just ask Jess."

"Oo, yeah. I'm sure all your tutoring sessions were steamy and porn-like."

Sam scoffed. "Uh, duh. Anyway, it shouldn't be too much of a surprise to  _you!_ I swear, every time you were over here helping Dean it ended with  _someone's_ pants around their ankles."

"Ugh, please spare me the image of you and innocent Jessica doing  _that._ "

Sam let out a small snicker. "Come on, you should probably change before you get sick or something."

"Probably," Castiel agreed and followed Sam inside the house.

Castiel was hesitant to put on Dean's clothes when Sam first handed them to him. Sure, he had worn just about everything in Dean's closet - and vice versa - but doing something so normal in a situation where an important counterpart was missing, sucked every ounce of happiness out of him. Sam realized and offered up an apology.

"I'd give you my stuff but it's too small. And if you wore my dad's clothes that...that'd be weird."

"It's fine, Sam," Castiel whispered and took the clothes before heading into the bathroom to change.

His attitude changed almost immediately after he had the clothes on. Being surrounded by Dean's scent and the warmth of his clothes did something almost magical to Castiel. It got rid of every nerve and tension. Anything he had been feeling anxious or nauseous about before disappeared and the familiarity, instead of making him want to break down and hide away, brought a smile to his face.

He was currently sitting on the couch with Sam playing another one of his video games, elated with Sam's teasing comments and attempts to shove Castiel's controller. 

"You're such a cheater!" Castiel laughed and shoved Sam's shoulder while keeping his eyes trained on the screen.

"It's not cheating. It's tactic."

"Whatever," he chuckled and gave his complete attention back to the game. They played in silence for a while, the room filled with the sounds of the game and every now and then a frustrated groan. Sam was the one to break the twenty minutes of no talking.

"Castiel? Can I ask you something?"

"Have at it."

"How...How do you get someone to kiss you?"

"What?" Castiel laughed and glanced over at Sam. "What are you talking about?"

"Just answer the question," Sam said with an obvious blush.

"Hm," Castiel sighed. "Guess tutoring wasn't as pornographic as you made it out to be."

"Shut up. Just answer."  
  
"I can't do both, Sam."

Sam groaned and Castiel laughed before pausing the game and sitting back against the couch.

"I don't think you ever really  _get_ someone to kiss you. Sometimes it's just about the right setting or taking the risk."

"What...What if you've had the setting but," he sighed, "the risk is  _too_ risky."

Castiel couldn't help but smile as he recalled a certain memory.

"The first time I kissed Dean was a risk. A  _big_ one too seeing as I could've lost my only other friend  _and_ he could've outed me to the whole school."

Sam's eyes went wide and he sat up before fully facing Castiel, mouth open.

" _You_ kissed Dean  _first?!"_

"Okay, it's not that hard to believe."

"Yeah, it is when I've been lied to! He always told me he kissed you and that you were so happy you...you teared up."

"WHAT?!"

"Don't yell at me! He's the one who lied!"

"Oo, I'm gonna kick his  _ass!"_ Castiel grumbled before taking a deep breath and shaking his head. "Anyway, yes. My first kiss was a risk and it played out wonderfully. If you never take risks you won't get very far."

"I know it's just...well, I guess I should be asking how to not get rejected."

"That I can't help you with. But I can give you a confidence boost."

"Really? How?"

"Between you and me, I  _know_ Jess likes you."

"What?" Sam gasped and then glared. "No, shut up. It's that stupid intuition thing isn't it? You're fucking with-"

" _Don't say fucking!"_ Castiel laughed. "Dammit, why can't you listen? But anyway, I know Jess likes you because Dean told me she did."

"Wha- No!"

"Yes! Dean talked to her when he was picking you up one day, guess you were packing up or something, and he said that she told him she knew you were smart and could pass on your own. She just wanted to spend time with you because she thought you were cute! Didn't matter to her, it  _was your grade_ after all."

"She...She said that?"

"Uh huh," Castiel smiled. "So, I'd take the risk next time. Seeing as it's not that much  _of_  a risk."

Sam smiled and settled back into the cushions as Castiel pressed 'Resume' on the videogame menu.

"Thanks, Cas," Sam said and Castiel's breath hitched at the nickname. Was Dean  _really_ the last one to call him that?

"Sure thing, Sam."

They spent the next hour or so playing the game before they decided to call it quits and switch to tv. Sam made them a quick dinner of Kraft Mac n' Cheese, handing a bowl to Castiel with a, "Humor me," before settling into the couch to eat his own food. Castiel took a few bites for him before putting the bowl down and leaning into the armrest. 

It was around nine o'clock when they landed on a movie that Sam insisted they watch.

"Remember that first night I called you and I said I was having a nightmare?" he asked as Castiel clicked on the movie,  _Stitches._

"Uh huh."

"I was watching this movie."

"Sam!" Castiel gasped and made to change the channel, but Sam quickly stopped him. 

"No! No, I didn't get to finish it."

"You'll get nightmares again!"

"Cas, c'mon," he whined. "I'll be fine! I'm watching with you this time, I'll be okay."

And it was something about those words that made Castiel want to be the one to  _make sure_  Sam was okay. He wanted to prove that Sam could come to him for anything and everything and Castiel would be ready to take good care of him. Whether it was physical or emotional, he wanted to carry him on his back until they reached a utopia of their own.

"Fine," he said and put the remote down. "But if you develop some killer clown fear, I'm gonna feel guilty."

Sam laughed, holding his stomach and closing his eyes.

"Develop a 'killer clown fear?' Castiel,  _please!"_  he snickered. "I already have one."

•••

It didn't take long for Sam to be curled up under Castiel's arm with his face pressed into the older boy's shoulder. 

"Is it  _over?"_ Sam whined and moved closer.

Castiel watched as the clown took yet another victim and raised his hand to cover the small opening that allowed Sam to see.

"Not exactly."

Sam groaned and moved his hands up to his ears. And that's just about how it went through the rest of the movie. And the rest of the night for that matter. Castiel couldn't think of leaving Sam home alone after the poor boy had been significantly terrified, so he stayed on the couch, Sam's head resting on his shoulder as they watched late night sitcoms until eventually they both drifted to sleep.

John Winchester came home to his son stretched out on the couch, tucked under Castiel's arm with Castiel's shoulder and chest serving as a makeshift pillow, his head held in place by Castiel's which was resting heavily on top of it. 

He looked down at the bowls of macaroni on the coffee table and immediately felt tears spring to his eyes. He knew Sam didn't have breakfast and with the attitude he had when John called, he knew he didn't have lunch. Knowing that Sam had acquired dinner made John's heart swell and a wave of affection go out towards the older boy on his couch. And seeing Castiel's half empty bowl was enough to break the water dams and force him to leave the room in a fit of tears. He fumbled with his phone for a while before finally dialing Chuck's number and pressing the phone to his ear.

"Chuck? Hey, it's me.... No, no he's okay. He's here with-with Sam," he said and started crying again. "I-I'm okay, it's just.... He got Sam to eat today. I don't know how but Sam ate something and-and it looks like Castiel ate something too and-" He cut off and started laughing as Chuck admitted that he understood John's reason for crying seeing as he was now doing the same thing. "They're asleep on the couch now. Man, I haven't seen Sam sleep without a creased brow in such a long ass time. He actually looks like he's sleeping  _well_. Shit," he whispered with a smile and chuckled softly to himself. "Chuck, I think we might have something good going on here. Something really, really good."

•••

Sam and Castiel were damn near inseparable as the summer continued on. They were with each other through the good days, the bad days, and the days where nothing seemed to really matter. They were slowly starting to heal with the help of one another and it was an improvement both families were grateful for. They were glad to see that their boys were finally taking the first steps to moving forward.

Sam and Castiel poured over old photos and videos of Dean as well as new ones. From car duets to baseball games to Castiel's Christmas present, the boys were stocked to the brim on memories of Dean. And what pictures and videos didn't hold, their hearts did as they rambled on and on with different stories about the boy that was taken from them too soon.

"Hey... You remember how Dean used to chew on that necklace I gave him? Like when he was really concentrating or kinda nervous," Sam asked one day as they sat on his porch. "Yeah...." He laughed. "Never thought I'd miss that."

"That thing had  _so many_ teeth marks in it."

Sam thought for a while and smiled. "I bet that made you pretty jealous, huh?."

On another occasion, while Castiel was driving them to pick up food, he told Sam about Dean's English paper on him.

"He wrote about me?" Sam laughed and Castiel nodded.

"Yeah, all lies though obviously because he talked about how you were such a great kid."

"Shut up," Sam laughed and gently nudged Castiel's arm.

"Hey, hey! I'm driving!"

"Do...Do you know where the paper is? Can I read it?"

Castiel nodded and was able to produce the paper once they returned to Sam's house.

However, while the act seemed innocent at first, it quickly spiraled into something far more painful and by the end Castiel was left holding a weeping Sam and doing his best to gently coax him back into a steady state. 

They both knew it was always risky when it came to things like that. Hidden or personal memories that were just too triggering were bound to pop up from time to time and cause a small but impactful relapse in any progress. But still, at the end of the day, they were always happy to have re-lived or learned about it and gone through the pain rather than force it to the back of their minds or leave it undiscovered forever.

Currently Sam was leading Castiel up the stairs and into Dean's room.

"He was gonna give it to you before you left for college. He was super excited about it and couldn't wait to see the look on your face and how you'd react and all that."

Castiel smiled as Sam kneeled down before flattening his body and going under Dean's bed. He let his eyes wander around the room and smiled at the memories that came flooding back. 

"Do I get a hint on the present?" Castiel asked as Sam continued searching.

"Wish I knew what it was! He never showed it to me. But," he said as he started crawling back out, "I once saw him tucking it under here. I'm surprised I never tried to get a look. I guess I always figured I'd see it soon enough," he sighed as he finally came out from under the bed and sat back on his ankles while placing the box on the bed. "Here we are!" 

Castiel stepped forward and plucked the note off the lid before reading.

_Not to brag or anything, but this is a pretty top notch gift. Your love for me is definitely going to grow, just watch._

_-D_

Castiel huffed out a laugh and passed the note to Sam before opening the box.

"Wow, my brother was a cocky son of a bitch, wasn't he?"

"Yeah, but in the best way," Castiel smiled and pushed back the tissue paper to reveal a Royals baseball jersey.

"Huh," Sam murmured. "Well, I don't get it."

"Yeah, me neither," he responded and lifted the jersey up. "I mean," he started while turning the jersey around, "other than the fact that we went to a ga- Oh!" 

He held the jersey out at arm's length as he read the back. His name -  _Novak_ \- going across the top while the number 9 took up the rest of the back. Castiel couldn't fight the laugh that broke through and even Sam let out a small chuckle.   
  


"Yeah, alright," he said with a nod as he set down the note. "He's clever."

"Even in death he won't let me forget this. Or  _risk_ letting me forget, as if that isn't permanently ingrained in my head."

"There's more," Sam said and pulled the box closer to him. "He made you a mixtape it looks like.... Nice. Classy, I dig it."

"Shut up," he responded and laid the jersey on the bed while picking up the CD case while Sam put on a face of mock hurt. "I feel like you're being sarcastic."

"No! Mixtapes are cool and  _totally_ with the times. I bet you it's  _fire_."

"No doubt you two are related," Castiel said as he pointed to the underlined word written on a post it note attached to the case.

"It's good to know our telepathic connection hasn't been broken," Sam sighed easily as Castiel opened the case and looked at the list of songs written on the CD. "How's it looking?" he asked as Castiel's mouth pulled into a small smile.

"It's...." He nodded and then lightly shrugged. "Looking good."  
  
"Yeah?"

"Yeah, no it-it's perfect. Everything I'd want to hear."

"Cool," Sam mumbled with a nod. "There's one more thing in here, Cas." Sam reached in before passing the object - which Castiel recognized as a picture frame once in his hands - over and reclining against Dean's pillows. 

The picture was covered with a note and Castiel sat down on the bed as he started to read it.

 _Okay, so I have to admit that you were right. I should smile more in pictures, I mean I look damn good! But, I have to say, I think I smile the easiest and the - God help me -_ prettiest  _in pictures I take with you. This one was a great shot. Sorry I tried to prevent it from happening but to be fair you were taking it without my consent._

_-D_

Castiel peeled off the letter and placed it by his side. As the picture was revealed to him, his breath hitched and his heart thumped as his stomach flipped in that awful, wonderful way. The picture was taken on the third day of their long weekend back in February. Dean was on top of Castiel, his arms still wrapped around him trying to steal his phone away. Both of them had their eyes locked on the camera and their laughs were frozen in time as Castiel snapped the picture and quickly after declared his surrender. He hadn't looked at those photos in ages (he made sure of it) but, looking down at this one now, he couldn't understand why. The picture made him happy and proud of the fact that he was able to capture Dean in one of his most honest and open moments. 

"That," Sam breathed out as he slid over to Castiel, "is an awesome picture. How were you able to get it? Did you drug him or something?"

Castiel laughed and shook his head as he continued to stare down at the picture. "No, no," he sighed. "No drugging, I swear. I just....worked for it."

Sam looked away from the picture and up at Castiel before playfully rolling his eyes. "No. You're just Castiel and he's just Dean."

Castiel let his head cock carefully to one side and his eyes narrow before looking down at Sam. 

"What does that mean?"

Sam sat back and shrugged. "It means exactly what I said. You're Castiel and he's Dean. You could get anything out of him just because of who you are and vice versa. If you say 'jump,' all he asks is 'how high?' You two just...." He shrugged again and laughed. "You're just Castiel and Dean." He got off the bed and started over to the doorway before stopping and turning around. "I guess that makes my question kind of rhetorical in a sense," he muttered. "Because it's very obvious that when someone asks you 'How'd were you able to get it,' in reference to Dean the answer has been, and will always be, 'Because I'm Castiel.'"

Castiel brought his eyes back to the picture, contemplating why as well as how the hell Sam just made sense.

"Come on, let's go get something to eat!" Sam said, already rushing down the stairs. "I'm  _starving._ "

"Yeah, I'll be right there," he called back to him before returning his focus to the photo. He looked it over for almost a minute more before quickly pressing a kiss to it and placing it back in the box along with the other gifts. "Sam," he hollered as he made his way out of the room, "you better have some food money because I'm not paying for your skinny ass!"

"What?!" Sam whined and Castiel laughed his way down the stairs as Sam continued to plead for his meal and promise, one again, for a full reimbursement that Castiel knew would never come. 

•••

"Why  _Boston?"_ Sam whispered as Castiel knelt down in front of him to tie his shoe. 

They were currently standing in the airport, Castiel with his carry-on, Chuck going through the line to get their tickets and other bags checked, Gabriel having gone off to find a restroom, John sitting not too far from the small party, and Sam with nothing but a devastated expression and a victimized attitude. Castiel couldn't blame him though. He was being left behind, abandoned during his most tender times, and there was nothing either of them could do about it. Castiel had to go to school. Sam had to stay home. And that was that.

"Because Boston has the school I want to go to."  
  
"And Kansas doesn't?" he whined.

"No, bud, it doesn't."

Sam rolled his eyes, more to fight back to tears than anything else. "You couldn't just  _settle?"_

"No," Castiel answered once again. "I couldn't."

"Not even for me?"

"Sam," Castiel huffed as he finished tying his shoe and looked up at the boy. "Now, you know that's unfair to say. I would do anything for you."

"Yeah, except stay with me." Castiel sighed. "Come on, you know we need each other! You know we have to stick together or this whole thing is going to creep back up on us and destroy us!" he cried, finally letting his tears fall. "Why  _Boston?"_ he asked again, his voice cracking. "Why'd you have to go so far, Cas?"

"Because maybe I need to get away, Sam. Maybe I can't go to college here because it's too close to home and too close to him-"

" _I_ have to go to the same high school as him this year! Have the same  _teachers!_ You don't see me packing up and running away!"

"This is different! This is college, I'm supposed to go away!"

"You're not supposed to do anything! You need to stay," Sam sobbed. "Castiel, you have to stay with me, please. I-I can't do this without you. I can't be okay without you. I...." He obviously struggled to find the words and Castiel frowned before pulling Sam close against him and letting him burying his face in his shoulder - which was much easier to do from Castiel's kneeled position. "I'm...I'm just going to miss you so much," Sam whispered and tightened his hold on him. "I tried to face this without you before and it sucked. I don't want to have to do it again."

"You won't," Castiel whispered. "Because I'm still going to be there for you Sam. I'm still going to talk to you everyday. Good ones and bad ones. I'm still going to be there to make you feel better...and to tease you about Jessica," he added which resulted in Sam letting out a watery laugh. "I'll just be there over the phone or computer or letter. But I'll be there."

Sam sniffled and pulled back before wiping his eyes. 

"Okay?" Castiel asked and Sam nodded as he pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. "Hey, look at me," he mumbled and gently lowered his hands from his face so Sam could look him in the eye. "Okay?"

"O-Okay," he choked out.

Castiel reached up and ran a thumb over Sam's cheeks. "And you better stay caught up on Game of Thrones because I want to have live Skype reactions from you."

"You're the one that fell behind last season!" Sam laughed.

"Yeah, well don't make the same mistakes I did," he said while standing up. Chuck was beside him a second later with their tickets and smiled at Sam as John came over and rested a hand on his shoulder.

"Alright, Castiel, we're all good to go!" Chuck smiled just as Gabriel rejoined them.

"Castiel," John said before pulling him into a bone crushing hug. "You're going to do great, kid, you hear me? Just great."

"Thank you," Castiel laughed while hugging him back. 

"And don't hesitate to ask for anything either, alright?"

"Alright," he said before pulling away and looking to Sam.

It only took a second before Sam was back in his arms, possibly hugging him tighter than John had. His eyes were shut tight and he took several deep breaths, trying to hold back his tears once again, before finally getting out, "You promise me you'll take care of yourself."

"You know that's a promise that works both ways?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah."

"Good."

Sam sighed heavily. "I love you, Castiel."

Castiel felt his eyes start to burn and he quickly kissed the top of Sam's head. "Yeah, Sam.... I love you, too."

•••

Two years passed before Castiel was called back to Kansas for something other than a holiday.

Two years passed before Dean's murder case went to court.

Two years passed before Castiel had to relive that night all over again.

Two years passed before it was finally brought to light that Raphael Barnes was the one to pull the trigger.

He was able to get ahold of a gun due to the fact that his father was a police officer and admitted to following Dean and Castiel after hearing that Dean was going to be at Castiel's that night.

Two years passed before Castiel found out that it was  _him_ that was supposed to be gunned down and not Dean.

Two years passed before Castiel's depression and rage and hopelessness came crashing down upon him.

Two years passed before he was standing on the railing of the balcony at the hotel he was staying at, holding onto the bar that connected to the one above him. He vaguely remembered jamming the sliding door so no one could get to him and therefore didn't hear Gabriel screaming at him through the glass.

Castiel looked down at the street below him and tightened his hold on the bar as tears streamed down his face.

'It was supposed to be me,' he kept thinking. 'He should be alive. It was supposed to be me.'

"CASTIEL!" Gabriel's voice screamed to his left as he burst out onto the balcony next to him. "Get  _DOWN!_ GET DOWN  _NOW!"_

"I should've stayed in the car," Castiel said. "It was supposed to be me so why shouldn't I just  _make it_  me? I should've stayed in the car," he cried and leaned forward.

"STOP!" Gabriel screamed in fear. "STOP! Castiel, Castiel,  _please_! Cassie, please listen to me. Listen to me. What happened was not your fault! It was  _not your fault!_ Ju-Just get down!"

"He would still be alive!" Castiel screamed and - miraculously without falling - let go of the bar to run his hands through his hair. He swayed slightly and grabbed back on to the bar.

" _Dammit, Castiel!"_ Gabriel inhaled sharply and chanced a look over the edge of his balcony. "Don't jump, okay? Please don't fucking jump."

"I should be dead now anyway, Gabriel," he got out lamely as he leaned his head against the bar. "I should be dead and gone, so what does it matter?"

"It matters a hell of a lot!" Gabriel screamed and slammed his hand against the railing. "What the fuck makes his life worth so much more than yours?! Why can't you see yourself alive as a  _blessing?!"_

"I...I don't.... I don't know, Gabriel!" he sobbed. "I don't know!"

"Castiel," Gabriel said softly, "he'd want you  _alive!_ He'd want you to  _fight!_ So, dammit! FIGHT! FIGHT, CASTIEL! And live! Live for him and for Sam and for-for  _me,"_ he cried and choked on a sob. "Fuck it.... Cassie, for once in your life, live for yourself! Just  _live,_ Castiel!" Gabriel pleaded. "Live!" he screamed as Castiel closed his eyes. "Live!" he roared, leaning further over the railing as Castiel let go of the bar. " _LIVE!_ " 

Castiel gasped sharply and his eyes flew open. 

He looked up towards the sky and breathed slowly in and out. His eyes traced over the clouds and squinted softly at the sun. The day was beautiful, one that he was sure many people took advantage of. One that he was sure many would remember as grand and gorgeous. His eyes continued to take in what was above him and he slowly let out a soft sigh. 

He thought of Dean. 

He smiled.

"I'm sorry," he whispered and stepped off the railing.

"Oh,  _God._ " Gabriel breathed a heavy sigh of relief as Castiel's feet finally connected with the balcony floor and he turned to unjam the door before sinking to his knees. "Stay there, Cassie, I'm coming. Stay there!" he ordered before running back into the hotel room.

Castiel turned over and leaned against the door before raising his eyes back up above him. 

He smiled softly and let his shoulders lift into a small shrug.

"I guess you could say a part of me wanted to see the sunrise just  _one more_  time."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it. Finished and completed. I've been working on this story for about a year now and today it ends. I just want to say thank you all so SO much for reading and commenting and sharing this! It's my first Destiel fic AND the first one I've published on AO3 so your kindness has REALLY made an impact and makes me want to write even more! Please continue to share this story but PLEASE don't repost it anywhere without my permission! 
> 
> If you want to talk to me about the story or just Supernatural in general (because who DOESN'T!) you can follow me on tumblr at livinglike-itssummer!! 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this story! I loved every moment of it!
> 
> Don't forget to check out the campaign!:http://livinglike-itssummer.tumblr.com/post/150711125753/livinglike-itssummer-livinglike-itssummer


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